20 OUTstanding Virginians Named by Equality Virginia

As part of the events recognizing Equality Virginia's 20th anniversary this year, at the Commonwealth Dinner in Richmond on April 4, 2009, Equality Virginia will be honoring twenty gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Virginians who have made a mark. The event should be a great affair - the boyfriend has already bought us tickets to attend - and the headliner for the evenings entertainment is Leslie Jordan (at left). What has struck me about the honorees is that I know one of them who is still living and knew two others during my law school days.

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Rita Mae Brown, Crozet-based screenwriter and author, most notably of "Rubyfruit Jungle."

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Clarence Cain, U.Va. Law School graduate whose life and death from HIV/AIDS inspired the 1993 film “Philadelphia”.

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Meg Christian, women’s music icon and founder of Olivia Records.
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Marge Connelly, Richmond financial industry executive.

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Adam Ebbin, the first openly gay member of Virginia’s General Assembly and founder of Virginia Partisans Gay and Lesbian Democratic Club.

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Jay Fisette, the first openly gay elected official in Virginia and Arlington County Board member.

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Claus Ihlemann, Norfolk activist and owner of Decorum Furniture.
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Jon Klein, founder of Diversity Thrift and Richmond Organization for Sexual Minority Youth (ROSMY).
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Beth Marschak, Richmond activist, author, and historian.
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Lucy Randolph Mason, labor organizer who helped pass 1938 Fair Labor Standards Act.
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Diane Schroer, winner of landmark transgender workplace discrimination case.
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Tony Segura and Marsh Harris: Segura was a founder of the Mattachine Society and Harris was a prolific author of gay pulp fiction.

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L.A. “Shep” Shepard and Norma Hofheimer, mid-century lesbian activist couple from Richmond.
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Wanda Sykes, Emmy-award winning writer and comedian/actress.
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Tracy Thorne-Begland, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell activist and deputy commonwealth's attorney of Richmond.
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Lawrence Webb, the first openly gay black elected official in Virginia and Falls Church City Council member.
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Charles Whitebread, former UVA law professor and GLBT philanthropist.
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Mel White and Gary Nixon, founders of Lynchburg-based Soulforce.
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Bob Witeck, Northern Virginia business owner and GLBT media consultant.

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The living honoree who I know is Claus Ihlemann, a fellow Norfolk business owner, and the 2008 Legends Gala honoree. Over the years Claus has been a great benefactor not only for LGBT causes but also for the local arts. He and his partner are wonderful guys and Claus truly deserves the honor.

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The other honorees that I knew personally are Clarence Cain, who was a classmate, and Charles Whitebread who was a law professor at the University of Virginia (his younger brother was in my class as well). When I first heard of Clarence's death via the UVA alumni magazine, nothing was said of how he died. Likewise, even when the movie Philadelphia came out, the local media did nothing to link the movie's story line to the life of a local native. Homophobia dies hard here in Virginia. A 1990 New York Times story gives the real life details of Clarence's struggles and can be found here.

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As for Charlie Whitebread, he was an amazing professor and a great guy. He was also a willing mentor to his students and a lot of fun. Invitations to his Halloween masquerade parties were highly sought after and he always put on an amazing and imaginative event. I was truly saddened when I saw a memorial to him in a recent alumni publication.

Barack Obama's Real Offense in the Eyes of the GOP - He's Black

When not insisting that Barack Obama is a Muslim who was not born in the United States, the Tea Party crowd is busy fantasizing about impeaching Obama.  Never mind that they have no legal grounds for doing so.  It's simply because they cannot stand the man.  His real offense?  He's black.  He embodies all the fears and resentments of angry whites who see their privileged position in society eroding and the white majority position in the population declining.  Soon, they will be merely like everyone else or, and this is what terrifies them, less than everyone else.  There's a good reason the Tea Party is so strong in the South: since the beginning of the nation, one might be nothing, but if you were white in the South, you were assured a superior position in Southern society in most circles (not all, of course, my New Orleans belle grandmother so "poor white trash" as the lowest of the low since, unlike blacks, they did not face racial barriers to self improvement).  These people are steadily losing that once assured position to black, Hispanics, Asians, etc., and it has become an obsession embodied by Obama.  In the New York Times Maureen Dowd looks at the GOP obsession to impeach Obama and rightly concludes that it's really all about race.  Here are excerpts:

ON the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech, Kerry Bentivolio, a Michigan [Republican] congressman, has a dream, too: to impeach the nation’s first black president. 

Bentivolio graciously conceded that he’d have to come up with some grounds first. “I went back to my office and I have had lawyers come in,” he said. “And these are lawyers, well — Ph.D.’s in history — I said, ‘Tell me how I can impeach the president of the United States. What evidence do you have?’ You’ve got to have the evidence.” 

The Tea Party congressman, a member of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, hopes to find e-mails linking the White House to the I.R.S. examination of groups with a “Tea Party” label seeking tax-exempt status. 

“I stood 12 feet away from the guy and listened to him and I couldn’t stand being there,” he said of President Obama,. . . .

Bentivolio is the perfect avatar of the impeachment fever gripping a G.O.P. that’s unmoored from reality, given that he once admitted in a court deposition, “I have a problem figuring out which one I really am, Santa Claus or Kerry Bentivolio.” That’s why he sometimes used the pronoun “we.” 

He’s been playing Santa Claus — as part of a business he started 19 years ago called Old Fashion Santa — with his own six reindeer.

The Free Press reported that Bentivolio, no Edmund Gwenn in “Miracle on 34th Street,” left a teaching job in 2011 “after complaints he bullied students, even telling one class on its first day that his goal was to make all the students cry once during the year.” How much more gratifying to bully the president. 

Not content with fighting off a popular immigration overhaul or threatening to shut down the government and set off the first federal default, hard-core Congressional Republicans want to nullify the election. Unlike when the Republicans did their nutty impeachment of Bill Clinton — (Newt Gingrich is back, starring in the “Crossfire” reboot) — they don’t even control the Senate. And as David Axelrod told me, there isn’t a “scintilla of justification.”

Earlier this month, the president’s motorcade pulled into the Orlando Hilton and was greeted by about 50 protesters holding signs saying “Kenyan Go Home,” “Impeach Obama” and “Obama Lies.” 

This month has been rife with efforts among the G.O.P. “wise men,” using every channel possible — polls, op-eds, cable, Twitter — to try to talk sense to the goons of August. When Condi Rice is a “wise man,” you know you’re in trouble. 

The Democrats never impeached W. and they had real grounds: starting a war on false premises and sanctioning torture. “The Republican Party is in a constant struggle between its ego and its id,” Axelrod says, “and the id has mostly won out lately.” 

It isn’t the president who should leave. It’s the misguided lawmakers trying to drive him out.  For some of the rodeo clowns clamoring for impeachment around the country, Barack Obama’s real crime is presiding while black. 

Hampton Roads Retail Alliance Gala 2016 Lifetime Achievement Award

click image to enlarge

A number of our friends tease us about the number of formal events we go to each year. but if one supports worthy causes and wants to support friends and community advocates, it actually takes an effort NOT to go to many events.  Tonight, on a reminder from our dear friend Cindy Cutler (a former Legends honoree), we attended the Greater Hampton Roads Retail Alliance Gala that honored top retailers from both the Virginia Peninsula and the so-called "Southside" - i.e., the cities of Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, Portsmouth and Suffolk -  and, most importantly, our dear friends, Claus Ihlemann (another past Legends honoree and Equality Virginia "Outstanding Virginian" and his husband, Robert Roman, the owners of Decorum Furniture.

Not only are Claus and Robert great supporters of LGBT equality - the are presenting sponsors at the 2016 Pride fest event in Norfolk on June 18, 2016 (the husband and I are also sponsors, but on nowhere near that level) - but their philanthropic efforts extend to ACCESS/AIDS Care, Hope House, Tidewater Arts Outreach and many other causes that seek to enhance the greater Hampton Roads community.  Their constant refrain for what they do is "Pay it forward."

The husband and I consider ourselves lucky to count this year's lifetime achievement winners as friends.  Moreover, the set the stand for other to emulate, including their willingness to live their lives honestly and authentically, making no apologies for who they are. The same goes for our friend Cindy Cutler, mentioned above, a formidable "straight ally" to the LGBT community.

As I have advise in the past for those coming out - especially those coming out later in life - the key to thriving is to get involved and surround yourself with inspiring people.  Each of us has the ability to create change and to make sure that it gets better for those coming after us.  

As for the event itself, it was well done, with a masquerade theme - many guest sported formal wear and stylish masks - we wore masks from Venice - and to liven up the evening, performers from the based Hurrah Players (which among others, first launched actor Grant Gustin ) providing well done renditions from Phantom of the Opera.   In short, it was a wonderful evening.

Trump's 2018 Nightmare Issues

For the last few months I have found myself starting the day by checking CNN to see whether or not Donald Trump has launched America into war - possibly even nuclear war.  It's as if I am reliving the 1960's where in school we did ridiculous "duck and cover" drills in the hallways and classrooms, except now the fear of a first launch lies with the White House. In short, Trump has brought a nightmarish element to daily life, and that's not even counting his war on LGBT Americans.  Thus, it gives me some pleasure to think of things that may cause Trump his own nightmares and aggravations in the coming year.  A piece in Vanity Fair looks at five issues that could cause Trump headaches - hopefully, far worse - in 2018.  Here are article highlights:

The self-sabotage of the man [Trump] continues to astonish because it takes so many new and unexpected forms. Because Trump’s outbursts are unpredictable, so are many of his headaches. (For example, had he not impulsively fired James Comey from the F.B.I., he could have avoided a drawn-out investigation by special counsel Robert Mueller.) But some of his headaches for 2018 can be predicted in advance. Here are five to expect:

1. Democrats will be less open to deal-making.  When Trump got into office, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and other Democrats greeted him with a detailed infrastructure proposal, hoping to split Trump from Republicans and to get something passed on terms more favorable to them. Had Trump taken it up with a counterproposal and reached a compromise, he could have enjoyed praise for a bipartisan moment (one that wouldn’t have bothered his own base), played Santa Claus, and maybe even gotten a few miles of his border wall started. He likewise could have worked with both parties to fix Obamacare and called it “repeal and replace.” Republicans would have been no less eager to do tax reform later.

Now, however, Democrats will be less willing to negotiate. They see the midterm elections coming in November and anticipate winning back the House—possibly, despite long odds, even the Senate. So why not wait to cut a deal until they can get something better? . . . . a primary focus of Democrats this year will be on making Donald Trump and his allies look bad.

2. Robert Mueller sticks around.  According to The Washington Post, people close to the investigation by special counsel Robert Mueller say they expect Mueller to keep up his digging for another year.

If Mueller wants to get anywhere with making a case against Trump, therefore, he’ll need Democratic majorities in the House and, ideally, the Senate. As long as Mueller is eager to show something for his work, or if he’s filled with outrage over Trump, he has every incentive to move glacially in 2018. Congressional Democrats probably aren’t the only ones who are making calculations with the midterms in mind.

3. Someone has to blink on DACA.  In March, immigrants who came to the United States illegally as children start to lose the protections offered by DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals), which Barack Obama formalized by executive action in 2012. Between now and then, both Trump and the Democrats face a moment of brinksmanship, and each side is trying to figure out who has the upper hand.

Trump wants to legalize DACA recipients permanently in exchange for ending what is often called chain migration—meaning migration of not just spouses and kids but also of siblings, parents, cousins, and uncles—and the “diversity visa,” meaning citizenship by lottery for some 50,000 people. He also wants a border wall and further interior enforcement mechanisms such as “E-Verify” employment eligibility checks.

4. Paul Ryan wants to cut entitlements.  Cutting entitlements has long been an obsession among a sizeable faction of Republicans, and House Speaker Paul Ryan is a sincere believer in the cause. Does Trump want to do this? No. He did not run on it—quite the opposite. But Ryan very much wants to do it.

Ryan seems to be willing to stake everything getting his priorities accomplished, which is surely a reason why he’s signaling that 2018 will be his last year in office. . . . . Trump would probably love to swat away Paul Ryan, but the speaker of the House holds a lot of cards, and Ryan seems to play them better than people think.

5. Confrontation with Iran and North Korea will be . . . unnerving.  Nikki Haley seems to be leading a charge to ramp up conflict with Iran. She has the support of many hawks on this, including some in the White House.

North Korea claims it has become a nuclear power. Trump’s people claim not to believe it. If North Korea is allowed to keep arming up with nuclear weapons, then Japan and South Korea may follow suit. That would be dismaying, but killing millions trying to stop it would also be dismaying.

Those seem to be Trump’s choices on Iran and North Korea, and signs he’ll make the wise ones aren’t all that promising. But let’s pretend they are. For a new year, it’s a better note to start on.

Why Society is Responsible for the Sins of Religion

I often complain of the undeserved deference given to religion in America.  The complaint also applies to other nations as well, but of the modern industrial nations America alone has the strongest fixation of hanging onto discredited religious beliefs and institutions.  True, most of us - especially in older generations - were brainwashed growing up in pews across the country, but at some point one needs to grow up and open their eyes.  Most of us grow up being fed with the Santa Claus myth, but at some point we acknowledge that the story line is untrue and that adults have misled us.  The same needs to happen with religion in general and denominations that preach division and contempt for others in particular and demand exalted respect for themselves.  A column in the New York Times from last week looks at the horrible consequences of giving undue respect to religious and clergy.  While focused on the Roman Catholic Church, the piece could just as easily be about the Southern Baptist Convention which likewise has a huge problem of sexual abuse by clergy.  Here are column highlights:

It’s fashionable among some conservatives to rail that there’s insufficient respect for religion in America and that religious people are marginalized, even vilified.

That’s bunk. In more places and instances than not, they get special accommodation and the benefit of the doubt. Because they talk of God, they’re assumed to be good. There’s a reluctance to besmirch them, an unwillingness to cross them.

The new movie “Spotlight,” based on real events, illuminates this brilliantly.

“Spotlight” — which opens in New York, Los Angeles and Boston on Friday and nationwide later this month — chronicles the painstaking manner in which editors and writers at The Boston Globe documented a pattern of child sexual abuse by Roman Catholic priests and the concealment of these crimes by Catholic leaders.

[I]t isn’t about journalism. Or, for that matter, Catholicism.  It’s about the damage done when we genuflect too readily before society’s temples, be they religious or governmental. It’s about the danger of faith that’s truly blind.

It takes place in 2001 and 2002, and that time frame itself is a remarkable reflection of how steadfastly most Americans resist any intrusion into religious groups, any indictment of religious officials. 

“Spotlight” is admirably blunt on this point, suggesting that the Globe staff — which, in the end, did the definitive reporting on church leaders’ complicity in the abuse — long ignored an epidemic right before their eyes.

Why? For some of the same reasons that others did. Many journalists, parents, police officers and lawyers didn’t want to think ill of men of the cloth, or they weren’t eager to get on the bad side of the church, with its fearsome authority and supposed pipeline to God.

“Spotlight” lays out the many ways in which deference to religion protected abusers and their abettors. At one point in the movie, a man who was molested as a boy tells a Globe reporter about a visit his mother got from the bishop, who was asking her not to press charges.

“She put out freakin’ cookies,” the man says.  When the cookies finally went away, many Catholic leaders insisted that the church was being persecuted, and the crimes of priests exaggerated, by spiteful secularists.

But if anything, the church had been coddled, benefiting from the American way of giving religion a free pass and excusing religious institutions not just from taxes but from rules that apply to other organizations.

A 2006 series in The Times, “In God’s Name,” noted that since 1989, “more than 200 special arrangements, protections or exemptions for religious groups or their adherents were tucked into congressional legislation, covering topics ranging from pensions to immigration to land use.”

To cloak sexual abuse and shield abusive priests, Catholic leaders and their lawyers routinely leaned on the church’s privileged status, invoking freedom of religion, the separation of church and state, and the secrecy of the confessional. They thus delayed a reckoning.

“If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to abuse one,” says a character in “Spotlight.” Indeed it does: a village too cowed, and a village too credulous.

We all need to grow up, open our eyes and demand tat the special privileges and exemptions enjoyed by churches and religious organizations (and their often charlatan leaders) end.  If they cannot operate and survive under the dame rules and tax policies as other institutions, then the deserve to wither and die.

Equality Virginia 2009 Legend’s Honoree Announced

This is my fourth year of involvement with the Equality Virginia's Legends Gala fundraiser - last year I was co-chair of the event. This year's honoree is a wonderful friend, Cynthia Cutler, who is a one woman dynamo of civic involvement for both LGBT and other area non-profit organizations in the Hampton Roads area. Her involvement with the LGBT community is long standing and with eight intrepid other individuals and myself, she joined in founding Hampton Roads Business OutReach, a/k/a HRBOR, one of the fastest growing affiliates of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce ("NGLCC"). Cindy is very, very deserving of this honor. The following is the press release about the event which will take place on Saturday, November 7, 2009:

On November 7, 2009, Equality Virginia (EV) will pay tribute to local activist Cynthia Cutler as the honoree at its 4th annual “Legends Gala” to be held at Norfolk’s Waterside Marriot. Cutler joins past honorees Ann Dearsley-Vernon, Yvonne Miller and Claus Ihleman as exemplars in the continued fight for equality for all Virginians.

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Ms. Cutler is widely known in the Hampton Roads LGBT community as a relentless organizer and an outspoken advocate for LGBT equality. Shannon Bowman, EV Legends Committee Co-Chair, states, “Cindy has continued to inspire both the gay and straight community to demand change. She tirelessly takes on leadership roles to facilitate this change without regard to any negative implications her affiliation with LGBT organizations may bring personally.” Cutler, a mortgage specialist with Tidewater Home Funding, has an extensive résumé of community involvement. Among the organizations benefiting from her involvement are Equality Virginia, YWCA, ACCESS Aids Care and Hampton Roads Business OutReach to name but a few.

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The Legend’s Gala, now in its 4th year, is a fund raising event for EV in their continued efforts to bring equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Virginians. Equality Virginia, founded in 1989 as Virginians for Justice, is a statewide, non-partisan, education, outreach and advocacy organization. Its work includes research, voter education and advocacy on a broad range of issues of concern to LGBT Virginians including workplace discrimination, marriage and relationship recognition and anti-violence programs.

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Last year’s event, held at the Norfolk Yacht and Country Club was attended by over 250 and raised more than $45,000 for the organization. Cutler’s wide ranging network of friends, associates and admirers sets the stage for the 2009 event to far exceed this lofty goal.

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Sponsorship levels for the event range from $5000 to $500. For more information contact Mardi Krantz at 804.643.4816 or go to www.EqualityVirginia.org.

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Equality Virginia’s Board of Directors and the Legend’s Gala Committee are proud to honor Ms. Cutler as this year’s Legend’s Honoree. It is her selfless commitment to our ideals that gives hope to one day reaching the goal of a truly inclusive Commonwealth for all Virginians.
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This year’s event will be at the Marriott Waterside. Tickets are available now for $100 and will go up to $135 after Oct 1. Tickets can be purchased online at www.EqualityVirginia.org.

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The boyfriend and I will be "pit bosses" high end Monte Carlo night theme of the event and we hope local readers will make a point to attend the event and say hello to us.

A Gay Couple and a Miracle on 22nd Street

With the bad rap that LGBT individuals get from the Christianists who claim we are seeking to destroy marriage and/or the family, a story out of New York City shows a gay couple doing more to further love and a sense of holiday magic than a host of haters like Tony Perkins and Maggie Gallagher. For reasons still unknown, a gay couple on 22nd Street received hundreds of letters addressed to Santa Claus - addressed to their exact address. The video below is their explanation of how they tried to do the right thing and managed to see that a couple hundred letters were fullfiled. Would that the world had mor Jim's and Dylan's in it and less "godly Christians." An article here has more on their story -these are highlights:
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There were just two weeks left until Christmas, and both Jim and Dylan were in a state of semi-paralysis. They had handed out a few letters to friends to answer, but not nearly enough to make a dent in the pile. Each day when one of them would check the mail more letters would fall out of the box.
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One option: Take the letters to the Main Post Office, where they would be added to the thousands of other letters sent to Santa each year. Thoughtful strangers, in a perfect world, would pick them up and buy the letter writers gifts.
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But Jim imagined the worst: “If we bring them back to the post office, are all the kids getting a letter back with ‘Return to Sender’? I don’t want that to happen.” So Jim and Dylan came up with their own solution, one I sought to capture in our video.
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Housing downturn leaves behind a tattered furniture market

It looks like the ripple effect of the housing market down turn is beginning to occur locally (http://content.hamptonroads.com/story.cfm?story=129326&ran=52005) and I suspect nationwide as well:

Not quite two years ago, the housing market nationally and locally began to slow. As home sales soured, so did furniture purchases. Most of the region's furniture retailers sat back and tried to wait out the slowdown. Some haven't survived.

Sales at furniture and home furnishings retailers across the five South Hampton Roads cities - Chesapeake, Norfolk, Portsmouth, Suffolk and Virginia Beach - fell 20 percent in the fourth quarter of 2006 from the same period the previous year, according to state sales tax data. During the same period, the number of local retailers in that category shrunk from 273 to 250, or 8 percent. "It's a lot of little things, in addition to the housing slump, that added up to 'I don't need that new sofa,' " said Claus Ihlemann, owner of Decorum Furniture, a purveyor of of contemporary furniture with stores in Virginia Beach and Norfolk.

Decorum also needed to address those extremes in retailing within its own customer base, Ihlemann said, so he adjusted his merchandise and prices. Decorum's least expensive sofas, for instance, cost less than $1,000 for shoppers more sensitive to cost, he said. For customers less concerned about their spending, he said, the store put more emphasis on efficiency and faster fulfillment of orders.

Champine said the furniture industry isn't likely to recover for six to 12 months after the housing market bounces back. The Wall Street Journal reported last week that many economists and industry executives say that the housing rebound will be gradual and won't start before 2008 at the earliest. Given this economic climate, even retailers with great products, strong service and a high-end image can't overcome sluggish sales.

Meanwhile, the Chimperator continues to run around saying that the economy is doing great. Yet another example of his being clueless to reality.

An Inexplicable Gay Suicide

We read time and time again about gay teens who end their lives prematurely due to relentless bullying and other factors that no one will likely ever know. Thus, it's unnerving to read about the suicide of a financially successful member of the LGBT community who had outwardly seemed to come to terms with living in a still very homophobic society and by reports was a personification of the "It Gets Better" story line. The New York Times has such a story today. Having attempted suicide twice myself in the past and ended up hospitalized as a result, I do understand all too well the feeling that forces are out of one's control and the desire to just stop the pain can take control and trump everything else. And getting older - I will hit a major age benchmark in August, so I speak with knowledge - and realizing that so many of your dreams of your youth will never come to be can also be a depressing phenomenon - especially for those of us who tend to be perfectionists.

While I don't claim to know what motivated Bob Bergeron to take his own life, I do believe that gays have a far more burdensome existence where we are forced to justify our own humanity and worth in ways that the heterosexual world will never know. Like it or not, the religious culture in America remains overwhelmingly toxic towards LGBT individuals who see themselves as a group denigrated daily and described in the foulest of ways by the "godly Christian" crowd. Even if one's family doesn't reject you, some level of damage is done nonetheless. And that damage is done deliberately by those like the folks at the National Organization for Marriage, Family Research Council, and even the Vatican. Devout Mormons and Christians don't like have their responsibility cited - as I found from a nasty e-mail attacking me for a recent post on a gay Mormon suicide - but the fact that the truth hurts doesn't make it any less the truth.

Here are some excerpts from the New York Times on Bergeron's tragic and still inexplicable suicide:

Over the last decade, he built a thriving private practice, treating well-to-do gay men for everything from anxiety to coping with H.I.V. Mr. Bergeron had also begun work as a motivational speaker, giving talks at gay and lesbian centers in Los Angeles and Chicago. In February, Magnus Books, a publisher specializing in gay literature, was scheduled to print a self-help guide he had written, “The Right Side of Forty: The Complete Guide to Happiness for Gay Men at Midlife and Beyond.”

It was a topic he knew something about. Having come out as gay in the mid-1980s, Mr. Bergeron, 49, had witnessed the worst years of the AIDS epidemic and emerged on the other side. He had also seen how few public examples there were of gay men growing older gracefully.

He resolved to rewrite the script, and provide a toolbox for better living. “I’ve got a concise picture of what being over 40 is about and it’s a great perspective filled with happiness, feeling sexy, possessing comfort relating to other men and taking good care of ourselves,” Mr. Bergeron said on his Web site. “This picture will get you results that flourish long-term.”

But right around New Year’s Eve, something went horribly wrong. On Jan. 5, Mr. Bergeron was found dead in his apartment, the result of a suicide that has left his family, his friends and his clients shocked and heartbroken as they attempt to figure out how he could have been so helpful to others and so unable to find help himself.

But there is something particularly resonant about Mr. Bergeron’s tale. Here was a man who ended his life at the exact moment he seemed to be nearing a professional peak, one that involved the upbeat story of a mature gay man facing the second half of his life with enthusiasm, hope and an endless array of tight T-shirts.

“We sell this idea that 60 is the new 40, but it’s just lying,” said Dr. Frank Spinelli, an internist in Chelsea who referred numerous patients to Mr. Bergeron. “We tell children there’s Santa Claus, and then they get older, and learn better. I can’t even begin to imagine what Bob was going through.”

Though some of his friends, Mr. Rappaport among them, wondered whether drugs were involved, leading to a crash Mr. Bergeron did not anticipate, the suicide seemed to have been carried out with methodical precision. On an island in the kitchen, Mr. Bergeron had meticulously laid out his papers. There was a pile of folders with detailed instructions on top about whom to call regarding his finances and his mortgage. Across from that he placed the title page of his book, on which he also wrote his suicide note. In it he told Mr. Sackheim and Mr. Rappaport that he loved them and his family, but that he was “done.”

As his father remembered it, Mr. Bergeron also wrote, “It’s a lie based on bad information.”An arrow pointed up to the name of the book. The inference was clear. As Mr. Bergeron saw it at the end of his life, the only right side of 40 was the side that came before it.

I hope Bergeron finds the peace that seems to have eluded him. Perhaps he feared not living up to his own standard. Perhaps he feared disappointing - failing, if you will - his patients and readers. Even writing this small blog, I at times feel I cannot fail readers. For the rest of us, we need to be vigilant in watching out for one another and keep up the fight against the anti-gay hate and bigotry that remain so rampant in America.

2013 Equality Virginia Legands Gala - November 9, 2013

Miles Burcher

Back in 2006 Equality Virginia launched the first annual Legends Gala to honor individuals in the Hampton Roads area who had made a difference in the struggle for equality for all citizens.  The first honoree was my friend  Ann Dearsley Vernon who was chosen for her many years of incredible commitment to the ideals of Civil Rights for all, gay or straight, black or white (in 2001, Ann was awarded the “Unsung Heroes Award” In Greensboro, NC for her role in the 1960’s sit-ins, where she was one of three white University of N.C. students to join the Woolworth lunch counter sit-ins).  Subsequent honorees have included a number of other friends. 2007 honored the late Yvonne Miller who fought for equality starting in segregated schools to the Virginia State Legislature, where she made history as the first African American woman elected to Virginia’s legislature.  2008 saw Claus Ihlemann honored.  Other past nominees are dear friends who have been on the front lines of the battle for LGBT equality in Virginia.  A full list of past honoree can be found here. 

This year's honor is once again a friend: Miles Burcher.  Here's Equality Virginia's overview of Miles' activism:

In his early years, Miles served as President of the “Out and About,” newspaper and thus began his life-long journey of support and advocacy for the Hampton Roads’ LGBT community.  As one of the area’s first couples to marry, he and his husband Gary Brocksmith have never “hidden” their marriage, or their commitment to the equal rights of all. Along the way, they have served as mentors for LGBT youth, and they have made numerous allies while modeling a marriage of two caring and supportive adults.

Miles has led his life as an openly optimistic and caring gay man. Miles co-chaired the first AIDS Walk in 1992, and has been supportive of many LGBT organizations over the years including: Access Aids Care, Candii, Equality Virginia, Hampton Roads Business OutReach (HRBOR), Hampton Roads Legends Gala, and the Norfolk Gay Pride festival.  Through these organizations, he has advocated tirelessly for workplace equality and social justice initiatives.  Miles and Gary have been personally generous to many LGBT organizations through contributions of both time and resources.  In addition, Miles has developed corporate sponsorships for Hampton Roads Business OutReach events, fundraised for the Tidewater AIDS Crisis Task Force (TACT), and developed relationships with local and regional politicians to garner support for LGBT-related issues.

Miles has chosen to work openly throughout his career in automobile sales and management. Though the industry is not especially gay friendly, he succeeded in spite of these challenges. In his management position at Tysinger Mercedes-Benz, Miles has solicited support from the dealership and the Tysinger family for LGBT causes and organizations, and he has set a great example for our generation and future generations to follow.  Miles and his husband Gary will continue to be a positive force in the Hampton Roads community.

In talking to Miles over dinner at our home last week, one thing that became obvious is this: Like the other past honorees, Miles never set out to be a "legend."  He merely lived his life openly and proudly and did what he believed to be the right thing to do.  And by doing the right thing, he some times suffered negative consequences on the job front and in other ways.  But he persevered and never jettisoned his principles or chose to hide who he is.

Tickets are still available and I urge Virginia readers to consider making a trip to Norfolk next weekend.    You can buy tickets HERE.  The evening begins at 6:30 p.m. with an elegant dinner for VIP guests, followed by the Legends Reception presented by Decorum Furniture at 8:00 p.m. Tickets are $175 for the VIP Dinner and include a complimentary bar and access to the Legends Reception. Tickets to the Legends Reception presented by Decorum Furniture are $50 per person and include: one drink ticket, an array of fine desserts, dancing, and a silent auction. I hope to see you there.

The evening begins at 6:30 p.m. with an elegant dinner for VIP guests, followed by the Legends Reception presented by Decorum Furniture at 8:00 p.m. Tickets are $175 for the VIP Dinner and include a complimentary bar and access to the Legends Reception. Tickets to the Legends Reception presented by Decorum Furniture are $50 per person and include: one drink ticket, an array of fine desserts, dancing, and a silent auction. - See more at: http://www.equalityvirginia.org/legends/#sthash.y8Ry0O2A.dpuf

Disclosure: I served on the Legends Committee for 5 years and was event co-chair in 2008. The boyfriend and I are sponsors of this year's event.

segregated schools to the Virginia State Legislature, where she made history as the first African American woman elected to Virginia’s legislature. - See more at: http://www.equalityvirginia.org/legends/past-honorees/#sthash.G6GxICHd.dpuf

Ann Dearsley Vernon was chosen as the 2006 honoree for years of incredible commitment to the ideals of Civil Rights for all. In 2001, Ann was awarded the “Unsung Heroes Award” In Greensboro, NC for her role in the 1960’s sit-ins, where she was one of three white University of N.C. students to join the Woolworth lunch counter sit-ins. - See more at: http://www.equalityvirginia.org/legends/past-honorees/#sthash.G6GxICHd.dpuf

Ann Dearsley Vernon was chosen as the 2006 honoree for years of incredible commitment to the ideals of Civil Rights for all. In 2001, Ann was awarded the “Unsung Heroes Award” In Greensboro, NC for her role in the 1960’s sit-ins, where she was one of three white University of N.C. students to join the Woolworth lunch counter sit-ins. - See more at: http://www.equalityvirginia.org/legends/past-honorees/#sthash.G6GxICHd.dpuf

Australian Election; McKew claims Bennelong and Defeats Howard

If this story (http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/mckew-claims-bennelong/2007/12/01/1196394682271.html) proves true, I am sure that my blogger friend Magic BellyButton will be dancing a jig and tossing back a few drinks. Yes, it was great to see John Howard lose as prime Minister of Australia, but the loss of his own seat in Parliament has to be a total abrogation of his misrule. I wish Maxine McKew lots of luck going forward. Would that the Chimperator could be required to endure a similar rejection. Here are a s few highlights:

LABOR'S new superstar Maxine McKew declared herself the victor in the seat of Bennelong yesterday, but vanquished Prime Minister John Howard kept his silence. Mr Howard emerged at 7am from Kirribilli House in drizzling rain, saying he had "no political comment at all" before heading off on his customary walk. Two hours later the rain stopped and Ms McKew arrived at Gladesville Public School Christmas Fair, cheered by dozens of children. As the new MP joined the Christmas parade - in which she was driven atop a sports car - she was hugged by Mrs Santa Claus - alias Maria Venuti.

In claiming victory in Bennelong, Ms McKew said: "One week after the polls opened, I can now say that in Bennelong we are 2100 votes ahead and 51.2 per cent of the two-party vote, so I can formally say that Bennelong is now a Labor seat for the first time." She said Mr Howard had not contacted her to concede defeat. Ms McKew said the swing had been across the electorate and that voters had taken a cynical view of his sudden high level of visibility in the months before the election.

All Virginians Benefit From Equality - Except in the View of Bob McDonnell

As a member of the Legends Committee one of my assigned tasks was to write an op-ed piece for publication in the local media if possible. Today the Daily Press which covers the Peninsula area of Hampton Roads and the Williamsburg area ran a version of the op-ed that points out that ALL Virginians benefit when citizens are all treated with equality. Unfortunately, it is not a view held by many in the GOP in Virginia, including Bob "Taliban Bob" McDonnell and Ken "Kookinelli" Cuccinelli who would prefer to keep LGBT Virginian's treated like third class citizens and, in the case of Kookinelli, criminalized. It's a sick state of affairs and demonstrates the small mindedness and bigotry of Virginian's current crop of statewide office holders who share a mindset not all that different than those who inflicted "Massive Resistance" on the state several decades back. The degree of pettiness of McDonnell is evidenced by his refusal to sign a certificate congratulating this year's Legends honorees - something his predecessor was happy to do. In the process, McDonnell has slighted two wonderful individuals who contribute much to the community and an entire church congregation. Here's the op-ed from the Daily Press in its entirety:
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Equality Virginia believes in a truly inclusive commonwealth where all are equally welcomed and valued, where Virginians will be evaluated only on the basis of their skills and work and do not face workplace discrimination, and where all people can safely be honest about themselves.
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For the last four years, Equality Virginia has recognized Virginians in the Hampton Roads area who share this vision and engaged in community activism to further this goal. The individuals are the "Legends" who are recognized at a gala event each November. Past honorees include Ann Dearsley Vernon, who is active in the region's arts community and was engaged in the 1960s civil rights movement; state Sen. Yvonne Miller, the first African-American women elected to the Virginia General Assembly; Claus Ihlemann, civic benefactor and well-known business owner; and Cynthia Cutler, a mortgage loan officer and activist in numerous charitable organizations.
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The 2010 individual honorees are Laurel Quarberg and Sarah Munford, owners of The New Leaf Florist in Ghent in Norfolk and activists in numerous local, non-profit organizations and charities ranging from the Ghent Business Association to Equality Virginia to the Hampton Roads Community Foundation.
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This year the Legends Gala will also recognize an area institution or organization that has been leading the effort for equality for all. The recipient is St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Hampton, which has championed the "all are welcome" message for many years.
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One might ask why and how these "legends" for equality are important to the larger Hampton Roads populace. The answer — besides the fact that equality for all is the morally right thing to do and in keeping with the founding documents this commonwealth — is that equality, diversity and tolerance lift up an area in terms of economic and business development and spur innovation.
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In a recent column, researcher Richard Florida noted that while politicians and voters continue to debate whether lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) people have the right to marry, adopt children or serve openly in the military, a growing body of research suggests that considerable benefits accrue to cities and areas that have sizeable, visible concentrations of LGBT residents. Data show that income levels are higher, as are many quality of life measures including the arts and tourism.
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Florida concedes that the presence of LGBT people isn't in and of itself a sufficient condition for wealth creation. However, the data clearly confirm that places that attract gay people and lesbians tend to have the same open-minded attitudes and business styles that foster innovation.
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The research indicates that a visible LGBT community is a "canary in the coal mine," signaling openness to new ideas, new business models, and people open to different perspectives. These are precisely the characteristics of a local economic system that can attract cutting-edge entrepreneurs and new companies.
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While Virginia continues to pride itself in ranking among the top states for business, the nation and the world are changing rapidly. Just this summer Argentina joined Canada — which has been significantly outperforming the United States in terms of job creation and enjoying rising real estate values — in permitting same-sex marriage. Equality is on the march around the world, and Virginia cannot sit back on past laurels. Comparatively low taxes and a "pro-business" legal framework in the future may not be enough to tip the balance in favor of a business' decision to locate in Virginia. Equality for LGBT citizens is spreading among Virginia's economic competitors. Meanwhile, LGBT citizens in Virginia are still subject to firing from their jobs at will and lack the rights afforded to all citizens by more and more states and nations.
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Equality Virginia's "legends" recognize this changing world and the reality that full equality for all Virginians is the way of the future. Indeed, past "legends" and this year's honorees have embraced this unstoppable future and have labored to move Virginia forward.
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These forward-thinking "legends" for equality will be honored on Nov. 6, 2010, at a black-tie gathering. Information on the gala event and how to purchase tickets or be a sponsor can be found at http://www.equalityvirginia.org/upcoming-events/hampton-roads-legends.html

Trump 2.0: A Sick Moral Slum

Anyone outside of the most loyal MAGA base realizes that the Felon lies constantly about virtually everything.  The lies range to far fetched claims against political rivals to to claiming to know nothing about things he and/or his minions have done or set in motion. The lies eventually become a tangled web and set the stage for the Felon and his cruel lieutenants to get tripped up in their gyrations to keep the lies flowing.   Add to this the regime's horrific treatment of undocumented immigrants - with ICE and ICE Barbie, the cruelty seems to be the goal - and now apparent willingness to commit murder and war crimes (seemingly to please elements of the MAGA base and the Felon's desire to be a strongman) and the larger picture of the regime is one of utter moral bankruptcy.  A column in the Washington Post (I rarely view this news outlet and canceled by subscription when Bezos sold out to the Felon) by George Will - who I often disagree with - looks at the moral bankruptcy that defines the Felon and his foul regime of  incompetents, amoral individuals, and sycophants.   Here are highlights:

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth seems to be a war criminal. Without a war. An interesting achievement.

In 1967, novelist Gwyn Griffin published a World War II novel, “An Operational Necessity,” that 58 years later is again pertinent. According to the laws of war, survivors of a sunken ship cannot be attacked. But a German submarine captain, after sinking a French ship, orders the machine-gunning of the ship’s crew, lest their survival endanger his men by revealing where his boat is operating. In the book’s dramatic climax, a postwar tribunal examines the German commander’s moral calculus.

No operational necessity justified Hegseth’s de facto order to kill two survivors clinging to the wreckage of one of the supposed drug boats obliterated by U.S. forces near Venezuela. His order was reported by The Post from two sources (“The order was to kill everybody,” one said) and has not been explicitly denied by Hegseth. . . . the commander of the boat-destroying operation said he ordered the attack on the survivors to comply with Hegseth’s order.

Forty-four days after the survivors were killed, the four-star admiral who headed the U.S. Southern Command announced he would be leaving that position just a year into what is usually a three-year stint. He did not say why. Inferences are, however, permitted.

The killing of the survivors by this moral slum of an administration should nauseate Americans. A nation incapable of shame is dangerous, not least to itself. As the recent “peace plan” for Ukraine demonstrated.

Marco Rubio, who is secretary of state and Trump’s national security adviser, seemed to be neither when the president released his 28-point plan for Ukraine’s dismemberment. The plan was cobbled together by Trump administration and Russian officials, with no Ukrainians participating. It reads like a wish-list letter from Vladimir Putin to Santa Claus . . . 

Rubio, whose well-known versatility of convictions is perhaps not infinite, told some of his alarmed former Senate colleagues that the plan was just an opening gambit from Russia — although Trump demanded that Ukraine accept it within days. South Dakota Republican Sen. Mike Rounds, a precise and measured speaker, reported that, in a conference call with a bipartisan group of senators, Rubio said the plan was a Russian proposal: “He made it very clear to us that we are the recipients of a proposal that was delivered to one of our representatives. It is not our recommendation. It is not our peace plan.” Hours later, however, Rubio reversed himself, saying on social media that the United States “authored” the plan.

The administration’s floundering might reflect more than its characteristic incompetence. In a darkening world, systemic weaknesses of prosperous democracies are becoming clearer.

Harvard sociologist Daniel Bell’s 1976 book, “The Cultural Contradictions of Capitalism,” argued that capitalism’s success undermines capitalism’s moral and behavioral prerequisites. Affluence produces a culture of present-mindedness and laxity; this undermines thrift, industriousness, discipline and the deferral of gratification.

Two weeks ago, the chief of staff of the French army said: “We have the know-how, and we have the economic and demographic strength to dissuade the regime in Moscow. What we are lacking … is the spirit which accepts that we will have to suffer if we are to protect what we are. If our country wavers because it is not ready to lose its children … or to suffer economically because the priority has to be military production, then we are indeed at risk.”

Putin has surely savored the French recoil from these words. And he has noticed that, concerning Ukraine and the attacks on boats near Venezuela, the Trump administration cannot keep its stories straight. This probably is for reasons Sir Walter Scott understood: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave,/ when first we practise to deceive!”

Reminder - HRBOR's Three Year Anniversary Event

HRBOR's Third Anniversary Event is set for Thursday, May 20, 2010 at the 21st Street location of Decorum Furniture. Heritage Bank is hosting the food refreshments. Here are the details for locals who I hope will attend because the event is FREE and because it is a wonderful way to make friends and network for those with businesses. The NGLCC will be represented and will have a special surprise.

DATE: MAy 20, 2010, Thursday
TIME: 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
HOST: Decorum Furniture, Claus Ihlemann and Robert Roman
PLACE: Historic Ghent
301 West 21st Street
Norfolk, VA 23517
757.623.3100
http://www.decorumfurniture.com/
(Parking available in lot behind the store on W 20th Street)

FEATURED NON-PROFIT:
HRBOR, Hampton Roads Business OutReach -
It’s our Third Anniversary, so we are opening our doors to the Public in celebration of our Third Birthday as an organization. No guest fees! Come meet our members, network with other business professionals and see what HRBOR is all about. We have some great plans for the future!!!

COST: May’s Third Thursday is FREE, no Guest Fees this Month. Open to the Public in honor of HRBOR’s Third Anniversary! (Members Free each month)

Final Reminder - HRBOR Anniversary Party Tomorrow

Just a final reminder to local readers that Hampton Roads Business OutReach ("HRBOR") is holding its Third Anniversary Event tomorrow, Thursday, May 20, 2010 at the 21st Street location of Decorum Furniture. Heritage Bank is hosting the food refreshments. Here are the details for locals who I hope will attend because the event is FREE and open to the public and because it is a wonderful way to make friends and network for those with businesses. The NGLCC will be represented and will have a special surprise - HRBOR is receiving the 2010 "Rising Star Award. Here are details:

DATE: MAy 20, 2010, Thursday
TIME: 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
HOST: Decorum Furniture, Claus Ihlemann and Robert Roman
PLACE: Historic Ghent
301 West 21st Street
Norfolk, VA 23517
757.623.3100
http://www.decorumfurniture.com/
(Parking available in lot behind the store on W 20th Street)

FEATURED NON-PROFIT:
HRBOR, Hampton Roads Business OutReach -
It’s our Third Anniversary, so we are opening our doors to the Public in celebration of our Third Birthday as an organization. No guest fees! Come meet our members, network with other business professionals and see what HRBOR is all about. We have some great plans for the future!!!

COST: May’s Third Thursday is FREE, no Guest Fees this Month. Open to the Public in honor of HRBOR’s Third Anniversary! (Members Free each month)

Equality Virginia 20th Anniversary Dinner

The boyfriend and I traveled to Richmond yesterday for the 6th Annual Commonwealth Dinner which celebrated the 20th anniversary of Equality Virginia. The event had over 1,100 attendees and was a wonderful affair with LGBT Virginians and straight allies from all over the state. Ellen Qualls, Senior Advisor for Strategic Planning for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, was the mistress of ceremonies - with whom I hope to speak further this coming week. The dinner also honored 20 outstanding LGBT Virginians - past and present and among those honored were my former law school classmate, Clarence Cain, on whom the movie Philadelphia was based, Charles Whitebread, a former law professor from my days at UVA Law, and Claus Ihelemann, a friend from Norfolk. I will admit that I got a little veklempt when photos of Clarence and Charlie were projected on large screens in the ballroom. The lighter side of the entertainment for the evening was Leslie Jordan -a/k/a "Beverly Leslie" on "Will and Grace" and "Brother Boy" in Del Shores’ adaptation of his play "Sordid Lives" - who had the crowd laughing loudly with his storytelling.

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Also attending were some of the candidates for political office in the November, 2009, elections here in Virginia. The governor's race was represented by Brian Moran who seeks to be the Democrat candidate against the GOP's Bob "Taliban Bob" McDonnell. The boyfriend and I had a very good conversation with Moran and may well get involved in his campaign. The boyfriend and I also had a great conversation with Michael Signer who is seeking the nomination to be the Democrat candidate for Lieutenant Governor. Also in attendance as were campaign staff personnel for Pat Edmondson who is likewise seeking the Lieutenant Governor nomination. I hope to be speaking with all three campaigns this coming week and will be posting interview results and/or thoughts on these candidates. The Democrat Primary is on June 9, 2009. All three of these candidates are publicly taking pro-gay positions and Moran actively campaigned against the Christianist hate-based Marshal-Newman Amendment to Virginia's Constitution. I was very disappointed that Jody Wagner apparently had no one from her campaign at the event at the event.

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Candidly, I was a bit surprised when the Edmondson staff sought me out after seeing us talking with Mike Signer. To my surprise they were aware of this blog and want me to discuss the pro-gay positions that Pat Edmondson is taking. At some point I will likely endorse candidates based on who I think will be the best candidate over all and in the best position to defeat the GOP rivals come November. It is absolutely essential that Bob McDonnell NOT be elected governor since it would be tantamount to having Pat Robertson and The Family Foundation setting state policy through the Governor's Office. Based on the close race in 2005 that saw Bob McDonnell win the Attorney General race by fewer than 400 votes, LGBT Virginians could well decide who wins these races in November and we all need to get informed and get to the polls come November.

Tomorrow, November 4th Is the Last Day To Buy Legends Tickets

Ticket sales for the 2010 Legends Gala close at 5:00 PM tomorrow. If local readers have not bought your tickets, go to the Equality Virginia website here and do so. It is going to be a wonderful event and the boyfriend and I hope to see you there. P.S. There is a sponsored open bar cocktail hour as well as wonderful food.

November 6th, 2010 Renaissance Hotel, Portsmouth, Virginia
5PM - 6PM - Pre-Event Cocktail Party in private VIP room

6PM - 1AM - Main Masquerade Casino Event

Click here to get your tickets now!
2010 Steering Committee
Felix Borges – Chair

Carlton Hardy – Community Relations & Nomination Chair

Shannon Bowman – Sponsorship & Marketing Chair

Maurice Roebuck – Logistics Chair

Mark Board, Richard Caden, Edward Cassidy, Cynthia Cutler, Michael Hamar, Claus Ihlemann
Barry Kavy, Beedee McMillian, Cheryl Scott ,Ann Vernon, Mike Whitehurst