Goodbye Pam’s House Blend After 9 Years

One of the things that I have enjoyed most is the wonderful people that I have been privileged to meet via this blog, particularly the other attendees at the 2008 LGBT Blogger Summit in Washington, DC, financed in significant part by Microsoft and Progressive Insurance.  Among those - and there were many - I was privileged to meet and come to call a friend was Pam Spaulding, the blog mistress of "Pam's Hose Blend."  Indeed, for me Pam became a model of what I hoped to achieve as an LGBT blogger.  Often her wit, charm and amazing use of language made me break out laughing out loud.  Now, after nine (9) years of blogging, Pam is calling it quits for a number of reasons, some of which I well understand, especially the amount of time involved in trying to post meaningful information 365 days a year.  Here are excerpts of how Pam explains her decision:

All good things must come to an end, even after numerous awards and accolades, it’s time to acknowledge that I cannot continue to run on fumes alone. The Blend could continue limping along, but my health and well-being come first; over the last few years burning the candle at both ends with a full-time offline job and PHB. It has taken a severe toll — most readers have learned that I am dealing with chronic pain conditions — fibromylagia, and in the last couple of years, aggressive rheumatoid arthritis.

My decision to close the blog is just as reality-based as its content has been. If I cannot produce material at the frequency or with the same level of quality, enthusiasm and effectiveness, it’s really time to close the doors to this coffeehouse — and work to ensure it continues to have a life as an archive, a snapshot in our digital political history. Pamshouseblend.com will redirect to archives.

Looking back, I churned out pieces at an incredible pace — up to ten posts a day– many long-form pieces, commentary, curating news articles I thought my audience should check out, and occasionally (and increasingly) doing citizen journalism at news events and conferences. All of this while holding down a full-time day job with no connection to politics or activism. And most of of those posts were done in the wee hours, so I didn’t get much sleep over the lifespan of this blog.

Political blogging changed mainstream journalism in many ways. Save for a few who were able to monetize their blogs or who were cherry picked to help traditional outlets get their feet wet in new media, the vast majority of citizen journalists and opinion-makers toiled with little hope of quitting that day job. The LGBT movement was energized by the speed and reach of new media, and at times appeared quite threatened by it — mostly because it was a venue where Beltway orgs, and even the White House, didn’t see any possible way to co-opt or control what was being produced by this first generation of online political rabble rousers and activists. I’ve made a lot of great friends and met a lot of people along the way, and hopefully opened a few eyes, particularly with my posts about the intersection of LGBT and race.

The Blend sat in a unique place in all of this — I brought the perspective of a black lesbian living in the South to the dialogue — broadcasting a voice certainly not represented in the power structure of the LGBT movement. It was the first major blog to feature a transgender contributor, and it was important to me to bring talent to the blog from under-represented regions and voices.

By the way, I’m not disappearing into complete obscurity (though that would be OK as well), I’ll continue to be active on social media and make time to mentor folks as I can. It’s just time for someone else to pick up the ball and run with the daily activist grind, and forge new ground in an ever-shifting new media.

Speaking of which — on FDL, a rebranded blog will debut on the channel with my talented current contributors Laurel Ramseyer, Alvin McEwen and Autumn Sandeen. Look for more information on that effort soon.

I’ll have a “goodbye” post on July 1 that takes a look at some of PHB’s nine-year history.

Pam will always be one of my heroines and I hope she knows how much I love and respect her and all that she has done.  For non-bloggers and activists, it is hard to convey the intensity of some of the cyberspace friendships that can be made.  I myself have thought of shutting down this blog, but so far cannot quite let go of it.  I wish Pam the best of everything and I want to convey how much she will be missed, not only in her posts but quick and dirty advice when e-mailed and asked for information or her take on things.

Magic Summer Memories From Long Ago

Long time readers who followed my coming out story from the get go on this blog know what a crucial role summers at the family summer home on Brantingham Lake in the Adirondack Mountains of New York State  played in my life.  Excelling at water skiing, sailing and swimming I wasn't the nerdy kid who got called fag and other epithets from time during the school year where I often found myself among the last to be picked for teams in PE class.  Of equal importance was the fact that my summer friends were pretty amazing and outclassed my school year tormentors by light years.  Those summers literally saved me from suicide as a teenager.  Recently, one of the old summer gang who I have not seen or been in contact in decades posted a message on the Facebook page dedicated to the lake that summed up those summers well:

You all need to understand how lucky you are to live, have lived, or spent a summer on beautiful lake Brantingham. My next birthday will be my 59th, and my last summer on the lake was nearly 41 years ago. I feel compelled to write this note and to share with you the memories of the lake, the times in the boats at night, skiing in the mornings at 6am so as to be the only boat on the lake..... these are the memories that never leave me and are the ones I use to help me get to sleep at night. ........ What's strange is the Brantingham summer memories are of only 10 summers spent on Brantingham.....and the other 48 of my summers are spent elsewhere......none compare to those memories at the lake! 

He goes on to say that his best friends were those who comprised our group of friends who lived in cities scattered across New York State and in some cases New Jersey.  In response to his message I scanned a composite of some old pictures from circa 1968 -1970 that is set out above (yours truly is at  lower left in blue).  Many of the group still have homes on the lake that have been passed down through families as has ours other than for one interlude.  I haven't been back in many years and have vowed to change that this coming summer fate willing.  As for the group of friends, thanks to Facebook many of us are once again in contact with each other and are again reliving in our memories those special, and in my case life saving, summers.  I do count myself lucky for having been fortunate enough to have those summer experiences and now such wonderful memories.

Focus On the Rainbow Editor in Auto Accident

One of the first blogger friends I made when I first launched this blog in earnest back in April, 2007, was Lyndon Evans, editor of Focus on the Rainbow and a contributor to Pam's House Blend. Sadly, Lyndon was in a car accident Friday night/Saturday morning. He had an allergic reaction and passed out while driving and struck another car, then a pole, then a tree. Lyndon has had successful surgery and is doing relatively well and I hope to get to talk to him by telephone tomorrow evening.

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I hope readers will keep Lyndon in their thoughts and prayers. He's been a consistent true friend to me through the tough times: horrible divorce, break up with the ex-boyfriend and my suicide attempt back in late September, 2009. He has a heart of gold and I wish him a speedy recovery.
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Lyndon, you mean a lot to many of us. Please know that we love you.
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NOTE: I will provide an update once I talk to Lyndon directly.

2011 Key West Retrospective

UPDATED: A sincere thank you for my daughter, Victoria, who did a wonderful job keeping the law office running and coordinating the work I did from Key West. Tori, you are a sweeyheart

We head back to Virginia this afternoon - our original flight was canceled and now we don't leave until almost 6:00 PM which puts us back in Norfolk at 11:35 PM assuming we have no delays. The following are a few sample photos from an overall wonderful trip.

Tea Dance at La Te Da's

The Audubon House

The launch to Sunset Key and lunch at Latitudes

Sunset from the top of La Concha

The Oasis pool complex

Key West - Lunch at Latitudes on Sunset Key

One of the boyfriend's clients gave us a gift certificate for lunch at Latitudes, a resaurant at the Westin Resort on Sunset Key - a short ride by motor launch from the Key West wharf - so we went there for lunch today. As the photos indicate, the weather was absolutely gorgeous and we (two friends joined us) had a wonderful time. The view above is from our table under the palm trees.
Having my own solo practice law firm, I never truly get away and today was no different. I talked by phone with the office a number of times and had to draft a purchsae and sale agreement, write some letters to clients and prepare a few other documents for clients and then e-mail them out. Nevertheless, being here in Key West with friends is a welcome relief. This evening before dinner with friends from New York we chatted with a couple from Vancouver, British Columbia who are staying at the guesthouse. I truly love this place.

Three Year Anniversary Retrospective

Yesterday was the three year anniversary of the day that I began seriously blogging on a regular basis and talking about my own coming out story and whatever else struck my mind on this blog. A lot has happened in that period - my divorce finally became final, I managed to survive a series of court hearings before typically homophobic judges - one even opined in writing that sexual orientation is a choice - a suicide attempt, the launch of HRBOR, the end of one relationship and the beginning of a new and wondrous one, the law firm has managed to survive so far despite the horrific economy, I attended the LGBT Blogger Summit in December 2008 and the National Equality March last October, the boyfriend and I have lived through the flooding of our home last November 12th and the repair and renovation saga (which hopefully will be over next week), I was initiated to Key West, I became a contributor to The Bilerico Project, my youngest daughter began working for me at the firm, and I followed my son's progress on the Appalachian Trail. The list goes on and on. Through it all, this blog and my readers have been a source of therapy and support beyond measure. I want to thank every one of my almost 170,000 visitors and hope you will continue to stay with me on the journey.
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I also want to thank the boyfriend for his support and understanding of my blogging. He calls this blog his only serious competitor. Blogging takes a part of each morning and an hour or more each evening, yet he supports my efforts and the blog has introduced both of us to interesting people and experiences. Thank you to all of you.

Reflections on a Wonderful Weekend

The weekend in Nags Head, North Carolina, was great and I suspect all guests at the house party had a great time. The weather left much to be desired - rain through late afternoon on Saturday and 45-50 knot winds that did not let up until this morning. As the photo at left of me and my dog, Bandit, indicates the ocean was wild and it's just as well I did not take my surf gear. There is no way that any one with a long board could have made it out through the white water (two young surfers looking very hot in their wetsuits down the beach tried to no avail). Besides, even if one had managed to make it out throught the wild whitewater, the waves were simply too crazy to afford a decent ride. At the right of the photo, the stairs down to the beach are roped off due to damage to the bottom of the staircase and, in fact by noon on Sunday, the entire staircase had been swept away.

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The quality time with the boyfriend was wonderful and it was nice to spend time with his group of friends and our wonderful hostess. Given the less than conducive weather, we spent the time in good conversation, talking politics (we made sure we watched Colin Powell on Meet the Press), watching numerous old movies and gay themed movies, eating wonderful food and indulging in adult beverages and martini's with names dreamed up by our bartender such as "Kaye's Choice" in honor of our hostess and "Versatile But With Preferences." Our group covered a span of ages and one of the gay couples have been together for over 27 years, obviously dispelling the Christianist myth that gays do not know how to commit to relationships.

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All in all, it was a wonderful weekend and we were all sad to see it end. As I have said before, I am so very happy that the boyfriend came into my life.

My Readers - 70,000+ Visitors

I continue to be happy and amazed at the number of people who visit this blog. At some point overnight it passed the 70,000 visitor mark. To all of my readers I sincerely say Thank You!! Fifteen months ago when I first started blogging regularly, I never thought things would lead to such a volume of readers. I truly treasure the friendships that I have made through the blog with great individuals around the globe.

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Interestingly enough, Gloobts, a worldwide directory of gay owned, gay operated, and gay friendly businesses (the data base can be searched by country and state), has added this blog to their blog section and it should be available via that site from early July posts forward. Since Gloobts listings are free, I encourage readers with businesses or professional services to check them out and get a listing. I have been very surprised by the number of my LGBT clients who locate my firm via Internet sites such as Gloobts and its local affiliate in this area, the Lambda Directory.

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I will try to post this evening from Charlottesville after I arrive via Richmond where I am speaking at the Equality Virginia conference today.

Romance Front Update and This and That

Since a number of readers are asking in their e-mails, let it be known that my brief dating trend that I reference briefly with one particular guy that started a month or so ago has ended - I think in essence, we were just too different and not all that compatible. However, all is not lost. :) There appear to be some possible prospects on the horizon. It's still way to early in the process to know for sure where things will lead, but I remain optimistic and - if things move the way that I hope they will - I will report at some future point to satisfy "inquiring minds."

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Meanwhile, I went to a great birthday party last night for one of my fellow HRBOR board members up in the Ocean View area of Norfolk. Good food, good adult beverages, and good music contributed to make it a very good time. A couple of "eye candy" quality guys did not hurt either. I did find myself chuckling to myself a few times, however, since the crowd was mostly lesbians, but they surely did not fit the straight world stereotype of what lesbians look like. Many were so-called lipstick lesbians who were knockouts. The Christianists would have had their narrow-minded bigotry blown away. On the way home, I stopped at The Wave and got an aerobic workout dancing.

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As for today, I'm not sure what the day will bring. It's not even 11:00 AM and I've been up for hours thanks to my dog who decided he just HAD to go out early this morning. I've had plenty of time to read the news online, search for some new "male beauty" photos, do this morning's blog posts and I will probably do yard work in a bit (it's been very dry, so mowing the grass will be mainly cutting down spotty weeds and self-seeded plum trees that spring up from pits spead all over the yard by birds who always get the ripe plims on my plum tree before I do). Why is it what you don't want to grow always seems grow far faster than the grass. After that, I may just sun in the backyard rather than journey to the beach. Once again, the waves are flat and surf conditions are poor, which seems to be the usual weekend drill of late. If I am lucky, I may hear from a certain someone later in the day. :)

Meme: Why Do I Do This?

Real Euphoria (http://www.realeuphoria.com/) has tagged me for the ‘Three Reason’s Why I Blog’ meme so I obviously have to participate (especially since he was tagged by Magic Bellybutton - http://mymagicbellybutton.blogspot.com/ - who no doubt would be most displeased with me if I broke the chain!): There are some rules: (1) list three reasons why I blog, (2) List da rulz, (3) tag three other bloggers. In any event, here goes:

Three reasons why I blog? If I thought about it at length, there’s no doubt some deep psychological aspect to it. But the first three reasons I can think of are the following:

1. Blogging gives me a way to express my feelings and to talk about my thoughts and my life in a way that does not readily present itself in everyday life. First, there are very few people that one comes upon with whom you feel at ease in spilling your guts and innermost thoughts. I know it perhaps seems strange that I often put everything out on the Internet for the world to see when I would not dare tell someone in person about it. Yet when I am writing my private thoughts, it does not feel as if I have any particular audience – it is more like I was merely talking to myself. Particularly, when I first began this project and had very few regular readers. Also, I can vent at any hour of the day or night when the need/urge presents itself. Likewise, I do not need to have a captive audience in front of me. It truly allows me to vent in a very helpful, therapeutic way (or so it seems to me).

2. Blogging has allowed me to “meet” wonderful, intelligent, witty and charming individuals from literally around the globe. It is not uncommon for me to receive e-mails or comments in any given day from Australia, Kenya, South Africa, Portugal, Canada, and assorted other countries. Through these new “friends,” if you will, I have found thoughtful people who I genuinely care about (as they likewise seem to feel towards me). Plus, they offer analysis of politics, current events, and simple aspects of life from multiple perspectives. Though scattered around the world, I have found that we amazingly have very much in common. If I am upset or depressed, I know I can receive constructive and caring support from the other side of the world, if need be.

3. While it may sound egotistical, I hope that some of what I talk about may help others, especially closeted gays who are trying to figure out how to move on with their lives. I readily concede that I have made countless mistakes in my life and with the benefit of hindsight should have done many things differently. If someone can learn from my errors or find some ray of hope that the coming out process can be survived later in life, then there will have been some meaning for my pain and tribulations. Moreover, I hope I can help them to know that they are not alone.

Who do I tag? Hmm – I guess:

Java Jones at: http://javajones-mylife.blogspot.com/

Dave at: http://looking-at-the-world-gay.blogspot.com/

Billy at: http://www.kenyaworm.blogspot.com/

Saturday Morning Open Thread

Hampton Roads Men’s Chorus: My firm is a sponsor for tonight’s fundraiser for the Hampton Roads Men’s Chorus. It should be a fun event and a good networking opportunity. The chorus was created over a decade ago to give voice to the LGBT community of the Greater Hampton Roads region. Over the years more than 75 men have been members of the chorus. Local readers interested in attending can buy a ticket here: http://www.steppingout.org/fundraiserevent.htm

Obama Fever: I was speaking with my 80 year old generally Republican voting mother last night to find out about her medical test results and in talking she's all excited about Obama - as is my formerly reactionary Republican brother. Both intend to vote for Obama in Tuesday's Virginia primary. They will NEVER vote for Hillary, rightly or wrongly. My mother has particular concerns over how Hillary would ever control Bill if they were back in the White House. I believe there are thousands and thousands (if not millions) out there in the voting public like them. If the Democrats are foolish enough to nominate Hillary, they'd best get ready to live through another GOP administration under McCain, et al. My mother’s reasoning is that the current way politics is conducted is broken and, while there is uncertain as to what Obama would bring, it is worth taking the risk to attempt to achieve a real change. I plan on trying to make the Obama rally tomorrow in Virginia Beach.

Romance: Prince Charming, where are you? Please sweep me of my feet ASAP.

New Year's Eve Plans

Since a number of people have been asking, I figured I would disclose my New Year's Eve plans which involve going over to parties being given by clients some gay, some straight, but all live wires. Most years I have no plans at all yet this year I have three party invitations for locations in Virginia Beach, Chesapeake and Norfolk. I plan on starting at the most distant site first and working my way back towards Norfolk, finishing up at the home of my wild Canadian client and her husband. Given that the police will be out in force looking for drivers who have been drinking, I want to take no chances.

I will be doing a year end post looking back on 2007 and events in my life (it may get posted tomorrow) and my thoughts as we head into a new year. I wish each and every one of you a wonderful New Year and look forward to deepening friendships I have made via this blog in the coming year.

In honor of my Aussie blogger friends, Euphoric and Michelle, I have posted a photo of Sydney's New Year's fireworks.