Mormon Church Relaxes Some Anti-Gay Policies

In what ought to be a lesson to the Roman Catholic Church and the Southern Baptist Convention, the Mormon Church is relaxing one of its anti-gay policies that victimized the children of LGBT headed families and barred the children from baptism in the Church.  In conjunction with the Mormon Church's decision to not oppose an LGBT non-discrimination law in Utah, it shows some effort to reconcile Church doctrine with modernity and likely also is a reaction to Utah's sky high teen suicide rate.  A piece in The Atlantic looks at the development.  Meanwhile, Roman Catholic schools continue to throw out children of gays or refuse them enrollment, punishing children for who their parents are.  Here are article highlights:

Tom Christofferson was in the shower on Thursday morning when he missed a phone call with huge implications for the lives of LGBTQ Mormons and their families.

Christofferson is gay. His brother, Todd Christofferson, is a member of the highest body of authority in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Todd was calling Tom to let him know that the LDS Church was about to roll back a controversial 2015 policy that automatically labeled Mormons in same-sex marriages apostates and barred their minor children from being baptized—a rite required for membership in the LDS Church and seen as necessary for eternal salvation. Under the new policy, same-sex marriages are still considered a “serious transgression,” according to a Church announcement, but not definitively apostasy. The children of LGBTQ couples can now be baptized.

The presence of LGBTQ Mormons is an undeniable reality in the LDS Church. The Church acknowledged the widespread pain caused by the former policy: “While we cannot change the Lord’s doctrine, we want our members and our policies to be considerate of those struggling with the challenges of mortality,” said Dallin Oaks, one of two counselors to the president of the LDS Church, in a statement.  

Married LGBTQ Mormons are no longer automatically labeled apostates, and they are put on slightly more even footing with straight couples: “Immoral conduct in heterosexual or homosexual relationships will be treated in the same way,” Oaks wrote in the announcement. Children living with these couples can be baptized, as long as parents know that they will be taught that LGBTQ relationships are wrong.

For many current and former Mormons, however, the consequences of the 2015 policy cannot be undone. Their relationships—with the Church, with their families, and with God—have been irreparably damaged.

LDS leaders consider both the 2015 policy and Thursday’s new policy to be matters of revelation, even though one effectively reverses the other.

But as this new announcement demonstrates, Church leaders clearly heard the objections from LDS community members. In a living faith tradition like Mormonism, relationships—between neighbors, relatives, or, say, a gay Mormon and his brother in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles—have the power to shape the context of revelation.

Even with this new policy change, LGBTQ Mormons occupy a fraught space in LDS life. Those in same-sex relationships, or who have gone through a gender transition, live with the knowledge that their choices are condemned by Church teachings. And for LGBTQ believers, the theological consequences of their sexuality and identity are serious: Mormons teach that families can be bound together for eternity, and LGBTQ families are not included in that vision.

On a practical level, the 2015 policy cut many LGBTQ families off from participation in LDS communities. Parents couldn’t stay even loosely connected to the Church through their children, and some felt that it was cruel for the Church to ostracize kids because of their parents’ choices and identities.

“There was a lot of suffering caused by the policy, and it’s going to be hard for a lot of hearts to heal from that,” says Gustav-Wrathall. Like others, he draws a connection between the policies of the LDS Church and the high rate of suicide among LGBTQ teens in Utah, while acknowledging that it’s impossible to know the cause of most suicides. “What parents must be feeling,” he said, is: “Would my child still be here with me if this policy hadn’t happened?”

Mormons Plan Mass Resignation Over Anti-Gay Policy

Homophobe - Dallas H. Oaks of the Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Perhaps Catholics can learn something from gay Mormons and their supporters.  In the wake of a cruel new policy that will bar children of gays from Mormon Church membership until they are 18 - and have disavowed their parents - many Mormons are planning a mass resignation from the Mormon Church on Saturday.  Faced with the outcry, the gathering of bitter old men who head up the Mormon Church are rumored to be rethinking their action. If one is leading a cult/clique, the last thing you want is mass resignations and the corresponding loss of funds from resigning members.  Another Washington Post story looks at the furor the mean old men in Salt Lake have brought down on themselves.  Here are excerpts:

Advocates for LGBT Mormons say they’re seeing an unprecedented uproar in the past week about a new church policy banning the baptism of same-sex couples’ children and declaring married gay couples apostates. Some longtime advocates say they know dozens of Mormons quitting over the new policy. A public group resignation is planned for Saturday and reports are surfacing that church leadership may already be preparing to tweak the controversial edict.

“I’ve seen lots of painful things, but nothing so widespread, in terms of the devastation and heartbreak. I personally talked to dozens of people who are walking away. And these aren’t people with LGBT ties. These are ardent, faithful, in-the-box believing Mormons who can’t abide this,” said Wendy Montgomery, an Arizona Mormon who has a 17-year-old gay son and who co-founded Mama Dragons, a group for church mothers with gay children.

When the group was founded four years ago it had six members. It now has more than 500. She worked to create groups like Sit With Me Sunday, a program that helps LGBT people who want to come to church but are afraid to connect with someone to take them. The volunteer running it shut it down last week after news broke of the new policy, Montgomery said. “She said, ‘It’s no longer safe to invite them. It’s better if we tell them to run.'”

Before the change, the church’s policy was that same-sex marriage might require discipline and it was usually left up to local leaders. Now that same-sex marriage is legal throughout the country, the church decided to identify those in a same-sex marriage as apostates, or people who renounce their faith. 

Rumors began this week that the church’s 15-man leadership — three in a body called The First Presidency and 12 in a lower-level unit called the Quorum of the Apostles — might change the document following the uproar.

The Salt Lake Tribute on Wednesday cited excommunicated activist John Dehlin as saying a major church governing group “sent out a memo to regional leaders, saying that ‘there will be additional clarification on these changes from the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve [Apostles] in the coming days,'” the Tribune quoted Dehlin as saying.

Former Mormons and others announced Wednesday that there will be a “mass resignation” from Mormonism Saturday at a Salt Lake City park. Critics of the church have in recent years occasionally held public “resignations,” emphasizing LDS bureaucracy that keeps people on the books until they formally quit and hoping to further their cause. 

A Utah lawyer told local station KIVI that he personally is helping more than 1,000 leave the church. You don’t need a lawyer to step away, but because the church is known for its record-keeping and keeping members on their books, some apparently enlist legal help.

Imagine if gay Catholics did the same type of mass resignations in front of  cathedrals around America and across Europe.  The media would eat it up and the PR for the Church would be devastating.  I for one would happily work to organize such events!  I hope the Mormon mass resignation effort is successful.

Coming Out and Becoming a Better Parent

My coming out in mid-life was not easy for me or for my children and truth be told, not divorce is any easy thing for the children involved.  Added to all of the other stresses is the gossip and homophobia that is still far to prevalent in society, especially the conservative community in which I lived in the closeted phase of my life.  I certainly was not a happy person while in the closet and that unhappiness and self-hatred had to spill over into my parenting.  Despite all of the turmoil, I like to think that I am now a far better parent and, I hope my children have learned that they need to live their lives to make themselves happy, not please parents or societal expectations.  In contrast, the Christofascists want gays to remain in marriages that are not working so as to pretend they have "prayed away the gay" and to please their imaginary friend in the sky.  A piece in Huffington Post by a woman who came out later in life reflects some of my thinking on this issue.  Here are article highlights:

I came out in the early 1980s -- into a thriving lesbian community that was fueled by the feminist movement and had some overlap with the gay male community. I always knew that there were different realities for gay people and that many still were in the closet. I dismissed these realities as not being connected to mine. It wasn't until I met Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., and read her books . . . .   that I began to reconsider.

Kaye is an internationally known author and counselor to straight women who are married to gay men. She also counsels closeted gay men on how honesty can help them and their female spouses.

An opinion piece in The New York Times reports that "the openly gay population is dramatically higher in more tolerant states...." Based on factual research, the author concludes, "The evidence also suggests that a large number of gay men are married to women."

Of course, there are also many closeted lesbians who are married to straight men, something that was documented on The Huffington Post.

I came to the conclusion that homophobia is hurting us all -- the straight spouses, the closeted gay or lesbian spouse, the children and particularly the children of closeted gay parents who identify as LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning). Ultimately I was left with more questions than answers. Here Bonnie answers them.

Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed.: My counseling work specializes in straight women who unknowingly married gay men, and gay men who were hoping they were straight and believed marriage would "cure" those attractions for other men. I started this counseling after the end of my own marriage to a gay man in 1978. Since that time, I have worked with over 100,000 people in this situation, 96 percent women and 4 percent gay men.

Kaye: I believe these marriages are toxic. Marriages are based on honest communication, intimacy on a physical and emotional level, and fidelity. A gay husband isn't able to provide this to a woman in a sustaining way, as his urges to be with men heighten as the years go on. In many cases, the husband becomes either emotionally or physically abusive due to his frustration of being in the wrong place with the wrong gender. The marriage needs to end because both parties are losing out on what they deserve. However, families can be "redefined" after divorce and remain close as each partner has a chance to find his and her true soul mate. 

Kaye: Living a lie takes its toll on the whole family unit. They say that secrets destroy families, and this is certainly true. Most children are so sophisticated today that they learn the secret before their mothers do. Then they become keepers of the secret, which tears them apart. If they tell their mothers, they fear it will destroy her life. If they don't tell her, they feel a sense of betrayal because their father is cheating. 

Kaye: Children who are gay struggle so much more with dishonest gay parents. Children can sense or know when they have a gay father. His rejection of their homosexuality makes their struggle that much more difficult. They start feeling that "If even my gay father won't accept me, how will others?" 

Kaye: Straight spouses need to find support to go through this grieving process in order to move on. Gay partners have to learn that they have the responsibility to help with the collateral family damage that will take place once this revelation is out. The beginning is always filled with turmoil and angry feelings, but the goal should be to redefine the family but work together as much as possible. Sadly, many gay partners are so happy to finally be "free" they pursue what they feel they've missed for so many years and don't provide that support.

I do not have gay children and I did not cheat on my former wife for years as many closeted men seem to do - just check out Craigslist and other sites to see the large number of cheating married men - but life in the closet was emotionally and psychologically exhausting.   Especially when you factor in the toxic religious brainwashing I suffered growing up Catholic.  For children, being honest and genuine is so important, yet it is something you cannot give when you are lying to yourself and those around you.  Again, I believe coming out ultimately made me a better parent.  Certainly a far more honest parent.

Focus on the Family Again Seeks to Censor Gay Inclusive School Books

Offering yet more proof that the Christofascists at Focus on the Family - which seems to be working hard to earn a hate group designation - want gays to literally disappear, a new push has been mounted to stir up "godly" wingnut parents to challenge any curriculum content that might acknowledge the existence of LGBT people.   How this approach prepares children in a diverse culture is, of course, never addressed.  Nor does it face the reality that many of these same parents unknowingly are raising gay children of their own.  All it really shows is the mental healt issues of people like FOTF spokeswoman Candi Cushman (pictured above).   Think Progress looks at this latest batshitery.  Here are highlights:

With the school year set to resume, Focus on the Family is once again encouraging parents to censor any curriculum content that might acknowledge the existence of LGBT people. Focus’s “Empowering Parents” guide teaches families how to navigate all the hurdles they might have to jump in order to remove LGBT-inclusive materials from the classroom. In a conversation with Stuart Shepard set up by the question, “What do you when what your public school is teaching about relationships is out of sync with God’s design for relationships?”, Candi Cushman explained that it’s “Orwellian” to talk to young people about LGBT families:

CUSHMAN: In math class for instance, there is a lesson plan material out there called, “Ready, Set, Respect.” This is created by one of the largest homosexual advocacy groups, called GLSEN, the Gay Lesbian, and Straight Education Network. Let me just give you an example of what they recommend for educators: “Write math problems with contexts that include a variety of family structures and gender expressions.” And so the example they then give is, “Give a math problem about Rosa and her dads going to the grocery store.”

Cushman believes such curriculum is “Orwellian” because her definition of family does not include same-sex couples and their children. The reality is that for many children — an estimated 2 million — their families do include either same-sex parents or at least one gay parent and possibly a same-sex step parent. Cushman would prefer they not see their families represented in class.

What’s truly Orwellian is erasing those families and attempting to use public schools as a form of propaganda to hide the existence of LGBT people. There may well be LGBT students in the classroom, who deserve to see diverse representations that include their own identities. Focus on the Family calls these efforts “true tolerance,” but the first step to tolerance is acknowledging that a group of people exist and beginning to appreciate their life experiences.

News Flash to the GOP: Yes, Gay Families Do Exist.

This picture says it all and is an example of a growing trend.  While these gay dads are celebrities, they are part of an increasingly visible number of same sex headed families.  Will the GOP and Christofascists - and the U. S. Supreme Court - accept reality?

Roanoke Club to Allow "Household" Memberships After Lawsuit by Gay Couple

The Christianists always pretend to be "concerned about the children" even as their anti-gay policies and bigotry deliberately harm the children of same sex couples.  The latest example of this standard practice of harming children to punish same sex couples took place in Roanoke, Virginia where the Roanoke Athletic Club rescinded membership to Will Trinkle and Juan Granados (pictured below) once their status as a gay couple was realized.  The ultimate victim of the club's bigotry?  Their young child.  A similar situation arose in Norfolk a few years ago when a lesbian couple was denied membership in the Mallory Country Club.  The couple had sought a family membership so that their daughter could swim at the club's pool with other neighborhood children.  The Roanoke couple, unlike the Norfolk mothers, filed suit against the RAC and Carilion (which owns the club), claiming they applied for a family membership that was accepted and later withdrawn.  As the Virginian Pilot reports:

In a statement, Trinkle said he'd been told by an unnamed Carilion representative "they were 'tightening policies' so no families like us would ever 'get as far' as we had."

The suit drew considerable public attention, including a petition posted on Change.org in support of Trinkle that today listed more than 50,000 signatures.

Faced with the lawsuit and withering negative national publicity, the RAC announced via Facebook that it was changing its policies:

Our goal has been, and always will be to encourage and inspire health and wellness among all members of the communities we serve.

In keeping with this goal, and in recognition of the many contemporary households that can benefit from our facilities through discounted membership fees, we are pleased to announce that we have expanded our Family Membership into a new Household Membership with the following criteria:

Household Membership:

A household consists of a primary member and up to one additional household member that permanently lives in the household, and any of their dependent children under the age of 22 who also reside in the household on a permanent basis.

Club dues will not change; dues for the Household Membership will be the same as the Family Membership it is replacing. There is no requirement to amend your membership, but should this change be advantageous to you, please contact our sales office. If we may answer any questions, do not hesitate to contact us.

Sadly some of the comments on the Virginian Pilot article demonstrate that there are lost of knuckle dragging bigots in Hampton Roads.  The Gospel message of love of others and not judging others is totally lost on these self-righteous, self-congratulatory assholes.

APA Blasts Biased Wingnut Funded Report on Gay Parents

Since its release the far right funded "study" on gay parenting has been increasingly ripped apart for its flawed methodology and bizarrely fabricated "sample" of children of LGBT parents.  Like many of the right wing funded faux studies, it seemed to decide what it wanted to conclude and then cooked the data to support the preordained result.  Box Turtle Bulletin has another good take down on the "report" and the American Psychological Association ("APA") has joined the fray and slammed the study and rejected its conclusions.   First, these highlights from The Advocate on the APA's slamming of the biased report:

A recent study called into question the ability of gay parents to raise well-rounded children, but the report has been widely blasted as biased, manipulative, and agenda-based. Now the American Psychological Association has stepped in to reiterate its belief that gay parents are just as good as straight parents.

"On the basis of a remarkably consistent body of research on lesbian and gay parents and their children, the American Psychological Association and other health, professional, and scientific organizations have concluded that there is no scientific evidence that parenting effectiveness is related to parental sexual orientation," the APA announced on its website earlier this week. "That is, lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive and healthy environments for their children. This body of research has shown that the adjustment, development, and psychological well-being of children are unrelated to parental sexual orientation and that the children of lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish."

The APA was responding to the "New Family Structures Study," which called into question the effectiveness of gay parenting.  .  .  .  .  . for the most part, the paper doesn't even look at same-sex couples raising a child together in a longterm committed relationship."

Many of the study's children considered to be raised in gay households were not being raised by parents in a committed same-sex relationship, whereas many of the children in heterosexual households had two married parents. Children of parents who had at one time in their lives been in a same-sex relationship were considered to be part of a "gay household." 

It comes as no surprise that NOM and the Mormon Church have jumped on the flawed study as support for their demonizing of LGBT individuals and families.   As noted, Box Turtle Bulletin looks at the study's author as he proves unable to refute the blistering attacks.  Here are excerpts:

Children whose “moms had a lesbian relationship” weren’t necessarily “raised in a same-sex household” — the children might have never even met their mother’s lesbian partner, much less have been raised by her. Jim Burroway has done some great work pointing this out, and I’d like to extend it. In fact, I’d like to go so far as to show that Regnerus himself admits that he has, well, nothing.

Regnerus’s team interviewed 15,058 people. Few of them had a gay parent; even fewer lived with their gay parent’s partner for a significant time; and fewer still came from what Regnerus calls a “‘planned’ gay family.”

A couple points:

• Regnerus is fond of talking about “lesbian mothers” and “gay fathers,” but he defines them as adults who have ever had a same-sex romantic relationship, even if it only happened once, even if it only lasted a few days.

• Regnerus has no data on “planned gay families.” He derived those numbers from looking at “respondents who claimed that (1) their biological parents were never married or lived together, and that (2) they never lived with a parental opposite-sex partner or with their biological father.” The numbers are a guess.

Back to those numbers, though. Regnerus obviously can’t draw any conclusions male same-sex parenting based on a sample of less than 1. How about lesbian same-sex parenting? Is his sample of 30-45 respondents enough to significantly describe the broader population?  No. Not unless the total nation-wide population of adults raised by two lesbian parents is about 50 or fewer.

Now here’s why this is so ugly.

• In the study’s introduction, Regnerus frames it as an examination of same-parenting and a corrective to flaws in earlier, positive studies on same-sex parenting.

• But Regnerus’s data on same-sex parenting contains the same sample-size flaws for which he which criticized those other studies.

• So once he leaves his introduction and enters analysis, he abandons all pretense of studying same-sex parenting and focuses instead on parents who have ever had a same-sex romantic relationship, regardless of whether they raised a child with that same-sex partner.

• Nevertheless, he does not correct his introduction in order to frame the issue properly.

• And finally, he grants interviews to conservative outlets, claiming that his study shows the harm of same-sex parenting, even though his own words, in his own study, demonstrate that he knows his sample size is just too damn small to say anything with confidence.

Indeed, Regnerus' work is reminiscent of the biased crap that Paul Cameron has churned out over the years to provide the anti-gay Christofascists with faux expert "studies" to support their unrelenting campaign of anti-gay hate and bigotry.  One has to in fact wonder how a reputable university could allow a faculty member to turn out a report that will result in little but embarrassment and derision.

Right Wing Think Tank Funds Ant-Gay Parenting Study

It appears that the tactics of Paul Cameron are alive and well in conservative circles when it comes to cooking the data to get the result that one wants.  This study seeks to prove that children of raised in homes with same sex couples do not fair as well as those in the homes of heterosexual couple homes.  Never mind, of course, that a happy heterosexual headed home isn't an option for millions of children.  With a $695,000 grant from the Witherspoon Institute and a supplemental $90,000 grant from the Bradley Foundation, ultra-conservative  Mark Regnerus has produced a made to order study for the Christofascists to further denigrate gay and lesbian parents.  As Jim Burroway at Box Turtle Bulletin notes, there are many methodological problems with the study even when puts aside the likely agenda of the study's author and financiers.  Moreover, while the study gushes over the "elevated stability and benefits of a heterosexual households" it ignores the decreased stability of same sex households that stems directly from the strenuous efforts to deny gays and lesbian legal protections taken for granted in the straight world.  Nor does it look at the consequences faced by children who constantly hear their parents maligned and described as perverts, would be child molesters or worse.  

Not surprisingly, the folks at NOM are in near orgasm over the studies anti-gay findings as is the Mormon Church owned Deseret News (The New Civil Rights Movement looks at this disgust rejoicing) . Frankly, it's more of the same old blame the victim for the adverse consequences of the tormentor.  Here are highlights from Jim Burroway's review of the problems with the study:

Problem #1: Identifying a Same-Sex Relationship Doesn’t Tell Us Anything About the Nature of the Relationship.
But this is where we run into the first problem with this study. Identifying a parent who has had a same-sex relationship is not the same as identifying a parent who is gay, lesbian or bisexual in a functional relationship.  .   .   .   .  What criteria does he use to judge whether those relationships are “gay or lesbian in content”? We don’t know. I can’t find any indication that the duration of the relationship played any factor in its identification.

[Y]ou can see where this is headed, can’t you? We will be asked to accept as legitimate the comparison of children raised by parents in those less stable and unenduring situations with stable, longtime married heterosexual parents without knowing the answers to those question. So already, Regnerus puts that comparison in starkly unequal footing.

Problem #2: Arbitrary Decisions in Dealing with Overlaps Between Categories Make the LM [lesbian mother] and GF [gay father] Categories Heterogeneous While the Other Categories Remain Relatively Homogeneous.


Regnerus’s decision to arbitrarily force his sample into non-overlapping categories results in a method is based solely on a desire to increase the size of the smaller group, a goal which has nothing to do with the study’s larger goal of comparing children of gay and lesbian parents to those of intact biological families. In fact, he makes choices which, by their very nature, run explicitly counter to that goal. With each transfer of a subject from the Divorced, Step Families, Single Parent or “All Others” categories into LM or GF, the less those LM and GF groups are designed to look like intact biological families.

I understand Regnerus’s problem with having a sample of lesbian mothers and gay fathers that is too small to make statistical comparisons with the control group. But the proper solution to that problem would have been to go back to Knowledge Networks for another round of sample recruitment. Then perhaps he could have compared children of gay and lesbian parents who had been brought up in a stable environment with children of heterosexual parents in a stable environment. He could have also compared children of gay and lesbian parents in unstable environments with their heterosexual counterparts.


But instead, he undertakes a manipulation which I believe represents the fatal flaw of this study. If one wanted to intentionally create Lesbian Mothers and Gay Fathers groups which were least likely to look like an intact biological family, I can’t imagine a better way to do so than to take the steps Regnerus has taken here. 

And now having done this, he’s about to compare two deliberately heterogeneous categories (LM and GF) to a deliberately homogeneous category. Well of course there will be differences once you do that!

Problem #3: It Doesn’t Study Children Who Grew Up In Gay- or Lesbian-Led Households.Marriage equality proponents will trumpet this study as proof that children raised by loving, committed, married same-sex couples will have more problems than those who are raised by both biological parents in a heterosexual household. But the samples that Regnerus put together to compare to the ideal heterosexual household cannot make such a claim because it says almost nothing about committed same-sex couples who, together, decide to become parents via adoption, in-vitro fertilization or surrogacy.

[T]o have a legitimate comparison, you’d have to look at children whose experience in that same-sex family was, for all intents and purposes, in place for their entire or almost entire childhoods. After all, that is the experience of children from intact biological heterosexual families.  But in this study, only 57% said they had lived with their mother and her partner for at least four months before the age of 18, and only 23% reported living with their father and his partner for the same length of time. Only 23% of LM children and 2% of GF children reported living with their parents and their parents’ same-sex partners for three years or more.

Problem #4: This Study Makes The Wrong Comparison.
When you look at the data, the study’s real findings become obvious. Children of parents who have had a same-sex relationship — a group that includes very large numbers of children of divorced parents, single parents, adopted parents, step-parents and “other” family structures — have developmental outcomes which are remarkably similar to children of divorced, single, adopted, step-, and “other” family structures overall when compared to intact, non-adoptive heterosexual families. Regnerus designed his study to show this result by constructing samples which mimicked these characteristics. By constructing his LM and GF samples the way he did, the only legitimate comparison he could make would be to children of divorced, single, adopted, step-, and “other” family structures. But that’s not the comparison he made. He focused the study on making the wrong comparison, and then concluded that children of gay and lesbian parents have more negative outcomes than children of straight parents in intact households.

Instead of making an apples to apples comparison, he compared apples to elephants and concluded that there was a difference. To which anyone with a minimal understanding of design of experiments would answer, Duh!

But when you make the right comparison — compare children of divorced gay parents to children of divorced straight parents, compare children of single gay parents to children of single gay parents, compare children of long-term committed gay parents to children of long-term straight parents — there is nothing in this study to suggest that children of gay parents are at any disadvantage whatsoever to children of straight parents. And when you make the right comparison, the study goes much further toward confirming that conclusion than the one Regnerus arrives at.

Once again, I find myself stunned by the deliberate dishonesty of  Christianist enemies of LGBT individuals and our families.  They gush about their religiosity and piety but in the end prove themselves to be pathological liars who make the Pharisees in the Bible look like pillars of righteousness.  These people truly make me physically sick.  And then there's this on the financing for the "study":

I made a brief mention of the huge amount of money that was spent on this study, a sum that comes to $785,000. The lion’s share came from the Witherspoon Institute, a think tank in Princeton, New Jersey (and not affiliated with Princeton University). Members of the Institute include Robert P. George, who drafted the Manhattan Declaration and whose recent paper in The Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy on same-sex marriage was critiqued at length by BTB’s Rob Tisinai. The Withersoon Institute reportedly has close associations with such organizations as the National Organization for Marriage, the Family Research Council, and the secretive Catholic order Opus Dei. George also sits on the board of directors for the Bradley Foundation, which also provided funds for this study. The Bradley Foundation is considered one of the country’s largest and most influential right-wing foundations, although its contribution to this study is “only” $90,000.

This is like having the KKK finance a study on African Americans that - surprise, surprise - finds blacks are inferior.  One can only hope that this study is quickly ripped apart and totally discredited.

Same Sex Marriage - For Obama, It’s About the Children

The far right and the Christofascists blather on and on how same sex marriage "deprives children of a mother and father."  Never mind, of course, that many children already don't have both a mother and father in their lives or that leaving children in foster homes causes incredible damage to children.  And then there are all of the children being raised by same sex couples.  These children likewise are not going to somehow magically disappear if same sex marriage is barred.  Yet from the view of the Christofascists and their political whores in the GOP, it's better to punish these children and leave them without financial security and in many cases health care coverage than allow their parents to have CIVIL law marriage rights.  This contempt for children, of course, is not limited to children of same sex parents since the Christofascists also generally support the draconian GOP budget proposals that would punish the poor and needy, including children, while giving the wealthy huge tax breaks.  It's a bizarre world view for those who claim to be "Christians" but whom utterly ignore most of the Gospels' message.  It's a reason why I increasingly view Christians as best known for their hate and callousness towards others.  The New York Times looks at how the needs of children has played into Barack Obama's endorsement of same sex marriage:

[L]ast week, President Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage. As he discussed his journey toward that position, the president sounded many familiar themes, like the importance of distinguishing between civil and religious marriage and of living up to American ideals of fairness. At the core of his narrative, however, was a relatively novel element — an affirmation of gay couples as parents.

The president repeatedly attributed his “evolution” to his contact not only with gay couples but also with their children. He described thinking about staff members “who are incredibly committed, in monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together.” He discussed meeting same-sex couples and seeing “how caring they are, how much love they have in their hearts — how they’re taking care of their kids.”

Later in the interview, he wondered whether opponents of same-sex marriage had “had the experience that I have had in seeing same-sex couples who are as committed, as monogamous, as responsible — as loving a group of parents as any heterosexual couple that I know. And in some cases, more so.”

The president’s invocation of children as a reason to support same-sex marriage is striking. His position may be controversial among some gay individuals, who, like some straight individuals, do not want their right to marry to be linked in any way to procreation. Yet a strong justification for the president’s stance can be found in the argument it implicitly seeks to rebut. Traditionally, the well-being of children has appeared squarely on the other side of the ledger, functioning as the prime secular argument against same-sex marriage.

The problem with characterizing same-sex marriage as being solely about “companionship and personal fulfillment” is that it suggests that same-sex couples will not become parents. Yet according to the 2010 census, one-quarter of same-sex households are raising children.

The president has asserted that gay parenting is something to be affirmed, rather than denigrated. In doing so, he has used the largest bully pulpit in the nation to assert that concern for children is a reason to support, rather than to oppose, same-sex marriage.

By supporting same sex marriage and showing concern for the children of same sex couples, Obama - in my view - has demonstrated that he's a far better Christian than those who wrap themselves in religiosity and wear their religion on their sleeves and then proceed to make hatred and fear and outright meanness the hallmarks of their supposed religious faith.

Wedding Wishes to My Daughter and New Son-in-Law

Today has been a strange day - my oldest daughter got married to her long time boyfriend (they are pictured above in a photo from a few months ago) and none of the rest of us were there. Things happened very, very quickly. No sooner did they become formally engaged than the specter of new orders appeared and, in order to make sure my daughter qualified for spousal benefits, they got married while on a previously planned spring break trip to Las Vegas. Come summer, they will have a big party here in Virginia. He's a good guy and I hope he recognizes the treasure he's found in my daughter.

I wish them much happiness together and welcome my new son into my family. Yes, despite what the Christianists like to maintain, we in the LGBT community DO have families - just like everyone else. And we love our children dearly. In fact, I count my children as my greatest accomplishment. As soon as photos from this afternoon's event are available, I will post some more.

Valentine's Day Videos That Show the Meaning of Love

Valentine's Day is about love. Yes, it's hard to remember at times in states like Virginia where hate and bigotry seem to be in ascendancy. But over time I like to think that love - as opposed to hatred of others will prevail. In keeping with today's theme of love, I want to highlight two videos that seek to demonstrate that we are all the same whether we are gay or straight - notwithstanding what the Christian Right and professional Christian set may allege to the contrary. The first video is entitled The Wedding Dance and looks at gay parenting. As a gay parent myself, I fully believe that children of gays stack up as well or better than those raised in Christianist households, Here's the video clip:

The second video comes from Italy - it's in Italian - and looks at the issue of the need for marriage equality in that country. Andy Towle notes as follows on the video:

Remember Australia's "It's Time" marriage equality video? Well, think of this as Italy's version.

A first-of-its-kind video raises the issue of marriage equality in Italy just in time for Valentine's Day. It's called "I'll Marry You" and it's named for a well-known song by Lorenzo 'Jovanotti' Cherubini, who offered the use of it to LGBT rights group Arcigay for this clip, which draws attention to the need for marriage equality in that country. The video took four months to make, according to Italian paper La Republicca and tells the story of a young gay couple who gets married and another lesbian couple who gets engaged at their wedding. The video is sponsored by Arcigay and AGEDO (the Italian version of PFLAG, as well as Bologna Pride).

Here's the video:

Ti sposerò - Gay Marriage from WEDDINGITALIA FILM on Vimeo.

Reflections of a Gay Father

Two weeks ago when the boyfriend and I were in New York City we saw the Broadway show "Priscilla Queen of the Desert." At the time I mentioned a line in the show that hit home with me in a special way. It was the scene in the show when the character Tick says that marrying and fathering a son was "the best mistake that I ever made." With my three wonderful children, I feel that way every day notwithstanding the psychological hell of my years in the closet and the arduous aspects of my coming out journey. I guess I am feeling particularly sensitive because it's my son's birthday today. Since he lives in Washington State (the photo above is from a couple years ago when he hiked the entire Appalachian Trail, finishing the 2,176 mile trek on my birthday) the distance between us has made me all the more conscious of his special day. I hope he knows he's in my heart and mind always. Happy Birthday, son!!

Father's Day Reflections - And A Message of Hope

Recently, I've received e-mails from individuals who are in the coming out process - some of whom are married to straight spouses and have children. Needless to say, one of their huge fears is how the whole journey will impact their relationships with their children. It's an issue that consumed huge amounts of emotional energy when I was struggling with my own coming out journey. The good news is that no matter how tumultuous the process may be and how distraught you find yourself, as the saying goes, it gets better. As the gay parent, time is on your side - even if it doesn't seem that way during your darkest moments. Patience - something I do NOT excel in - is key and you need to be mindful that what the situation may be today doesn't mean that things will always be that way.

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Yesterday the boyfriend and I had a wonderful dinner with my two daughters and my younger daughter's boyfriend and his young daughter. We all enjoyed each others company and talked about all the sorts of things one does at a family get together. It's an experience that I once feared I'd never have again with my children. But, as my therapist once lectured me over and over, with time, all of us have moved on and reconnected as the trauma of a vicious divorce has receded into the past.
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Does my experience mean that some of these readers who have contacted me won't go through a private Hell along the way? Not at all. But it does mean that if they persevere and remain their for their children, in time the children will figure it out. It may not happen as quickly and smoothly as desired, but I believe it will happen. I hope that these struggling individuals can hang onto the knowledge that - just as I experienced - it will get better and a new normalcy complete with happiness will eventually take over.

Virginian Pilot Slams Opponents of Gay Adoption

In a move that I applaud - even I'm admittedly a bit surprised by it - the Virginian Pilot's main editorial today takes to task The Family Foundation, Bob McDonnell, Ken Cuccinelli, Bob Marshall and others who would maintain anti-gay bigotry in Virginia's adoption regulations. The Pilot also correctly states that those who want tax dollars have to make a choice: either cease discriminating against tax paying citizens or give up the public money. You do not get to have it both ways. It's a theme I agree with 100% and advocate for often. Private and religious organizations can do what they wish until they accept that first tax dollar. Then the rules change. No one forces them to act as agents of the Commonwealth and if they decide to do so, banning religious based discrimination is the price these organizations have to pay to be on the public tit. The whines and shrieks of discrimination against those who want to in fact practice discrimination themselves is a lie and the Pilot calls them out. Here are some editorial highlights:
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Religious groups and a state delegate have stirred up a flurry of misinformation regarding a proposed change to state adoption regulations.
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They argue the revision would permit gay couples to adopt children in Virginia. The assertion is patently false, and it raises questions about why they would argue otherwise.
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Officials with the Virginia Department of Social Services and its governing board say the reference to sexual orientation clarifies the existing right of an individual who is gay to adopt a child as a single person. Some social conservatives may want to bar such adoptions, but the General Assembly rejected a blanket ban in 2005.
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Comments filed with the Department of Social Services suggest that some religious organizations, however, are now turning away prospective parents based on sexual orientation, whether real or perceived.
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Allowing religious organizations to discriminate in privately funded adoptions may be an appropriate accommodation of religious freedom, and the practice is not prohibited under federal law, but subsidizing those groups with tax dollars is an unnecessary and avoidable advancement of faith.
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Gov. Bob McDonnell contributed to confusion over the regulations by expressing sympathy for opponents without contradicting their misrepresentations, even though they have been rebutted by members of his own administration.
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The governor has stated that he prefers to retain existing adoption regulations, but doing so would preserve the current ambiguity about public funding for discriminatory practices.
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McDonnell should acknowledge that this is as much a battle over state money as it is about gay rights. And he should make sure every adoption agency understands that if they don't like the rules, they'll have to do without taxpayer dollars.

Teaching Kids About Gay Marriage - The False Bogey Man

One of the goals of public schools ought to be teaching children about the real world and how to cope with a rapidly changing society. That's not to say instruction shouldn't be age appropriate, but pretending that things and entire classes of people do not exist is not going to help children as they mature. Yet erasing LGBT people from view is precisely what the National Organization for marriage ("NOM") and other similar anti-gay organizations want to do. Like it or not, more and more gays are living out and proud and many more of us are parenting children of all ages. Children WILL learn about gays and gay relationships via the Internet, watching the local news or even glancing through newspapers and magazines. Or by way of knowing other children with same sex parents. This is simple real world reality. Nonetheless, the false bogey man used time and time again by NOM and its hate merchant allies is that allowing gays to legally marry will lead to five year olds learning about gay sex. Of course, such is story lines are lie - as is most of the filth self-enriching professional Christians disseminate. Queerty looks at this disingenuous phenomenon and here are some highlights:
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Continuing its strategy of scaring families into thinking same-sex marriage will lead to the recruitment of their children into the homosexual lifestyle, the National Organization for Marriage has been mailing out brochures to Rhode Island voters claiming "Imposing same-sex marriage has consequences," consequences that allegedly include, "Massachusetts’ public schools teach kids as young as kindergartners about gay marriage. Parents have no legal right to object!"
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So what if schools are telling children about gay marriages? And that they're legal in some states, and illegal and others. And that they're the unions of two loving people. Teachers are not telling students AND THEN THE TWO MEN FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE ASSHOLE, the same way they aren't teaching "kids as young as kindergartners" that mommy spreads her legs for daddy's third leg.
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[W]e could only hope NOM is right: that teachers and administrators feel comfortable enough about same-sex marriage to relay to kids that, hey, yeah, this is something that's happening out there, and it's perfectly okay. It's not enough to say NOM's claims are unfounded. It's time to say the only reasonable way to move forward is to normalize same-sex marriage in the eyes of kids, at least as much as they see opposite-sex marriage as de rigueur.
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We'll be a lot further along when we show that kids really don't have a problem with gay couples, even married ones, and there is nothing to be scared of.

U. S. Passport Applications To Show Same-Sex Parents: Wingers Go Crazy

The U. S. State Department has decided to make U.S. passport application forms "gender neutral" which is a simple acknowledgement that not all families have a male parent and a female parent in their make up. It's a simple reflection of reality, but it's caused the spittle to fly among the hate group set such as Family Research Council which released a press release fulminating against the State Department's decision. Apparently, any acknowledgement that same sex couples head families in the real world is just too much for the likes of the Klan loving Tony Perkins. To these haters, the existence of gay headed families is supposed to be something that remains invisible to their fantasy based world. First, here are highlights from the Washington Post on the State Department action:

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Goodbye, Mom and Dad. Hello, Parent One and Parent Two. . . . The change is "in recognition of different types of families," according to a statement issued just before Christmas that drew widespread attention Friday after a Fox News report.
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The new policy is a win for gay rights groups, a vocal and financially generous Democratic voting bloc that has pushed for the change since Barack Obama began his presidential transition in late 2008. The decision follows last month's vote to end the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, which gay leaders consider one of *
their biggest victories in years.
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Fred Sainz, vice president of the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights advocacy group, called the news "a positive step forward for all American families. It was time that the federal government acknowledged the reality that hundreds of thousands of kids in this country are being raised by same-sex parents."
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As noted, Tony Perkins - for whom the media continues to shamelessly provide a platform - is not happen and the hate group which he heads issued a press release. Here's a sampling of Perkins' whining and ranting:
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"Only in the topsy-turvy world of left-wing political correctness could it be considered an 'improvement' for a birth-related document to provide less information about the circumstances of that birth. Yet that is the result of the State Department's decision to remove the words 'mother' and 'father' from Consular Reports of Birth Abroad.
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"This is clearly designed to advance the causes of same-sex 'marriage' and homosexual parenting without statutory authority, and violates the spirit if not the letter of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). But it does so at the expense of fundamental biological reality - and social reality as well.
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"President Obama's Justice Department is purposefully failing to defend the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in the courts, so it is little surprise that his State Department would show the same disrespect for U.S. law. The House of Representatives should take their oversight rule very seriously and intervene in both these circumstances."
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Perkins can rant all he wants but the reality is that same sex couple headed families are only going to increase in numbers as time goes by. If FRC were a real charitable organization rather than a hate group, all the money expended on anti-gay activities would be used to provide for the poor, hungry and homeless.

Gay Parenting - The Pain, the Joy and the Pride

I know that a number of my readers were married like I was and that the coming out and divorce process is horrific in many cases to say the least. One of the most painful aspects emotionally is the distance that can develop with one's children and the all too easily embraced feeling that one has failed them as a parent. I certainly experienced much of this myself.

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The good news is that time is on the side of the gay parent. My therapist and others stated this repeatedly to me during some of my darkest days and it turned out to be true. I have a wonderful relationship now with my youngest daughter - pictured here giving a wedding toast - and I am also back in communication and better terms with my other two children. I view the three of them as the most successful aspect of my entire life. I sincerely hope that others who are currently experiencing very dark times will hang onto the knowledge that it does get better. Perhaps not as quickly as we would like, but again, time is on your side. I urge each of you currently feeling lost and thinking that all is over to take a deep breath, step back, and try to be patient.

Legal Loopholes Rob Children of Gays of Rights and Protections.

The Irish Times has a story on an Irish report into the experiences of children of gay parents reveals the closeness of such families, but also the anguish caused by legal loopholes that rob them of basic rights. While the report looks at situations in Ireland, the parallels with the USA and anti-gay states such as Virginia in particular are many fold. Sadly, Christianists have no qualms about injecting homophobia into the civil laws and punishing children merely because they have same sex parents - yet another illustration that Christianity is not a positive in the lives of many people. Indeed, it is yet another example of extremist religious belief constituting an active evil (and why each time I read such stories, I slip further away from wanting to be associated with Christians whatsoever). Here are some story highlights:
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Tomorrow marks the launch of a groundbreaking report from the organisation Marriage Equality called Voices of Children . The report documents for the first time the experiences of children growing up in Ireland with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) parents. The often complex social and legal issues raised in the report will be discussed at a one-day conference being held as part of the launch.
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Like the other young people interviewed for the report – there were 12 participants, all of them the children of lesbian couples, in what is a modest qualitative research study – Barry believes it is important that awareness is raised about their legally precarious status.
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The recently published Civil Partnership Act does not give children of civil partners the same rights as those of married people. Nor does it recognise the relationship between a child and its non-biological civil-partnered parent. The children of gay parents are left in limbo with regard to a range of issues such as the protection of the family home, maintenance, succession rights, divorce, guardianship and custody.
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Does having gay parents mean they are more likely to be gay? This question makes Christine Irwin-Murphy (22) from Darndale in Dublin laugh out loud. “I just find that question hilarious; it always makes me laugh,” she says. “Sexuality is not predetermined by what your parents are. It’s who you are and who you find attractive or, more importantly, who you don’t find attractive.
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Having an unconventional family arrangement made school life difficult for many of the children in the group, except where they attended a more progressive school or had teachers who were “nice” enough to respect their families. The report contains several examples of everyday homophobia, especially concerning the policy in some schools not to let sick children go home with their non-biological parent.
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Another example was one group member’s memory of being discriminated against by her friend’s homophobic parent with the apparent approval of the school principal. “That friend’s parents found out that I had a gay mother, and went into school and told the principal that she didn’t want her child playing with that other child. And the principal actually accepted that,” she said.
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Young people in LGBT families are excluded from adoption and Civil Partnership legislation, despite warnings from the Ombudsman for Children that this could give rise to violations of international human rights. For campaigners, the upcoming referendum on children’s rights is an opportunity to address these very real concerns.

Stanford Study: Children of Gay Parents Do Just Fine

Another study by a top flight university has shot another major whole in the Christianists whining that children need a mother and a father in order to develop properly. This time the study is from Stanford University and it confirms what was found by a recent study done at the University of Virginia. The bottom line is that other than Christianist witch doctor like experts, there is no credible evidence to back up the anti-gay parent talking points recited ad nausea by Maggie Gallagher, Tony Perkins, Tim Wildmon, Robert Knight and the other parasites of the professional Christian organizations. They can whine all they want but their opinion - and that's all it is - boils down to two things: religious belief and bigotry. Oh, and maybe a desire to live well without having to have a real job. Here are highlights from Stanford University News on this latest study:
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In nearly every discussion, debate or lawsuit about gay marriage, the talk at some point turns to family values. Do gay couples make for good parents?
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The answers usually depend on who's giving them, and come dressed in anecdotes and colored by bias. But Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld brings something new to the conversation: facts and figures derived from the country's largest data bank – the U.S. Census.*
In a study published this month in the journal Demography, Rosenfeld concludes that children being raised by same-sex couples have nearly the same educational achievement as children raised by married heterosexual couples.
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"The census data show that having parents who are the same gender is not in itself any disadvantage to children," he said. "Parents' income and education are the biggest indicators of a child's success. Family structure is a minor determinant."
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Rosenfeld's study shows that children of gay and married couples had lower grade-repetition rates than their peers raised by opposite-sex unmarried couples and single parents. And all children living in some type of family environment did much better than those living in group housing. Those who were awaiting adoption or placement in a foster home were held back about 34 percent of the time.
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"My research makes clear that there's a huge advantage to kids to be out of the care of the state and into the care of any family, even if the family is not perfectly optimal."
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Most personal decisions about gay marriage are based on gut feelings, religious beliefs and individual experiences. Rosenfeld knows his research isn't going to change the minds of most people opposed to same-sex unions. But he has added new data to the debate that helps debunk assertions – whether based on a lack of knowledge or some unfounded fear – that children raised by gay couples cannot thrive.
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To me, the real hysteria from the Christianists is due to the fact that, if their views on gays are proved wrong, what else in their fragile house of cards religious construct will likewise be proved wrong. Once their false religious construct begins to fall, their entire bogus "Biblical world view" comes crashing down. And rightly so.

New Equality Laws in Ireland Could Mean the End of Catholic Adoption

Much like the hypocrites and bigots at Lutheran CORE, the Vatican intends to close all Catholic adoption agencies in Ireland rather than cooperate in any way with the adoption of parentless children by same sex couples. In the eyes of the Vatican growing up in a cold, institutional orphanage or being bounced time and time again from foster home to foster home is better than, God forbid, having a child grow up in a home with two loving same sex parents. My father grew up in an orphanage in some ways like something out of Charles Dickens - and he bore the emotional scars in my view until the day he died. Hence, I view the Vatican as full of sh*t on this issue (and many others). Not all in Ireland agree with the Church's continued anti-gay bigotry and its plan to close Catholic adoption agencies. An op-ed in the Herald takes the Catholic Church to task for its intolerance and short sightedness. Here are some highlights:
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It came as a shock to me when I heard this week that the last of England's 12 adoption societies has been forced to close. A century of good works came to an abrupt halt. They had run foul of England's new equality laws. The Vatican believes no Catholic agency can allow same-sex couples to adopt their children.
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The body that oversees English adoptions says no agency is allowed not to. This government-funded body even refers to those opposed to gay couples adopting as "retarded homophobes".
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Rome insists that a child needs a mother and a father as parents and not same-sex couples. The reality is that many Irish children are being brought up exclusively by single parents -- unmarried mothers. Would not, say, two mothers who love each other be at least as acceptable?
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Not to Pope Benedict. His decision rests on his belief that homosexuality is unnatural, a disorder, polite words for a perversion. He doesn't want to risk two perverts bringing up a Catholic child. Scientific research suggests that homosexuality is natural, if less common than heterosexuality. In any case, gays should have exactly the same civil rights as others.
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Gay couples demand no more rights than heterosexuals, nor any less. They'll obviously be granted full rights in matters like the family home, taxation, inheritance, hospital visits.
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With the hierarchy lobbying hard to prevent an outcome anathema to the Pope, will politicians dare include the right to adopt? If the bishops fail, and adoption by same-sex couples passes into law, the many Catholic adoption agencies in Ireland may have to follow their counterparts in England and shut up shop.