A Sincere Thank You to Readers

As the counter on this blog on the lower right indicates, since I first added the counter, the blog has had over 250,000 distinct visitors from 198 countries. More over, the behind the scenes analytics on the blog indicate that currently the blog is receiving over 27,000 pages views per month. Compared to some blogs, it's still petty ante, but I am truly amazed and humbled that so many of you have found my efforts of interest and that some of you have been amazingly loyal since the very beginning of the effort.

This blog began as a form of therapy for me when I truly needed it desperately during some of my very, very dark days of my coming out journey and horrific divorce saga. It also served as a means for me to share my journey and hopefully allow others to benefit from my mistakes and my my successes along the way as well. It has been amazing to hear stories from others literally around the globe in reaction. One of the hardest things in coming out is the feeling at times that one is utterly alone. Time and time again readers made it clear that I was never truly alone. And for that I cannot thank you all enough.

My Readers - A Sincere Thank You

From time to time readers overwhelm me with their kindness and thoughtfulness. The Internet has a strange ability to link one to others even though you have never met in person. Numerous times when I have needed a lift out of the blue has come an amazing e-mail message - perhaps from France or Australia - or some other evidence that someone finds meaning and/or comfort in my blogging endeavors Today was such a day when I opened an envelop at the office only to find a sweet card and a gift from Stephen, a reader in San Francisco. Stephen, be assured that I will apply your thoughtful donation to my debt elimination fund vis-a-vis my former wife. Please know that your card and thoughtfulness touched me greatly!!

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Blogging can become additive in many ways, but what always means the most is the contact and sense of connection I have with my supportive readers. Thank you one and all.

Snarling, Catty Gays

One thing I have noted since coming out is how catty some in the GLBT community seem to be. They seem to almost revel in being nasty towards and critical of others. Rather than realizing that we are "all on the same side," some prefer to make personal attacks on others simply because they have led their lives differently or did not come out until later in life. On a local (or national basis) basis it can take the form of an individual or organization attacking other GLBT groups or individuals who seek to advocate in different ways or seek to focus efforts in a narrower focus. In the blogosphere it can be in the form of one GLBT blogger attacking another out of spite, envy or who knows what. A case in point: this evening a blogger friend sent me a link where another blogger from another part of the country had made a personal attack on me. Why? Simply because I had lived part of my life married and in the closet. Even though for years I had not even actually realized I was gay.

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In addition to discussing politics, religion and current events, this blog has always been aimed at discussing coming out in mid-life. From the e-mails I receive from literally every continent, there are many, many of us who came out after years of marriage. I suspect there are even far more still who remain in the closet and struggling to accept themselves and who they are. Perhaps even struggling to make the decision to" come out." The message of this blog is not necessarily aimed at those who have never been in the closet. I give them kudos for those who knew early on who they were. Not all of us were so lucky or self-intuitive.

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For the record, I do not believe in intentionally "outing" anyone unless they are hypocritically advocating or voting for measures that harm the GLBT community. Former Republican Congressman Ed Schrock - whose name was first given to Mike Rogers by me - and similar closeted members of the GOP are one prime example. But those who are out should not be afraid to live openly. Meredith Baxter now that she has come out is an example. It does make a difference despite what some may say.

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Yes, I am relatively new to GLBT activism. But my coming out has not been without cost: forced from a law firm in 2004 for not lying any more of who I am; brutalized by homophobic judges in divorce hearings that ruined me financially; two of my children no longer communicating with me. I feel I have paid my dues. Maybe not as much as some, but not insignificant. Those who don't want to read my thoughts and views - simply don't read this blog.

Blogger and Activist Meet Up

While in New York City I received a telephone call from Lyndon at Focus on the Rainbow - one of the first bloggers I spoke with other than online - and then ran in to Nelson from NG Blog in the West Village. Then by sheer coincidence we ran into Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out and his partner on Saturday evening at a bar named Pieces just down the street from our friend's apartment we stay at when in NYC. Wayne and I first met back on July, 2003, when we worked together to out former national ex-gay poster boy Michael Johnston who was sleeping around with men in the Hampton Roads area - where Johnston is originally from - under and assumed name. Meanwhile his videos and books claiming that he was "cured" from homosexuality by accepting Jesus were being sold by all the leading professional Christian organizations.

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Both Lyndon and Nelson offered me encouragement in dealing with the post divorce war nightmare and had the chance to speak with the boyfriend as well. Lyndon - who began blogging at about the same time I did - in particular has been a loyal cyberspace friend and often drops me e-mails or forwards some outrageous story that he or one of our e-mail network contacts stumbles across.

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As for Wayne and Jaime (who is a sweetheart), we had a great visit catching up and by the time it was over we'd invited them to come down and visit the various historical attractions in southeast Virginia. The Internet and blogging are amazing in terms of the power provided to meet people and disseminate information. Blogging has truly helped keep me sane (or semi-sane) during some of my darkest times over the last two and a half years.

National LGBT Blogger Initiative Summit - Update

I have received the preliminary schedule of events for the National LGBT Blogger Initiative Summit that I will be attending in Washington, D.C., this coming weekend. I am really excited to be going and hope to meet some folks like Pam Spaulding of Pam's House Blend, one of my daily reads, and catch up with Mike Rogers. The summit is made possible through the generous support of Jonathan Lewis and various LGBT community and corporate sponsors, including but not limited to the Victory Fund, HRC, NGLTF, Microsoft, Bolthouse Farms, and the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association.

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I still do not know who all of the attendees will be, but I have received e-mails from a few folks who will be attending from various parts of the country. One thing I hope to gain from the experience is how/what I can do to take this blog to a higher level and hopefully make a bigger impact in the cause of gay rights. God knows, so much needs to still be done particularly in states like Virginia where LGBT citizens have no legal protections.

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The boyfriend will be going to D.C. with me and despite the busy schedule I hope the two of us will get to enjoy a little bit of time as a couple at a few of the local venues. He's such a sweetheart that I would not think of going without him.

Bloggers Announce Write to Marry Day

My friend, Michael Rogers of PageOneQ and Dana Rudolph of Mombian have invited bloggers around the country will participate in "Write to Marry Day" on October 29, 2008, posting on their blogs in support of marriage equality for same-sex couples and against California's Proposition 8. The event will give bloggers a chance to voice their opposition to Prop 8 and highlight what they may have already done, online or off, to stop the measure. The campaign will also educate California voters of the need to "go all the way" down the ballot to vote on the proposition. Here are highlights from the press release announcing the effort:

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"Bloggers have proven themselves an effective political force," said Mike Rogers, one of the event organizers, who runs the popular site PageOneQ and is Director of the National LGBT Blogger Initiative. "They have already helped raise awareness and money to stop Prop 8. In this last week before the election, they will play a crucial role in motivating others to take action."

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To participate, bloggers should post on their own blogs against Prop 8 on or before October 29, 2008, then visit www.mombian.com to submit the links to their posts. Links to people's own videos on YouTube or other video sites are also accepted.

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All bloggers who are against Prop 8 are welcome to contribute posts, regardless of where they live or whether they are LGBT or not. Mombian will showcase the full list of participants on October 29. All participants who leave a valid e-mail address will be entered into a drawing for a $50 gift certificate to Amazon.com.

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People can track this event by joining the Write to Marry event on Facebook or MySpace, or by following Mombian on Twitter (twitter.com/mombian). For more about the event, visit: www.mombian.com and click the "Write to Marry" banner.

The Ultimate in Love

UPDATED: In reaction to this post, I received an anonymous message from a reader which read in part as follows: I think you said it best when you have to be happy with yourself to be open to a relationship. I am closeted and that has not happened to me. I feel it never will, but that is my fault. My heart goes out to this individual and I hope at some point he/she finds happiness with themself. Coming out and finding self-acceptance and comfort with who one is is not an easy process. God knows I have been through my own private Hell along the way. Nonetheless, in my view, the cost and struggle is worth the liberation and happiness that are the ultimate prize.

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My blogger friend Michael at Gaytwogether has a beautiful post today on lovGood luck. e. Michael has had the wondrous good fortune of finding a sweet and wonderful man, Steven, who has given him the ultimate gift of selfless true love. What's amazing (if you have been following Michael's diaries) is that much as happened with me and my boyfriend, Steven appeared out of nowhere when Michael was not even searching for love. People often say that you find love when you are not looking for it, and in both our cases it was true. In fact, we have joked about our "parallel lives."

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A key element, however, in my opinion, is being happy with who you are and comfortable in your own skin. If you can achieve that balance - and God knows it took me a very, very long time to get to that point - others will sense it and, I believe, it makes you ever so attractive to others. If you are not happy with your self and positive and loving in your outlook, don't expect others to want to dive into your unhappiness. In addition, it is very important to recognize the difference between infatuation and love. There is a crucial difference. One lasts and the other does not have the substance to endure.

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Words cannot express how happy I am for Michael and Steven. I wish them every joy and happiness.

Meme: Why Do I Do This?

Real Euphoria (http://www.realeuphoria.com/) has tagged me for the ‘Three Reason’s Why I Blog’ meme so I obviously have to participate (especially since he was tagged by Magic Bellybutton - http://mymagicbellybutton.blogspot.com/ - who no doubt would be most displeased with me if I broke the chain!): There are some rules: (1) list three reasons why I blog, (2) List da rulz, (3) tag three other bloggers. In any event, here goes:

Three reasons why I blog? If I thought about it at length, there’s no doubt some deep psychological aspect to it. But the first three reasons I can think of are the following:

1. Blogging gives me a way to express my feelings and to talk about my thoughts and my life in a way that does not readily present itself in everyday life. First, there are very few people that one comes upon with whom you feel at ease in spilling your guts and innermost thoughts. I know it perhaps seems strange that I often put everything out on the Internet for the world to see when I would not dare tell someone in person about it. Yet when I am writing my private thoughts, it does not feel as if I have any particular audience – it is more like I was merely talking to myself. Particularly, when I first began this project and had very few regular readers. Also, I can vent at any hour of the day or night when the need/urge presents itself. Likewise, I do not need to have a captive audience in front of me. It truly allows me to vent in a very helpful, therapeutic way (or so it seems to me).

2. Blogging has allowed me to “meet” wonderful, intelligent, witty and charming individuals from literally around the globe. It is not uncommon for me to receive e-mails or comments in any given day from Australia, Kenya, South Africa, Portugal, Canada, and assorted other countries. Through these new “friends,” if you will, I have found thoughtful people who I genuinely care about (as they likewise seem to feel towards me). Plus, they offer analysis of politics, current events, and simple aspects of life from multiple perspectives. Though scattered around the world, I have found that we amazingly have very much in common. If I am upset or depressed, I know I can receive constructive and caring support from the other side of the world, if need be.

3. While it may sound egotistical, I hope that some of what I talk about may help others, especially closeted gays who are trying to figure out how to move on with their lives. I readily concede that I have made countless mistakes in my life and with the benefit of hindsight should have done many things differently. If someone can learn from my errors or find some ray of hope that the coming out process can be survived later in life, then there will have been some meaning for my pain and tribulations. Moreover, I hope I can help them to know that they are not alone.

Who do I tag? Hmm – I guess:

Java Jones at: http://javajones-mylife.blogspot.com/

Dave at: http://looking-at-the-world-gay.blogspot.com/

Billy at: http://www.kenyaworm.blogspot.com/

My Readers - Preparing for a Move to Canada

One of my readers and fellow bloggers is having some sport with me over Huckabee's win in Iowa since I have previously commented that if Huckabee were to be elected President, I would seriously consider leaving the USA. Ranging from comments on the weather in Toronto to all matter of things he was having a great time. Here's part of his instructions to me:

In getting ready to move to Canada, you'll need to know a few key phrases...

"That'll look some friggin' nice on the patio, eh"
"double double"
"bugger off" (everyone appreciates the English version of fuck off)
"colder than a witch's tit"
And so many others you'll just have to learn as we undo your yankee brainwashing.

As I said, hopefully the GOP establishment will knee cap Huckabee and his Iowa showing will be a fluke. Speaking of Huckabee, I posted a comment to his campaign website via the blog page asking why as a gay American I should not fear his candidacy. So far my comment has been not been published on the website - I suspect they are censoring the comments - nor have I received any acknowledgment of my posting. Should my comment get actually published on his website or I receive a response, I will let readers know. I am NOT going to hold my breath. In Huckabee's world, gays are supposed to be invisible or disappear.

If You Could Read My Mind - A Birthday Wish

Euphoric's post (http://www.realeuphoria.com/?p=1425) reminded me that I too need to convey a special Happy Birthday message to Vanyel. He has been incredibly supportive of me in my times of turmoil. Though he lives hundreds and hundreds of miles away, whenever I have needed words of counsel or comfort he has been there (as has Euphoric, I might add). I hope he has a wonderful birthday and many, many more. He discribes himself as "grumpy," but has a heart of gold. True, he bitches me out at times - usually when I need it - but he always adds another perspective to the situation. He is one of my blogosphere life lines and members of my cyber-family that I value greatly. Happy 44th!

Thank You - 10,000 Plus Visitors

I am truly amazed at the number of visits this blog - now over 10,000 from 97 countries. I truly never expected so many visitors. I started this blog largely as a form of therapy for myself where I could talk about my thoughts and experiences, particularly my coming out process which was such an upheaval in my life and involved many dark days where at times suicide seemed the best option. Through the help of friends, accepting family members, a couple good therapists, and a loyal partner, I made the transition to a self-accepting gay man.

I hope my posts on my many years in the closet and my coming out experience (which I plan on discussing further once my divorce is final) have been helpful to some and perhaps informative to others who never were in the closet and/or tried to be what they thought church/family/society expected the way I did for so long. I also plan to continue my commentary on life, politics, religion and current events, just to vent my aggravation if nothing else.

I am also truly grateful for the great bloggers I have been privileged to interact with and get to know through cyberspace as it were. The thoughts, concepts and analysis you put forth individually and collectively is amazing. You know who you are and I hope we can continue our discourse on thoughts and issues.