Pete Buttigieg Lasting Impact for Kids Who Are Different

For many in the LGBT community Pete Buttigeg's decision to end his presidential campaign was bitter sweat.  While his reasoning to withdraw made sense, to see the first openly gay presidential candidate to achieve a high level of success to end his campaign still hurt.  That said, Buttigieg has done an amazing job in setting an example for LGBT youth and others deemed "different" by mainstream society. In fact, Buttigieg made some moving statements which can be found here.  One can only hope that across America LGBT youth be they in rural red states or in reactionary family clinging to religious based ignorance will take hope from "mayor Pete's" example.  I am from and older generation that faced job loss and endless quantities of self-hate, so I hope Pete Buttigieg's example will help many see a positive future despite short term travails.  The Advocate looks at Pete's amazing example.  Here are highlights:

History-making candidate Pete Buttigieg ended his presidential campaign Sunday afternoon. Shortly after, he delivered a speech in his hometown of South Bend, Ind. in which he spoke about the impact of becoming the first gay candidate to get as far as he did in a race for the presidency. 

"We sent a message to every kid out there wondering if whatever marks them out as different means they are somehow destined to be less than, someone who once felt that exact same way can become a leading American presidential candidate with his husband at his side," Buttigieg said to a cheering crowd in a speech that followed an embrace and a kiss with his husband Chasten Buttigieg. 

The move to drop out came after finishing fourth in the South Carolina primary, which overwhelmingly went to Joe Biden. 

"The truth is the path has narrowed to a close," Buttigieg told the crowd in South Bend. "Therefore, it's time for him to step aside." 

As one who was racked by self-hate for many years while in the closet and who had two serious suicide attempts along the path of my coming out journey, I hope that Pete Buttigieg's example will save many LGBT youth and others from experiencing the self loathing and at times hopelessness that I and others felt.  Pete will always be a hero to me. As long time LGBT activist Evan Wolfson said. “Americans responded to these urgently needed qualities, and to Pete’s demonstration that gay people can be just as talented, just as effective, and just as patriotic as anyone."

Remembering My Parents and a Scholarship in Their Honor

Marion Phelps Hamar on her wedding day.

Today would be my mother's 92 birthday.  Unfortunately, my family and I lost her back in 2011 - my dad left us in 2006 - but hopefully both of them will live on in people's memories at least in some small part through the George D. and Marion Phelps Hamar/HRBOR Scholarship that I endowed with the Hampton Roads Community Foundation.  Unlike so many parents reference in this blog who reject their children when they come out as LGBT, my parents embraced me and supported me in every way possible.  So many LGBT youth are not as lucky and often they find themselves disowned and unable to pursue a higher education. The Hampton Roads Community Foundation diligently administers the scholarship and has created a special direct link for donations which is here.  On the link page, the following statement appears:

Thank you for donating to the George D. and Marion Phelps Hamar HRBOR Scholarship. The endowed scholarship fund was started in 2011 at the Hampton Roads Community Foundation by Michael Hamar in memory of his parents and in honor of Hampton Roads Business OutReach (HRBOR), an LGBT chamber of commerce. The permanent scholarship fund helps self-identifying lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) students attend college. Scholarship recipients must be from high schools in Chesapeake, Hampton, Newport News, Norfolk, Portsmouth, Suffolk or Virginia Beach. Donations to the scholarship fund will help it grow so it can help even more students go to college. 

I believe my parents would be proud of the scholarship, especially my father who was orphaned at age 3 and benefited from the GI bill following WWII and thereby secured his college education.   I wish my mother a "Happy birthday" and hope that, if readers are so moved, they will make a donation.  The endowed fund is steadily growing and my hope is that more and more students can benefit from the scholarship as the years go by,  Happy Birthday Mom!

The Link Between Bullying, Social Rejection and LGBT Suicide

The sad reality is that suicides among the LGBT community are higher than in the general population.  This is not due to anything inherently wrong with being LGBT or a higher level of mental illness among those who are LGBT.  Instead, the problem stems from how society treats people in sexual minority groups.  Bullying, of course springs to mind, but also involved is family and societal rejection, all typically fanned by the constant anti-LGBT drumbeat of right wing Christian denominations and, now, a White House regime that is arguing that mistreatment of LGBT individuals in the workplace is perfectly legal. Anyone who thinks that LGBT youth aren't watching and listening to this potentially deadly message is deluding them-self. That supposed "Christians" are in the lead in projecting this message of hatred also directly ties to the growing exodus of the younger generations from religion, a trend that I for one view as positive. A recent piece reviews the linkage between unnecessary suicide deaths and bullying and societal abuse.  Here are highlights: 

Chloe was 12 or 13 years old when she began to question her sexual identity. She felt attracted to girls. She knew she was different from most of her classmates. So she didn’t talk about her feelings at school in the United Kingdom. She didn’t share them with her family, either. She knew they would not approve. “It wasn’t something that would be okay,” she said. A feeling of isolation built up inside her, and Chloe felt more and more like she didn’t fit in. Eventually, she tried to kill herself. Data for 2017 show that 17 percent of all high school students — about one in six — seriously considered killing themselves. That figure was nearly one in every two teens (almost 48 percent) for those who are lesbian, gay or bisexual. And 23 percent of these teens made attempts. Nearly one in three teens (32 percent) who were unsure about their sexuality also thought about ending their lives; 14 percent tried.

Scientists have begun to dig into why suicide risks are higher for LGBTQ+ people, especially teens. . . . The problem, researchers say, seems to stem from how society treats members of these minorities. Changing attitudes toward these teens can help more of them live and thrive. There’s no reason why being a sexual minority means a person must face a higher risk for suicide or other mental-health problems, Mueller says. “What does put kids at risk of suicide is when they feel rejected by families or friends or communities and when they feel ashamed of themselves.” Dealing with all of those stresses, she says, “can be really hard.” Those feelings often emerge when society views those who are different through a lens of stigma. “Stigma is about not valuing people who are different,” explains Ian Rivers. It is about “viewing them as less worthy or less important.” Rivers is a psychologist at the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow, Scotland. When society treats people who are in a minority group as if they have less value, those individuals can feel serious stress. In some cases, stigma leads to bullying. “I was isolated from the boys and they started calling me sissy and things like that,” said Sirus, a study participant. The teasing turned into violence. And, he added, “the teachers did not pick it up.” So they did nothing about it.

In 2015, Mueller and her colleagues found a link between bullying and suicides of lesbian, gay and bisexual youths. As bullying increased, so did the rates for young people’s thoughts of ending their lives, the researchers reported in the American Journal of Public Health. But bullying didn’t fully explain why the rates for LGB youth were so much higher than for other young people. . . . “It’s about a lot of other factors — like rejection from peers or families or shame.”

Young people also can internalize other people’s bad attitudes. In other words, they come to believe what others say. So even though it’s not true, they might come to believe that they’re “not good” simply because they are experiencing a same-sex attraction, Mueller says. To make things harder, society typically assumes “that everyone is heterosexual.” That, she says, “automatically puts everyone who isn’t at a disadvantage.” Burdens created by a hostile social environment “fall hardest on the youngest people” in LGBTQ+ groups, says Geoffrey Ream. He’s a professor of social work at Adelphi University in Garden City, N.Y. Ream recently dug into data from the U.S. National Violent Death Reporting System. . . . LGBT youth were 24 percent of the 49 victims ages 12 to 14. LGBT teens also made up 16 percent of the 15- to 17-year olds. Younger people “don’t have the same level of psychological resources” to cope with challenges that older people do, Ream explains. So children and teens are less ready to deal with the abuse that society may heap on them if they are part of a sexual minority. Youths also have fewer options to get out of the house and find resources to help. Family rejection is a big concern, agrees David Huebner. He’s a psychologist at George Washington University in Washington, D.C. He and others have found that parents’ rejection ups the risk of health problems, including suicide, among young adult LGB people. Name calling, physical violence and being kicked out of home are obvious examples of rejection. But rejection can also be more subtle. For example, parents might criticize a young person’s dress or behavior for not conforming to gender stereotypes.

LGBT Youth Continue to Lack Social Support

Growing up gay is not easy, especially at younger ages when one does not even know the term for who one is.  All you know is that you are different even if one cannot describe or quantify the difference.  As one gets older, the disconnect grows stronger and, in my case, high school was a nightmare, as I tried to hide my innate difference.  Today, things are far better for many LGBT youth, but for many others, little has changed over the last 50 years.  While there are now LGBT role models and celebrities and some schools have gay-straight alliances, church and family expectations and anti-gay bigotry still make lives of many LGBT youth a living hell.  Indeed, estimates are that 40% of all homeless youth are LGBT, often thrown out by parents or feeling forced to flee.  Now, with the Trump/Pence regime pushing the U.S. Supreme Court to legalize anti-LGBT discrimination, the stress many LGBT youth experience is likely to increase.  A piece in The Atlantic looks at the lack of social support so many LGBT youth experience.  Here are highlights:

The 12-year-old drag star Desmond Napoles is one of a growing number of kids who have embraced an LGBTQ identity at an early age. He has already come out as gay. Recent postings on his Instagram feed, which has 181,000 followers, feature him posing in a purple wig with red lips pursed, or in a rainbow dress at Brooklyn Pride. . . . “He is spreading the message that it is okay for kids to drag,” his mother, Wendy Napoles, told Gay Star News. And to “explore their identity and express themselves, without shame, without hiding.”

Her son may be precocious, but most queer kids remember feeling different very early in their lives. . . . . Years later, a family photo surfaces—of a boy holding a doll, say, as his brothers roughhouse nearby—that, in retrospect, makes the story seem obvious. These unwittingly campy childhood photos also communicate a reality generally overlooked in society: Budding queer identities have nonsexual elements that often form long before puberty, signaling what lies ahead.

Nevertheless, seeing preteens involved in drag shows—an age-old staple of LGBTQ culture, often performed in gay clubs—makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Critics have accused Desmond’s mother of allowing her son’s sexualization and exploitation. After another preteen boy performed drag in Ohio, state Republicans proposed legislation barring these performances, linking them, without evidence, to child trafficking.

Over time, American society has been steadily making peace with gay adults, gay marriages, even gay political candidates. Yet it still broadly pretends that people are straight until, at some point after age 18, they proclaim themselves otherwise. . . . . by this logic, all things LGBTQ should be relegated to adult spaces, preventing children’s premature sexualization. This explains why the backlash to preteen drag performers like Desmond has been so fierce—and why so many queer kids, with their difference manifesting as awkwardness, are forced to tread the rough waters of adolescence with no social support.

Numerous studies have shown that children who eventually come out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual—scientists call them pre-homosexual, or pre-GLB kids—demonstrate more childhood gender nonconformity in their speech, body language, and choice of activity than their pre-straight contemporaries do. These reports have also produced evidence of a “dosage effect”: The more gender nonconformity someone shows in childhood, the more likely they will identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual as an adult.

Critics instead see adults in and aligned with the LGBTQ community as sexualizing children by exposing them to what a National Review writer calls a “deeply and perversely erotic subculture.” Conservative media have accused Wendy Napoles of endangering her son.

This adult disquiet allows for the continued neglecting of nascent queerness, leaving pre-GLB kids to be mocked, rather than affirmed, fostering another generation of queer people who carry scars into adulthood. “Growing up gay, it seems, is bad for you in many of the same ways as growing up in extreme poverty,” Michael Hobbes wrote in a much-discussed 2017 HuffPost article. A 2015 study showed that gay people as adults produce less cortisol, the hormone that regulates stress—–“their systems were activated, so constantly, in adolescence that they ended up sluggish as grownups”––than their straight counterparts. A 2014 study similarly showed that “stressful life events” inflict more damage on gay kids’ nervous systems than on their straight peers’ nervous systems.

Growing up LGBTQ is isolating, a reality pointedly depicted by a 2016 Saturday Night Live sketch titled “Wells for Boys.” . . . .To that script we might add: Some kids are straight; other kids are gay.

But pre-GLB kids, even if they’re not as forthright in their nonconformity as Desmond is, should not be forced to wait for adulthood to receive society's permission to be themselves. Instead, they need age-appropriate safe spaces—so they don’t have to co-opt more mature queer arenas—in which they can come to grips with their otherness. Queer kids know they’re different, even before most have the words to say so; for their sake, we need to listen a bit more closely.

Revisiting the Past - High School Reunion

Onondaga Central High School.

For those who have read posts from the early period of this blog, high school and growing up in the closet was not an easy journey for me - like so many other LGBT youths.  My high school, Onondaga Central High School, pictured above, was small, rural (about 10 miles south of Syracuse, New York) and everyone knew everyone - for good and for bad.  There were few secrets.  At the time, there were roughly 750 students in grades 7-12 and there was nowhere from a smart, extremely shy and semi-nerdy kid who did not get the team sports gene to hide. I finally found a niche in cross country and earned a varsity letter and graduated with a New York State Regents diploma and a Regent's scholarship.  

This week I am back for a high school reunion - the husband has been a good sport so far even though he knows no one - and we went to the informal gathering last evening with the formal reunion dinner tonight.  Things went smoothly and one thing I wish my young self had known was that in the long run, high school social drama does not matter, especially if one goes on to college and leaves the area.  You will have many opportunities to re-create yourself.  Just be patient. That said, your high school years do nonetheless shape who you are and the positive friendships are things that can be treasured.

Being back in the Syracuse area for the first time in 20 years has been interesting as well.  Since there is not much hotel wise close to my school, we are staying a few blocks from Syracuse University ("SU") at the Skyler Hotel (part of the Hilton conglomerate) housed in a former Jewish temple. The place is remarkable and it is so nice to see a historic building saved and reincarnated.  After touring part of the main SU campus, we went to the Armory District which is full of shops - we found a great clothing store - and eateries.  A number of gay and gay friendly clubs/establishments are close at hand as well.  Overall, despite what one hears about "rust belt" cities, Syracuse looks good and very livable if one can handle the snowy winters. 

Today, we plan on first visiting a downtown street fair, then visiting apple orchards still owned by families my family knew years ago: McLusky Orchards and Beak & Skiff Orchards.  The latter has grown exponentially and has hard  cider - last night we had some of its 1911 blend named for the year the orchard was founded - and a distillery.  This afternoon, there will be a tour of the greatly renovated high school school, and the formal reunion dinner on the shores of Otisco Lake, the smallest of the Finger Lakes.  Making it all better is a great day weather wise.

Wyoming State Senator to LGBT Youth: Homosexuality Equates to Bestiality and Pedophilia

Anti-gay GOP State Senator Lynn Hutchings.

In the wake of Virginia's political crisis ignited by far right GOP operatives, one recent article noted that black Virginians feel they have nowhere to turn to except to the Democrat Party.  The same can be said for LGBT Virginians and LGBT Americans in general.  Here in Virginia, GOP Speaker of the House of Delegates, Kirkland Cox, for the second year in a row killed bills that would have provided non-discrimination protections in employment and housing.  Believe it or not, that move is moderate compared to some Republicans who seem hell bent to drive even more in the LGBT community to vote a straight Democrat ticket.  A case in point is Wyoming State Senator Lynn Hutchings who compared homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia in a meeting last week with LGBT youth at that state's capitol. Given how right wing and extreme Wyoming is, Hutchings may feel the loss of LGBT votes doesn't matter, but in other states in close elections, the LGBT vote literally can decide the winner of a very tight race. CBS News looks at the cruel batshitery directed at young teenagers.  Here are excerpts:

The civil rights group Wyoming Equality accused Wyoming Sen. Lynn Hutchings of comparing homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia in a meeting last week with LGBTQ youth, according to an informal complaint made public by the organization.

The advocacy group posted the complaint Friday afternoon on its website. It also posted a link to the complaint on its Facebook page.

“It is our understanding that while the state legislature’s anti-harassment policy mentions no protected classes, including sexual orientation and gender identity, Senator Hutchings’ behavior was unacceptable and inexcusable,” the complaint reads. “Fourteen- and fifteen-year old high school students wishing to engage with the legislative process should not have been confronted with the comments made by Senator Hutchings.”

Hutchings did not respond to email and phone requests seeking comment Friday.

On Feb. 1, the Cheyenne-based organization hosted Gay-Straight Alliance Civics Day at the Capitol, giving members of LGBTQ activist clubs across the state an opportunity to “learn about state government and civic engagement,” according to a Wyoming Equality announcement Friday. At this year’s event, Hutchings met with 10 members of the Cheyenne Central High School Gay Straight Alliance, who had requested to speak to her about House Bill 230, known as the “Enhancing Quality Employment Law,” according to Wyoming Equality.

The students wanted Hutchings, their district representative, to support the bill, according to the complaint letter.

According to the complaint, she responded by saying: “If my sexual orientation was to have sex with all of the men in there and I had sex with all of the women in there and then they brought their children and I had sex with all of them and then brought their dogs in and I had sex with them, should I be protected for my sexual orientation?”

Cheyenne Mayor Marian Orr tweeted Friday night, "Shame on you, Sen Hutchings. We deserve better. Our youth deserve better. Bestiality is equivalent to being gay? Really?"

After Hutchings allegedly made the comments, she rebuffed the students’ attempts to clarify the meaning of the bill, . . . All other discussions with legislators that day were “civil and respectful no matter where the legislators stood on bills and issues,” the complaint states.

“This incident is not unique,” the announcement says. “We hear stories like this across Wyoming all time. The difference is this happened at the state legislature where every Wyomingite should be welcomed and given the respect and dignity we all deserve.”

Hutchings has made comments critical of homosexuality before. When the Legislature debated domestic partnership legislation in 2013, Hutchings said being gay was harmful to the mind, spirit and body and noted the number of cases of AIDS.

What I find bizarre is that Hutchings is black and Republican - sort of an oxymoron. 

Virginia Board of Psychology Votes to Ban Gay Conversion Therapy

Expect shrieks and screams and even possible lawsuits as Christofascists and charlatans who support so-called gay conversion therapy for political propaganda and/or self-enrichment through fraud react to the Virginia Board of Psychiatry's vote to ban conversion therapy for minors.  The usual smoke screen of "religious freedom" will no doubt be used to defend this form of child abuse and in some cases what borders on torture. The Board vote does not immediately end this dangerous practice but does set in motion the process to achieve a ban.  A piece in WUSA 9 looks at the development.  Here are highlights (note the comparison of conversion therapy to snake oil and tainted food): 

The Virginia Board of Psychology voted Tuesday to begin the process of banning its licensees from providing gay conversion therapy to minors in the state.

The Board of Psychology is the first of five professional licensing boards to take up the issue following a joint workgroup in October that brought together members of the psychology, counseling, social work, nursing and medical professions. The workgroup was convened at the Board of Psychology’s request after multiple legislative attempts at banning conversion therapy failed in the Virginia General Assembly.

Conversion therapy, also known as reparative therapy or sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE), is a practice – viewed by most mental health organizations as not just ineffective, but potentially harmful – that seeks to change a person’s sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual, or at least to diminish what supporters call “unwanted same-sex attraction.”

It is illegal to perform conversion therapy on minors in 14 states and the District of Columbia. Last week, New York voted to become the 15th state to ban the practice on minors. New York City banned conversion therapy for anyone of any age last year.

On Tuesday, the Board of Psychology voted to send a notice of regulatory action to the attorney general’s office – the first step in a roughly 18-month process to enact new regulation. The board also voted to issue a guidance document, which will go up for public comment next month, about possible penalties if a licensed practitioner is found to be providing conversion therapy to minors.

Dr. Herb Stewart, chairman of the Board of Psychology, said he believes a regulatory ban is necessary to protect Virginia youth.

“Some of these therapists are well-meaning. Some of them are driven much more by ideology,” Stewart said. “But the bottom line is, I think that it’s sufficiently harmful and clearly ineffective, and I think it’s the role of the state to come in and say it’s not OK. You can’t do that. Whether it’s peddling bad food or peddling snake oil or providing conversion therapy. I think it’s an important role for us to take, and I hope that we can move this forward.”

Jaime Hoyle, executive director of the Boards of Psychology, Counseling and Social Work, said she expects the rest of the boards in the workgroup to take up similar regulatory language during their next meetings. The Board of Counseling will meet next on Feb. 8, followed by the Board of Social Work on March 15. A joint meeting of the Boards of Nursing and Medicine is schedule for Feb. 13.

In addition to the support of the professional boards, regulation banning conversion therapy for minors would also have to receive approval from the governor, attorney general, secretary of health and human services and the Department of Planning & Budget before going into effect.

Exposing the Ugly Horrors of "Conversion Therapy"

Focus Features - In “Boy Erased,” the son of a Baptist minister is forced into
a “conversion therapy” program after he’s outed to his parents.

For the record, I never was subjected to the nightmare of so-called "conversion therapy" which promises to "cure" gays and make them heterosexual.  Instead, I did my own version of "praying away the gay" for decades and it did not work and only resulted in anger, self-hatred and suicide attempts.  I know others who were forced into conversion therapy programs and some still carry the emotional and deep psychological scars many, many years later all because their families believed the lies promoted by unethical licensed therapists, but mostly by religious "ministries" that often have no legitimate experts in the areas of mental health or medicine.  These witch doctor like programs can inflict severe harm, yet they persist and the Trump/Pence regime and an increasingly sectarian Republican Party are likely poised to protect them.  For the Christofascists, these fraudulent ministries achieve several goals: (i) they allow the lie that sexual orientation is a choice and not a God endowed characteristic, (ii) they back the lie that LGBT citizens do not need non-discrimination protections, and (iii) they make a lot of money for practitioners/"ministries." Two new movies hopefully will help shed light on the evils of these bogus therapies.  A piece in Huffington Post looks at these films and the hideous history of conversion therapy.  Here are excerpts:

Two new movies are shining a much-needed spotlight on the practice of gay “conversion therapy,” also known as the attempt to change the sexual orientation or gender expression of LGBTQ individuals.

In “The Miseducation of Cameron Post,” released earlier this month, Chloë Grace Moretz plays Cameron, an 11th grader whose parents send her off to a boarding school that claims it will “cure” her same-sex desires after they catch her with another girl.

“Boy Erased,” coming out this November, stars Lucas Hedges as Jared, the son of a Baptist minister who is forced into a “conversion therapy” program after he’s outed to his parents.

“Miseducation” is set in the now-distant year of 1993, long before “Will & Grace,” “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and the legalization of same-sex marriage. And “Boy Erased” takes place in the world of small-town South, fundamentalist Christianity.

But the subject of both films is neither a historical artifact nor a rare event. Quite the opposite. As the Williams Institute at UCLA outlined earlier this year, about 700,000 American adults have undergone “conversion therapy” at some point in their lives, half of whom endured the experience as adolescents. Despite the opposition to “conversion therapy” by leading professional health organizations (including the American Medical Association and the American Psychological Association) and the widespread evidence that such treatments do not work and, in fact, can cause emotional and psychological harm. Thirty-six states still permit “conversion therapy” for underage minors; according to the Williams Institute, nearly 80,000 LGBTQ youth will receive the discredited therapy before they reach the age of 18.

“Conversion therapy” dates to the late 19th century, when the German psychiatrist Albert von Schrenk-Notzing claimed he’d turned a gay man straight through hypnosis sessions and several trips to a brothel. The practice accelerated through the 20th century even as the techniques remained crude and often barbaric. Historian Chris Babits, for instance, has found evidence of the widespread use of ice pick lobotomies performed on homosexual children in the 1940s and 1950s. Other techniques involved forced castration of homosexual men and electro-convulsive therapy. After the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its manual of psychiatric disorders in 1973, the medical establishment largely abandoned these practices. But efforts to turn gay people straight continued, carried out mostly by less-reputable counselors and religious organizations. Their methods tend to focus on talk therapy, but some, especially the so-called “ex-gay” ministries, often employ aversion treatments that amount to physical torture, including stimulating nausea and vomiting, inflicting electric shocks and subjecting patients to ice baths or extreme heat ― all while viewing homosexual photographs or videos.  In 2012, California became the first state to ban such treatment for minors. (California is currently considering outlawing the practice altogether for people of any age in the state.) Thirteen other states have followed suit, with five doing so just this year.

That trend may seem to indicate encouraging progress, but it could also have inspired a powerful counterresponse. Conservative groups have mobilized in defense of gay “conversion therapy” programs for minors. Just this year, anti-gay forces have helped to successfully defeat legislation that would ban the practice therapy for minors in Maine and Massachusetts. They have also helped keep similar measures from passing in New York for more than five years. That this is happening in these states – far from the Bible Belt – suggests the widespread nature of these programs.   

Yet even in states that have declared “conversion therapy” for minors illegal, those laws usually only cover licensed mental health care advisers. Religious and spiritual advisers generally remain exempt from the bans. Since religious-affiliated counselors and clergy form a significant portion of “conversion therapy” programs, state bans may actually do little to curtail the practice. [N]ow, in the era of President Donald Trump, the outlook appears even grimmer. The 2016 Republican Party platform called for “the right of parents to consent to medical treatment for their minor children,” which many interpreted as coded support for “conversion therapy.” The Trump administration includes several “conversion therapy” advocates in high-ranking positions, none more so than Vice President Mike Pence.

And while the Supreme Court previously turned down three challenges to California’s 2012 law, experts have pointed out that the current Supreme Court ― particularly if Judge Brett Kavanaugh is confirmed following next month’s scheduled hearings ― will likely rule to protect “conversion therapy” programs.

This is devastating news for the real LGBTQ teens living in unaccepting families and communities, not just those portrayed in movies.

[T]he shame and horror of gay “conversion therapy” must also be brought into the open so that it can be further shunned if not outlawed altogether. The very lives and well-being of thousands of LGBTQ Americans may well depend on making this often-hidden practice much wider known.

Christian Extremist Attacks Showing of "Pro-Gay" Suicide Prevention Video

I have long argued that the principal "sin" of LGBT individuals in the eyes of Christofascists is that we challenge their Bronze Age beliefs on human sexuality and suggest that perhaps the legends and myths they cling to just might not be true.  Indeed, our very existence is an offense in their eyes even as they engage in conduct that makes the Pharisees of the New Testament seem like pillars of decency and honesty.  The Christian Post is reporting on an incident where the leader of a Christian extremist organization is raising hell over the showing of a suicide prevention video that he deemed "pro-gay" - apparently because it acknowledged gays exist and have feelings and love for those of their own gender (the other likely offense in the mind of this "godly Christian" is that one of the boys in the video was black - Penkoski is likely a racist as well as a homophobe).  I suspect this individual would prefer that every gay commit suicide.  As for the impact on his delicate daughter, she probably more than anyone needs suicide prevention counseling given the lunacy and hatred that define her father.  Here are article excerpts:

A conservative Christian parent in West Virginia has voiced concern after a middle school teacher showed her class a suicide prevention music video that featured two male high school students in bed together and a sex toy.

Rich Penkoski, who is the father of a 13-year-old student at Mountain Ridge Middle School in Gerrardstown, West Virginia, voiced his outrage with the school's principal Thursday after his daughter told him that her homeroom teacher, Jackie Coffin, showed the the music video in class on Tuesday.

The music video in question is from hip-hop artist Logic's 2017 song, titled "1-800-273-8255," which is also the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

The plot of the video follows a gay African-American student as he struggles to gain society's acceptance of his sexual orientation. In one scene, the student visits a male classmate's house and has dinner with the classmate and his parents. The next scene shows the classmate's dad catching his son in bed with the male student.

In another scene, the African-American student opens his gym locker to find a dildo affixed to the inside of the locker door as an anti-gay joke.

Penkoski is most known for his work as one of the leaders of the "Warriors for Christ" online ministry and Facebook page. The Facebook page made headlines and received much backlash earlier this summer when it announced that anyone who posted an LGBT rainbow flag emoji to the Facebook page would be banned by the page's administrators.

Penkoski and other administrators at Warriors for Christ have also launched a new Christian social media alternative to Facebook called SocialCross.org. So far, nearly 10,000 users have joined the new platform.

No doubt Penkoski supports gay bashing and under other circumstances would have been laughing it up over the anti-gay incident in the video.  Gay youth are committing suicide almost daily across America, especially in rural backwater areas.  Many others find themselves homeless after being thrown out by their "godly Christian" parents - 40% of homeless youth are LGBT.  None of this seems to upset Penkoski.  No, all he is concerned is that his daughter might realize the ugliness and ignorance that her father's beliefs represent by seeing "the rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say.  As I say over and over again, in the final analysis, fundamentalist and evangelical Christians are not nice or decent people.  Selfishness, hatred of others, and the embrace of ignorance are their defining characteristics. 

Evangelicals are Killing LGBT Youth from the Inside Out — Soul First

I am very hard on evangelical Christians who I view as a toxic element in American society.  They blather endlessly about personal responsibility yet they close their eyes to the deliberate harm they cause to others by clinging to what one blogger friend describes as relying on Bronze Age anonymities versus knowledge and scientific data.  Why?  First because they have been brainwashed since childhood. Second, because it is easier for them to cling to lies fed to them as children than it is to think for themselves.  Thinking for these folks is a terrifying prospect. With the Internet, knowledge is at one's finger tips unlike during the years I grew up closeted and thinking I was some lone, sinful freak.  The worst among the evangelicals are their often self-anointed leaders who not only cling to ignorance, but do so to retain power over their though free followers but also to line their pockets with money. These "leaders" - who I refer to scamvangelists - care nothing about the harm their cult of ignorance and Bronze Age beliefs  wreak on the country.  Among the favorite victims of the posion they disseminate are LGBT individuals. Surprisingly, a piece at Baptist News makes the argument of why science and data should have greater influence over society's thinking.  Here are excerpts:

This week, a group of the country’s most prominent evangelical figures released a document condemning lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and those who affirm them in what they called the Nashville Statement. Read the list of signatories and you’ll recognize the names — presidents of some of the country’s largest seminaries and pastors of burgeoning evangelical churches.

I spent three years writing a Ph.D. dissertation on the religious and spiritual dimensions of suicide among LGBTQ people, and aside from the interesting nuances of the research and the elegance of the theory that developed from that work, there’s one cruel fact that became clear: this type of theology is brutalizing the bodies and berating the souls of LGBTQ youth. In fact, it is literally killing many of us.

Take a look at a few recent statistics:

• In 2015, GLSEN surveyed 10,528 students and found that 57.6 percent of LGBT students studied felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation, 43.3 percent felt unsafe because of their gender expression (an increase from 2013).

• 82.5 percent experienced verbal harassment at school because of their sexual orientation or gender expression (another increase from 2013).

• 57.6 percent of LGBTQ students who were harassed or physically assaulted at school didn’t tell a staff member because they thought it would not help or would even make the situation worse.

• LGBT youth represent about 5 percent to 7 percent of the total youth population, but comprise up to 45 percent of homeless youth in the U.S. (Seeking Shelter report)

• The Surgeon General reports that around 30 percent of LGBT adolescents report attempts at suicide compared with 8 percent to 10 percent of all adolescents. And the National Transgender Discrimination Survey shows a 41 percent suicide attempt rate for trans people.

But those are cold statistics, facts on a page, representable in a flat pie chart or bar graph. I spent hours upon hours sitting face-to-face with LGBTQ people who have attempted suicide in their past and survived — people for whom suicide became a thinkable option largely because of theologies that suggested that living as LGBTQ people in their churches and families and communities was impossible.

The signatories of the Nashville Statement see this as a fight for the soul of evangelicalism. But in reality, this is a struggle for the souls of our LGBTQ family and friends and neighbors. The souls of LGBTQ people have been assailed for far too long by the largest and loudest Christian leaders in the U.S. while so many progressive churches with scads of LGBTQ people in the pews have contented themselves to affirm LGBTQ people but “not make a big deal about it” — debating whether to display a rainbow flag on their sign or state their affirmation on their website or consigning their celebration of LGBTQ lives to one week in June.

The statistics and the voices of LGBTQ people are enough to convince me that the Evangelicals are still succeeding in killing LGBTQ from the inside out — soul first. If those of us who stand in contradiction to the theology represented in the Nashville Statement are going to make any lasting different, we must stop being content to affirm in subtlety and silence or with once-a-year celebrations.

It is not enough to denounce the theology represented in this heinous statement on social media, convincing ourselves that “most people know this doesn’t represented mainline Christianity,” or contenting ourselves with the small, affirming bubble we’ve created. Churches that seek to cultivate the abundance of life for LGBTQ people have work to do, and that work will be lifesaving.

The reluctance of non-hate-filled Christians to challenge the hatred of others disseminated daily is why I fault "good Christians."   Their silence and/or deference to the Tony Perkins, James Dobsons, and Franklin Graham - not to mention the entire Southern Baptist Convention leadership - allows the denigration and assaults on LGBT lives to continue.  I grew up Roman Catholic rather than Southern Baptist, but the damage done to me was very similar.  No child or teen should grow up hating themselves and believing that suicide is the only option to them.  As a teen and young adult, I thought of suicide almost daily as I tried desperately to "pray away the gay."  When I came out, it literally took years of therapy to undo the psychological and emotional damage my religious upbringing had done to me. Indeed, there were two serious suicide attempts along the way during my coming out journey.  Lives continue to be ruined and/or loss because of evangelical's fear of thinking for themselves and letting go of writings of ignorant Bronze Age anonymities that fly in the face of modern knowledge and science.   Being LGBT is not sinful and there is no more choice in the matter than being born black, Hispanic or Middle Eastern.  Decent people need to condemn both the "Nashville Statement" and each and every one of its signatories.  Indeed, go a step further and stop giving them money and stop attending their denominations. 

Protecting LGBT Youth From Betsy DeVos and Bullying

With Republicans pushing for "bathroom bills" and "religious freedom laws" - better described as special right to discriminate laws - and Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos wanting to "bring God back into the classroom," the atmosphere for LGBT children and youths could quickly become toxic. And then there is racist and homophobic Jeff Sessions' reversal of Justice Department support for the protection of LGBT youth under existing laws that would grant protection against discrimination due to sexual orientation and/or gender identity.  It is a troubling situation, especially given the higher drop out and suicide rate for LGBT youth, not because of their sexuality or gender identity per se, but because of the mistreatment and abuse the "godly folk" and their off spring believe they have the right to inflict upon them.  Indeed, Betsy DeVos' family has given millions of dollars to groups that seek to guaranty the continued right to abuse and bully LGBT students and obstruct efforts to protect them.  A piece in The Advocate looks at the problem and proposes some solutions that may be difficult to achieve given the anti-LGBT agenda being pushed by the Trump/Pence regime.  Here are excerpts: 

A recently released RTI International study sheds new light on the school safety issues facing LGBTQ youth. The study, which examined two decades of research on victimization among LGBTQ youth, uncovered a troubling picture of the environments LGBTQ students face in schools.

Physical and verbal bullying of LGBTQ students is commonplace. In a representative sample of eighth-graders in Washington State, 14 percent of boys and 11 percent of girls reported being bullied because of their perceived sexual orientation in the past 30 days alone. LGBTQ students are two to three times more likely than their peers to be physically assaulted or threatened at school. 

Students who experience anti-LGBTQ bullying are significantly more likely to report depression and suicide attempts, skipping school, poorer school performance, and dropping out of school. Victims of anti-LGBTQ bullying tend to fare worse than students bullied for other reasons, perhaps due to the ways that hate-related victimization reinforces existing perceptions of hostility (e.g., hearing homophobic comments at school).

Even within this scenario, Orwellian equality rears its head. While research shows many LGBTQ students are victimized, some are more likely to be than others. Transgender youth and youth with unique gender expressions are at a higher risk for bullying, as are those in rural or impoverished communities and those who attend schools without gay-straight alliances. 

As LGBTQ individuals come out earlier than before, it’s becoming even more pressing for schools to create a safe environment for their students.

Action is urgently needed to address the hostile environment that LGBTQ youth face at school and its effects on school engagement, mental health, and long-term opportunities. Our study points to three potential strategies that could help to address these issues:

• Competency and advocacy training for school psychologists and teachers — who generally report supportive attitudes toward LGBTQ students but lack the knowledge and skills to advocate for them — could help create more supportive, less hostile climates in schools.

• Fostering the development of gay-straight alliances in schools, which seem to offer some protection against school-based victimization risk, is another promising approach. Although secondary schools are not permitted to ban gay-straight alliances if they allow other extracurricular groups (per the Federal Equal Access Act of 1984), school principals still commonly take measures to exclude them (American Civil Liberties Union, 2015). Such discriminatory practices must be addressed and replaced with active support for groups and services that make schools safer.

• Increasing resources to respond to victims of anti-LGBTQ bullying, particularly to prevent suicide and school dropout. Affirming and culturally responsive services for LGBTQ bullying victims are critical, particularly given the fact that help-seeking often requires LGBTQ students to disclose not only the stigmatized experience of bullying and victimization, but also a stigmatized gender or sexual identity to school counselors or other professionals.

 While I was not "out" in high school - I remained closeted for over two decades after I graduated - I recall some of the bullying and harassment I received.  No student should ever be place in a situation where thoughts of suicide are ever present and suicide seems to be the only means of escape.  I experienced this first hand.  

Why We Must Protect LGBT Youth

With the continuing circus surrounding Kim Davis' effort to push a Chrisofascist version of Sharia and Republicans racing to prostitute themselves to Davis' spittle flecked, gun totting supporters, one thing is clear: there are a lot of hate-filled people out there and the battle for LGBT equality under the civil laws still has a long way to go.  What is also upsetting is that the vile things being said about gays send a terrible message to LGBT youth in general and those being raised in anti-gay households.  A piece in Huffington Post looks at the situation and the dangers posed to LGBT youth.  Here are excerpts:

I've watched Kim Davis crying to "Eye Of The Tiger" a dozen times. . . . It's a grotesque spectacle . . .

These people are a dying breed. Within the decade my guess is they will be nonexistent.

In the longterm, I'm utterly unconcerned. However, I'm a bit worried that violence will rise within the next couple of years, especially toward LGBT youth. The live broadcast of Kim Davis' "liberation" before a cheering crowd surely came off as anti-gay empowerment for some with Mike Huckabee spinning it all into the supposed criminalization of Christianity. I mean, they are really raising the stakes here. If your crazy kind is gasping its last dying breaths, now would be the time to fight back hard.

It worries me a bit. That is why it is important, especially if you live in small rural communities like Rowan County, to vocalize your acceptance of LGBT people. Reassure your youth that there is nothing wrong with them. That they are accepted fully just the way they are.
The bigots might be on their way out, but some won't go without one last fight. Hopefully the fight will just be hot air, and not baseball bats.

As I have said before, forcing anti-gay beliefs on LGBT youth ought to be an official form of felony child abuse.   I just hope the batshitery doesn't harm to vulnerable LGBT youth.  Meanwhile, the sooner Christianity is a dead religion, the better off the world will be.  Ditto for Islam.

Homeless LGBTQ Youth Often Forced to Trade Sex for Food/Shelter

As numerous posts on this blog have noted in the past, LGBT youth are disproportionately represented among the number of homeless youth across America.  And the number one reason for the homeless status of these LGBT youth is family rejection, most often due to parental rejection of the youth's sexual orientation or gender identity.   What fuels this rejection?  The conscious embracing of ignorance and bigotry based on the writings and myths of ignorant herders 2500 years ago.  An ignorance and bigotry that is prompted constantly by charlatans and shysters in pulpits across the country that are little better than the imam who promote Islamic extremism.  What is even more sad is that because of the lack of resources available to such homeless youth, far too many are forced to trade sex for food and shelter.  A piece in The Raw Story looks at the sad phenomenon which is in truth brought about by the "godly folk" for whom I hold nothing but contempt.  Here are some highlights:

Homelessness is one of the main reasons youth in New York City and across the country engage in “survival sex”—national estimates range from 10 to 50 percent. One 2013 study on the city’s homeless youth found that some 25 percent had traded sex, and a 2008 study indicates these youth routinely trade sex for shelter. But lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer and questioning (LGBTQ) youth are dramatically more likely to trade sex for a place to stay, according to a new study that analyzes their experiences.

At around 17, Andy wound up in New York City. Clients raped and robbed him during his years on the streets. But he was wary of seeking help, —even in as LGBTQ-friendly a city as New York. Andy says he felt child protective services and law enforcement agencies wouldn’t be sympathetic. If he went to a shelter as a minor, he would wind up on its radar. If that happened, they would place him in foster care or, worse, send him back home, he feared. He was able to leave the world of survival sex, but hundreds of children in New York City alone still sell their bodies to live.

Prior research has shown homeless LGBTQ youth were “seven times more likely” to trade sex than their heterosexual counterparts, notes “Surviving the Streets of New York,” a study conducted by the Urban Institute and Streetwise & Safe (SAS), released Wednesday.

LGBTQ youth make up 5 to 7 percent of the overall youth population but 20 to 40 percent of the homeless youth population. There are some 350 youth shelter beds in New York City, so scores spend their nights on the streets, in parks and in subway stations or, as the study emphasizes, engage in survival sex just for a roof over their head and maybe a hot meal.

Worth noting is that many of these youths also worked outside of the sex industry. More than half of those surveyed had sources of income other than survival sex, but employment options were limited, largely due to discrimination, according to the study.

Importantly, “almost all” of these youths—93 percent—did not want to trade sex. Those surveyed said that employment, housing and education opportunities were integral to leaving the trade. . . . . “There’s no social safety support net,” she tells Newsweek. “Without that in their lives, immediately upon leaving home, they do what they have to do to survive.”

Carl Siciliano, founder of the Ali Forney Center, “the largest agency dedicated to LGBTQ homeless youth in the country,” says these allotments are insufficient. Every night, there are 200 to 250 youths who want to get into a bed at the center, but there aren’t any available. This means some may wait months for a slot.

“We see every single day that the lack of safe shelter for LGBT youth are driving them into situations where they are forced to do survival sex,” he says. “The report is confirming something that we see every single day.”

Note the reference to employment discrimination as on cause of limited employment opportunities.  Here in Virginia, thanks to The Family Foundation and its political whores in the Virginia GOP, there are ZERO employment protections for LGBT individuals.  Meanwhile, around the country, Republicans are striving to broaden anti-gay discrimination or to rescind non-discrimination protections - all ultimately because of the "godly Christian" crowd.  Like fundamentalist Islam, conservative Christianity is a pervasive cancer on mankind that needs to be eradicated.  

Is It Child Abuse to Make a LGBT Child ‘Change’?

The suicide of Leelah Alcorn has set off a much needed debate on whether efforts to change LGBT children - especially those transgender - is a form of child abuse.  I've made it clear that my answer to that question is a resounding yes.   The New York Times has a debate going amongst writers that looks at the issue and so far, the opinions side with seeing such change attempts as abuse and seek to limit parental control over children.  Here are highlights from one of the opinions:

L.G.B.T. youth need support from their families -- not derision. If you tell a child or teenager they’re not good enough, that they’re worthless, that who they are is broken or wrong, that’s abuse. So-called conversion therapy -- ideologically based counseling that teaches L.G.B.T people they can be “fixed” to be straight or cisgender -- is no different. I don't know the details of Leelah Alcorn's therapy or what her home life was like beyond what her online notes describe -- but forcing L.G.B.T children to attend counseling that tells them that who they are is shameful or "sick" is child abuse.

This kind of counseling -- which has been derided by the World Health Organization, the American Psychological Association and the American Medical Association -- is illegal in multiple states for a reason: it’s wrong, it’s harmful and it actively puts young lives at risk. 

Trans youth -- who suffer from high suicide and suicide attempt rates -- are even more likely to make attempts on their lives when they have unsupportive or abusive families. This is not a matter of rhetoric or legalese, it’s an urgent issue of life and death.

Leelah Alcorn did not have to die. There are support structures already in place for young L.G.B.T people -- like PFLAG and the Trevor Project -- to get help with their families or on their own. Now we need more legal options, including easier emancipation for minors, to ensure that young L.G.B.T people facing abuse at home have access to the help they want and need.

Another opinion notes the following which ought to make "Christian counseling" illegal:

Those who received counseling from a religious adviser were actually more likely to have a later suicide attempt than those who sought no help at all.

It is far past time that children cease being treated as chattel property of their parents and that fundamentalist parents who reject their children be charged with abuse and have their parental rights terminated.  No child should have their life ruined or feel driven to suicide merely because their parents are ignorance embracing religious fanatics.

"We Won't Have a Faggot in Our House" - Child Abuse in the Name of God

Thanksgiving is supposed to be about giving thanks and spending time with family and friends.  Yet for a large number of LGBT youth, today is a day of loneliness and fending to survive on the streets.  LGBT youth make up up to 40% of homeless youths.  What drives them to the streets?  Their "godly Christian" parents - conservative Jews and Muslims also throw away their children - who prefer to cling to the myths authored by ignorant herders from two millennia ago rather than accept and love their own children.  In my view, such parents should be prosecuted for criminal child abuse.  They certainly deserve no respect or even civil treatment.  Carl Siciliano who runs the Ali Forney Center in New York City has a guest post at Joe Jervis' blog that is worth a read on the dire predicament of so many of these discarded youths. Here are highlights:

"We won't have a faggot in our house."

Those are the words M heard after his mother died of cancer. He was 16. His mom had loved and accepted him. But not his aunt and uncle. They took in his little brother, but left M to fend for himself in the streets.

M lived in a town in Florida that had no youth shelter. He and about 20 other homeless kids slept on the floor of an unlocked building in the town park. He used his knapsack with his school books and his toothbrush and deodorant inside as his pillow. Those were the good nights. The bad nights were when the police chased them out. On those nights he tried to sleep in an abandoned lot, hidden in the weeds. Those nights his allergies tormented him; his eyes and throat swelled, and he struggled to breath.

No matter what kind of night he had, M went to school every day. He did it to honor the memory of his mom, who said she would kick his butt in the afterlife if he didn't get an education. Despite the soul-shattering hardships he endured, he graduated at 18.

"As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to kill you, you fucking faggot."

Those are the words one of M's friends heard when he walked through the courtyard into the youth shelter where most of the beds for New York City's homeless youths are located. Despite local and federal regulations that mandate that youth shelters be in homelike environments with no more than 20 beds, NYC has crowded hundreds of kids into that shelter. Many LGBT kids report being bashed and harassed by the numerous gang members who stay there. M came to New York City after he graduated from high school, and tried to stay at there. But after being attacked too many times he ended up sleeping in the subways.

I met M the day he moved into one of the Ali Forney Center's homelike shelters after sleeping in the subways for six months. That was a really good day for M. He has had some wonderful days since; like the day he was accepted into college, and the day he got hired for his job counseling other teens. Those were good days for the Ali Forney Center as well, as have the been the joyful days in recent months when over 40 of our youths in our new job training program have been hired.

But we have had some really bad days. Since the federal sequestration and it's vast cuts we have lost about $1 Million in government funding. I have been struggling to pay our rents and our food bills, and keep our programs going. I don't sleep in a vacant lot, but I have had more than my share of sleepless nights worrying about the future of the Ali Forney Center.

But in the end I trust we will go forward. Our work of housing and protecting homeless LGBT youths must survive and grow. Too many of the LGBT kids we care for have endured cruelty, violence and contempt in their homes and in other shelters. Over 1,300 kids a year from across our country rely on the Ali Forney Center to provide a home where they are protected and accepted for who they are. I trust that our work will go on, because I trust in the goodness of our community.

If you want to give donations to charities this time of year, think about making a donation to the Ali Forney Center.   You can do that here. You can also make donations on PayPal by using this email: mramos@aliforneycenter.org.  Another charity dear to my heart is the George D. and Marion Phelps Hamar HRBOR Scholarship that I started to help LGBT students needing assistance for a college education.  You can make a donation here.  Please do NOT give you donations to "charities" or churches that promote discrimination and bigotry. 

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