Recently, I've received e-mails from individuals who are in the coming out process - some of whom are married to straight spouses and have children. Needless to say, one of their huge fears is how the whole journey will impact their relationships with their children. It's an issue that consumed huge amounts of emotional energy when I was struggling with my own coming out journey. The good news is that no matter how tumultuous the process may be and how distraught you find yourself, as the saying goes, it gets better. As the gay parent, time is on your side - even if it doesn't seem that way during your darkest moments. Patience - something I do NOT excel in - is key and you need to be mindful that what the situation may be today doesn't mean that things will always be that way.*
Yesterday the boyfriend and I had a wonderful dinner with my two daughters and my younger daughter's boyfriend and his young daughter. We all enjoyed each others company and talked about all the sorts of things one does at a family get together. It's an experience that I once feared I'd never have again with my children. But, as my therapist once lectured me over and over, with time, all of us have moved on and reconnected as the trauma of a vicious divorce has receded into the past.
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Does my experience mean that some of these readers who have contacted me won't go through a private Hell along the way? Not at all. But it does mean that if they persevere and remain their for their children, in time the children will figure it out. It may not happen as quickly and smoothly as desired, but I believe it will happen. I hope that these struggling individuals can hang onto the knowledge that - just as I experienced - it will get better and a new normalcy complete with happiness will eventually take over.
Yesterday the boyfriend and I had a wonderful dinner with my two daughters and my younger daughter's boyfriend and his young daughter. We all enjoyed each others company and talked about all the sorts of things one does at a family get together. It's an experience that I once feared I'd never have again with my children. But, as my therapist once lectured me over and over, with time, all of us have moved on and reconnected as the trauma of a vicious divorce has receded into the past.
*
Does my experience mean that some of these readers who have contacted me won't go through a private Hell along the way? Not at all. But it does mean that if they persevere and remain their for their children, in time the children will figure it out. It may not happen as quickly and smoothly as desired, but I believe it will happen. I hope that these struggling individuals can hang onto the knowledge that - just as I experienced - it will get better and a new normalcy complete with happiness will eventually take over.
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