Remembering My Parents and a Scholarship in Their Honor

Marion Phelps Hamar on her wedding day.

Today would be my mother's 92 birthday.  Unfortunately, my family and I lost her back in 2011 - my dad left us in 2006 - but hopefully both of them will live on in people's memories at least in some small part through the George D. and Marion Phelps Hamar/HRBOR Scholarship that I endowed with the Hampton Roads Community Foundation.  Unlike so many parents reference in this blog who reject their children when they come out as LGBT, my parents embraced me and supported me in every way possible.  So many LGBT youth are not as lucky and often they find themselves disowned and unable to pursue a higher education. The Hampton Roads Community Foundation diligently administers the scholarship and has created a special direct link for donations which is here.  On the link page, the following statement appears:

Thank you for donating to the George D. and Marion Phelps Hamar HRBOR Scholarship. The endowed scholarship fund was started in 2011 at the Hampton Roads Community Foundation by Michael Hamar in memory of his parents and in honor of Hampton Roads Business OutReach (HRBOR), an LGBT chamber of commerce. The permanent scholarship fund helps self-identifying lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) students attend college. Scholarship recipients must be from high schools in Chesapeake, Hampton, Newport News, Norfolk, Portsmouth, Suffolk or Virginia Beach. Donations to the scholarship fund will help it grow so it can help even more students go to college. 

I believe my parents would be proud of the scholarship, especially my father who was orphaned at age 3 and benefited from the GI bill following WWII and thereby secured his college education.   I wish my mother a "Happy birthday" and hope that, if readers are so moved, they will make a donation.  The endowed fund is steadily growing and my hope is that more and more students can benefit from the scholarship as the years go by,  Happy Birthday Mom!

Reflections Ten Years Later on The First LGBTQ Bloggers & Citizen Journalists National Summit

Yours truly at the LGBT Blogger Summit in 2008.

I first began blogging at the suggestion of my therapist who suggested I write a book for those coming out in "mid-life" since so many of the existing materials at the time were aimed at teens and young adults.  There was little available for those in their 40's or 50's.  Once I started the endeavor of gathering materials through blog posts something happened.  This blog became a needed form of therapy and slowly took on a life of its own.  A major transformation took place in December, 2008, when I was privileged to be selected to participate n the LGBTQ Bloggers & Citizen Journalists National Summit in December 2008.  I won a spot among those invited to the all expense paid gathering in no small part due to my role in helping Mike Rogers "out" then Virginia 2nd District Congressman, Ed Schrock, a closeted Republican with the second most anti-gay voting record in Congress.  I had also assisted activist Wayne Besen expose "ex-gay" fraud Michel Johnston, a former poster boy for so-called conversion therapy. Despite these efforts, this blog still had a small readership back in 2008 yet was a labor of love. At the blogger Summit, I was in the big league and eventually when on to also be a contributor to The Bilerico Project which the Washington Post once referred to as a "must read" blog (it later became a part of LGBTQ Nation). 

Ten years later I am still in contact with many of the summit attendees via Facebook, following each other's blogs and writings, and a listserv through which we can quickly spread stories and information to hundreds of activists and journalists across the country. Fellow attendee Sue Kerr has a post on her blog that pulls together great memories of the experience. Like Sue, I'd love to see another summit! My husband also has found memories of the experience.  Here are highlights from Sue's post (go to Sue's post for the links to participating blogs - many of which are still ongoing -  and a video where I can be seen standing near Sue):

[T]he first LGBTQ Bloggers and Citizens Journalists National Summit. It was December 5-7, 2008. I met a lot of folx there and my mind was awhirl with new possibilities for blogging.

More than 60 organizations and blogs were represented. I’m trying to remember how I was invited – I think I had been interacting with Mike Rogers (formerly of BlogActive, now know with Raw Story) online after he wrote about Rick Santorum. This gathering was a prelude to the Netroots Connection preconferences that began in 2009 (in Pittsburgh)

Rather than wax eloquently about my memories, let me share a few links.

Here are my original blog posts summaries My Preview  Day One Summary Post

Pam Spaulding’s write up of the weekend (Pam’s House Blend)

More from PamThere was great coverage of the framing used by the right wing to demonize and restrict expanding LGBT rights and how the LGBT movement can counter that framing going forward with different political strategies.

Tony from Perge Modo has a post

Today, in the revolution that has now begun for ownership of individual rights, bloggers are the new Paul Revere, but there are hundreds of thousands of them and they are not all shouting the same thing about the British coming. They are shouting huge heaps of overlapping static. Sometimes they pull together suddenly like a school of fish responding to the force of the current. There is no skill to this. There is only speed. You almost need to be out of the water to see, let alone control this. Nevertheless, the political bloggers feel that coalescence is within their grasp.

Read the takeaway of a filmmaker at Working Films

Let’s get meta – a post about a media article about the gathering with links to other bloggers reactions (whew!)  What LGBT bloggers do when they write about blogging conventions

From Blabbeando, a list of blogs in attendance in alphabetical order (probably not a complete list):

• Bilerico Project

• Blabbeando

• BlogActive

• Boi From Troy

• Buffawhat

• Burnt Orange Report

• Calitics

• Michael-in-Norfolk Coming Out in Mid-Life

• (en)gender

• Existential Punk

• Farmboiz

• Gay Agenda

• Gay Persons of Color

• Get Busy, Get Equal (ACLU LGBT Project Blog)

• Good as You

• Greta Cristina’s Blog

• hunter of justice

• InterstateQ

• Jimbo

• Joe.My.God

• Knucklecrack

• The Mad Professah Lectures

• Mombian

• The New Gay

• Ninjatron

• PageOneQ

• Pam’s House Blend

• Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents

• Project Q Atlanta

• Rod2.0

• That Gay Girl Tamara

• UK Gay News

• Working Films

Back to the present  – are you reading any of the above blogs or their spin-offs? When you have some time, I urge you to dive back into this glorious archive of LGBTQ activism and politics during the latter half of the 2000’s and reacquaint yourself. I hope someone, somewhere, takes the time to create an actual archive.

I interact with some of these folks via email and all sorts of social media. I’ve been to two follow up events associated with Netroots Nation since then. And I’ve continued to blog. During that first year, Laura and I met with media expert Cathy Renna for advice on my blog. She told us we were doing a good job and basically to keep on with what we had accomplished. Thanks to the wonders of a former webhost, you can see the original blog format from that very day.

A lot has happened in ten years. Netroots Nation will be in Philadelphia in July 2019 so I hope we’ll attend. One thing that has not changed is the lack of revenue in blogging – to get this lesbian voice and others to these events, there has to be scholarships and fellowships and other supports. It might interesting if someone crunched the numbers about the state of the blogosphere in 2008 versus now, including revenue data.

I miss having a chance for blogger connection. I’d like to see events that bring people together, old and new. I’d like to harness the power of experience to the energy and new ideas of today’s leaders.

Here’s a snip of video via Tony Adams survering the crowd. You can see me in the right hand margin wearing a black sweater and having very short hair.

I will always treasure the experience and the brilliant and interesting friends I made (the now husband was there for the weekend too and enjoyed the experience).  I'd love to do a reunion summit where we could work on strategies for the coming 10 years.  Kudos to Sue for putting together her excellent post.  Thanks also to Progressive Insurance and Microsoft for their underwriting of the 2008 event. 

Kenworthy and Rippon Win Without Making the Podium

Neither of America's out gay athletes made the podium in their individual events, but as a piece in the New York Times and the Washington Post note, both were winners at the 2018 Olympic Games in a much more personal way: they were free to be their authentic selves without hiding or apologies.  Indeed, a broadcast of Gus Kenworthy giving his boyfriend a quick kiss - see the image above - won much praise on Tweeter (yes, naturally, the usual hate merchants are not pleased).  As I have tried to stress over the years on this blog, living in the closet is soul killing.  Moreover, even if it doesn't lead to suicide, the energy and emotion wasted on self-hate and living a life like that of an actor on a stage is utterly exhausting, not to mention destructive of finding happiness.   Hopefully, the examples of Kenworthy and Rippon will help many young gays from suffering in the closet wracked by needless unhappiness. First this from the Times piece:

Gus Kenworthy was nursing a hip hematoma, a broken right finger and a bruised ego after a 12th-place finish in the men’s ski slopestyle final, the same event where he won the silver medal four years ago.

Speaking on Sunday while the ceremony introducing the medalists proceeded without him at Phoenix Snow Park in Pyeongchang, South Korea, Kenworthy said, “It’s all good.”

This is Kenworthy’s second Olympics but his first as an openly gay athlete. He and Adam Rippon, the only other openly gay male athlete on the United States team, will not leave here with individual gold medals, but they are among the biggest American stars at these Games.

Here at the Pyeongchang Games, Kenworthy, 26, has engaged in physical displays of affection with men in public. He gave Rippon a peck on the cheek during the opening ceremony and kissed his boyfriend, Matthew Wilkas, before Sunday’s qualifying runs.

If Kenworthy had to choose between winning a medal while leading a closeted existence or failing to grace the podium while living an authentic life, it wouldn’t be close.

“If you look at me, I’m bummed but I’m not sulking, I’m not crying,” he said, adding, “Being out at these Games has kind of meant the world to me, just getting to really be myself and be authentic. And I think landing a run in the final and getting on the podium obviously would have been icing on the cake, but even though it didn’t happen for me I still had a wonderful Olympic experience.”

On the eve of the slopestyle final, Kenworthy and his boyfriend attended the men’s free skate to support Rippon, where they proudly waved a rainbow flag. Kenworthy said he was unaware that a television camera had recorded his pre-competition kiss with Wilkas.

“I think that’s amazing,” he said. “That’s something I wanted at the last Olympics, to share a kiss with my boyfriend at the bottom and it was something I was too scared to do for myself. And so to be able to do that, to give him a kiss and have that affection broadcast for the world is incredible.”

“That’s not something I had as a kid,” he added. “I didn’t see a gay athlete at the Olympics kissing their boyfriend. I think if I had it would have made it a lot easier for me.”

The Washington Post piece looks at Rippon's success:

Adam Rippon, the openly gay figure skater who helped the United States win a bronze medal in team competition and became one of the biggest breakout stars of the PyeongChang Olympics, has gotten his first big break before the Winter Games have even concluded.

Rippon, a darling of the competition for saying things that have been at turns smart, creative and refreshing for viewers, has been hired by NBC as a correspondent for the rest of the Games. NBC confirmed the news, first reported by USA Today, with Rippon expected to work on TV as well as the digital and social media platforms.

Hiring Rippon is not without controversy, though. He is at odds with Vice President Pence over gay rights and has said he will not go with the U.S. team to visit President Trump if invited to the White House.

He has been a must-see as an interview subject, whether he’s speaking about being bullied as a kid or just kidding around. It is, as he has said, “really fun to be me,” and that has been clear from his very first TV moments.

I love these guys!

Gavin Grimm Among Time’s 100 Most Influential People for 2017

I first met Gavin Grimm two years ago at an event at our home for panelists who were participating in an oral history project for the Hampton History Museum.  The event focused on "growing up gay in Hampton" and its environs and is but one of the projects the Museum has undertaken to preserve the words of real individuals for posterity (watermen, members of the black community and others have been the focus of past efforts).  My husband was on the panel as were several other individuals that we know.  The event at our home was intended to let panelist get to know each other so that they would have a higher comfort level while being filmed and recorded.   What struck me when I first met Gavin was his composure and how well spoken he was.  I teased him that he was a 30 year old in a 16 year old body.  It was an honor to be given an award as an "outstanding Virginian" along side Gavin earlier this month (see the image above - not the best photo of me!).  Now, Gavin has been named one of Time Magazine's 100 most influential individuals for 2017.  The honor is well deserved and I count myself honored to know Gavin and his family, especially his amazing mother, Deirdre. The Daily Press notes Gavin's latest honor.  Here are highlights:

Nearly two years after suing Gloucester County schools over its restroom use policy, 17-year-old transgender student Gavin Grimm has been named one of Time Magazine's most influential people in the world.

The magazine's annual 100-person list features artists, politicians, lawmakers, scientists and leaders of technology and business. Just shy of his 18th birthday Grimm is the youngest on this year's list. He was named last fall to Time's list of most influential teens for 2016.

"It's inconceivable. I still haven't really registered it. To have a place immortalized through Time, literally, and in the sense of the publication, is such an honor," Grimm said at his home in Gloucester. "To have a transgender youth activist on a list of influential people is a hugely important step forward for transgender advocacy. It sends the message that the story is being told and the message is being heard."

Time announced the list on Thursday and according to magazine, those included have a lesson to teach and the power to make people think. Grimm is listed as a pioneer along with people like Samantha Bee, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, and Chance the Rapper.

Kudos to Gavin!  I definitely count Gavin as one of my heroes.   He is an inspiration and those who are suffer from anti-transgender animus would due well to get to know him and/or other members of the transgender community.  Gavin is proof that one person can make a difference.  For those who have not seen it, make a point to watch Gender Revolution on the National Geographic Channel which was hosted by Katie Couric.  The program should be mandatory viewing for legislators and right wing Christians.  Ignorance and clinging to comfortable but untrue myths is not an acceptable excuse in this day and age.

Ageism in the LGBT Community

At the recent Equality Virginia Commonwealth Dinner, there were a good number of younger members of the LGBT community. As an honoree, I found them to be universally respectful and pleasant. Since the event tends to draw those of a more activist bent, I suspect many were simply more inclined to be respectful of older activists.  The same cannot be said for young gays in clubs and some social settings.  Indeed, older members of the community are often greeted with nastiness and almost a form of condescension aimed at those of us no longer in our 20's or early 30's - young and beautiful, if you will.  By their standards, when I came out and first engaged with the LGBT community shortly after my 50th birthday, I was already ready for the grave and certainly not an object for romantic interest.  Since then, I feel I have made contributions to the LGBT community and have tried to make a different.  Not to sound peevish, many of the young club boys cannot say the same.  Some even seem oblivious to the threats facing our community and the need for activism and more than shallowness.  Attitude magazine looks at a new movie "Prime Time" that looks at the vibrancy of gays of a certain age who likely would never get a second glance from many of today's gay youth.  Here are excerpts:

Most of my film works up till now have been set among groups of older people, primarily older men – railway enthusiasts, model car racers, hobbyists seeking friendships and affinities in local clubs or like-minded communities, or, in the case of one film, retired people out taking early-morning exercise. I am drawn to the unseen rituals that characterise these various social interactions, and the unspoken codes and signs that bind individuals to these groups. But I have always also been struck by the energy and vitality and self-confidence of the people I have met, and who I have featured in my films. While I like to step back, with my camera, and observe the quirks of human behaviour, I also want to highlight and celebrate that energy and vitality and self-confidence – especially at a time when those qualities are increasingly associated with (and commodified in) a cult of youth.

If this exaggerated focus on youth is an inescapable part of mainstream culture, it is, even more, the case perhaps on the gay scene. For a couple of years now, I have been following and befriending an American network of older gay men, known as ‘Prime Timers’. It’s a largely Stateside phenomenon to date, in which members of the community get together on a regular basis to go on group excursions together. One of these, a Caribbean cruise, is the subject of my latest film, ‘Prime Time’.

While making the film, once again I found myself in the company of people who had time on their hands, but who also, in their latter years, clearly exhibited a real zest for life. As a younger gay man, alert to the pressures exerted by a physical ideal that people are meant to find desirable or aspire to possess, I wanted to show a different aspect by portraying the marks and contours of older male bodies in a sensual, affirmative way. I was in the presence of people who were totally comfortable in their own skin, and I wanted to convey that sense of self-possession and ease, and its attractiveness to me.

The film got me thinking more generally about the question of how and when we can properly say we are in the prime of our lives. You can be young and fit, buff and gym-toned, absolutely at your physical peak, but do your best years still lie in front of you, when your physical powers may be starting to diminish, but the wider experience you have accumulated more than compensates? I reflected on this through the mirror of the cruise ship itself: a little utopia floating on the ocean, in which time seems to both fill out, and stand still.

Although ‘Prime Time’ can be summed up in a snappy one-liner – ‘it’s a film about cruising on a cruise ship.’ – it’s also my attempt to grapple with something more universal, even existential: how we both measure and deny the passing of time. 

Let me say it first.  Yes, I confess that I typically post "male beauty" photos of young guys.  There are several reasons, the first being that it is very hard to find quality sexy, racy photos of mature/older guys.  For finding photos, the choices tend to be x-rated "daddy" porn sites that are generally too risque for Blogger if one wants to remain a non-mature website (and most of the men are beefy, football player types - a body type that frankly does nothing for me) or hair style/color product models. Of course, this scarcity of older male models in and of itself underscores the larger problem of America's cult of youth.  

Hampton Roads Retail Alliance Gala 2016 Lifetime Achievement Award

click image to enlarge

A number of our friends tease us about the number of formal events we go to each year. but if one supports worthy causes and wants to support friends and community advocates, it actually takes an effort NOT to go to many events.  Tonight, on a reminder from our dear friend Cindy Cutler (a former Legends honoree), we attended the Greater Hampton Roads Retail Alliance Gala that honored top retailers from both the Virginia Peninsula and the so-called "Southside" - i.e., the cities of Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, Portsmouth and Suffolk -  and, most importantly, our dear friends, Claus Ihlemann (another past Legends honoree and Equality Virginia "Outstanding Virginian" and his husband, Robert Roman, the owners of Decorum Furniture.

Not only are Claus and Robert great supporters of LGBT equality - the are presenting sponsors at the 2016 Pride fest event in Norfolk on June 18, 2016 (the husband and I are also sponsors, but on nowhere near that level) - but their philanthropic efforts extend to ACCESS/AIDS Care, Hope House, Tidewater Arts Outreach and many other causes that seek to enhance the greater Hampton Roads community.  Their constant refrain for what they do is "Pay it forward."

The husband and I consider ourselves lucky to count this year's lifetime achievement winners as friends.  Moreover, the set the stand for other to emulate, including their willingness to live their lives honestly and authentically, making no apologies for who they are. The same goes for our friend Cindy Cutler, mentioned above, a formidable "straight ally" to the LGBT community.

As I have advise in the past for those coming out - especially those coming out later in life - the key to thriving is to get involved and surround yourself with inspiring people.  Each of us has the ability to create change and to make sure that it gets better for those coming after us.  

As for the event itself, it was well done, with a masquerade theme - many guest sported formal wear and stylish masks - we wore masks from Venice - and to liven up the evening, performers from the based Hurrah Players (which among others, first launched actor Grant Gustin ) providing well done renditions from Phantom of the Opera.   In short, it was a wonderful evening.

Bruce Jenner Comes Out As Transgender

As anticipated by many, last night during a one-on-one interview with Diane Sawyer, former Olympian Bruce Jenner came out as transgender.  I have a lot of respect for him being brave enough to go on national television to share his story.  Coming out as gay was terribly difficult for me - as two suicide attempts underscored - so I cannot imagine the how difficult it must be to come out as transgender.  Unfortunately, being gay in today's society is a cake walk compared to what transgendered individuals face - particularly given the foul, hateful campaigns the Christofascists love to launch about men in dresses in women's restrooms.  One can only hope that Jenner's coming out will open minds and change hearts.  Each of us is born with a given sexuality and internalized gender.  We do not pick and choose, yet far too many individuals - myself included for many years - feel compelled to try to conform to family and societal expectations.  The internal, psychological cost is horrific.  Jenner conceded that he was unfair to the women he married, yet the sad truth is he likely felt that he had no option but to conform.  In addition, even though wives of gays who later don't often grasp it, we do/did love them when we married them.  Just not in the y way they deserved.  Also, let's not forget that even homosexuality was classified as a mental illness until 1973.  Would anyone happily have admitted they were transgendered?  Of course not.  Here are highlights from The Advocate:

For decades we knew this person as Bruce Jenner, as a man, an Olympian, the guy on the Wheaties box, the man who married into the Kardashian clan and became a reality TV celebrity. Now we also know Jenner is a woman, and that his transition began 30 years ago.

The interview with ABC's Diane Sawyer started with Jenner explaining having "always been confused with my gender identity, since I was this big." Jenner imagines God creating "a smart kid" with "all these qualities." But, "wait a second, got to give him something to deal with. Let's give him the soul of a female."

Sawyer asked, "Are you a woman?"  "For all intents and purposes," said Jenner, "I'm a woman."

Jenner, who Sawyer said prefers male pronouns at this time, even though he also referred to himself as "Bruce" and "her," said his transition actually began 30 years ago.

Sawyer's interview was the culmination of more than a year of rumor, speculation, mockery and tabloid sensationalism. Some of that is due to the nature of Jenner’s participation in Keeping Up With The Kardashians on E!, and being a part of a family that lives in the public eye, open to nearly 24/7 scrutiiny by paparazzi. But it's also a reflection of the state of society when it comes to acceptance of trans people and understanding of gender identity.


"Were you fair to these women you married?" Sawyer asked.

"No, I was not as fair as I should have been," Jenner says.

"Do you look back and say, I apologize for that?"

"Yeah, and I have apologized to everyone. Everybody. I’ve apologized for my entire life."

Jenner brushed off the suggestion the coming out interview is all a publicity stunt by promising to turn this moment into a chance to help others. "What I am doing is going to do some good," Jenner promised, "we’re gonna make a difference in the world."

Even before the interview ended, activist groups such as GLAAD were already praising the example set to the world and the potential impact it will have on its own.

"Today, millions of people learned that someone they know is transgender," said GLAAD President Sarah Kate Ellis in a statement. "By sharing this story, Bruce Jenner has shined a light on what it means to be transgender and live authentically in the face of unimaginable public scrutiny. Though Jenner's journey is one that is deeply personal, it is also one that will impact and inspire countless people around the world."

I wish Jenner luck as he moves forward and hope that his family will be supportive.  I expect that he will face many vile attacks, especially from the foul "godly Christian" folk.

2015 Hampton Roads PrideFest Launch a Huge Success

The husband and I attended the PrideFest 2015 Launch Party this afternoon.  The event was a huge success and it is amazing to see how things have changed and evolved since I was on the Pride Board some years ago.  Not only were pledges secured for a good portion of the funds needed for the event in late June, 2015, but the number of participants was impressive.  Equally noticeable were the number of local and state politicians at the event at a lovely private home in Norfolk near Old Dominion University.  Among the elected officials in attendance were Lieutenant Governor Ralph Northam (with whom the husband and I are pictured above), Congressman Bobby Scott, Commissioner of the Revenue Evans Poston of Norfolk, State Senator Lynwood Lewis of northern Norfolk and the Eastern Shore, Mayor William Sessoms of Virginia Beach, and Delegate Scott Taylor of Virginia Beach.

Local readers interested in more information on how to be a sponsor or other ways to participate can go to the Hampton Roads Pride site here.   From my years of activism, getting involved does make a difference for the community as well as individuals.  Get involved!!

Ann Dearsley-Vernon: Making Your Mark- Starting the Sit-Ins

Ann Dearsley-Vernon (at far left) and 2 friends at the Women's College of North Carolina gave up their seats to African-American students at Woolworth's in Greensboro,NC, it helped to launch the sit-in movement in 1960 (Photo: National Civil Rights Museum)

As I have noted in various posts, what helped me beyond measure in rebuilding my social life and finding self-acceptance after coming out was to become involved in LGBT rights organizations.  Among the first endeavors that I involved my self was the Legends Committee for Equality Virginia.  The first honoree of the now annual Legends Gala was Ann Dearsley-Vernon, a wonderful LGBT equality ally and one who was in involved in the civil rights movement in the 1960's when she was a college student.  With the attention again being refocused on those days thanks to the movie "Selma" local WVEC -TV 13 recently carried a story on Ann and her courage and willingness to do what was right (I deem it a true honor to count Ann as a friend).  Here are excerpts:

Today, Ann Dearsley-Vernon is 76 years old. A stroke two years ago slowed her walking and her speech, but the memories of how she helped make history during the Civil Rights movement are still clear as day.

In 1960, when America was embroiled in the Civil Rights movement, Ann and a couple of friends from Greensboro Women's College walked into a Woolworth store in Greensboro, North Carolina up to the lunch counter to eat.  Ann was a graduate student in fine arts.

They noticed African-American students were not being served. Ann and her friends gave up their seats to African-American students.

This incident went down in the history books as helping to launch the sit-in movement -- a series of non-violent protests at other eateries across the South that refused to serve African-Americans. It rejuvenated Civil Rights efforts led by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"We had no idea it would be so important,"Ann said. "We thought it was the right thing to do."

Sticking to their principles led to tensions mounting at the Woolworth lunch counter. Ann and her friends were yelled at and were threatened by people who were angry at what they did. Ann says someone even pressed a knife against her back.

"At the time it was very scary," Ann said.  She and her friends were escorted out of Woolworth by a group of African-American student-athletes from the NC A&T football team, who linked arms to protect them.

Ann moved to Norfolk in 1973, becoming a key figure in the arts community. She also became heavily involved in community programs that encouraged celebrating diversity and eliminating prejudice, winning several awards for her work.

One of those awards was the first "legends" award for Ann's work for LGBT equality.  The husband and I saw her during the holidays and she is a great lady.  A truly great lady.   Again, my message to those coming out, especially later in life, is to GET INVOLVED.  It will change your life and you may be lucky enough to meet some incredibly amazing people along the way.  

OPENING HEARTS AND MINDS - DON'T MISS THE REEL IT OUT QUEER FILM FESTIVAL

The following piece on the upcoming "Reel It Out Queer Film Fest" is a republication of my latest column in VEER Magazine (I have been writing a monthly column for almost three years).  The films described are important and readers, gay and straight, in the Hampton Roads area need to try to see some of these films.  The proceeds go to a worthy cause:   

Recent news stories about the tragic suicide of Leelah Alcorn, a 17 year old transgender teen in Ohio and the award nominated movie, The Imitation Game, which looks at the work of  Alan Turing and the breaking of the Nazi's secret Enigma Code have brought to focus some of the hardships and discrimination faced by LGBT people, both in the past in the case of Turing and in the present day in the case of Alcorn.  Turing, perhaps the most notable unsung hero of World War II who some say helped shorten World War II by two years and saved 14 million lives, was driven to after a conviction for "gross indecency" - i.e., sexual relations with another man - and forced hormonal castration.  Alcorn likewise succumbed to suicide after experiencing parental rejection and, worse yet, forced sessions with "Christian therapists" if one believes her suicide note.

While familiarity can sometimes breed contempt, more frequently it can dispel stereotypes and lead to better understanding.  Lack of compassion and understanding, and a lack of familiarity with those who are different, often fuel harsh and brutal treatment towards members of the LGBT community.  Indeed, even when I “came out of the closet” in mid-life, I initially felt some uneasiness and discomfort around other gays. Perhaps some of that unease came from the internalized homophobia I developed during my Catholic upbringing.  But much of it came from the fact that I knew almost no one gay and absolutely no one transgendered.   

In the years since I “came out,” I’ve learned that the LGBT community, like any other group in society, has a large spectrum of personality types and certainly a huge diversity in looks and body types, ranging from big burly “bears” to the young, sometimes effeminate “twinks.” But overall, we are a community of pretty much ordinary people doing our best to get through life and find our share of the “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” referenced in the Declaration of Independence.  The end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (“DADT”) and the spread of same sex marriage have helped the larger society to see us as we really are: regular ordinary people who may be your neighbors or even family members.  But more familiarity and acceptance is still needed.

In recognition of this reality, the LGBT Center of Hampton Roads, a program of ACCESS AIDS Care, is sponsoring the third annual Reel It OUT Queer Film Festival of Hampton Roads from February 3, 2015 through February 7, 2015.   The goal of the film festival is simple: To introduce and educate Hampton Roads locals on the triumphs accomplished and hardships endured by the larger LGBT community through the film and media.  To accomplish this goal, the film festival is offering a mix of films.  Here’s a sampling of the selections (together with my reflections) which are showing at locations across Hampton Roads.

Southern Baptist Sissies (February 3^rd at the Naro at 6:30PM):  Southern Baptist Sissies is the story of four boys who are gay growing up in the Southern Baptist Church and how they each deal differently with the conflict between the teachings of the church and their sexuality. 

I was raised Catholic rather than Southern Baptist, but it is hard to adequately describe the pain, heartache and stress that one’s religious upbringing can bring to the lives of LGBT youth as well as adults.

Burning Blue (February 4^th at Norfolk State University at 7:30PM): This film looks at something that until all too recently haunted many gays in the military – I have friends who were discharged under DADT – and involves a witch hunt after a sailor reports seeing one of the top ranking fighter pilots in a gay club. The pilot in question and his squadron mates and their spouses all become the subject of the modern day witch hunt.  One can only hope that former supporters of DADT will see this film and realize the consequences of their past bigotry.

Trans (February 5^th at Christopher Newport Studio Theater at 6:30PM): This movie is particularly relevant given the recent death of Leelah Alcorn.  The film provides an up-close and very personal vision into the lives, loves, and challenges of remarkable individuals of all ages and from all walks of life who are seeking to answer the questions of “'who they really are” and “are you brave enough to find out?” 

Christine at the Crossroads (February 6^th the Norfolk Unitarian Church at 6:30PM).  This film is a drama/romance about a married woman who "discovers" her true (hidden) sexual identity, and falls in love with a coworker of the same sex.  

I cannot count the number of friends I have – both male and female – who married, had children and “did what was expected of them” only to realize that they have been living a lie of sorts and did not have the strength to continue to do so.  As shown in the film, one of the most difficult issues is deciding if your own happiness is worth causing someone else hurt and sorrow. Many cannot make the decision and end their lives seeing it as their only escape.

Short Film Competition (February 7^th at ODU University Theatre at 6:30PM): This competition includes short films from France, Portugal and Spain that look at various aspects of LGBT life as the characters move forward with their lives.

Sadly, those who most need to see these films will likely not attend.  But I encourage readers to find the time to see one or more of the films selections.  It is difficult to understand others with a different sexual orientation.  This film festival may just help provide a needed glimpse to further open one’s mind and heart. 

Proceeds from the film festival go to help support the LGBT Center of Hampton Roads which provides  services such as mental health for gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender youth and adults; support groups for youth, military personnel, and the transgender community; a variety of social outlets for area high-school gay student associations; meeting space for an over 50 group and weekly yoga sessions. The LGBT Center also offers free HIV testing and youth outreach is also held in the Center, which is partially funded through a grant from the Elton John AIDS Foundation.

I sincerely encourage Hampton Roads residents to support the film festival.  More details can be found  at http://www.reelitout.org/.