More Saturday Male Beauty

Gay Prom Story With Happy Ending

With all the coverage of homophobia in the South and efforts to either bar gays from bringing same sex dates to proms or students being thrown out of their homes by their parents for wanting to take a same sex date to the prom, it is wonderful to finally hear a story from North Carolina about a supportive parent and a receptive high school (or at least receptive after the student's mom went on the warpath). Once again, in a nation that purports to guarantee freedom of religion to all - but clearly does not - it is a shame that religious based discrimination continues to trump the civil rights of LGBT Americans in so many areas of the country. Locally, I am not sure what the policies are of the various school divisions. I do know that some high schools have gay-straight alliances and that there has been at least one collective dance that alliance members from all participating schools were able to attend. Here are highlights on the happy ending for Chase Nixon and his date (pictured above) and Chase's courageous mother:
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This is a testament to Jordan’s über cool parents, to Chase and Jordan for being so open and honest and to Starmount High School and Principal Parker for doing the right thing. I want to preface the following by stating that I mean no disrespect to the school or it’s administrators. I know that unfortunately this is still an issue and Chase, Jordan, Leesa and all others involved are doing their part to change it.
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I have come to know Leesa Nixon, Jordan’s Mom, as the very supportive ‘FagHagMom’ on Twitter. We have never met but our virtual friendship over the past month has been endearing. She is clearly a role model for any parent of an LGBT child. She is unconditionally supportive.
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So when her son’s boyfriend, Chase wanted to bring her son, Jordan to his senior prom and he was met with opposition from high school administrators, Leesa came to his defense. Bravo!!. We’ve heard this story several times this prom season with mixed outcomes. It’s a shame that these scenarios still have to involve attorneys, the HRC and the ACLU. We all recall the ongoing drama with Constance Mcmillen, the HRC and the fake prom? Gross.
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Here is Leesa Nixon's account of the matter and her strong action in setting things right:
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Senior Prom that much-anticipated rite of passage for American youth. The moment they wait for all school year, it is the signal that they have finally made it through 4 years of high school hell and in a very short time they will be adults, living on their own, conquering the world.

The dreaded question, “will you go to prom with me?” has been asked and answered, “Yes”. What to wear has been argued about, discussed and finally agreed upon. Transportation, check! All the hard stuff has been addressed and they are all ready to go, right?

Wrong! For Gay, Lesbian, Bi and Transsexual teens, finding a date and something to wear to the prom is the easy part. The hard part comes when school officials tell them that they cannot bring their same-sex date, or dress in a manner the school officials feel is inappropriate, “like wearing a tux if you’re a girl or a dress if you’re a boy.” Take for example, the case of 17-year-old Chase, a student at Starmount High School in Booneville, North Carolina, who was called into the principal’s office April 6th.
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The discrimination that Chase was confronted with has been resolved. I called and spoke with his principal and informed her that not allowing Chase to bring his boyfriend to the prom was discrimination and a violation of his constitutionally protected rights. I threatened to call the ACLU, (which I did) and go to the media.After our first conversation, I was contacted by Mrs. Parker, who informed me that she was waiting on the school attorney to call.
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April 7th, Mrs. Parker left a message on my phone stating that she had spoken with the school attorney and that the school was going to allow Chase to bring my son Jordan to his Senior Prom “as his outside date” and that what they were going to have to do, was change the rule to allow students to bring a guest and not necessarily a “date”.
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Thankfully Starmount High School did solve the problem very quickly, and decided to put a stop to this unfair treatment. Unfortunately, other schools are not willing to resolve these issues and discrimination without being told do so by the courts.
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The educators in these cases are teaching hate and intolerance to our nations children, the example they are setting with their treatment of these gay, lesbian, bi and transsexual children only enforces the view that these teens and all homosexual’s should be ostracized and denied the same fundamental rights as straight people.
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How is America the land of the free, where all men are purportedly created equal supposed to achieve a society of fairness, equality and justice, when the very people charged with educating our children are behaving in such a discriminating manner?
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There is currently a bill before Congress that would protect Gay, Lesbian, Bi, and Transsexual students from this very type of discrimination. If you would like to take a stand against this discrimination, contact your Congressman/Woman and ask them to support and pass the Student Non-Discrimination Act http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c111:H.R.4530:
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Kudos to Leesa. However, it is unfortunate that in the 21st century, we still have 18th century bigotry and religious prejudice depriving citizens of equality under the law.

A Gay Parent's Reflections - The Terrible Price of the Closet

In explaining why he decided to publicly announce that he is gay, Ricky Martin said that while writing his memoir and thinking about his two twin sons, he concluded that he needed to stop living a lie. On his website he states in part as follows on officially coming out of the closet:

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"Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions. . . . To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where [sic] born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. . . The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. . . . this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.""
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In coming out, Martin took a step that I delayed for many years - decades in fact. And that delay cost me a terrible price in terms of my relationships with my three children. I expended so much effort trying to "be straight" so as to gain the acceptance of so called friends and family, that I missed being authentic to my children. There was always an invisible barrier that I kept between myself and my children and literally everyone else. Worse yet, there was the inner conflict and self-hate that made me truly less than the best good father that I might otherwise have been. In my view, Ricky Martin got it right and as a result will likely have a far better relationship with his sons than if he continued to struggle and live a life other than his own.

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This issue came to mind a few days ago from a convergence of factors. First, there is the damaged relationship I continue have with my two older children, the situation with my son being perhaps the most painful since I have had no communication with him whatsoever in over a year. Next there was Ricky Martin's announcement as well as an e-mail from a reader that went into the problems as he saw that that gays cause themselves by living closeted and ultimately denying themselves happiness and a fuller enjoyment of life. Lastly, I had heard an old song on the radio several times over the course of a few days that spoke of parent/child relationships. These factors made it impossible for me not to realize what a fool I had been by denying who I was and in turn eventually losing much of what I valued most of all. When I did ultimately come out, so much damage had already been done. Indeed, only my youngest daughter seems to have been able to recognize what had gone on with me all those years and look beyond it. Hopefully, some day the other two will as well.

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I cannot help but wonder how many other married gays and lesbians are repeating my mistake and unknowingly putting in jeopardy what they truly value - all the while believing that by staying in the closet they are protecting it. The stress and self-hate engendered by the closet is so destructive. It's hard to be a loving person or parent when one hates them self and refuses to be who the creator made them to be. Would that I had learned this lesson twenty years ago or more. In my case, the situation was made even worse by combining this flawed behavior with the long hours demanded by large law firms - which despite statements to the contrary care nothing about attorneys' family lives. It was/is a toxic mix.

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My message - as disjointed as it may come across - is that in retrospect only by being honest and being your true self can you have rewarding intimate relationships with life partners, children and other family members. Living life behind a glass wall and suffering from perpetual inner strife will not bring you happiness. In fact, it will probably deprive you of the happiness you might otherwise have found. I know that many closeted gays read this blog and I hope they will take this message to heart. Coming out can be/is terrifying and can lead to difficult situations in the process. However, remaining in the closet is, in my opinion, even more damaging.

Saturday Male Beauty

Taliban Bob McDonnell Makes the Daily Show Again

Between them, Taliban Bob McDonnell and Ken "Kookinelli" Cuccinelli are getting Virginia a lot of media coverage. Too bad that it's all negative and makes Virginians look like a collective group of asses. First we had Jon Stewart's take on the McDonnell/Kookinelli anti-gay jihad. Now Stewart - who went to college at nearby William & Mary - skewers McDonnell again on his ill-conceived declaration of April as Confederate History Month. Jon dose a wonderful job of making McDonnell appear like a bigoted ass. Bob, have you got the message yet? Think before you act and stop listening only to wingnuts, tea baggers and birthers.

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Benedict XVI Stalled Pedophile Case

UPDATED: The New York Times has copies of the letter set out below (and a translation) and correspondence from the Diocese to Ratzinger's office and Ratzinger. It will be interesting to see how the Vatican tries to spin this objective evidence away.

As I have said before, the Vatican seems to have learned nothing from Richard Nixon's debacle in the Watergate scandal. The denials and lies and attempts at cover up only dig the hole deeper and incite reporters to dig more intensively. It also sets the stage where at some point, someone will talk or leak information that makes the denials of knowledge and/or involvement obviously false even to the dumbest individuals and demagogues (think William Donohue of the Catholic League). A case in point is the manner in which Benedict XVI has continuously denied knowledge of or involvement with the coddling of predator priests. As I expected, such denials have been lies and now the Associated Press has obtained possession of a 1985 letter signed by Benedict XVI (then known as Joseph Ratzinger) that (1) confirms Benedict's direct involvement during the time he headed the Vatican office previously known as the Inquisition, and (2) that he stalled action to remove a known predator from active ministry. I have always viewed Benedict XVI as a premeditated liar and as he continues to lie , I suspect even more damaging materials will surface. Here are some highlights from Breitbart.com:

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The future Pope Benedict XVI resisted pleas to defrock a California priest with a record of sexually molesting children, citing concerns including "the good of the universal church," according to a 1985 letter bearing his signature. The correspondence, obtained by The Associated Press, is the strongest challenge yet to the Vatican's insistence that Benedict played no role in blocking the removal of pedophile priests during his years as head of the Catholic Church's doctrinal watchdog office.
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The letter, signed by then-Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, was typed in Latin and is part of years of correspondence between the Diocese of Oakland and the Vatican about the proposed defrocking of the Rev. Stephen Kiesle. The Vatican refused to comment on the contents of the letter Friday, but a spokesman confirmed it bore Ratzinger's signature.
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The diocese recommended removing Kiesle (KEEZ'-lee) from the priesthood in 1981, the year Ratzinger was appointed to head the Vatican office which shared responsibility for disciplining abusive priests. The case then languished for four years at the Vatican before Ratzinger finally wrote to Oakland Bishop John Cummins. It was two more years before Kiesle was removed.
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"It is my conviction that there would be no scandal if this petition were granted and that as a matter of fact, given the nature of the case, there might be greater scandal to the community if Father Kiesle were allowed to return to the active ministry," Cummins wrote in 1982.
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While papers obtained by the AP include only one letter with Ratzinger's signature, correspondence and internal memos from the diocese refer to a letter dated Nov. 17, 1981, from the then-cardinal to the bishop. Ratzinger was appointed to head the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith a week later. California church officials wrote to Ratzinger at least three times to check on the status of Kiesle's case.
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Diocese officials considered writing Ratzinger again after they received his 1985 response to impress upon him that leaving Kiesle in the ministry would harm the church, Rev. George Mockel wrote in a memo to the Oakland bishop. "My own reading of this letter is that basically they are going to sit on it until Steve gets quite a bit older," the memo said. "Despite his young age, the particular and unique circumstances of this case would seem to make it a greater scandal if he were not laicized."
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It is difficult not to conclude that either Ratzinger purposely delayed action or that removing predator priests in order to protect children and youths was a low priority in Ratzinger's mind since he never delayed in acting against those he deemed to be insufficiently reactionary in terms of Church dogma.

The Upcoming Supreme Court Appointment Fight

The hypocrisy of the GOP when he comes to judicial appointments is unbelievable. They incessantly whine that the do not want activist judges when in fact the do - they want activist judges who will resist the extension of full constitutional rights to anyone who is not a white, Bible thumping conservative Christian, and who will oppose social programs of every kind. And they want judges that will rule this way no matter how glaringly contrary to the concept of equality under the legal opinions may be or how blatantly the opinions turn the plain language of the Constitution upside down. Indeed, think of the infamous Star Chamber proceedings in England, and one gets a good view of how today's GOP wants the courts to function against all but themselves. With the retirement of U. S. Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens this summer, the GOP Neanderthals in Congress are already in full hue and cry and I can only imagine the incendiary verbal diarrhea that Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh will be spouting to whip the tea baggers and birthers into full frenzy. Obviously, it is imperative that the GOP not block the appointment of a new justice who believes that equality under the law applies to all citizens. Here are highlights from the Washington Post:
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No matter whom President Obama puts forward as his next Supreme Court nominee, the White House is anticipating a fight within the sharply divided Senate, one made even more fractious by election-year politics.
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Court nomination fights have traditionally served to electrify each party's voter base, and the confirmation process to fill the seat of departing Justice John Paul Stevens will come as members of Congress are accelerating their reelection campaigns.
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Many Republicans regard continuing opposition to Obama's agenda as their best hope to pick up seats in the November midterm elections, and Democrats are a vote short in the Senate of being able to avoid a filibuster that has been used only once in a Supreme Court nomination fight.
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Meanwhile, the Sotomayor confirmation process has given the White House momentum heading into this one, including a short list of vetted candidates, and presidential aides are confident in their ability to successfully navigate the weeks ahead. Their chief concern is how quickly the Senate will act; they fear that Republican delays could push the confirmation process past the August recess and fully into the fall campaign season.
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Obama made clear during the Sotomayor search that a diversity of life experience and judicial "empathy" were qualities that he valued in a nominee, and officials said at the time that he had some interest in adding a "first" to the high court. Sotomayor became the first Hispanic justice.
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In a brief Rose Garden statement Friday, Obama added a political edge to the criteria he will use this time. He said that in addition to having a track record of judicial excellence, his choice will "be someone who, like Justice Stevens, knows that in a democracy, powerful interests must not be allowed to drown out the voices of ordinary citizens."

Friday Male Beauty

Yet More Catholic Church Horrors

My Google search agent on sexual abuse and the Catholic Church is blowing up my in box of late. Not a day goes by where there is not some new revelation - many shocking and showing a level of depravity and dishonesty on the part of the Church hierarchy that is difficult to fathom. Yesterday's results were no exception. First, there is the story out of Spain about the Bishop of Tenerife who blames the victims of sexual abuse for their own victimization. Indeed, the good bishop alleges that 13 year olds want to be sexually abused and seduce the predator priests. What's even more disturbing is the fact that this false holy man has suffered no adverse consequences for such disgusting and sick statements. Here are highlights from Typically Spanish.com:

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[Bishop] Bernando Álvarez said that there are 13 year olds who are wanting to be abused, and 'if you are careless they will provoke you.' . . . He said that on occasions the abuse happened because the there are children who consent to it. There are 13 year old adolescents who are under age and who are perfectly in agreement with, and what’s more wanting it, and if you are careless they will even provoke you’, he said.
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Regarding homosexuals, the Bishop said that homosexuality was something prejudicial to the people and to society, and that we would pay the consequences in the long term. The Bishop claimed that both abuse of children and homosexuality would lead to future problems in society ‘as has occurred in other civilisations.
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WTF? What planet is this guy from and why is he still a bishop? Then there is news out of Memphis, Tennessee where court files have been unsealed that document incredible callousness and malfeasance by Church officials in continually reassigning 15 known sexual predators to positions where they could prey on additional victims. I can only ask myself how anyone can continue to financially support the Roman Catholic Church when confronted by such damning facts? Here are some highlights The Commercial Appeal:
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A judge on Tuesday lifted the seal on the files after lawyers for both sides spent a year redacting the names of victims from more than 10,000 pages. The documents show that at least 15 priests have been accused of sexual misconduct over about four decades in the Memphis Diocese. Some had been accused of sexual abuse elsewhere and had been moved from one diocese to another. . . . even a cursory background check would have shown that Duran had sexual issues involving minors in St. Louis, Panama and Bolivia, his native country.
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"The Southern Dominican Province knew Duran had committed prior acts of sexual abuse before placing him in Memphis and therefore should never have placed him here," attorney Karen Campbell, representing "John Doe," said in court papers. "Additionally, a review of Duran's résumé with a 31-year gap should have alerted the diocese to inquire into his background. This is exactly the type of information that should have raised a red flag to church officials that this was a pedophile priest."
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In many ways, the case of Father Juan Carlos Duran -- with frequent moves and silent superiors -- stands as an example of how child sex abuse was allowed to thrive for decades in the Catholic Church.
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The Bolivian-born Duran was expelled from the Franciscan Order in 1985 for sexually abusing a boy in Bolivia. Duran, however, was accepted by the Dominicans, who knew of his past yet moved him to assignments in Panama, Miami, St. Louis and Memphis with good references.
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"Revelations of thousands of cases of clergy sexual abuse have shown that the Catholic hierarchy had a standardized method of responding to reports and accusations of clergy sexual abuse," said Thomas Doyle of Virginia, a Dominican priest and addiction therapist who has testified as an expert in many abuse cases. "With rare exception, the alleged perpetrators were surreptitiously moved from one assignment to another with no warning to the receiving parish or community."

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The unmitigated gall and hypocrisy of the Catholic Church in getting politically involved to deny gay citizens of civil legal rights given this systematic - and yes evil - pattern of malfeasance and indifference to the safety of minors is mind boggling. Again, why does anyone continue to listen to these morally bankrupt men?

Cuccinelli to Address Extreme Wingnut Gathering

If there were any remaining doubt as to the extreme nature of Ken "Cooch" Cuccinelli's insane far right agenda, it should be eliminated by Cuccinelli's attendance at and address to the coven of loons and religious extremists who will be gathering on April 15, 2010 at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. The gathering, titled "The Awakening 2010" includes a veritable who's who of the Christian Right, the majority of whom are vitriolic gay haters and seriously challenged on issues of truth and veracity. That Cuccinelli will be amongst this group as a headlined speaker speaks volumes and none of it is good for those who believe in constitutional government and religious freedom and civil rights for all citizens. One can only presume that next we will see Cooch at Klan gatherings and white supremacist conventions. It's more than just a little frightening. Here are some highlights from Right Wing Watch:
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Today, Liberty Counsel put out a release confirming that "Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli is scheduled to speak at 'The Awakening 2010' on Thursday evening, April 15 at Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA."
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Cuccinelli will be joining a who's who of Religious Right leaders, including Andrea Lafferty, Wendy Wright, Richard Land, Tony Perkins, Kelly Shackelford, Ken Blackwell, Mat Staver, Rick Scarborough, Harry Jackson, Lou Engle, and even Cindy Jacobs.
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To give an idea of just how whacked out some of these folks are, Jacobs has in the past given speeches about how she had an amazing visitation with God during which he showed her Seraphim and set her bedroom on fire, before she set about about casting out demons, lifting curses, and conducting faith healings of everything from AIDS to Hepatitis C to Glaucoma and even Cancer.
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And these are the folks that Cuccinelli surrounds himself with. I'd love to see copies of his daily schedules and telephone logs so that Virginia taxpayers could see how much time I suspect he is spending on ultra-far right lunacy rather than important state business. I warned people just how unhinged Cuccinelli would be if elected and he is not proving me wrong. And Bob McDonnell thinks he and Cooch will convince progressive businesses and entreprenuers to move to Virginia? I think not.

More Thursday Male Beauty

Bigots' Response to Day of Silence

In sharp contrast to Colin Farrell's message of acceptance, tolerance and understanding of other human beings is the message being disseminated by the false Christians at Day of Silence Walk Out, an effort brought to the public by the usual bigots at Abiding Truth Ministries, American Family Association, AFA Michigan, AFA Pennsylvania, Americans for Truth, Association of Maryland Families,Campaign for Children and Families, Capitol Resource Institute, Citizens for Community Values, Coalition of Conscience, Community Issues Council, Concerned Women for America of Illinois, CWA of California, CWA of Washington, Culture Campaign Don Feder, Don Feder Associates, Faith2Action, Faith, Family & Freedom Alliance, Illinois Family Institute, Indiana Voice, Informing Christians, Liberty Counsel Action, Liberty Counsel, Maine Family Policy Council, MassResistance, Mission: America, and Montana Family Foundation.

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It is telling that several groups (their names are in bold face above) in this rogue's gallery of theocratic organizations have been certified as hate groups by the Southern Poverty Law Center that tracks hate based organizations. Collectively, these groups represent some of the most dishonest and habitual liars one may ever encounter. Their goal? To disrupt the Day of Silence sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). These groups view freedom of religion and freedom speech as something only reserved to themselves and seek to stamp out any statements or actions to the contrary. Despite their disingenuous comments to the contrary, they welcome bullying and intolerance towards LGBT youth who they view - at least in my opinion - as some kind of vermin to be exterminated.. Here are some of the directives being given to parents:
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Explain to your children why you’re taking a stand:
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a. Homosexual behavior is not an innate identity.
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b. No matter what factors may influence homosexual feelings, freely chosen homosexual behavior is immoral and should be resisted.
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c. Homosexuality is not equivalent to race.
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d. Disapproval of homosexuality is not equivalent to racism; nor is it hatred; nor is it bullying; nor does it constitute an incitement to violence. It is permissible and ethical to express disapproval of homosexuality. Just because someone may feel bad when hearing that someone disapproves of homosexuality does not mean that disapproval is cruel or wrong.
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e. No school should support a view of homosexuality that is unproven and controversial, and that is physically, emotionally, and spiritually destructive to individuals and society.
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f. No school should allow instructional time to be politicized.
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Encourage your church leadership to follow the bold example of Pastor Ken Hutcherson who vocally opposed “Day of Silence” in his community in Redmond, Washington.
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Note how (as is always the case with Christianists) how homosexuality is dismissed as (1) not an innate characteristic, and (2) expert statements on the unchangeable nature of one's sexual orientation is "unproven and controversial." As if religion isn't less innate and immutable that sexual orientation. Pew surveys have shown that the drop out rate from organized religion and/or percentage of Americans who have changed religions is huge. Moreover, the fastest growing segment of the population is those who have left religion and claim no religion. This is an obvious demonstration of just how easily change of religious belief/affiliation is in fact. Meanwhile legitimate mental health and medical associations unanimously condemn the claim that being gay is a "choice" and something that can be "changed."

Honoring Our Straight Allies - Colin Farrell

As many people have said, the LGBT community cannot change hearts and minds without assistance from our straight allies who have the courage to stand with us and speak out on our behalf. Some are celebrities and others are everyday people like this past year's Legends Gala honoree, Cindy Cutler. Everyone matters, but celebrities are uniquely positioned since the media will report on the actions while most of us go unnoticed and under the media's radar. One such celebrity is Colin Farrell who has a gay brother for who he acted as best man when his brother married his partner. Now, Farrell has issued a statement in support of Youth Service’s STAND UP! Campaign, a program of BeLonG To Youth Services, Ireland’s national youth service for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender young people. He makes the damage done by homophobia and religious based discrimination against gays personal as he recounts his memories of the bigotry faced by his brother. Here are some highlights:
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"I can't remember much about the years of physical and emotional abuse my brother Eamon suffered. I was very small. The thing I do remember though, quite literally, is blood on his school shirt when he came home in the afternoon. The beatings and taunting were very frequent for him and a constant part of his school years. I didn't understand at that time the concept of 'difference'. Back then, as now, he was just my big brother.
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People are often afraid of difference. They feel that anything that causes fear, should be turned away from. My brother represented fear for so many people, but caused joy in my life. From a very young age he made me laugh with his intelligence and wit, made me aspire to his strength and goodness. He was to be embraced. To many of the students of his school however he was to be feared. He was to be turned away from. I didn't understand it then, and I still don't now.
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Hate is a disease. It is fear's messenger and it makes us do terrible things in a shadow of our better selves, of what we could be. Intolerance is not genetically encoded - it is taught. It is learned at home. It is learned in the classrooms and it is learned anywhere else we gather as a group. But it is usually learned early and added onto from there. If there is nothing to feared, there is nothing to hate. If there is nothing to hate there is no pain. My brother was so forceful in standing up for who he was, and for the good that he knew was inside of him.
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Bullying is torture, it is another betrayal of basic human decency and its scars reach way into the future of its survivors. But the saddest truth is that not all children survive it. It is a potentially fatal societal illness and must be respected and not feared. Respected and dealt with as a very real problem and as an adversary of a potentially harmonious world, that should have no place for bullies or bullying."
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Kudos to Colin. Would that more of our false Christians had his abilities of empathy and understanding rather than hearts controlled by hate.

Thursday Male Beauty

The Real Betrayers of Catholicism

As the Roman Catholic Church's sex abuse scandal continues to widen across Europe - a former bishop in Norway has now confessed to abusing an altar boy - the Vatican continues to blaming the media and "anti-Catholic bigotry" for the Church's horrific problem that is continuing to dismay members of the Catholic laity. Some of the laity and pundits try to defend their faith by stating that "the hierarchy is not the Church" or that "the Church is comprised of its members who adhere to their faith." While there is some truth to these statements, they ignore the fact that the Church's leadership structure is based on a feudal monarchy where the Pope is the monarch and the bishops and cardinals are the feudal lords appointed by the monarch. The laity has ZERO power to challenge the hierarchy. While the Pope has disingenuously claimed that bishops "do not work for him" the truth is that the Pope appoints and removes bishops and cardinals who in turn appoint priests to parishes and other positions. Again, the laity has NO POWER to stop this system other than to leave the Church and take their financial support with them. As a Catholic for nearly 50 years myself, I know all too well the realities of the Church's governance.

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So what is one to do? If you leave the Church and take your faith with you as I did to the ELCA or if you speak out and condemn the Church leadership, you are accused of "betraying" or "attacking" the Church. Blowhards like William Donohue of the Catholic League purport to be protecting the Church when in fact all they are doing is protecting the corrupt system that created the problem in the first place. So who are the true betrayers of the Church? The Pope - and a number of his predecessors -and the majority of the cardinals and bishops in the hierarchy who closed their eyes, enabled and covered up for predator priests and, of course, the predator priests themselves. Even where members of the hierarchy recognize that the problem was not caused by critics of the Church - Archbishop Martin of Dublin and recently the Archbishop of Johannesburg are two examples - they fail to go to the root of the problem: the Vatican.

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How will it all end? Frankly, I do not know. I do know, however, until the laity raises up and DEMANDS change, nothing will really change. There will be insincere apologies and efforts to punish individual priests, but the enablers and obstructors of justice will remain in their exalted positions. True defenders of Catholicism are those who refuse to relent in their criticism and who may vote with their feet and refuse to support the evil amidst the hierarchy from the current Pope on down. In her recent column Maureen Dowd quotes some of her brother's views. I found some to be most on point others not. Here are some highlights of what I agree with:
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In pedophilia, the church has unleashed upon itself a plague that threatens its very future, and yet it remains in a curious state of denial. The church I grew up in was black and white, no grays.
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A boy in my class told me much later that the same priest climbed into bed with him in 1958 at a rectory sleepover, but my friend threw him to the floor. The priest protested he was sleepwalking. Three days later, the archbishop sent the priest to a rehab place in New Mexico; he ended up as a Notre Dame professor.
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Vatican II liberalized rules but left the most outdated one: celibacy. That vow was put in place originally because the church did not want heirs making claims on money and land. But it ended up shrinking the priest pool and producing the wrong kind of candidates — drawing men confused about their sexuality who put our children in harm’s way.
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The church is dying from a thousand cuts. Its cover-up has cost a fortune and been a betrayal worthy of Judas. The money spent came from social programs, Catholic schools and the poor. This should be a sin that cries to heaven for vengeance. I asked a friend of mine recently what he would do if his child was molested after the church knew. ‘I would probably kill someone,’ he replied.
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We must reassess. Married priests and laypeople giving the sacraments are not going to destroy the church. Based on what we have seen the last 10 years, they would be a bargain.
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Sadly, the Vatican and hierarchy just continue to complain about an anti-Catholic media and people listening to "gossip." They need to look in the mirror and admit that it is they themselves who are destroying the Catholic Church.

Three Year Anniversary Retrospective

Yesterday was the three year anniversary of the day that I began seriously blogging on a regular basis and talking about my own coming out story and whatever else struck my mind on this blog. A lot has happened in that period - my divorce finally became final, I managed to survive a series of court hearings before typically homophobic judges - one even opined in writing that sexual orientation is a choice - a suicide attempt, the launch of HRBOR, the end of one relationship and the beginning of a new and wondrous one, the law firm has managed to survive so far despite the horrific economy, I attended the LGBT Blogger Summit in December 2008 and the National Equality March last October, the boyfriend and I have lived through the flooding of our home last November 12th and the repair and renovation saga (which hopefully will be over next week), I was initiated to Key West, I became a contributor to The Bilerico Project, my youngest daughter began working for me at the firm, and I followed my son's progress on the Appalachian Trail. The list goes on and on. Through it all, this blog and my readers have been a source of therapy and support beyond measure. I want to thank every one of my almost 170,000 visitors and hope you will continue to stay with me on the journey.
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I also want to thank the boyfriend for his support and understanding of my blogging. He calls this blog his only serious competitor. Blogging takes a part of each morning and an hour or more each evening, yet he supports my efforts and the blog has introduced both of us to interesting people and experiences. Thank you to all of you.

More Wednesday Male Beauty

Catholic Pharmacy Shutters Doors in Virginia

A reader sent me the link to a story in the Washington Times - not one of my normal reads I will confess - about a pharmacy in Northern Virginia that opened to a lot of wingnut fanfare that was forced to close because it put "moral values" ahead of stocking inventory that customers want to purchase. The American Family Association and other "family values" organizations have perennial "boycotts" and other attacks on businesses that market to the LGBT community - e.g., Ford, Coke, Walgreens, etc. In truth, these businesses not forgotten the message the Catholic Pharmacy apparently never grasped. Businesses are in business to make money and earn a profit. And in the case of publicly traded companies, to generate dividends to shareholders. By refusing to carry contraceptives, many cosmetics and other products, the pharmacy sent the message that segments of the consumer base (including many Catholics who ignore the Vatican's teachings on birth control and many other issues) were simply not wanted. Or worse yet, that they were looked down upon and condemned by the sanctimonious pharmacy operators. Here are some story highlights:
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DMC Pharmacy, a pro-life Catholic pharmacy that opened with much fanfare in Chantilly, Va., in October 2008, closed last month because of lack of funds. "We could not make it work financially," said Robert Laird, executive director for the pharmacy, whose letters stood for Divine Mercy Care. "We could never get that big push to make it viable and finally the board of directors said enough was enough." By the time the store closed March 4, it was losing in the tens of thousands of dollars per month.
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[T]he 1,500-square-foot store on Metrotech Drive did not stock birth control pills, condoms, cigarettes or pornographic magazines. It did have booklets on natural family planning below a picture of St. John Leonardi, the patron saint of pharmacists. It was one of seven pharmacies in the country that refused to dispense contraceptives for moral reasons, on the grounds they caused abortions, lead to promiscuity or endangered a woman's health.
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Situated next to a Catholic bookstore, the founders hoped to attract clientele from St. Timothy and St. Veronica, two nearby Catholic parishes totaling 20,000 members. Within five miles were four other booming churches with 30,000 Catholics. . . . But regular customers never materialized in great numbers.
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Plus, DMC never got into the heavy retail items, such as cosmetics, toys and fast food, that help keep similar pharmacies afloat.

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I feel sorry for employees who have lost their jobs, but not so much sympathy for the store's owners who should have had more business sense.

Family Research Council in Hysteria Over Census Count of Same Sex Couples

Admittedly, it doesn't take much to get Tony Perkins at Family Research Council (pictured at right) enraged and the spittle flying. Particularly if the issue involves admitting that gays - and worse yet committed same sex couples - even exist. Not to mention those that do exist do not conform to the sexually promiscuous, drug using, heavy alcohol imbibing image of gays that FRC so likes to disseminate. Thus, Perkins' apoplexy over the U. S. Census Bureau's efforts to convince gay couples to complete and submit their census survey forms (the boyfriend and I have already mailed our form in). I suspect that the biggest concerns of the folks at FRC are that (1) there are far more same sex couples than people suspect and (2) that committed relationships are indeed prevalent. It is far easier to disparage those who can be depicted as a small number of freaks that a sizable group documented by government record keeping. Naturally, Perkins and FRC blame much of the census heresy on President Obama who they see as not a true American (i.e., he's not white, evangelical Christian, anti-immigrant, and in la la land in terms of his knowledge of true history). Here are highlights from Perkins' screed in an FRC press release:
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Ignoring federal and state laws defining marriage as the union of a man and a woman, the U.S. Census Bureau released videos on Monday encouraging homosexual couples who consider themselves "married" to list themselves as such on this year's census forms. The videos also urge cross-dressers to identify themselves with whatever sex they prefer.
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Family Research Council President Tony Perkins responded with the following comments:
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"The law should count for something when the Census Bureau counts America's population, but apparently it doesn't on President Obama's watch. The President's Commerce Department is actively encouraging people to ignore U.S. marriage law and invent new definitions for their relationships. What kind of government actively lobbies citizens to lie on their forms?
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"When it comes to advancing the extreme homosexual agenda, this White House has no limits, not even the facts. The Defense of Marriage Act forbids the federal government from recognizing same-sex relationships as 'marriages.'
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My question to Tony is this: If committed same sex couples cannot be counted as "married," how does he want closeted GOP politicians looking for gay trysts and/or "ex-gays" in false marriages to be counted?

McDonnell's Confederate History Month Proclamation - Is He Tone Defeaf?

I will admit that I am a Civil War buff and have nothing against recognizing Virginia's history. Indeed, on my mother's side of the family from New Orleans, I have my own Confederate ancestors, one of whom was in a Union prison camp. But only a month after he and Ken "Kookinelli" Cuccinelli generated worldwide negative press for Virginia on the state's support of discrimination against its LGBT citizens, was it a good idea to potentially give the appearance that the state is racist and anti-black too? Truthfully, I'm not sure what Bob McDonnell was thinking other than seeking to pander to the far right elements in the shrinking Republican Party of Virginia base who long for the days when, as one former classmate described the mindset, "men were men, women knew their place, and as for blacks, every white man could own one." No, it wasn't George Allen, although I can imagine him saying that too and, unlike this other classmate, it would not be a joke. Virginia has many pressing problems and stirring up more racial unrest and images of state supported discrimination does nothing to address them. Here are highlights from the Washington Post:
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Gov. Robert F. McDonnell, reviving a controversy that had been dormant for eight years, has declared that April will be Confederate History Month in Virginia, a move that angered civil rights leaders Tuesday but that political observers said would strengthen his position with his conservative base.
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The two previous Democratic governors had refused to issue the mostly symbolic proclamation honoring the soldiers who fought for the South in the Civil War. McDonnell (R) revived a practice started by Republican governor George Allen in 1997. McDonnell left out anti-slavery language that Allen's successor, James S. Gilmore III (R), had included in his proclamation.
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McDonnell said Tuesday that the move was designed to promote tourism in the state, which next year will mark the 150th anniversary of the start of the war. McDonnell said he did not include a reference to slavery because "there were any number of aspects to that conflict between the states.
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The proclamation was condemned by the Virginia Legislative Black Caucus and the NAACP. Former governor L. Douglas Wilder called it "mind-boggling to say the least" that McDonnell did not reference slavery or Virginia's struggle with civil rights in his proclamation.
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The seven-paragraph declaration calls for Virginians to "understand the sacrifices of the Confederate leaders, soldiers and citizens during the period of the Civil War."
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The Virginia NAACP and the state's Legislative Black Caucus called the proclamation an insult to a large segment of the state's population, particularly because it never acknowledges slavery.

"Governor McDonnell's proclamation was offensive and offered a disturbing revision of the Civil War and the brutal era that followed," said Del. Kenneth Cooper Alexander (D-Norfolk), chairman of the Legislative Black Caucus. "Virginia has worked hard to move beyond the very things for which Governor McDonnell seems nostalgic."

Wednesday Male Beauty

Health Care Opponet Charged With Threat To Kill Senator Patty Murray

The hysteria among the far right - and even some Republicans that I know - over health care reform is out of control and sadly devoid from objective facts. One of the underlying rants is that they don't want to pay for health care for "others" yet are unable to grasp that they already are paying - just in a inefficient and non-cost effective manner. With many family members and friends in the medical field, I have heard all to often that by not covering preventive care, the USA's system puts off treatment until it is often catastrophic and ungodly expense. In addition, because of all the write offs that hospitals must make for the uninsured who cannot pay for service, all the rest of us are getting billed at multiple times the real cost to cover these same write offs. Believe me, those who are ranting and raving are already paying. It's just that Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh are failing to tell them very important facts. One GOP friend who I spoke with thanked for making him realize he'd been denied important details. While some can be reasoned with, others are not and are increasingly threatening violence. Here are highlights on a threat against Patty Murray, a U.S. Senator (pictured above) via the Seattle Times:
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A 63-year-old Yakima County man has been charged with threatening to kill U.S. Sen. Patty Murray over her support of the National Health Care Reform Act. The FBI and local police arrested Charles Alan Wilson at his Selah home early Tuesday. Wilson was scheduled to make an appearance in U.S. District Court in Yakima, and he will then be transported to Seattle, according to the U.S. Attorney's Office.
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According to the charges, staffers in Murray's office in the Jackson Building in downtown Seattle had become concerned over a series of phone calls by an unknown man over the past several months. The calls came from a blocked number, and often were made in the evenings or on weekends.
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Usually, according to a staffer identified by the initials "M.G.," the calls were merely vulgar and harassing. But on March 22, "the caller began to make overt threats to kill and/or injure Senator Murray," according to the complaint signed by FBI Agent Carolyn Woodbury. In that message, a man the FBI says it has identified as Wilson stated, "I hope you realize there's a target on your back now ... Kill the [expletive] senator! I'll donate the lead."
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In several other vulgar and profanity-laced messages left over the next week, the caller repeatedly threatened the Democratic senator's life and said he "hopes somebody kills" President Obama as well, according to portions of transcripts in the complaint.
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The complaint notes the timing of the threats against Murray corresponded to the passage of the health-care bill, and in several of the messages the caller "expressed his strong disapproval for the health-care reform legislation, and the fact that Senator Murray voted in support of the bill." The FBI said Wilson possesses a concealed-weapons permit and has a .38-caliber revolver registered to him.

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I cannot help but wonder how many of these violence prone right wingers meanwhile consider themselves to be "Godly Christians." I just do not understand the mindset.

More Tuesday Male Beauty

HRBOR April 2010 Third Thursday Networking Event

Any Time Witness will be sponsoring the Thursday, April 15, 2010, business networking event for Hampton Roads Business OutReach ("HRBOR") at its Chesapeake, Virginia, location. Perhaps as one of the original founders of HRBOR I'm biased, but HRBOR has made a significant impact on both my business and my social life. I have made great friends and also generated numerous client referrals. I urge local readers to visit the event if you haven't previously attended a HRBOR function. It is a wonderful way to make friends and discover service providers in the LGBT and LGBT friendly community. For those who do not own businesses, ask about HRBOR's associate memberships. Here are details on the event:

DATE: April 15, 2010, Thursday
TIME: 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
HOST: Anytime Fitness
PLACE: 1437 Sams Drive, Suite 106
Chesapeake VA 23320
757-410-9205
www.anytimetidewater.com
(Off Battlefield, to the right of Sams Club)

BEVERAGE Sponsor:
Sherrise Powers, Attorney at Law
Don King, Judy Boone Realty

FEATURED NON-PROFIT:
The Norfolk SPCA (New Member)
www.norfolkspca.com

Oklahoma Hate-Rrimes Exclusion Bill Killed

In a refreshing move, the proposed bill in the Oklahoma legislature that seeks to exempt Oklahoma from compliance with the federal Matthew Shepard - James Byrd Hate Crimes Act has been killed in the Oklahoma House. While the bill passed the Oklahoma Senate, it is encouraging that some sanity remains in the legislature. Rep. Mike Shelton, D-Oklahoma City, purposely became a sponsor of the bill that originated in the Senate for the express purpose of making sure that the bill did not secure passage. As previously mentioned, the bill also cited the incorrect federal statutory provision and even if passed would have failed to accomplish the goal of its wingnut backers. Here are some highlights from the Tulsa World:
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OKLAHOMA CITY — A controversial hate-crimes bill did not get a hearing Monday in a House committee. Rep. Mike Shelton, D-Oklahoma City, became the House author of Senate Bill 1965, by Sen. Steven Russell, R-Oklahoma City. Shelton said he took control of the bill to kill it and asked that the bill not get heard in the House Judiciary Committee. Russell said he had substantially rewritten the bill from its original version.
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Russell said the law is needed to protect free speech after the passage of a federal law that added sexual orientation or gender identity to the categories protected under the federal hate-crimes law. President Barack Obama signed the law in October.
Oklahoma’s existing hate-crimes law does not include sexual orientation or gender identity.
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Shelton said SB 1965 would have prohibited Oklahoma law enforcement agencies from cooperating with any federal agency in the investigation of a federal hate crime.
But Russell said his bill had been misinterpreted. He said he was concerned that pastors who preached against homosexuality could be prosecuted if someone, as a result, took action against a gay person.
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Laura Belmonte, vice president and co-founder of The Equality Network, a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender advocacy organization, said the group will be monitoring the legislative session to ensure that Russell does not insert the bill’s language into another measure.“This is a bill that really denies Oklahomans equal protection under federal law,” Belmonte said. “It puts law enforcement in the position of breaking federal law, directing them to obstruct access to evidence.

Another Loon in the Military Brass

It looks like the teabaggers and birthers are looking for another self-made martyr. As Wingnut World Daily is reporting an Army Lt. Colonel, Terrence Lakin (pictured at left), is refusing to obey orders "until he knows that President Obama is in the Oval Office as a constitutionally eligible president." It is frightening that someone apparently so deranged and detached from reality is an officer in the U.S. Military. If this type of insanity is typical of for Lakin, one can only fear for the safety of men under his command. As I and many others have written previously, there is NO CREDIBLE evidence that Barack Obama is not a U.S. citizen born in the United States. Every alleged birth certificate and document to the contrary has been shown to be fraudulent and forged. Yet this nutcase apparently cares noting for objective facts. Even if Lakin recants, in my opinion he needs to be retired. If he refuses to obey orders, then court martial his ass and count it a case of good riddance. It's ironic that honorable gay service members continue to be discharged under DADT while nut cases like Lakin remain in the ranks. Here are some highlights from the hyperventilating at Wing Nut Daily:
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The Army is threatening to dismiss and jail an active-duty lieutenant colonel who says he won't obey military orders until he knows that President Obama is in the Oval Office as a constitutionally eligible president, according to his supporters.
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A statement given to WND today by Margaret Hemenway, who is acting as a spokeswoman for the case involving the American Patriot Foundation and Army Lt. Col. Terrence Lakin, said Lakin is "undaunted" and has not changed his position.
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Lakin announced his position with a video stating he would not follow orders because he was not sure of their legality under Obama, who has concealed personal information that could confirm he meets the constitutional requirement that a president be a "natural born citizen."
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Now, the Army has issued a "counseling form" warning Lakin his deployment orders are valid. . . . "On 30 March 2010, this command became aware of your intentions to refuse to follow deployment orders. Your stated reason for refusal was your belief that the election of the President of the United States is invalid because you believe he is not 'native born' [sic]. This counseling is to inform you that your deployment orders are presumed to be valid and lawful orders issued by competent military authority," said the document from the "counselor," Lt. Col. William D. Judd. The letter reminded Lakin of his April 12 due date at Fort Campbell, Ky. Failure to follow your reassignment and/or deployment orders may result in adverse action including court-martial," the officer was warned.
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He said he's refusing all orders until Obama releases his long-form, hospital-generated birth certificate to prove his eligibility to serve as commander in chief.
"I feel I have no choice but the distasteful one of inviting my own court martial," Lakin said in a statement. "The Constitution matters. The truth matters."
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Lakin refuses to recognize Hawaii - now a state - yet John McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone - now a part of Panama. What kind of Kool-Aid are these people drinking?

Tuesday Male Beauty

April 29th - Dining Out for Life at Brent's

Because of a scheduling conflict, the boyfriend and I will be hosting this Spring's Dining Out for Life fundraiser at Brent's, a relatively new restaurant in historic downtown Hampton, instead of the same location as last year.We have been to Brent's a number of times and the food is wonderful as is the atmosphere and attentive wait staff. I invite everyone on the Peninsula to come see us and support this worthwhile event that helps to fund much needed assistance to those living with HIV and their families. Twenty five percent (25%) of the evening's revenues will be donated to ACCESS AIDS Care, a local non-profit. Brent's is located at 9 E Queensway, Hampton, Virginia 23664 in beautiful downtown Hampton. For reservations' call 757-722-1185. We hope to see you on April 29th!!

Coming Out of "‘Situational Heterosexuality’

Joe Jervis has a quote at Joe By God from Former "ex-gay" evangelical minister Anthony Venn-Brown. Brown, now one of Australia's leading LGBT activists, where he says that gay men in heterosexual marriages engage in the opposite of the situational homosexuality found in prisons and other all same gender settings. Having been in a heterosexual marriage myself for 24 years , I think that Venn-Brown is on to something. Those of us gays who married and tried to do "what was expected" by family, society and/or our religious upbringings in effect engaged in straight relationships even thought that was not our true sexual orientation. We either did not know what else to do, wanted to have children, or simply could not admit to ourselves who we really were. Thus, you try to make it work even though in your heart you know its not complete and you continue to suffer from those pesky attractions to other males. You become the actor on the stage playing a role until the point comes where you simply no longer have the energy to keep up the performance either inwardly or outwardly. Here are some of Venn-Brown's comments on the phenomenon:
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"‘Situational heterosexuality’ is a term I’ve used for several years when people have asked how I could have been married for so many years and yet be gay. This term has also helped people gain a clearer understanding of what really happens when someone who is homosexual marries someone of the opposite sex and claims change. Confusion about what really happens in these situations still exists and often wrongly reinforces the ‘homosexuality is a choice’ and ‘homosexuals can change’ concept.
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"How often have you heard someone say something like this ‘They couldn’t be gay, they’re married’. When someone says that to me, I just remain silent for a while with a smile on my face (having been a gay man in a heterosexual marriage) and wait for what I’m actually thinking to sink into the consciousness of the person who made the naive statement."
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As much as "ex-gays" may seek to deny it - even to themselves - they have not changed their sexual orientation. Instead they have suppressed it at least for a time. That does not equate to permanent change.

More Monday Male Beauty

ENDA Next Target on Teabagger/Wingnut Radar

While still shrieking and wailing over the "socialist agenda" being furthered by the recently enacted health care reform bill, the loonies at World Net Daily are now seeking to enrage their reality untethered followers by depicting ENDA as a program to require "gay hires" or even enforce quotas. Never mind the actual language in the proposed legislation or the fact that most polls show a large majority of Americans support employment discrimination protections for LGBT employees. Even callers on a small TV talk show in Martinsville, Virginia, were supportive of Michael Moore's action to seek redress against the Virginia Museum of Natural History. Always seeking to spread hysteria, Wing Nut Daily also describes ENDA as an effort to target "Christian employers." Here's a sampling of the WND rant:
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Now that the health-care fight has proven House Democrats can muscle through legislation without a drop of bipartisan support, plans are underway to resurrect a bill that would make employers susceptible to lawsuits for refusing to hire "gay" or transsexual employees.
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The bill does make exceptions for the U.S. military, religious organizations and some businesses with non-profit 501(c) designations, but makes no provisions for business owners' consciences. A small construction company that wanted to maintain a Christian reputation, for example, could be sued if it refused to hire transvestites. Openly homosexual members of the House, enthused by the health-care victory, are now looking to return from the congressional recess to begin work on ENDA.
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"This bill would force Christian, Jewish or Muslim business owners to hire people who openly choose to engage in homosexual or cross-dressing behaviors," said Barber, "despite a sincerely held religious belief that those behaviors are dangerous, sinful and not in keeping with basic morality. "ENDA would essentially force employers to check their First Amendment protected rights to freedom of religion, speech and association at the workplace door," he said.
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The sad reality is that the Christianists want freedom of religion and anti-discrimination protections for themselves, but do not give a damn about the rights of other citizens who may hold differing beliefs and faiths. It is all about the Christianists and screw everyone else. As for the proposed H.R. 3017's actual provisions (these quotes are from Section 4), here are some highlights:
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(a) Employer Practices- It shall be an unlawful employment practice for an employer--
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(1) to fail or refuse to hire or to discharge any individual, or otherwise discriminate against any individual with respect to the compensation, terms, conditions, or privileges of employment of the individual, because of such individual’s actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity; or
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(2) to limit, segregate, or classify the employees or applicants for employment of the employer in any way that would deprive or tend to deprive any individual of employment or otherwise adversely affect the status of the individual as an employee, because of such individual’s actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity.
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(f) No Preferential Treatment or Quotas- Nothing in this Act shall be construed or interpreted to require or permit--

(1) any covered entity to grant preferential treatment to any individual or to any group because of the actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity of such individual or group on account of an imbalance which may exist with respect to the total number or percentage of persons of any actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity employed by any employer, referred or classified for employment by any employment agency or labor organization, admitted to membership or classified by any labor organization, or admitted to, or employed in, any apprenticeship or other training program, in comparison with the total number or percentage of persons of such actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity in any community, State, section, or other area, or in the available work force in any community, State, section, or other area; or
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(2) the adoption or implementation by a covered entity of a quota on the basis of actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity.

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Once again, the "Godly Christian" set views itself as exempt from the Commandment against lying and bearing false witness. It's par for the course.