The Ultimate in Love

UPDATED: In reaction to this post, I received an anonymous message from a reader which read in part as follows: I think you said it best when you have to be happy with yourself to be open to a relationship. I am closeted and that has not happened to me. I feel it never will, but that is my fault. My heart goes out to this individual and I hope at some point he/she finds happiness with themself. Coming out and finding self-acceptance and comfort with who one is is not an easy process. God knows I have been through my own private Hell along the way. Nonetheless, in my view, the cost and struggle is worth the liberation and happiness that are the ultimate prize.

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My blogger friend Michael at Gaytwogether has a beautiful post today on lovGood luck. e. Michael has had the wondrous good fortune of finding a sweet and wonderful man, Steven, who has given him the ultimate gift of selfless true love. What's amazing (if you have been following Michael's diaries) is that much as happened with me and my boyfriend, Steven appeared out of nowhere when Michael was not even searching for love. People often say that you find love when you are not looking for it, and in both our cases it was true. In fact, we have joked about our "parallel lives."

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A key element, however, in my opinion, is being happy with who you are and comfortable in your own skin. If you can achieve that balance - and God knows it took me a very, very long time to get to that point - others will sense it and, I believe, it makes you ever so attractive to others. If you are not happy with your self and positive and loving in your outlook, don't expect others to want to dive into your unhappiness. In addition, it is very important to recognize the difference between infatuation and love. There is a crucial difference. One lasts and the other does not have the substance to endure.

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Words cannot express how happy I am for Michael and Steven. I wish them every joy and happiness.

Abusive Relationships

I have mentioned in previous posts that I was formerly in a relationship that ultimately ended in physical abuse. In retrospect, despite my ex-partner's many wonderful attributes, the relationship should have ended well before it finally came to its sad, nasty conclusion. I know that my experience was not unique and that often gay couples stay in dysfunctional relationships for all the wrong reasons. In addition, too often we forget that abuse can involve much more than physical assaults: stalking, isolation from friends and others, extreme jealousy, manipulation and obsessive control, and various other forms of psychological abuse. All of these aspects can make it very difficult to break out of a relationship that has gone bad - even though one knows in their heart that things need to end.

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Michael at Gaytwogether has many relationship self help articles written by professionals on his site - not to mention some good eye candy - that look at many aspects of gay relationships, from dating issues, to moving in together, and what to do when one finds themself in an abusive relationship. He has started a new personal series on reasons to leave a bad relationship. While some examples may sound extreme, in real life they do exist. Each of us deserves a happy and rewarding relationship that meets our emotional needs and which will build - as opposed to destroy - our self esteem. None of us should settle for anything less. I hope you find Michael's site as helpful and thought provoking as I have.