A Repsonse to Parents Abusing Children Through "Ex-Gay" Therapy

Click image to enlarge

I've gone on the record before stating that in my view parents who subject their children to fraudulent "ex-gay" therapy are guilty of a form of child abuse and, in an ideal world, should be prosecuted for felony child abuse.  It's the parents, not the gay child, who need an intervention.  Unfortunately, too often people are reluctant to call out the parent and tell them that they are the one with the "problem."  Not so advice columnist "Ask Amy," who had a wonderful response (which can be viewed here) to one such bigoted parent.  The image above is a copy of the response.   I love that the response suggests that the parent get in touch with the local PFLAG chapter!  Huffington Post noted Amy's spot on advice.  Here are excerpts:

Advice columnist "Ask Amy," otherwise known as Amy Dickinson, had some choice words for a parent who just doesn't know what to do with their gay son, as he just "won’t listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay."

The parent, penned as "feeling betrayed," is extremely concerned about what their church group will think if they find out about their gay son. "I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years -- I have a busy work schedule," the parent explains in their letter.

Dickinson's incredible response to this delusional parent opens with a suggestion to "teach your son an important lesson by changing your own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person’s sexuality is a matter of choice -- to be dictated by one’s parents, the parents’ church and social pressure."

Dickinson's advice comes on the heels of a growing awareness about the dangers of gay conversion therapy, and moves to make the practice illegal in a number of states after it was outlawed in California and New Jersey.

Frankly, if this supposedly concerned parent forgot their child's birthday for three years, it speaks volumes about what a poor parent this individual is.  It seems that this parent is more concerned about them self and "what people will think" than they are about their child.

HRBOR December Second Thursday - 12-13-12

Sorry about the late reminder, but I hope local readers will make an effort to come celebrate the holidays with HRBOR at PNC Bank on Main Street in Downtown Norfolk for a night of business networking and good cheer. Please note that in December only, Third Thursday is moved to the Second Thursday so you can travel or spend more time with your family over the holidays. Again, I hope you are able to join HRBOR tomorrow on Thursday, December 13th, 2012!

 

What: HRBOR Third Thursday Business Networking Event

Event Host and Food & Beverage Sponsor:

PNC Bank/Kathleen Nicholas

Where: PNC Bank, 555 East Main St 1st Floor, Norfolk VA 23510 (757) 892-2400

When: Business Networking: Dec 13th, 6 - 8 pm

Parking: Free Parking in Garage but can not enter parking garage after 7:00 PM, must arrive and park before 7 PM or find alternate parking.

Featured Non-Profit: PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays http://www.facebook.com/pages/PFLAG-NorfolkSouth-Hampton-Roads/302569226426712

Third Thursday Cost: Free to Members, $15 Guest Fee for Guests and Prospective Members

PFLAG Annouces Chapter In Southwest Virginia

As bad as things often seem in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia, things are wonderful compared to the situation in Southwestern Virginia where, frankly, if I had to live there, suicide might indeed look like a most attractive option. During the course of the Michael Moore v. Virginia Museum of Natural History case (Moore was fired by the Museum for being gay and Tom Kaine, now DNC chair did absolutely nothing to enforce his own executive order) I visited Martinsville, Virginia twice. Yes, the area has great physical beauty, but socially, the place is like something out of Deliverance in terms of the attitudes towards LGBT citizens. Indeed, when I returned to Norfolk, it seem the cosmopolitan center of the gay universe in comparison. Living in southwest Virginia must be most grim if one is LGBT. Thankfully, PFLAG has launched a chapter in this region of backwardness and homophobia. It's a much needed addition to what I view as a very bleak landscape - a landscape that does nothing to encourage progressive and imaginative businesses to want relocate to that part of Virginia. As I have stated before, anti-gay bigotry and the embracing of ignorance in general does carry an economic cost. This is a reality that is lost on Southwest Virginia and the occupants of Virginia's governor's mansion and the office of the Attorney General. Out in Roanoke has the details. Here are some highlights:
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PFLAG-Parents. Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays have started a chapter in Southwest Virginia, to be located in Abingdon. The name is PFLAG- Abingdon/Washington County Chapter and will hold its first meeting Thursday, November 11, from 6:30 pm until 8:30 pm, and the second Thursday of each month thereafter, founder Dexter Tenney announced today. The Chapter will serve all of Washington and surrounding counties of Southwest Virginia.
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"Our LGBTQ citizens and their parents have been underserved in this area for too long, and now is the time for change".
The recent incidents of gay teenage suicides have been the catalyst for us taking action now. A support group has been in the planning stages for two years. This should serve as a wakeup call to all Americans; especially in rural areas were LGBTQ support is lacking. We have done our homework and the need is here, right in our own back door.
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Our local chapter website is http://www.wix.com/oscar1029/pflag--virginia-highlands.
. . . . For more information contact Dexter Tenney at 276-614-7319

Swastikas Terrorize Florida PFLAG Activist

While the vandals have not yet been identified, it's likely that the swastikas painted on the garage of PFLAG activist Ruth Dorfman were the work of "Godly Christians" or white supremacists who took offense at Dorfman's recent newspaper columns that urged acceptance and inclusion of families and their LGBT children. It never ceases to amaze me how those who claim to be followers of Christ seem to demonstrate non-stop hate and intolerance rather than love of God and love of neighbor as preached by Christ. Here are some highlights from the Edge on Dorfman's experience:

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Following the publication of a newspaper article on faith, acceptance, and the need to strengthen families and social bonds by rejecting homophobia and persecution, a Jewish PFLAG chairperson found her garage vandalized--with swastikas.Ruth Dorfman, 64, is the Chair of the PFLAG Interfaith Convocation in Naples, Florida. In a May 8 op-ed for the Naples Daily News titled "Does God Hate?," Dorfman wrote, "As a person of faith, I am disappointed when some people try to use God and a handful of isolated words from the Bible as a weapon to separate gay and lesbian children from their faith and even from their families."

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Dorfman referenced a documentary titled, "For the Bible Tells Me So," which takes faith-based persecution of gays and lesbians as its theme. The documentary, noted Dorfman, "utilizes the experience of five normal religious American families to show their faith and beliefs, encourage and require their love for their homosexual children.

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[V]andals responded to the invitation by paying a visit to Dorfman’s home--and vandalizing her garage door.On June 16, Dorfman, who uses a wheelchair and oxygen, went out to collect her morning paper and found that two swastikas had been painted on her garage. Just to make sure Dorfman knew the reason why, the vandals also affixed clippings of her newspaper op-ed to the garage.

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Florida Commission on Human Relations member Mario Valle wrote the newspaper to observe, "I know firsthand that this incident is neither isolated nor unique. Around the nation, individuals are being terrorized because of their sex, religion, race, disabilities, beliefs and a myriad of other things."In our own state, there are over 56 documented hate groups, which ranks Florida third in the nation.

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Once again I am left feeling that religion is more a force for evil in the world than a force for good. WWJD?

Profile: Warrior Mom Colette Beighley

I did a post about the Beighley family back in July, 2007, and how Colette [pictured at right in the photo] had rallied to support her gay son, Ari. I received a nice e-mail from Colette when she discovered the post via one of her sons. She has now been spotlighted in an article in the Grand Rapids Press (http://blog.mlive.com/grpress/2008/02/warrior_mom_colette_beighley.html). It is unfortunate that there are not more mothers like her in terms of loving and accepting their LGBT children. Just ask my blogger friend Java Jones who has taken two gay teens into her home because they had been thrown out by their parents. Not surprisingly, not everyone is supportive of what Colette Beighley is doing, particularly the alleged Christians who use the Bible as an excuse for bigotry and small mindedness. In my view, Colette is a heroine. Here are some story highlights:

A few days after her 16-year-old son, Ari, told her he's gay, Colette Beighley gave him a book, "Coming Out: An Act of Love." He read it, then came downstairs to the kitchen, where his sister was hanging out with a friend. "Thanks, Mom," he told Beighley, then put the book face down on the counter, hiding the title. "I flipped the book over, title facing up," Beighley recalls. "I said, 'Ari, that's not how we're gonna live.'"

Her life hasn't been the same since. Beighley, 50, is the West Michigan field organizer for the Triangle Foundation, Michigan's leading advocacy organization for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. The Detroit-based foundation opened its first-ever office in Grand Rapids a year ago. They didn't interview anyone else for the job, says Sean Kosofsky, Triangle's director of policy. After they heard Beighley's story and saw her passion, he says, they didn't need to.

"She's much more of a warrior mother now," Ari says. "If she sees inequality, she'll go to war for that. She has this sense that what she's doing absolutely has to be done." Beighley has spent the past year getting used to being a public face and voice for a cause that riles a lot of people up. "I've been interviewed a lot of times, but there are stories I've never told," she says. They reveal why she does what she does. It's not just because her son is gay.

They moved to Spring Lake when Ari was 11 months old. David is a Muskegon High School graduate and his family lives in West Michigan. "We thought it would be a lovely place to raise a family," Beighley says. "It is a lovely place to raise a family. Unless your child is gay." In the days after Ari came out, "I went into management mode," Beighley says. "I went to the book store and bought every book on gayness and read them. I sat in the cafe at Schuler Books on Alpine and just wept." She learned about a workshop for families in New Mexico called "The Experience: Coming out Powerfully." "We all got on a plane and went," she says -- David, Colette, Ari, sister Chloe, brother Nathan and his wife, Sarah. Their son Collin couldn't attend, but lent his full support.

"First we told our closest friends," she says. She pauses, looking out her dining room window at the steadily falling snow. "For many, that was the last time we talked to them. "A lot of people hung in there for a while," she says. "Then they wanted us to do something." Do something? "Fix him," she says. "Send him someplace. "I had this belief that once people knew Ari is gay, they'd say, 'I have loved this child his whole life,'" Beighley says. "In this Pollyanna sort of way I thought maybe they would use that opportunity to re-evaluate their beliefs. That it would be an opportunity to see things differently."

In the weeks and months after Ari came out, David, a licensed marriage and family counselor, lost nearly 70 percent of the business at his counseling practice, Beighley Consulting Associates, in Spring Lake. His ministerial license was revoked by the Wesleyan Church. "I remember sitting on the bathroom floor, saying to my husband, 'I only have one path here and that is to be completely out and do it without shame," Beighley says. "I can't be silent about this anymore." She smiles. "If I ever write a book, I'm gonna call it 'Musings from the Bathroom Floor.' "I said to him, 'You may have to make a different choice that honors your faith tradition. And I totally understand if you don't want to go down this road with me. This may be the place where we part."

She is making things happen, says Sean Kosofsky, director of policy at Triangle in Detroit. Beighley works with Concerned Clergy of West Michigan, an organization of supportive pastors and church leaders. She's on the advisory board of the new lesbian and gay resource center at Grand Valley State University. She has befriended state legislators, Kosofsky says, drummed up volunteers and donors and connected with prominent West Michigan people. "She's classy, she's articulate, she's beaming with positive energy," Kosofsky says. "She's a case study for how homophobia can tear apart heterosexuals. What a profound capacity this woman has." Beighley says she would do this work even if she didn't get paid. "This is not a new thing for me," Beighley says. "It's not that suddenly, because my kid is gay, I changed my opinions. But because my kid is gay, I can't be silent."

Here's the link to Colette's blog, Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Gay: http://www.chanceofgay.org/

Dear Abby Supports Gay Marriage, Honored By PFLAG

This upbeat article is from from 365gay.com (http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/10/100907abby.htm) and concerns PFLAG's honoring of gay ally "Dear Abby" (Jeanne Phillips):

What Jeanne Phillips, aka Abigail Van Buren, finds offensive and misguided are homophobic jokes, phrases like "That's so gay," and parents who reject or try to reform their children when they come out of the closet. Her views are the reason she's being honored this week by Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a national advocacy group that provides support for gay people and their families. The original Abby, Phillips' 89-year-old mother, Pauline, helped put PFLAG on the map in 1984 when she first referred a distraught parent to the organization.

Jeanne Phillips, who formally took over the column when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease five years ago, has continued plugging the group, as well as its affiliate for parents with children who identify as transgender, and a suicide hot line aimed at gay teenagers. "I'm trying to tell kids if they are gay, it's OK to be gay. I've tried to tell families if they have a gay family member to accept them and love them as they always have," she said Friday.

Alert "Dear Abby" readers may have noticed that the youthful attitude Phillips promised to bring to the column includes a decidedly gay-friendly take on most matters. In a March 2005 column that touched a nerve with some readers, for instance, Phillips came down unequivocally on the side of scientists who say sexual orientation is a matter of genetics, not personal choice. She advised a mother who had cautioned her 14-year-old daughter to keep her feelings for other girls secret to "come to terms with your own feelings about homosexuality."

Last year, addressing a groom whose gay brother refused to serve as best man or even attend the wedding because he did not have the right to marry, she made it clear her sympathies lay with the boycotting brother. "Accepting the status quo is not always the best thing to do," she wrote. "Women were once considered chattel, and slavery was regarded as sanctioned in the Bible. However, western society grew to recognize that neither was just. Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands and Spain have recognized gay marriage, and one day, perhaps, our country will, too."

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion," said Phillips, who speaks with the no-nonsense tone of someone who is used to settling debates.

Grateful Mother and Accepting Dear Abby

This Dear Abby column is from the Chicago Tribune (http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/columnists/advice/chi-0713abbyjul13,0,6392896.column?coll=chi_home_xpromo) and illustrates why parents should accept their LBGT children. It is a touching story and hopefully parents of gays who are still in the closet to their parents can take a lesson from this mother's experience if and when their children do come out to them:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I raised our two sons and two daughters. One son and both daughters married well. Our other son, "Neil," is gay. He and his partner, "Ron," have been together 15 years, but Neil's father and I never wanted to know Ron because we disapproved of their lifestyle.

When I was 74, my husband died, leaving me in ill health and nearly penniless. No longer able to live alone, I asked my married son and two daughters if I could "visit" each of them for four months a year. (I didn't want to burden any one family, and thought living out of a suitcase would be best for everyone.) All three turned me down. Feeling unwanted, I wanted to die.

When Neil and Ron heard what had happened, they invited me to move across country and live with them. They welcomed me into their home, and even removed a wall between two rooms so I'd have a bedroom with a private bath and sitting room -- although we spend most of our time together.

They also include me in many of their plans. Since I moved in with them, I have traveled more than I have my whole life and seen places I only read about in books. They never mention the fact that they are supporting me, or that I ignored them in the past.

When old friends ask how it feels living with my gay son, I tell them I hope they're lucky enough to have one who will take them in one day. Please continue urging your readers to accept their children as they are. My only regret is that I wasted 15 years. -- GRATEFUL MOMDEAR GRATEFUL

MOM: You are indeed fortunate to have such a loving, generous and forgiving son. Sexual orientation is not a measure of anyone's humanity or worth. Thank you for pointing out how important it is that people respect each other for who they are, not for what we would like them to be.

You could have learned that lesson long ago, had you and your husband contacted Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) when you first learned that Neil was gay. Among other things, the organization offers support groups and education for parents who need to learn more about gender issues. (The address is 1726 M St. N.W., Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036.)