An Amazing Teacher - Joy Newcom

In the course of surfing the Internet and checking my Google search agent results I came across a blog post by a straight teacher that I found amazingly moving and most relevant in light of the recent anti-gay behavior of some public high schools and/or parents of gay teens. Would that there were many, many more teachers who could grasp the lesson Joy Newcom seems to have taken to heart. Admittedly, I was also moved because the story told by Marc Wheeler (pictured at left) is in many ways similar to my own (and probably many more in the LGBT community) Except that, in my case, it took me another two decades to accept who I was and to try to come to terms with the fact that I'd been born gay for some unknowable reason. Marc accepted that truth in college. In her post, Joy demonstrates a wonderful level of empathy and an ability to see Marc as another human being and an equal child of God. Why more people - especially those who claim to be Christian - cannot learn the lesson she espouses is troubling. Thankfully, time and the younger generation do seem to be on the side of what is right and good in terms of gay acceptance. Joy Newcom and Marc Wheeler are exceptional individuals and I encourage readers to read Joy's full post. Marc also needs to be credited with proving that living out and openly can impact others in a tremendously positive way. Here are some highlights from Joy's remarkable post:

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This blog is not like others I've done. I'm basically sharing my homework with you, because I feel the topic of my assignment is worth sharing. My task was to interview someone who is gay, asking him or her to describe any difficulties that occurred while growing up, attending school, and coming out to family and friends. . . . when it came time to choose [an interview subject], Marc Wheeler, now a working actor living in West Hollywood, Calif., it seemed the full-circle choice. This homegrown Iowan was the first openly gay student I ever taught. I realized I didn't know much about what life was like for him during the years he was a student in my classroom. It was time to learn.

We talked for two hours one night, and I learned a lot that will help me as I teach others who happened to be born gay. I have always respected Marc for his willingness to openly share who he is with the world. I hope you do too.
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Marc Wheeler is likely not the first gay student I have ever taught; however, he is the first student I taught who openly identified himself as gay. In fact, I am fairly confident that I taught students born with a same-sex orientation before Marc came along in 1997 – whether any of us knew it at the time or not.
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By the time Marc, a 4.0 GPA student, was ready to attend college in the late 90s, his identity as a man who happened to be gay was something he was ready to define and accept. However, his parents were unaware of his sexual orientation and related identity struggles. . . . The admission was something he had feared happening in elementary and middle school, for at that young age, Marc believed identifying himself as homosexual would mean – according to what he had learned from his experiences in churches (i.e., Pentecostal, United Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran) – that he would “burn in hell.”
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Because I have always known Marc as a male who happens to be gay, I was not aware – until this paper – of the intensely personal identity struggles he navigated, particularly in relation to his father. I was aware that his father was having a hard time reconciling Marc’s sexual orientation; however, I wasn’t aware of how long it took and how isolated Marc felt during that time. The ability to have conversations with family members about important topics is a valuable part of belonging to a family unit. As I teach, I will now be more aware of the personal pain and toll that is exacted on students who are not only far from home, but also emotionally isolated from people who define key relationships in their lives. Children depend on primary relationships to help them form their identities. I hope to become even more sensitive to the difficulties that face young men and women who come to an awareness of their same-sex gender orientation without the full support of their parents or siblings.
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What I will remember most about this conversation with Marc, however, are the stories about other children calling him “faggot” or “gay” beginning in elementary. . . . Marc helped me understand the extreme difficulty present in those moments. Teachers might be insensitive to the harm that occurs from name calling, and it takes great courage for the victim of the slur to make the offense known. As Marc explained, sharing news of the incident is practically an admission of its truth at a time when the student might not yet be ready to bear the consequences. “When children identify someone as gay,” said Marc, “they may well be right, but it is so difficult to admit, because you are not yet ready to accept all that goes with it.” I want to be a teacher that any student would be comfortable coming to.
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To help, I will continue to support GSA events and create a classroom environment that upholds all students as valued members of society, while including lessons that highlight the harm of discriminatory language and actions. Thank you, Marc, for being my teacher.
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Thank you Joy for your insights and reflections. And thank you Marc for your courage and strength.

Honoring Our Straight Allies - Colin Farrell

As many people have said, the LGBT community cannot change hearts and minds without assistance from our straight allies who have the courage to stand with us and speak out on our behalf. Some are celebrities and others are everyday people like this past year's Legends Gala honoree, Cindy Cutler. Everyone matters, but celebrities are uniquely positioned since the media will report on the actions while most of us go unnoticed and under the media's radar. One such celebrity is Colin Farrell who has a gay brother for who he acted as best man when his brother married his partner. Now, Farrell has issued a statement in support of Youth Service’s STAND UP! Campaign, a program of BeLonG To Youth Services, Ireland’s national youth service for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender young people. He makes the damage done by homophobia and religious based discrimination against gays personal as he recounts his memories of the bigotry faced by his brother. Here are some highlights:
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"I can't remember much about the years of physical and emotional abuse my brother Eamon suffered. I was very small. The thing I do remember though, quite literally, is blood on his school shirt when he came home in the afternoon. The beatings and taunting were very frequent for him and a constant part of his school years. I didn't understand at that time the concept of 'difference'. Back then, as now, he was just my big brother.
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People are often afraid of difference. They feel that anything that causes fear, should be turned away from. My brother represented fear for so many people, but caused joy in my life. From a very young age he made me laugh with his intelligence and wit, made me aspire to his strength and goodness. He was to be embraced. To many of the students of his school however he was to be feared. He was to be turned away from. I didn't understand it then, and I still don't now.
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Hate is a disease. It is fear's messenger and it makes us do terrible things in a shadow of our better selves, of what we could be. Intolerance is not genetically encoded - it is taught. It is learned at home. It is learned in the classrooms and it is learned anywhere else we gather as a group. But it is usually learned early and added onto from there. If there is nothing to feared, there is nothing to hate. If there is nothing to hate there is no pain. My brother was so forceful in standing up for who he was, and for the good that he knew was inside of him.
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Bullying is torture, it is another betrayal of basic human decency and its scars reach way into the future of its survivors. But the saddest truth is that not all children survive it. It is a potentially fatal societal illness and must be respected and not feared. Respected and dealt with as a very real problem and as an adversary of a potentially harmonious world, that should have no place for bullies or bullying."
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Kudos to Colin. Would that more of our false Christians had his abilities of empathy and understanding rather than hearts controlled by hate.

A Reminder to Hampton Voters - Meet Chris Stuart Tomorrow

Click image to enlarge.

I posted previously about a friend, Chris Stuart, who is throwing his hat in the ring and running for Hampton City Council. Chris is kicking off his campaign tomorrow and I encourage Hampton residents and voters to try to attend. We need people on City Council who will genuinely represent ALL members of the community. Chris is one such person. The boyfriend and I hope to see readers there tomorrow. The details are set forth on the flyer above.

Chris Stuart for Hampton City Council

All too often voters ignore local elections and focus instead on state and national elections. This approach over looks the fact that in many ways one's day to day life is impacted more immediately by decisions made in the local city hall. In May, 2010, the City of Hampton, Virginia, will hold elections for city council and the boyfriend and I are going to be actively supporting Chris Stuart in his campaign for council. Not only is Chris the nephew of some of our best friends, but he has made it clear that he intends to represent ALL residents - including members of the LGBT community. He has already attended a HRBOR networking event and plans on attending the Hispanic chamber event later this month. He is a business owner and knows the rigors of running a business and the need for diversity in attracting progressive businesses and creating jobs - something that is lost on Virginia's Governor and Attorney General. Chris' core message includes:

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Holding the line on spending in these tough economic times where municipalities are in a financial bind and keep taxes low.

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Protect core services for Hampton citizens and retirees - including the arts which are so often subjected to the budget axe.

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Focus on job creation and supporting small and existing businesses.

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Chris will have his campaign kick off this coming week and I urge local readers to come out and meet him (the boyfriend and I will be involved in hosting an event for him in April). Here are details on the Kick Off Event:

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March 11, 2010, 5:15 PM

131 Kings Way

Hampton, Virginia

RSVP: 757-224-0796

I believe Love is For Everyone... Homosexual and Heterosexual: Nhojj Wins R&B/Soul Song of the Year

This blog has looked at homophobic singer/song writers, so it more than fair to laud singers who recognize the common humanity of all of us - gay or straight. One such singer is indie recording artist, Nhojj (pictured at left), who made OUTMusic Awards history when his ballad “Love” was voted 2009 Outstanding R&B/Soul Song of the Year by The Alliance of LGBT Recording Artists & Performers. Billboard Publicity Wire has more details. Here are some highlights:
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This marks the first time an African American male has won an OMA. . . . Nhojj is also the first artist to win the OUTStanding R&B/Soul song of the year. OUTMusic added this and other categories to the ceremony this year to more fully reflect the music of the LGBT community. After his win, the singer/songwriter took the stage performing “Love” before an audience including OMA Lifetime Achievement recipient Kevin Aviance, Village Voice columnist Michael Musto, LOGO personalities DeMarco Majors and Julie Goldman among many other notables in the LGBT community. The ceremony was hosted by Noah’s Arc star Rodney Chester and GLAAD Media Award winner Kate Clinton.
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“Love” features keyboardist Carl Evans (Stevie Wonder, Barry White); David Stark on Guitar (Rick James & Teena Marie); Tommy Aros on percussion (Luis Miguel); and is mastered by by Robert Honablue, whose Gold and Platinum credits include Santana, Roberta Flack, Aretha Franklin, Bob Marley, and Miles Davis.
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Director Kirk Shannon-Butts featured "Love" in his highly acclaimed Indie film "Blueprint,” which screened at 2008 Cannes International Film Festival, and also directed the music video “Love.” Unlike many current R&B music videos, it is the sensitive reflection of two male college students who feel a mutual attraction toward each other. "I believe love is for everyone... homosexual and heterosexual" Nhojj says, "One day soon our world will acknowledge this simple truth."
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In addition to his recording and performance schedule, Nhojj regularly donates his gift of music to people living with HIV/AIDS. He performs in hospitals, hospices, residential facilities and treatment centers throughout New York City , as part of the Lifebeat “Hearts and Voices” program.

The Affirmation Declaration

I have previously commented on the far right Christianists' "Manhattan Declaration" whic is a manifesto encouraging wingnut Christians to enage in civil disobedience rather that allow the CIVIL laws to provide for gay rights and other issues that are not consistent with the far right Christianists' religious beliefs. Now, to counter the toxic message of exclusion embodied in the so-called Manhattan Declaration," a group of Christians have drafted the "Affirmation Declaration" that confronts and rejects the bigotry and intolerance of the Christianists and that provides an affirmative Christian message. Here are some highlights from the Affirmation Declaration:
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The Affirmation Declaration is a statement that expresses the convictions of Christians all over the world. It was written in response to the now famous Manhattan Declaration, to correct egregious errors contained in the document, errors that have been preached in the pulpits of many local churches for far too long.
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With the growing notoriety and support for the Manhattan Declaration, our Affirmation Declaration reflects an urgent need to respond to the portion of the Manhattan Declaration dealing with issues related to sexual orientation—specifically, homosexuality and same-sex marriage. We strongly disagree with the contention that same-sex attractions and the oft-resulting romantic activities are immoral.
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We also desire to let the world know that not all Christians are locked in what we believe to be an ancient worldview regarding homosexuality. We want to give people hope—hope to know that God loves them just as they are; hope to know that their gay loved ones are not destined for Hell; hope to know that although some Christian churches will never accept them or their same-sex unions, a great many will.
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I urge you to go to the website and add you signature and name to this declaration. True Christians need to save the name of Christianity from the knuckle draggers of the far right who have turned Christ's Gospel message into a message of hate.

HRBOR Reflections - Two and a Half Years Later

This past Saturday I attended the board of directors retreat for Hampton Roads Business Outreach a/k/a HRBOR, the NGLCC affiliate that nine others and myself founded in 2007. Since that time HRBOR has grown and from it I have secured both clients and wonderful friends (the boyfriend first asked me out at a HRBOR networking event). The retreat was a great experience and helped bond the current board more closely together - I am one of the two original board members remaining. From its outset as the only NGLCC affiliate in Virginia, HRBOR has sought to benefit both its members and the larger Hampton Roads area as is visible in its mission statement:

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Hampton Roads Business OutReach (HRBOR) is a broad based coalition of LGBT owned and LGBT supportive businesses and professionals dedicated to the development, growth and advocacy of Hampton Roads and its LGBT community. By promoting an environment in which diversity can flourish, HRBOR is committed to the economic growth and prosperity of our members and our community.

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For those coming out in mid-life, I cannot encourage you enough to get involved in your own GLBT community. Take the time to find organizations that will provide a vehicle to become involved and to make new friends. If you cannot find one, then consider starting an organization as the ten of us original board members did.

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One thing that struck me during the retreat was the fact that the board as a whole does not fit the anti-gay stereotype that our enemies disseminate. We are all professionals or retired professionals. Four board members are former members of the U.S. military, one of whom was discharged under DADT at a great loss to the military. Two of us were forced from larger law firms when our sexual orientation became known. Not all of us are gay. All of us are passionate activists who know that right is on our side and that history is on our side. We all care very deeply about our community - both in terms of the GLBT community and the larger community and we want to make Hampton Roads what it could be if it would throw aside provincial thinking and bigotry.

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HRBOR has been a wonderful experience for me and is a positive influence in the area community. I am very proud of what the original board started and have every confidence that HRBOR will continue to grow under the current leadership.

Obama vs. Clinton on Gays

Others continue to note the difference between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton when it comes to even being willing to utter the word "gay." As I have said repeatedly, we are totally invisible in the Clinton campaign except for when Hillary does an interview with gay media outlets which I suspects she believes will remain "under the radar" vis-a-vis the main stream media. Or when she is seeking our money. Obama, on the other hand continues to take a far different approach as these highlights from a post by Andrew Sullivan reveal:

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This morning I saw an excerpt from Obama's concession speech in Indiana where he said the following:

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"Or this time, we can build on the movement we've started in this campaign – a movement that's united Democrats, Independents, and Republicans; a movement of young and old, rich and poor; white, black, Hispanic, Asian, and Native American, gay and straight."

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I have two comments about this: First, I cannot recall a politician ever speaking after a loss, proclaiming that he wants to bring together gays and straights. That is amazing. Can you imagine Hillary ever saying anything like that to a national audience, especially after a defeat?

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Second, the "gay and straight" portion is not included in the text of the speech on Obama's website. This means either 1) the campaign removed those words from the edited transcript or 2) (more likely) Obama's inclusion of "gay and straight" was impromptu. It wasn't included by the speech writers, but he included it at the spur of the moment. If this is true, how amazing it is that there is a politician who is willing to stand up for us gay Americans who have been ignored for so long.

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Yet many gays continue to blindly - and in my view very foolishly - support Hillary. If she cannot bring herself to say the word "gay" in a public forum, how can they possible trust her?

Obama Talks All Things LGBT With The Advocate

Even though Barack Obama has been making many public statements before large audiences in favor of gay rights and has LGBT issues readily identified on his campaign website - unlike Hillary Clinton who only makes strong statements in support of gay rights when in a friendly gay media environment and has made gays invisible on her website - I am glad that Obama has done a substantial interview with The Advocate. Perhaps this action will silence some of the self-important members of gay media editorial staffs that are peeved because Obama has not kissed their asses like Hillary.

To me, members of the gay media are more concerned about having their fragile egos stroked than about which candidate has the balls to support gays vigorously even in front of potentially hostile audiences. I think Obama is correct that he has been far braver and supportive than Hillary who has kept gays as a special interest to be milked for money but kept hidden from the spotlight. If a candidate will not support gays now in general public audiences, it is foolish to believ they will vigorously support gays if elected. I encourage all to read the full article. Here are some highlight's from the Advocate's coverage (http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid53285.asp):

But in a wide-ranging interview this Monday, Obama discussed "don't ask, don't tell," the Reverend Wright, and why LGBT folks should lead on marriage equality, not politicians. Some may call the chat a shrewd political move by the Obama camp ahead of the April 22 Pennsylvania primary. We call it access.

The Advocate: Let’s start with what’s hot -- why the silence on gay issues? You’ve done only one other interview with the LGBT press. I know people wish they were hearing more from you.

Senator Obama: I don’t think it’s fair to say "silence" on gay issues. The gay press may feel like I’m not giving them enough love. But basically, all press feels that way at all times. Obviously, when you’ve got a limited amount of time, you’ve got so many outlets. We tend not to do a whole bunch of specialized press. We try to do general press for a general readership.

But I haven’t been silent on gay issues. What’s happened is, I speak oftentimes to gay issues to a public general audience. When I spoke at Ebenezer Church for King Day, I talked about the need to get over the homophobia in the African-American community; when I deliver my stump speeches routinely I talk about the way that antigay sentiment is used to divide the country and distract us from issues that we need to be working on, and I include gay constituencies as people that should be treated with full honor and respect as part of the American family.

So I actually have been much more vocal on gay issues to general audiences than any other presidential candidate probably in history.

I guess my point would be that the fact that I’m raising issues accordant to the LGBT community in a general audience rather than just treating you like a special interest that is sort of off in its own little box -- that, I think, is more indicative of my commitment. Because ultimately what that shows is that I’m not afraid to advocate on your behalf outside of church, so to speak. It’s easy to preach to the choir; what I think is harder is to speak to a broader audience about why these issues are important to all Americans.

Tha Advocate: If you were elected, what do you plan to do for the LGBT community -- what can you reasonably get done?

Senator Obama: I reasonably can see “don’t ask, don’t tell” eliminated. I think that I can help usher through an Employment Non-Discrimination Act and sign it into law.

Kids Openly Gay At Earlier Ages

This story from the Los Angeles Daily news (http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_8709749) looks at a phenomenon that is easily seen even in places like Norfolk and the rest of Hampton Roads – hardly a hotbed of liberalism. Last night, going to The Wave to dance and get my weekly shot of aerobic exercise, I find that it is comforting to see young boy next door and girl next door type gay couples that seem totally at ease with their sexual orientation. I can assure you, such was not the case when I was 18 or 20. In fact, I was 21 when the APA declassified homosexuality as a mental illness, not that such action had much impact on the societal negative view of gays in conservative Central New York where I lived at the time. Going to college in Charlottesville, Virginia, things were not any better.

It truly is a different world from back in that day – as I found out when my ex-wife and I told my son I was gay nearly five years ago and his response was that it was OK and that one of his high school friends was gay. The he gave me a big hug. Hopefully, this new generation will see the end of anti-gay bigotry. Next weekend, I will be meeting with some of the leaders of some local GSA’s who are working to become more organized and who have asked HRBOR members for input and possible mentoring as successful role models for gay students. Here are some story highlights:

When a gay teenager was gunned down earlier this year at an Oxnard school, the violence resulted in the unexpected: Young people, gay and straight, rallied across the nation for civil rights. And even at an age when they're grappling with their own fragile sexuality, teens weren't afraid to stand up for the classmate who had been different.

"In middle school, you don't think about your own sexuality so much as you think of what society thinks is normal for kids, and you try to blend in," said 18-year-old Luis Roman, a gay community college student and youth leader for the Gay-Straight Alliance, an advocacy group active on high school and middle school campuses. "So for these kids to come out and say that just because he was gay, that isn't a reason to get shot, that was mind-blowing to see that courage, for kids to stand up.

"While there is increasing acceptance, the world's still a hostile place for gay teenagers," said Virginia Uribe, a retired LAUSD counselor and founder of the district's Project 10, a support program for gay students. "They deal with hostile families, hostile churches, if they're involved, and they deal with hostile schools. "Certainly the (school) administrators should be at the top of the food chain, making the charge against discrimination. Many times they're reluctant to take a stand with regard to gay kids until something terrible happens."

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students are coming out of the closet younger and younger. Roman told his parents he was gay when he was 15 - younger than his counterparts who spoke up a decade earlier, but older than the middle-schoolers coming out today, he said. Many find their courage in a changing society that includes openly gay celebrities, from news anchors to sit-com stars, Uribe said. "I think some students are feeling more comfortable coming out, feeling empowered in the sense they are aware they have certain rights," said Uribe, now executive director of the nonprofit Friends of Project 10, which supports the LAUSD program.

Project 10 sponsors 46 Gay-Straight Alliance chapters on LAUSD campuses, and in recent months two middle schools have formed chapters, said Stephen Jimenez, who works in the district's Education Equity Compliance office and oversees the program. "All our clubs are student-centered, usually started by gay students and their straight friends," he said. "The students themselves come forward and say, we want to start a club."

Tutu To Receive International Gay Award

I have quoted Archbishop Desmond Tutu on a number of occasions for his courage and conviction in supporting gays and his public denunciations of the far right hate merchantswith in the Angalican Communion such as Nigeria's Peter Akinola (who it turns out may have had a had in a massacre of Muslim women and children). Would that there were more true Christians like Desmond Tutu. Thus, I believe it is completely justified that Tutu is receiving an award by the New York-based International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission. Here are some brief highlights from 365gay.com (http://www.365gay.com/Newscon08/03/032508tut.htm):

(New York City) Archbishop Desmond Tutu has been named the recipient of a prestigious award by the New York-based International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission. The IGLHRC will present its 2008 Outspoken Award as part of the organization's A Celebration of Courage human rights ceremony on Tuesday, April 8, 2008 at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco.

"There is really only one name in the world that immediately conjures up moral leadership in pursuit of dignity for all people on earth, and that is Desmond Tutu," said Paula Ettelbrick, IGLHRC's Executive Director. "Archbishop Tutu's vision of a world in which human rights are respected has always explicitly included LGBT people, despite the fierce opposition he has faced from his peers and colleagues. He has challenged political apartheid in South Africa and continues to challenge spiritual apartheid within his religious community."

Archbishop Tutu has vocally challenged discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. In a 2004 article in The Times of London, he condemned persecution on the basis of sexual orientation, comparing it to apartheid.

"We struggled against apartheid in South Africa, supported by people the world over, because black people were being blamed and made to suffer for something we could do nothing about-our very skins," he wrote. "It is the same with sexual orientation. It is a given. I could not have fought against the discrimination of apartheid and not also fight against the discrimination that homosexuals endure, even in our churches and faith groups."

He has been a vocal opponent of punishing the American branch of his own Anglican Church over the ordination of an openly gay bishop - Gene Robinson in New Hampshire. "Archbishop Tutu's decision to address our community while in the United States signals the rise in status that LGBT communities around the world are achieving," said Ettelbrick.

Reflections From Colette Beighley

In follow up to my post yesterday about her, Colette Beighley submitted a comment that I felt deserved spotlighting since it is very good advice to parents, both in terms of parents with gay children and in terms of all parents in regard to letting your child be he/she is as opposed to who you need them to be for your own comfort zone, ego gratification, etc. As the father of three, I know all too well how hard that can be at times. The difficulty comes in part from wanting to protect them and minimize the "bumps in the road" for them as well as one's own worries and insecurities. Here is Colette's wise counsel:

I just want to say one thing about Billy's comment. Billy said, "It's hard for parents to accept their child as different." So often in parenting we bump up against how our child's way of being in the world impacts our own sense of self. For example: I feel bad and wrong when my child does this behavior which I'm afraid I'll be judged for."

No matter who your child is, each should be treasured for their uniqueness. They deserve that. The work always belongs to the parent. If I'm feeling uncomfortable because my son is holding hands with his boyfriend, that's MY issue -- not his.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist and mother of four, I believe parents need to celebrate their child for who he or she is -- not who the parent NEEDS them to be. In fact, the richness of parenthood is found in doing just that.

Profile: Warrior Mom Colette Beighley

I did a post about the Beighley family back in July, 2007, and how Colette [pictured at right in the photo] had rallied to support her gay son, Ari. I received a nice e-mail from Colette when she discovered the post via one of her sons. She has now been spotlighted in an article in the Grand Rapids Press (http://blog.mlive.com/grpress/2008/02/warrior_mom_colette_beighley.html). It is unfortunate that there are not more mothers like her in terms of loving and accepting their LGBT children. Just ask my blogger friend Java Jones who has taken two gay teens into her home because they had been thrown out by their parents. Not surprisingly, not everyone is supportive of what Colette Beighley is doing, particularly the alleged Christians who use the Bible as an excuse for bigotry and small mindedness. In my view, Colette is a heroine. Here are some story highlights:

A few days after her 16-year-old son, Ari, told her he's gay, Colette Beighley gave him a book, "Coming Out: An Act of Love." He read it, then came downstairs to the kitchen, where his sister was hanging out with a friend. "Thanks, Mom," he told Beighley, then put the book face down on the counter, hiding the title. "I flipped the book over, title facing up," Beighley recalls. "I said, 'Ari, that's not how we're gonna live.'"

Her life hasn't been the same since. Beighley, 50, is the West Michigan field organizer for the Triangle Foundation, Michigan's leading advocacy organization for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. The Detroit-based foundation opened its first-ever office in Grand Rapids a year ago. They didn't interview anyone else for the job, says Sean Kosofsky, Triangle's director of policy. After they heard Beighley's story and saw her passion, he says, they didn't need to.

"She's much more of a warrior mother now," Ari says. "If she sees inequality, she'll go to war for that. She has this sense that what she's doing absolutely has to be done." Beighley has spent the past year getting used to being a public face and voice for a cause that riles a lot of people up. "I've been interviewed a lot of times, but there are stories I've never told," she says. They reveal why she does what she does. It's not just because her son is gay.

They moved to Spring Lake when Ari was 11 months old. David is a Muskegon High School graduate and his family lives in West Michigan. "We thought it would be a lovely place to raise a family," Beighley says. "It is a lovely place to raise a family. Unless your child is gay." In the days after Ari came out, "I went into management mode," Beighley says. "I went to the book store and bought every book on gayness and read them. I sat in the cafe at Schuler Books on Alpine and just wept." She learned about a workshop for families in New Mexico called "The Experience: Coming out Powerfully." "We all got on a plane and went," she says -- David, Colette, Ari, sister Chloe, brother Nathan and his wife, Sarah. Their son Collin couldn't attend, but lent his full support.

"First we told our closest friends," she says. She pauses, looking out her dining room window at the steadily falling snow. "For many, that was the last time we talked to them. "A lot of people hung in there for a while," she says. "Then they wanted us to do something." Do something? "Fix him," she says. "Send him someplace. "I had this belief that once people knew Ari is gay, they'd say, 'I have loved this child his whole life,'" Beighley says. "In this Pollyanna sort of way I thought maybe they would use that opportunity to re-evaluate their beliefs. That it would be an opportunity to see things differently."

In the weeks and months after Ari came out, David, a licensed marriage and family counselor, lost nearly 70 percent of the business at his counseling practice, Beighley Consulting Associates, in Spring Lake. His ministerial license was revoked by the Wesleyan Church. "I remember sitting on the bathroom floor, saying to my husband, 'I only have one path here and that is to be completely out and do it without shame," Beighley says. "I can't be silent about this anymore." She smiles. "If I ever write a book, I'm gonna call it 'Musings from the Bathroom Floor.' "I said to him, 'You may have to make a different choice that honors your faith tradition. And I totally understand if you don't want to go down this road with me. This may be the place where we part."

She is making things happen, says Sean Kosofsky, director of policy at Triangle in Detroit. Beighley works with Concerned Clergy of West Michigan, an organization of supportive pastors and church leaders. She's on the advisory board of the new lesbian and gay resource center at Grand Valley State University. She has befriended state legislators, Kosofsky says, drummed up volunteers and donors and connected with prominent West Michigan people. "She's classy, she's articulate, she's beaming with positive energy," Kosofsky says. "She's a case study for how homophobia can tear apart heterosexuals. What a profound capacity this woman has." Beighley says she would do this work even if she didn't get paid. "This is not a new thing for me," Beighley says. "It's not that suddenly, because my kid is gay, I changed my opinions. But because my kid is gay, I can't be silent."

Here's the link to Colette's blog, Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Gay: http://www.chanceofgay.org/

The Narrowing of the Presidential Candidate Field and What it Means

After the Florida primary, and the withdrawal of Giuliani, it increasingly looks like John McCain will be the Republican Party nominee. This being the case, it is essential that with John Edwards withdrawing from the Democrat field that Democrats cease focusing on past loyalties and other distractions and select a nominee who has a chance of winning in November. Should it be a McCain vs. Hillary contest, we had all best prepare for another GOP administration. David Brooks at the New York Times and Andrew Sullivan both make a case why Obama MUST be the Democrat nominee. First, here are highlights of Brooks' comments (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/29/opinion/29brooks.html?_r=2&hp&oref=slogin&oref=slogin):

Last week there was the widespread revulsion at the Clintons’ toxic attempts to ghettoize Barack Obama. In private and occasionally in public, leading Democrats lost patience with the hyperpartisan style of politics — the distortion of facts, the demonizing of foes, the secret admiration for brass-knuckle brawling and the ever-present assumption that it’s necessary to pollute the public sphere to win. All the suppressed suspicions of Clintonian narcissism came back to the fore. Are these people really serving the larger cause of the Democratic Party, or are they using the party as a vehicle for themselves?

And then Monday, something equally astonishing happened. A throng of Kennedys came to the Bender Arena at American University in Washington to endorse Obama. Caroline Kennedy evoked her father. Senator Edward Kennedy’s slightly hunched form carried with it the recent history of the Democratic Party.

Then, in the speech’s most striking passage, he set Bill Clinton afloat on the receding tide of memory. “There was another time,” Kennedy said, “when another young candidate was running for president and challenging America to cross a New Frontier.” But, he continued, another former Democratic president, Harry Truman, said he should have patience. He said he lacked experience. John Kennedy replied: “The world is changing. The old ways will not do!”

Next, from a gay perspective, Andrew Sullivan clarifies why no gay should support Hillary over Obama. I can only hope people wake up to the fact that Hillary is unelectable quickly. Here are Sullivan's thoughts (http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/01/obama-and-the-g.html):

If you're a Democrat, it isn't really a contest. We all know the record of the Clintons on gay equality. In the words of Melissa Etheridge, they "threw us under the bus" when it was politically expedient for them (after they'd bled the gay community financially dry). Here are a few YouTubes of Obama's public, proud and often risky defenses of gay and lesbian equality - in front of non-gay audiences and not prompted by questions. The Ebenezer sermon, when he called on black congregants in MLK's church not to condemn or ostracize their "gay brothers and sisters" (after the 9 minute mark). The AU speech (around the 9 minute mark again). His stump speech, "Countdown To Change." Obama was the only Democratic candidate to mention gay and lesbian equality in his announcement address. In South Carolina, he spoke of the importance of gay outreach to religious voters.

I've had two core principles in my own work in defense of gay equality: supporting the simple equality of gays and straights under the law; opposing the toxins of identity politics and a balkanized gay identity. The way Obama transcends his own multiple identities, the way he both embraces his difference and yet seeks a common political discourse: this is the model that makes the most sense to me. Neither denying difference nor being defined by it is a path all minorities would be better off pursuing. And Obama's call for self-empowerment rather than self-defeating victimology is particularly apposite for gays and lesbians.

Poison from the "Family" Values Crowd

Pam Spaulding's blog posted the information set out below about the lies and disinformation being put out by Traditional Values Coalition (one of the "Christian" groups that loves to quote the false research of Paul Cameron discussed in my earlier post). While I still monitor the TVC web site, from time to time, the amount of hate spewing from the site can make one literally feel ill. I would love an opportunity to debate Sheldon on camera and expose him for the liar he is. Last fall when I was in a debate on the Virginia Marriage Amendment sponsored by the Libertarian Party, a member of the audience (who turned out to be on the faculty at Pat Robertson's Regent University) tried to quote some of Paul Cameron's garbage and I was able to shut him down by citing some of the data in my earlier post. All of us need to educate ourselves so that we can expose these liars so that fewer LBGT individuals suffer the horrible death of Matthew Shepard (the photo is of the fence above where Matthew died). Here's Rev. Sheldon's latest poison:

"Homosexual/Drag Queen Hate Crimes Bill On Fast Track
We must defeat H.R. 1592, the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2007, by Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers, Democrat from Michigan.
Without your action, this anti-Christian legislation will pass -- under the guise of hate-crime prevention -- and accomplish the following homosexual goals:

* Silence the Bible-believing Churches, Pastors and Christians
* Criminalize so-called "hate speech," - which is any speech that is critical of homosexuality or cross-dressing behaviors. The suppression of free speech will be justified by the claim that such speech "incites" individuals to commit violence against homosexuals, cross-dressers etc. Any remarks about homosexuality, such as reading Bible passages, preaching on these passages, telling a person they can come out of the homosexual lifestyle, etc. will be deemed critical remarks and will be ruled to be outside the bounds of First Amendment protections for pastors, business owners and individuals.
* Elevate homosexuality and gender confused individuals such as drag queens, cross-dressers, she-males, etc. to the status of federally-protected minorities. These behaviors will be considered equal to race under the federal law.
* Interfere with local law enforcement by elevating every alleged incident of "hate" against a homosexual or cross-dresser into a federal crime.
* Fund anti-Christian curriculum for children K-12, through the U.S. Departments of Education and Justice to promote homosexuality and cross-dressing as normal behaviors."

I find it interesting that Jesus spent most of his time condemning the self-righteous of his time (who acted not unlike Rev. Sheldon) as opposed to condemning so-called "sinners" who did not conform to the legalism and hypocrisy of the the scribes and Pharisees.

Easter Sunday

It’s Easter Sunday, and I have been to Church at First Lutheran Church (FLC) in Norfolk (http://flcnorfolk.com/index.asp) where I have been a member for over four (4) years. It was a beautiful service and it was nice that so many people were warm and welcoming even though I am openly gay. This would never happen in a Catholic Church, especially under the current Nazi Pope. As I will explain later, I left the Catholic Church around the time I came out (which at the time the whole sex abuse scandal was exploding, starting in Boston), since I could no longer stand the lies and hypocrisy of the institutional Catholic Church. I believe it is important for gays to find welcoming churches that understand that being gay is not a choice and that God in his/her wisdom made GLBT people the way there are for HIS purposes and reasons. The homophobia of “Christians” who attack and marginalize gays is basically blasphemy against God’s creation, in my view.

Also, ironically, one of my friends from my “summer life” growing, which will be described in more detail later, attends FLC and I will be going over to her house this afternoon. Tomorrow, I will have an “Easter lunch” with my youngest daughter, Victoria. Overall, it’s a good day so far.