Pete Buttigieg Changed the Game for LGBT Americans

Growing up as a closeted gay child and then youth I - and so many others - had no role model of what a successful and accepted gay person could be.  I was raised in a Church which - hypocritically as it turned out - condemned homosexuality even as larger society ostracized gays and fears for one's career and physical safety were common.  My coming out journey was extremely difficult and included two suicide attempts.  Fast forward to 2020 and Pete Buttigieg has provided a role model and a sense of what is possible for countless LGBT youth, particularly those growing up in backward red states.  In some cases they may need to wait and flee once they reach the age of legal majority to follow their dreams, but Buttigieg has shown them that it can be done - even in a place like South Bend. The irony is that some far left gays continue to whine that Buttigieg "isn't gay enough" or isn't "the right kind of gay," but Mayor Pete has done what many of these preening self-styled "leaders" of the LGBT community have failed to do: set a role model and provide a sense of hope.  A piece in CNN looks at Mayor Pete's contribution.  Here are article highlights:

As Pete Buttigieg's husband addressed an audience of campaign supporters, family and friends gathered here in South Bend late Monday night, he told those gathered that, when his husband, their mayor, first asked what he thought about a presidential run, he laughed. And then he reflected on their still-young marriage.

"Pete got me to fall in love with myself again," Chasten Buttigieg reflected. "And I told Pete to run, because I knew there were other kids sitting out there in this country, who needed to believe in themselves too."

"You changed lives!" a supporter shouted.

"Yes, we did," Buttigieg replied, getting choked up. "Together."

And then, for the first time in American history, a presidential candidate took the stage, kissed his husband and ended his campaign. The moment was a fitting coda to Pete Buttigieg's historic campaign, one that both tested the nation's still evolving acceptance of LGBTQ Americans and represented a giant leap forward in the eyes of scores of those inspired by Buttigieg's candidacy.

[F]or LGBTQ Americans, who only nationally gained the right to marry in 2015 and still face the threat of workplace discrimination for their sexual orientation or gender identity, Buttigieg was more than a longshot candidate from a mid-level midwestern city -- he was a presidential contender of their very own.

From the start, Buttigieg's sexual orientation and faith set him apart from the standard Democratic presidential hopeful -- and especially his ability to square the two seemingly contradictory aspects of his identity.

At a CNN town hall in March 2019, he addressed both, creating a national moment largely credited with catapulting the mayor from obscurity to ubiquity.

During the town hall, Buttigieg, an Episcopalian, tore into Vice President Mike Pence for tying his conservative views on same-sex marriage to his faith.

"His interpretation of Scripture is pretty different from mine," Buttigieg said. "His has a lot more to do with sexuality and, I don't know, a certain view of rectitude. Even if you buy into that, how could he allow himself to become the cheerleader of the porn star presidency?" . . . . "Is it that he stopped believing in Scripture when he started believing in Donald Trump?"

That answer, and the rest of his town hall performance, caught fire, earning him praise from across the political spectrum . . . . . But Buttigieg's momentum surprised gay voters the most -- voters like Robert Moore of Dallas, Texas.

"Remember, marriage equality came pretty recently, you know, and it's a big jump from we can get married and be private citizens and be on our own, to being president of the United States," Moore told CNN in February. "And this is somebody that they are wanting to embrace, and not just embrace, but put up to lead them? That's a whole different game."

Perhaps more significantly, it signaled a new way to counter arguments against LGBTQ equality from the religious right -- with an appeal equally grounded in religion from the left. But Buttigieg's appeal to moderates on religion would prove representative of a larger theme throughout his campaign.

In attempting to expand the Democratic Party tent to independents and Republicans fleeing Trump, Buttigieg enraged a vocal, progressive wing of the Democratic base, who accused the mayor of compromising party ideals for votes in purple states. The anti-Buttigieg sentiment in the LGBTQ community also rankled Buttigieg's gay supporters.

"They're demanding too much," said Jerry Birdwell, a Texas voter who traveled to New Hampshire to observe the primary process there last month. "I personally think that if they make a comment like that, he's not gay enough, so to speak -- that's absurd...we're looking for a man that's going to represent the country, and he is the type of person who, his sexuality has nothing to do with his ability to run a campaign and to serve." Before thousands of Iowa Democrats, he drew a direct line between the case for a Buttigieg presidency and his own LGBTQ experience.

"I have seen what America can do, and so have you. After all, you're looking at someone who, as a young man growing up, wondered if something deep inside of him meant that he would forever be an outsider, would never wear the uniform, never be accepted, never know love," Buttigieg said. "And now you are looking at that same young man, a veteran, a mayor, happily married, asking for you to vote for president of the United States."

On the trail, Buttigieg took care to always note that while the LGBTQ community has made strides, there remained a great deal of work left to do. And he didn't gloss over that truth either, especially in Iowa, where, a week before the caucuses, he confessed that while he was "obviously thrilled by the progress that brought me the right to marry," the idea that marriage equality "meant the struggle for equality was, you know, done" is "just not true." Former US Rep Barney Frank, the first member of Congress in a same-sex marriage, agrees with Buttigieg's view, but thinks history will view Buttigieg's unsuccessful bid for president as historic in its own right.

"It's one of the most important moments in American history, not just of the LGBT issues," Frank told CNN in an interview after Buttigieg ended his campaign. "It is a sign that the prejudice against sexual minorities has diminished even more than we had thought. ... It further advances the fight against prejudice, because he was so good at it, being so articulate and doing as well as he did." "I never thought we'd have a gay candidate for president in our lifetime, no," said Paul King, who attended Buttigieg's rally in Raleigh, North Carolina with his husband, J.D. Brickhouse, just one day before Buttigieg would drop out of the race. "But I never thought we'd have civil rights in our lifetime either. It means a lot. Nobody who hasn't experienced growing up gay in America would understand how much that means."

What does it mean? I'm having the chance to vote for a gay man for president," Brickhouse chimed in bluntly.

For Annise Parker of the LGBTQ Victory Fund, which seeks to elect LGBTQ candidates up and down the ballot, Buttigieg's candidacy filled a more urgent need."I believe that he literally saved lives," Parker, president and CEO of the group, told CNN Thursday.

"We still have a horrible problem with internalized homophobia and suicide, leading to suicide within our community, and by seeing Pete there doing so well and speaking directly to disenfranchised young people, I know he had an outsized impact for them. I know what all of our candidates and elected officials do for younger LGBT people and how they provide hope, how they provide inspiration. He did that on steroids."

Buttigieg's run also afforded LGBTQ Americans a once unimaginable national visibility. And 9-year-old Zachary Ro of Lone Tree, Colorado, used his one chance to ask Buttigieg a question to enlist the former mayor's help in coming out to the world. "Thank you for being so brave," Ro wrote in a submitted question before a Denver rally in February. "Would you help me tell the world I'm gay too? I want to be brave like you."Later at the rally, as Ro approached the stage, the crowd of hundreds whipped themselves into a frenzy of cheers and encouragement, high-fiving the boy and chanting, "Love is love!"

"You will never know who's taking their lead from you, who's watching you and deciding that they can be a little braver, because you have been brave," Buttigieg told the 9-year old, visibly moved. "When I was trying to figure out who I was, I was afraid that who I was might mean that I could never make a difference. And what wound up happening instead, is that it's a huge part of the difference I get to make." "You'll never know whose life you might be affecting right now, just by standing here," he said. "There's a lot of power in that."

Is the Closet Behind Hollywood Sex Abuse Allegations?

The Roman Catholic Church continues to be shaken by sex abuse allegations fueled, in my view, by the Church's warped 12th century dogma on human sexuality and the forced celibacy of the priesthood which together have psychologically disturbed clergy and a significant portion of the priesthood being comprised of emotionally tormented closeted gays. It was and continues to be a recipe for disastrous consequences, not that the corrupt leadership at the Vatican will ever willing admit the error of their dogma.  Travel from the Vatican to Hollywood and one sees gays still being told to stay in the closet if they hope to have successful careers.  Go back decades in the past and the situation was even worse as the studio system demanded fake marriages and contrived dating situations.  Actor Ian McKellen states that he believes the Hollywood closet has played a role in the sex abuse allegations against Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer. If true, it certainly is no excuse, but it should focus attention on the pervasive damage done living in the closet.  Here are excerpts from Vanity Fair:

Ian McKellen has a controversial theory regarding why both Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer allegedly sexually abused several under-aged men.  At a live recording of the podcast #QueerAF, journalist Evan Davis asked the actor what he made of allegations of sexual misconduct against performers with whom he’d collaborated in the past—including Spacey and Singer. His response?
 “[T]he couple of names you mentioned, of people I’ve worked with, most of them were in the closet—hence all their problems as people, and their relationship with other people. If they had been able to be open about themselves and their desires, they wouldn’t have started abusing people in the way they’re being accused.” McKellen has worked with Singer on several films, including the X-Men franchise—most recently, X-Men: Days of Future Past—and 1998’s Apt Pupil. The actor also worked with Spacey during Spacey’s time as the artistic director of the Old Vic theater, where 20 allegations would eventually surface from a confidential tip line to describe Spacey’s alleged inappropriate behavior. Spacey denied some of the allegations against him as they emerged before, eventually issuing an apology to Anthony Rapp, who accused Spacey in the fall of 2017 of making a sexual advance toward Rapp when Rapp was 14. When allegations of sexual abuse first emerged against Spacey in 2017, the actor initially responded by coming out publicly. “This story has encouraged me to address other things about my life,” Spacey said at the time. “I now choose to live as a gay man.” In response, GLAAD C.E.O. Sarah Kate Ellis tweeted, “Coming out stories should not be used to deflect from allegations of sexual assault. Singer, who has been accused of sexually abusing young men for years, has always vehemently denied all allegations against him; in January, when an exposé in The Atlantic detailed new allegations against him, Singer replied by calling the report a “homophobic smear piece.” In 2014, Singer was accused twice of sexual abuse; one case was dropped, and the other dismissed. In 2017, Singer was sued for allegedly raping a 17-year-old boy in 2003. The case is still pending. Despite that, he went on to executive produce the TV series Legion, and direct 2018’s Bohemian Rhapsody, before he was fired for allegedly being frequently absent from set, and for clashing with star Rami Malek.

The sooner society lets go of Bronze Age myths found in the Old Testament, the better off the world will be.

Older LGBT Americans Must Be the Role Models We Lacked

Growing up in Upstate New York in the 1960's there were no "out" LGBT role models.  Indeed, in those pre-Internet days, I thought I was the lone closeted gay kid in my high school.  As it turns out, I wasn't - some of us have connected years latter via Facebook - but the isolation and effort to hide my "secret" from family, friends and the world in general was oppressive.  Throw in my Catholic upbringing and it was down right soul killing.  Little did I know at the time that there were numerous successful closeted LGBT individuals that ranged from movie stars to leaders of industry.  Things are improving now, but depending on where one lives or the profession one has chosen, role models can remain few and far between.  Anthony Niedwiecki, dean of Golden Gate Law School and the husband of a blogger friend - his husband and I both attended a LGBT blogger summit in Washington, D.C. almost a decade ago - has a timely column in The Advocate that encourages older LGBT individuals to rise to the occasion of being role models for younger generations.  A key part is not just mentoring, but being visible - "out" if you will - in one's personal and professional life.  Here are highlights:

I was recently asked by a student, “How do you think being gay has impacted your career?” It was a great question that got me thinking about my journey from coming out in law school to becoming one of the only openly LGBTQ deans to ever lead a law school in the nation.

I came out at a time when there weren’t many visible LGBTQ leaders to look up to. Coming from a Catholic family in Michigan, I just didn’t have access to many people like me to look up to. That was also true as I entered law school. I purposely chose a school where I thought I could be more myself and finally come out. Luckily, I found friends and a few faculty members who helped me grow comfortable enough to take those first steps out of the closet. Finding the people who had the strength to be visible and proud helped me on my own journey.

But being gay in a predominantly straight male profession has its challenges. The first internship I had at a law firm was incredibly hostile to LGBTQ people. One of the partners eventually pulled me aside and told me, “You should probably start bringing a girlfriend to company parties — people are starting to talk.”  I left that firm.

I instantly became much more aware of the level of acceptance at my next internship or job. After graduation, I ended up at a wonderful law firm that had an openly gay partner. Having an LGBTQ person in leadership completely shifted the tone of the firm and made me completely comfortable to be myself. The partner even began mentoring me to help me succeed, which helped me see the value of being out in the professional world. If he could succeed, so could I.

The impact of visibility was driven home when I ran for local office. I decided to run for city commissioner after the mayor went on an antigay tirade. If I wanted to change the tone that he was setting, I needed to be the example of what LGBTQ leadership could look like. During my run to be city commissioner, I never shied away from being out. In fact, I went to California to marry my husband during the campaign. We won — and it changed the tone and trajectory that the bigoted former mayor tried to set.

All of these experiences are why I'm so proud to be incredibly outspoken and open as the dean of Golden Gate University. I remember the impact that having an openly LGBTQ person in my profession made on me and want to pass that along. But we still have so far to go. Many times, we run into the “rainbow ceiling,” where systemic biases impact the ability to move into a leadership role in our professional lives. A new report indicates we are routinely “frozen out of” top management jobs. This is even truer when it intersects with the biases against women and communities of color.

Things are slowly changing. We see groundbreaking members of our community like Sen. Tammy Baldwin, Laverne Cox, and Adam Rippon unabashedly being their authentic selves. The impact of visible leaders and high-profile figures is hopefully being felt by the current generation of LGBTQ youth coming into their own. I want to one day lose track because we’re so well represented. I want to see us on the Supreme Court or as president. And I truly believe those leaders of tomorrow are out there, drawing strength from those who have come before. Just like I did.

Kudos to Anthony - and his husband who has been an amazing activist for LGBT rights in his own right. 

Kenworthy and Rippon Win Without Making the Podium

Neither of America's out gay athletes made the podium in their individual events, but as a piece in the New York Times and the Washington Post note, both were winners at the 2018 Olympic Games in a much more personal way: they were free to be their authentic selves without hiding or apologies.  Indeed, a broadcast of Gus Kenworthy giving his boyfriend a quick kiss - see the image above - won much praise on Tweeter (yes, naturally, the usual hate merchants are not pleased).  As I have tried to stress over the years on this blog, living in the closet is soul killing.  Moreover, even if it doesn't lead to suicide, the energy and emotion wasted on self-hate and living a life like that of an actor on a stage is utterly exhausting, not to mention destructive of finding happiness.   Hopefully, the examples of Kenworthy and Rippon will help many young gays from suffering in the closet wracked by needless unhappiness. First this from the Times piece:

Gus Kenworthy was nursing a hip hematoma, a broken right finger and a bruised ego after a 12th-place finish in the men’s ski slopestyle final, the same event where he won the silver medal four years ago.

Speaking on Sunday while the ceremony introducing the medalists proceeded without him at Phoenix Snow Park in Pyeongchang, South Korea, Kenworthy said, “It’s all good.”

This is Kenworthy’s second Olympics but his first as an openly gay athlete. He and Adam Rippon, the only other openly gay male athlete on the United States team, will not leave here with individual gold medals, but they are among the biggest American stars at these Games.

Here at the Pyeongchang Games, Kenworthy, 26, has engaged in physical displays of affection with men in public. He gave Rippon a peck on the cheek during the opening ceremony and kissed his boyfriend, Matthew Wilkas, before Sunday’s qualifying runs.

If Kenworthy had to choose between winning a medal while leading a closeted existence or failing to grace the podium while living an authentic life, it wouldn’t be close.

“If you look at me, I’m bummed but I’m not sulking, I’m not crying,” he said, adding, “Being out at these Games has kind of meant the world to me, just getting to really be myself and be authentic. And I think landing a run in the final and getting on the podium obviously would have been icing on the cake, but even though it didn’t happen for me I still had a wonderful Olympic experience.”

On the eve of the slopestyle final, Kenworthy and his boyfriend attended the men’s free skate to support Rippon, where they proudly waved a rainbow flag. Kenworthy said he was unaware that a television camera had recorded his pre-competition kiss with Wilkas.

“I think that’s amazing,” he said. “That’s something I wanted at the last Olympics, to share a kiss with my boyfriend at the bottom and it was something I was too scared to do for myself. And so to be able to do that, to give him a kiss and have that affection broadcast for the world is incredible.”

“That’s not something I had as a kid,” he added. “I didn’t see a gay athlete at the Olympics kissing their boyfriend. I think if I had it would have made it a lot easier for me.”

The Washington Post piece looks at Rippon's success:

Adam Rippon, the openly gay figure skater who helped the United States win a bronze medal in team competition and became one of the biggest breakout stars of the PyeongChang Olympics, has gotten his first big break before the Winter Games have even concluded.

Rippon, a darling of the competition for saying things that have been at turns smart, creative and refreshing for viewers, has been hired by NBC as a correspondent for the rest of the Games. NBC confirmed the news, first reported by USA Today, with Rippon expected to work on TV as well as the digital and social media platforms.

Hiring Rippon is not without controversy, though. He is at odds with Vice President Pence over gay rights and has said he will not go with the U.S. team to visit President Trump if invited to the White House.

He has been a must-see as an interview subject, whether he’s speaking about being bullied as a kid or just kidding around. It is, as he has said, “really fun to be me,” and that has been clear from his very first TV moments.

I love these guys!

Gay Olympic Athletes Provide Role Models

Growing up gay can be soul killing, not because there is anything inherently wrong with being gay, but rather because of the hate, maligning and denigration one must suffer from portions of society, especially the modern day Pharisees among the "godly folks" - think Mike Pence.  As I have noted before, it took a couple of years of therapy to undo the damage my Catholic upbringing had done to me.  I can only believe that growing up Southern Baptist or evangelical Christian would do even more damage to one's psyche. No child or youth deserves such indoctrination that leads to self-hatred and, in still far too many cases, suicide.  Compounding the problem, especially for LGBT individuals of older generations was the lack of role models to demonstrate that one could succeed and live a happy life.  Nowhere was the case more than in sports.  For so, so long, there were no role models.  Now, Olympians Gus Kenworthy and Adam Rippon (who helped the U.S. figure skating team to win a bronze medal yesterday) are proving to young gays that things do not have to be as some charlatan behind a pulpit tells them it must be.  A piece in the Washington Post looks at this welcomed development.  Here are excerpts:

Gus Kenworthy is free. Eat your heart out, Mike Pence, and anyone else predisposed to sneering at his good, gay life.

It took the freestyle skier 24 years to get to this place — to stop hiding, to love himself unabashedly — and that is more valuable to him than his slopestyle silver medal from the Sochi Olympics. Since Kenworthy came out of the closet in 2015, he hasn’t flaunted his sexuality as much as he has owned it, with an intent to inspire others to shun the shame. He and figure skater Adam Rippon are Team USA’s first openly gay male Winter Olympians. The fact is wonderful, not controversial. If you disagree, that is now your problem, not theirs.

 

“I’m here at the Olympics,” said Kenworthy, 26. “Not many people get to say that. And doing so as a gay man makes me feel amazing.”

The U.S. Olympic Committee hails its 243-athlete squad as both the largest group any nation has sent to a Winter Olympics and the country’s most diverse contingent. Some wonder why the latter deserves such recognition. They must not understand the harsh effects of social exclusion. It’s too easy to marginalize, to judge and to hinder people considered different. So Kenworthy’s pride matters. He’s one of the best in the world at what he does. And he’s gay. Don’t merely tolerate it. Celebrate it.

“It’s 2018, and you see how open-minded many parts of the world are,” Kenworthy said. “But there are also many parts of the world where being gay is punishable by death, punishable by jail time. It’s a new world, and it’s also not, and I think that the only way to change perception is through visibility, through representation, and the more that we have that, the more normalized queer becomes, the easier it is for people to wrap their heads around it, and I think that the more we’ll see positive change.”

At the Opening Ceremonies, Kenworthy posted an Instagram photo with Rippon. They embraced in the image. As part of the caption, Kenworthy wrote: “I feel incredibly honored to be here in Korea competing for the US and I’m so proud to be representing the LGBTQ community alongside this amazing guy! Eat your heart out, Pence. #TeamUSA #TeamUSGay”

Rippon has been outspoken in his criticism of Vice President Pence, who led the official U.S. delegation to the Winter Olympics. His strong and passionate words against Pence’s questionable record on LGBTQ rights became a major story this week when he blasted Pence once again to USA Today. 

It’s more beneficial to consider, with compassion, how liberated Kenworthy feels now. He looks back at his first 24 years and sees fear. He was an Olympic silver medalist and he was ashamed of himself. Once he stopped treating his sexual orientation like a dirty secret, he found peace and a higher level of performance.

His superpower — he can ski really fast with exquisite body control, wondrous grace and stunning athleticism — used to be a crutch. He used to use the spectacular within him just to feel normal. Now he’s free to be extraordinary in every way. . . . . "I think that being in the closet is really hard. It takes a toll on your mind. It takes a toll on you. I think it just makes every aspect of your life more difficult.”

The hardest part? He didn’t know who to aspire to be. He thought there was no prototype. That’s why he’s so open now. He wants to provide vision for other gay athletes or anyone foraging life to find a comfortable place.

“As a kid, I just felt like I didn’t really have anyone to look up to that I felt like I could really relate to, someone that was out and gay and also competing in sports and finding success,” Kenworthy said. “And someone I could kind of emulate and try to follow in their footsteps. And so I hope to just be someone that the younger generation can kind of see themselves in and just really be visible for people that haven’t really been able to be visible in the past.

Kenworthy doesn’t want to be known merely as “the gay skier, the gay Olympian.” But for now, it’s important that he live with the label to change perceptions and counter the hatred of people such as John Moody, the executive vice president and executive editor of Fox News, who wrote an embarrassingly closed-minded piece about the Winter Games last week. It was so bad that Fox spiked it on Friday, but it was too late. We had been exposed to the poison for nearly 48 hours.

The implication is that a more diverse U.S. team is somehow worse. The implication is that Team USA didn’t hold Olympic trials and instead tried to create a rainbow. The implication ignores that Shani Davis (the first African American to win an individual gold medal at a Winter Games) has four Olympic medals, that Kenworthy can earn his second here, or that Ghana-born Maame Biney is the future of U.S. women’s short-track speedskating and Korean American snowboarder Chloe Kim might be a transcendent talent.

Why does diversity matter? Well, for one thing, it can shut up people who think like Moody.

"So I’m so proud that now you can exist as a gay man and be an Olympian, and it can be beneficial rather than negative,” Kenworthy said. “So it’s amazing. And I just think I feel so liberated now that I’ve been out of the closet for a while, and so I’m free in that I just get to be myself, speak freely, act freely, and I think that I am competing confidently.”

Eat your hearts out, bigots.

If people want to cling to the myths and legends of ignorant, uneducated Bronze Age herders, they are free to do so.  However, they have no right to seek to force such beliefs on others or to denigrate and incite hatred against those who embrace how the creator made them.  Kidos to Kenworthy and Rippon - I hope they soar and show Mike Pence to be the ignorant ass that he is in fact. 

OBX Pridefest - Day 1

Looking towards the ocean

The husband and I drove down to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for the 7th annual OBX Pridefest last evening.  While I make an effort NOT to spend money in North Carolina, we make an exception for Dare County which, other than the state's larger cities, was the only area to vote against anti-gay legislation.  We are stay at the home of friend who are letting six of us use their place for the weekend.  We kicked off the Pridefest weekend with a party in Nags Head.  The main event is this afternoon in Manteo on the waterfront.  The weather this morning is gorgeous, so we will likely hang by the pool this morning.   A few photos are set out above and below.

Yes, alcohol was involved

Me with Queen Mary

Jennifer Warner

Equality Virginia Commonwealth Dinner - Reflections

This weekend has been largely non-stop.  Hence the lack of posts today.  We drove to Richmond yesterday morning, settled into our friend's home that was on loan, went out to lunch and then more or less socialized non-stop other than sleeping and driving back from Richmond today.   The Commonwealth Diner was, as always a great time.  This year, too my surprise and humility, I was selected to be one of the "Outstanding Virginians" of 2017.  Besides seeing many friends, I had the surprise pleasure of seeing a former law school roommate and, of course, got to share the stage with six other amazing people who were similarly honored, including my friend Gavin Grimm.  As has been the norm for many of the more recent years, the event included a who's who of elected officials - at least Democrats since Republicans sadly still act as if LGBT individuals were lepers - and I had the privilege of having my award handed to me by our friend, Lt. Governor, Ralph Northam.  

After staying up way too late last night, the husband and I hosted a brunch in Richmond before heading back to Hampton and an event at the Hampton Yacht Club for new members and their sponsors (we sponsored a friend).  It will truly be early to bed this evening!  Some photos are above and below.  Yes, the husband and I did dress a bit over the top, :)

The take away from the weekend?  Now, more than ever it is critical that LGBT individuals "come out" and witness to others who they are.  Our enemies find it easy to demonize some theoretical stereotype.  But when faces and stores are connected to what our foes strive to label as the "other," suddenly anti-LGBT propaganda falls flat and is far less effective.  Living "out" and proudly is one of the highest forms of activism. 

2017 "Outstanding Virginian" - An Unexpected Honor

Each year for the last eight years Equality Virginia ("EV") - Virginia's leading LGBT advocacy group - honors individuals at its Commonwealth Dinner gala in Richmond that it describes as "Outstanding Virginians"  EV describes the designation as follows:

Statistics show that knowing someone within the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community increases support for LGBT rights. This positive correlation makes coming out a critical component of the LGBT movement’s future progress.

OUTstanding Virginians are  lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and allied individuals or organizations that are taking the lead in moving equality forward across the commonwealth.In light of the importance of being out to the LGBT movement, each year Equality Virginia recognizes leaders who have represented the community with distinction.

The 2017 OUTstanding Virginians will be honored at the 14th Annual Commonwealth Dinner on April 1, 2017.

Much to my amazement I am  one of the seven (7) honorees for 2017.  The portion of the initial announcement that pertains to me reads as follows (a more detail bio and description will soon appear on the EV website):

Michael Hamar, Norfolk: Michael is an ardent advocate for LGBT rights locally and throughout the state. He writes an internationally read blog on political and LGBT issues, and articles for Veer and Unity magazines, and supports many LGBT and progressive political organizations and leaders. In 2005 after Hurricane Katrina devastated the gulf coast, he worked to find safe housing and support in Virginia for LGBT residents who lost their homes. He also created an endowment in his late parents' names to help LGBT students attend college.

I am very humbled to have been chosen for this award.  I hope that readers in Virginia will consider attending the Commonwealth Dinner on April 1, 2017 at the Richmond Convention Center. Details on the dinner and how to purchase tickets can be found here (the husband and I are table hosts, so sign up to be at one of our tables).  Each year 1200-1500 people attend and the event is usually heavily attended by politicos and some celebrities.   Hope to see you in Richmond!!

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The Growing Numbers of LGBT Americans

Click image to enlarge

While the Christofascist may have won the battle of the 2016 presidential election by putting Donald Trump, ironically, a morally bankrupt individual, in the White House, they continue to lose the larger cultural war, especially when it comes to the visibility and self-identification of LGBT individuals in American society.  Not only are the number of gays increasing in every state and across ever demographic of the population, but the acceleration of the phenomenon is increasing, especially among Millennials. And with increased LGBT visibility, experience has shown that growing visibility correlates with (i) growing societal acceptance, and (ii)  increases in those who have walked away from organized religion.  Indeed, white evangelical Christians are a shrinking portion of American society notwithstanding the Republican Party's never ending self prostitution to a demographic increasingly know for its hatred of others by a majority of Americans, certainly among  the younger generations.   

A new Gallup survey has a number of findings that religious extremists like Vice President elect Mike Pence will find alarming, not the least of which is that 7.3% of Millennials identify as LGBT. The Christofascist myth that gays are only 1-3% of the population is clearly wrong.  Personally, I have always believed that if the stigma manufactured by religion were to suddenly disappear, the true number of LGBT individuals in society might hit 10% or more of Americans.    Here are some survey highlights:

The portion of American adults identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) increased to 4.1% in 2016 from 3.5% in 2012. These figures, drawn from the largest representative sample of LGBT Americans collected in the U.S., imply that more than an estimated 10 million adults now identify as LGBT in the U.S. today, approximately 1.75 million more compared with 2012.

Millennials, defined here as those born between 1980 and 1998, drive virtually all of the increases observed in overall LGBT self-identification. The portion of that generation identifying as LGBT increased from 5.8% in 2012 to 7.3% in 2016. LGBT identification remained relatively stable over the five-year period at 3.2% among Generation X and declined slightly from 2.7% to 2.4% among baby boomers and from 1.8% to 1.4% among traditionalists.

Among racial and ethnic minorities, the largest increases since 2012 in LGBT identification occurred among Asians (3.5% to 4.9%) and Hispanics (4.3% to 5.4%). Among whites, the comparable figures are 3.2% to 3.6%. Black Americans showed only a slight increase from 4.4% to 4.6%, and among "other" racial and ethnic groups, the increase was from 6.0% to 6.3%.

While the portion of LGBT individuals decreases with income, all income groups saw similar increases in the proportion of adults identifying as LGBT.

The proportion of highly or moderately religious adults who identified as LGBT remained virtually the same between 2012 and 2016, but increased from 5.3% to 7.0% among those who are not religious. As a result, nonreligious adults are now more than three times more likely to identify as LGBT than those who are highly religious.

Self-identification as LGBT represents only one aspect of measuring sexual orientation and gender identity. For example, research shows that direct assessments of same-sex sexual behavior or attraction yield very different (and often larger) population estimates when compared with estimates of LGBT self-identification.

Gallup research shows that data security and confidentiality are not major concerns of millennials. This could be one factor that explains why they are so much more likely to identify as LGBT when compared with other generations. They are more comfortable than their older counterparts with the idea of sharing what some might consider private information on surveys.

Perhaps an even larger factor concerns the differences in social climate that existed when individuals were teenagers and young adults. This is when many LGBT people begin the process of coming out and sharing their sexual orientation and gender identity with others.

Since 1977, Gallup has asked Americans if they think that gay and lesbian relationships between consenting adults should be legal. In July 1986, just 32% supported legalization of same-sex relationships, marking a low point in that support in Gallup polling. By 1999, when the first millennials were becoming adults, half of Americans supported legalization and, as of May 2016, the figure had risen to 68%.

In a span of only five years, the demographic composition of Americans who identify as LGBT has markedly changed. It has become larger, younger, more female and less religious. These demographic traits are of interest to a wide range of constituencies.

Corporate America also increasingly views the LGBT community as a market for consumer products and services and actively courts its support.

As Christofascist in the Trump/Pence nightmare regime - e.g., Jeff Sessions, Betsy DeVos, Rex Tillerson, Ben Carson - wage war on LGBT Americans, I expect the exodus from organized religion will accelerate and the contempt with which evangelical and fundamentalist Christians are viewed will correspondingly increase.  If we are lucky as a nation, the Trump/Pence nightmare will be white heterosexual fundamentalist Christians last hurrah and when looked back upon by history will, in fact, have been what ultimately killed fundamentalist Christianity as a political force.   The over reaching and hypocrisy of these people is about to be put on high display and will show that they care nothing about others and that their policies are the antithesis of the Gospel message. 

P.S., not sure what's going on with South Dakota, but 5% of the population identifying as LGBT was a surprise.

Pride Fest 2016 Reflections

UPDATED: Unlike the Virginian Pilot, local channel TV-13 was at the same event I was at yesterday and notes among other things that THOUSANDS attended the event.  The link to the story is here.

American Rover - Pride parade of sail 2016

Another photo just before docking

Today at Pride Fest 2016 was amazing.  Despite the Virginian Pilot's current headline that "hundreds attend Pride" - once again the publication shows an anti-gay bias despite occasional pro-gay editorials and that a member of the Batten family was a sponsor of the event - the reality was that this year's event was by far the largest ever and it wasn't hundreds attending, but rather thousands and thousands of people.  The husband and I began the day aboard the American Rover (pictured above as it came along the Town Point Park waterfront) for the Pride boat parade (the only one in America) which was the last vessel in the parade.  

In the wake of the Orlando massacre, security was significantly increased with both Norfolk Police and Virginia State Police officers in plentiful view.  In addition, police has roof top surveillance and Coast Guard boats patrolled the harbor - one actually transported Pride Grand Marshall, Mercedes Douglas at the head of the boat parade.  It was quite an image: a drag queen in full regalia aboard a vessel armed with machine guns.  Talk about not piss a drag queen off! 

On the main stage one of the "headliners" was gay country musician Billy Gillman who gave a great performance.  Gillman, who came out as gay in 2014, has a great voice and is relatively easy on the eyes, with a tight body.  He was followed by Australian singer Betty Who - who had performed at Orlando Pride a week prior to the tragedy at Pulse - who likewise gave a great performance.  

View from the VIP/sponsor tent - police atop the building in the background

As for the weather, it was absolutely perfect.  If there was anything negative about the day, it was the small group of Christofascist protesters who police kept out of Town Point Park.  Taking a brief look at them, it's safe to say that they looked like a total losers who obviously suffer from a form of mental illness that drives them to condemn those who are different or who question their fairy tale based beliefs and their celebration of hate and ignorance.  But for these low life types the crowd was happy, peaceful and very well behaved.  In short, it was a totally wonderful day.

The 2016 Pride sponsors who included the husband and myself.  Again, note Newport News Shipbuilding as a presenting sponsor. Times are truly changing and the Christofascists and gay haters are coming closer and closer to being thrown on the trash heap of history where they belong. 

Pride After Orlando

I frequently note that living one's life "out and proud" is one of the most powerful forms of activism that we in the LGBT community can do.  Making people realize that we are not the ugly stereotypes that the "godly folk" like to disseminate can and does change hearts and minds - at least among decent, thinking people.  One way of doing this is to go to Pride events which in some ways are true acts of rebellion and well as opportunities to celebrate solidarity.  I'm sure that many in the straight community do not understand because they are part of the all too often oppressive majority.  The husband and I will attend Pride Fest today, both to celebrate with friends, but also to be visible and send a message that we will not be intimidated and we are here and never going to slink back into invisibility.  An op-ed in the New York Times expresses this mindset.  Here are excerpts:

June is pride month around the country, and it will continue to be. This weekend, celebrations will take place in Portland, Ore., and Chicago. The weekend after in New York City and San Francisco. All pride parades happen in defiance of people who want the L.G.B.T. community to be scared and ashamed. Most years those people are just parents who won’t talk to you about your personal life; for a decade it was a plague the government wouldn’t fight because they thought gay men deserved it. This year we thought it would be politicians trying to make going to the bathroom impossible for trans people. Now, after a massacre, it is more than that. But every Pride parade is an act of rebellion. And our preferred form of rebellion is getting drunk, sweaty, loud and naked.

Before the parade last weekend, my friends and I talked about Orlando, we talked about gun violence, we talked about horrible things politicians had posted, then deleted. There were rainbow streamers and inflatable unicorns and the flat knowledge that 49 people had been executed the night before for being gay. We walked the half block down to the parade, and it was alive. Go-go boys on fire trucks, Dykes on Bikes, serried ranks of L.G.B.T. Methodists mixed with dance music and light inebriation into a good time. It got better.

Our reaction wasn’t somber. We didn’t cancel the parade. We had fun. That is what gay people do. Every gay, trans or lesbian adult I know had to fight hard against family and social training to be an out, proud person. Our answer to loss and indignity, it seems, is to give a party, have a parade, and celebrate bits of happiness.

The uprising at Stonewall, our most famous civil rights moment, happened at a bar. It wasn’t noble or solemn, it was drunk, surly, and there were sequins involved. Those trans women and drag queens didn’t just stage a polite protest about repealing sodomy laws or cross-dressing prohibitions. They fought back against a police force invading our bar, the one place where the simple right to get a vodka soda and make out with a cute gay girl or boy in peace was something we could take for granted. It may seem frivolous, but when society has denied you dignity, honesty and safety, frivolity is all you’ve got.

And frivolity still comes through. When I logged into Grindr, a gay hookup app, on Sunday night, I was first greeted with a pop-up that let me know where and how I could help victims of the Pulse shootings.

It’s a dark, cruel joke, but ours is a culture that is not unfamiliar with darkness and cruelty. When people kill us, pass laws against us, make cheap jokes about us, they aren’t actually saying all gay people should die. They’re saying all L.G.B.T. people should know our place, live in silence, lie about who we are. Societal homophobia wants us to be ashamed, and finds ways to punish us if we refuse. The greatest gay rebellion is honest expression of our truth.

When word surfaced that the Orlando shooter had frequented gay bars and dating apps, some speculated that he might have been doing research to plan his attack. Gay people understood the other very real possibility, that the attacker might be a man with homosexual desires whom society had filled with so much secret shame that he would do anything to prove his distance from the gay world. It’s a tragic, complex truth that means however revolting I find him, I also have sympathy for the ways shame and the inability to live honestly may have twisted this man into a murderer.

The people who were at Pulse nightclub in Orlando on Saturday made the choice to be out and gay, and they paid a horrible price for it. The people who were out in West Hollywood on Sunday, and who will come out around the country this month, were there for all the L.G.B.T. people before us who suffered and struggled to be out and honest, and we did it with pride.

More Americans Are Admitting to Having Same-Sex Sexual Encounters

I have always believed that the number of gays - or at least sexually fluid individuals - in the general population is far higher than what many would argue is the case, especially Christofascists and those in the parasitic professional Christian class who always seek to minimize the prevalence of homosexuality.  Now, a new study has found that the number of people who are LGBT - or at least admitting to same-sex relationships - is closer to the 10% or more of the population that I believe is accurate than the 3% or less that the modern day Pharisee set likes to cite.  No doubt the anti-LGBT hate merchants at The Family Foundation, the National Organization for Marriage, and Family Research Council, among others, will be shrieking and acting as if someone defecated in their bowl of Cheerios.   Huffington Post looks at the study findings.  Here are highlights:

It appears giving queer sex a whirl is becoming more popular — or at the very least, more people are now willing to admit they’ve had a same-sex sexual encounter.

According to a study published Wednesday in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the number of American adults who say they’ve had a same-sex experience has doubled over the last two and a half decades.

A press release sent to The Huffington Post by San Diego State University reveals that Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at SDSU, and colleagues Ryne Sherman of Florida Atlantic University and Brooke Wells of Widener University, found that “between 1990 and 2014, the percentage of men who reported having had sex with at least one man increased from 4.5 percent to 8.2 percent, and the number of women reporting having had sex with at least one woman increased from 3.6 percent to 8.7 percent.” Twenge, Sherman and Wells also noted that “the percentage of adults reporting having had sex with both men and women rose from 3.1 percent to 7.7 percent.”

The study was conducted by combing through the General Social Survey, which is a nationally representative survey that includes over 30,000 adults who’ve agreed to discuss their thoughts about a variety of topics including same-sex behavior, which the survey began recording in 1978, and sexual partners, which the survey has been documenting since 1989.

The press release also notes that the survey includes respondents’ attitudes about same-sex relations. Twenge, Sherman and Wells found that “between 1973 and 1990, the percentage of adults who believed ‘sexual relations between two adults of the same sex [was] not wrong at all’ hardly budged, rising from 11 percent to 13 percent.” However, since 1990, they found that acceptance has skyrocketed to “49 percent of all adults and 63 percent of Millennials in 2014.” 

This new study falls in line with other recent polls and surveys about sexual identity and experiences. In August 2015, a YouGov poll conducted in The UK found that nearly one in two young people do not identify as exclusively heterosexual. Similarly, another study conducted by the trend forecasting agency J. Walter Thompson Innovation Group and released earlier this year found that 52 percent of Gen Zs do not identify as exclusively heterosexual.

Victoria Cobb, enjoy your Cheerios!!