Revisiting the Past - High School Reunion

Onondaga Central High School.

For those who have read posts from the early period of this blog, high school and growing up in the closet was not an easy journey for me - like so many other LGBT youths.  My high school, Onondaga Central High School, pictured above, was small, rural (about 10 miles south of Syracuse, New York) and everyone knew everyone - for good and for bad.  There were few secrets.  At the time, there were roughly 750 students in grades 7-12 and there was nowhere from a smart, extremely shy and semi-nerdy kid who did not get the team sports gene to hide. I finally found a niche in cross country and earned a varsity letter and graduated with a New York State Regents diploma and a Regent's scholarship.  

This week I am back for a high school reunion - the husband has been a good sport so far even though he knows no one - and we went to the informal gathering last evening with the formal reunion dinner tonight.  Things went smoothly and one thing I wish my young self had known was that in the long run, high school social drama does not matter, especially if one goes on to college and leaves the area.  You will have many opportunities to re-create yourself.  Just be patient. That said, your high school years do nonetheless shape who you are and the positive friendships are things that can be treasured.

Being back in the Syracuse area for the first time in 20 years has been interesting as well.  Since there is not much hotel wise close to my school, we are staying a few blocks from Syracuse University ("SU") at the Skyler Hotel (part of the Hilton conglomerate) housed in a former Jewish temple. The place is remarkable and it is so nice to see a historic building saved and reincarnated.  After touring part of the main SU campus, we went to the Armory District which is full of shops - we found a great clothing store - and eateries.  A number of gay and gay friendly clubs/establishments are close at hand as well.  Overall, despite what one hears about "rust belt" cities, Syracuse looks good and very livable if one can handle the snowy winters. 

Today, we plan on first visiting a downtown street fair, then visiting apple orchards still owned by families my family knew years ago: McLusky Orchards and Beak & Skiff Orchards.  The latter has grown exponentially and has hard  cider - last night we had some of its 1911 blend named for the year the orchard was founded - and a distillery.  This afternoon, there will be a tour of the greatly renovated high school school, and the formal reunion dinner on the shores of Otisco Lake, the smallest of the Finger Lakes.  Making it all better is a great day weather wise.

Bishop of Syracuse, New York: Victims Of Predatory Priests Are "Culpable"

Syracuse Bishop Robert Cunningham - Mr. blame the victim

I grew up through high school in the Diocese of Syracuse, New York, and was an altar boy for 10 years and on a number of occasions served at mass and other services with the then Bishop of Syracuse.  At that point in time, priests were afforded god like deference and very dew adults much less minors would dare challenge the word of a priest or a bishop.  Now, the current occupant of the bishopric of Syracuse, Robert Cunningham, has testified under oath that the victims of predator priest shared in culpability with the predatory priests who sexually molested them.  The mindset is akin to that of those who are only too ready to blame female rape victims of "having asked for it."  It's disgusting and one cannot help but wonder where is Pope Francis when it comes to disciplining  this foul douche bag.  The New Civil Rights Movement looks at these despicable statements.  Here are highlights:

Pope Francis is coming to Philadelphia next week, and a group of survivors who were abused by Catholic priests plan to present him with a petition to remove Syracuse Bishop Robert Cunningham from his position, after it came to light that the bishop testified in an abuse case that, in the eyes of the Church, the boys who were molested are also at fault. 

Bishop Cunningham made the statement under oath, during a 2011 deposition during a federal lawsuit brought by a man who accused a priest in Bishop Cunningham's diocese of sexually abusing him as a child.

The lawyer representing the victim asked Bishop Cunningham whether, in the eyes of the church, a child molested by a priest has committed a sin. Bishop Cunningham answered:

"The boy is culpable." 

Charles Bailey and Kevin Braney, survivors of priest sexual abuse, are planning an online petition which they will present to Pope Francis, asking to have Bishop Cunningham removed. Mr. Bailey told Syracuse.com that he was not surprised by Bishop Cunningham's testimony:

"(Bishop) Moynihan said that right to my face – 'The age of reason is 7, so if you're at least 7 you're culpable for your actions.' That kind of floored me."

Bishop Cunningham has been desperately trying to walk back his testimony ever since it became public earlier this month - quite inopportune timing with the Pope on the way. 

Patrick Wall, who has testified as an expert witness in the criminal trials of Catholic priests accused of sexual abuse, called Bishop Cunningham's testimony "preposterous."

"There's no way, either in law or in moral theology or in canon law which Bishop Cunningham is trained in," said Mr. Wall, "that a child can consent to that crime."

Along with his own words from the 2011 deposition, the survivors plan to complain to Pope Francis about Bishop Cunningham's refusal to publicly release the names of the priests against whom the diocese has found credible allegations of child molestation. The survivors say they will also present evidence that priests from other dioceses with child-molestation allegations against them have been sent to a retirement home for priests in Syracuse.

There is more, but the take away is that if Pope Francis is truly contrite for the world wide criminal conspiracy that allowed thousands and thousands of children and minors to be sexually abused, then action should be taken against Cunningham.   I continue to believe that those who see Francis as a wind of change are indulging in a fantasy.  I'd love to be proven wrong, but I doubt that I will be proven wrong.

  

A Father Remembered

Today would have been my father's 91st birthday.  He died in September, 2006, on of all possible dates my son's birthday.  Needless to say, it's been a bitter sweet day for me with thoughts of my father lingering at the back of my mind.  As long time readers know, my relationship with my dad was not always that good.  In part because of his difficult childhood and youth since he was orphaned at the age of 3 years old.  Then there was the glass wall I erected between myself and virtually everyone as I struggled to try to deny to myself that I was gay and I feared letting anyone too close to me because of my fear that they'd discover "my secret" even though I had not even conceded to myself that I was gay.  Over my 37 years in the closet I missed so many opportunities to be close to others because of my fear of rejection.  

When I did finally come out I was blessed to have parents who accepted me totally and never flinched at standing by me.   So many gays have not been as lucky and have faced rejection by parents and family.  That's why in honor of my parents I funded the initial endowment for the Hamar/HRBOR Scholarship ( a four year scholarship) for graduating high school seniors who face financial need either because of family rejection or through financial  limitations.  My contribution allows for a grant every four years, but to offer the scholarship, HRBOR needs to raise another $75,000.00 - hence the contribution link on this blog.  I hope readers will consider making a tax deductible gift.

The photo of my dad above is from the World War II years when he served in the Army Corps of Engineers. He was likely somewhere between 19 and 23 when the portrait was done.  He served most of the war in France having crossed the English Channel the day after D-Day.  His last post was as Fire Marshall of Marseilles before mustering out and returning to Syracuse University where he met my mother.

It's been nearly six years but I still miss him.  I miss our talks and his pragmatic way of looking at things.  I still remember when he first met my former partner and summed the situation this way:  "I've gained another son."  They went on to bond well together.  One of the last times I saw him as we were getting ready to head back to Norfolk he said "you will always be my little boy."  Yes, I'm crying as I type this post.  I hope he knows what a wonderful gift he gave me when he accepted me just as I was.  I miss him everyday.

Abuse/Cover Up Scandal Now Hits Syracuse University

Growing up I was very familiar with Syracuse University since it was the alma mater of my parents and other relatives. The university's sports teams dominated the local sports news and I attended a number of football games in Archibold Stadium, the predecessor to the Carrier Dome, and basketball games at Manley Field House. As seem to be increasingly the case, at times university sports programs seemed to get more attention and far more money than academic programs. And successful coaches became demi-gods. And as we are continuing to discover, they got away with all kinds of misdeeds as other coaches and staff looked the other way rather than hurt the university brand. The indifference and callousness towards the youths who were victimized looks all too familiar with what became a world wide norm in the Roman Catholic Church. First some highlights from Reuters:

The Hall of Fame head coach of Syracuse University's basketball team whose assistant was fired over allegations of sexually molesting boys, stayed mum about the growing scandal on Monday but will speak publicly after a Tuesday game, the school said.

Details of the investigations have so far not been made public, and the allegations have been based on statements made by the alleged victims. District Attorney William Fitzpatrick has said the police refused to share information.

"The Syracuse Police Department will provide the information requested by the Onondaga County District Attorney's Office on Tuesday," the police said in a statement, calling it "the appropriate time." "We have now moved into a new phase of the investigation with the U.S. Attorney's Office and the United States Secret Service taking the lead," the police said.

New York state police and agents with the U.S. Secret Service executed a search warrant at Fine's home on Friday. Experts said federal involvement could indicate the serious nature of possible crimes.

The world of college sports had already been reeling from allegations of abuse and possible cover-ups at football powerhouse Penn State, where a former assistant coach faces 40 sexual abuse charges.

Syracuse is the third major university to disclose abuse allegations after Penn State and South Carolina military college The Citadel, which disclosed that a student it investigated in 2005 had been arrested for sexually molesting boys.

Meanwhile, the Syracuse Post-Standard has more details. Here are some highlights:

Syracuse, NY -- The U.S. Attorney -- not the county district attorney -- has taken the lead in the child sex abuse probe of former Syracuse University associate men's basketball coach Bernie Fine. Fine, 65, was fired Sunday night by the university amid allegations he sexually abused several boys.

[District Attorney] Fitzpatrick said he continues to investigate what Syracuse police and others knew about the allegations in 2002. "My office is separately investigating what happened back in 2002, which does not concern the United States Attorney's Office," the district attorney said. "We're in court (Tuesday) on that, to determine whether or not the records will be disclosed. And that will obviously have a large impact into the status of the inquiry."

Lawyers from the DA's office and the city are due in Supreme Court Justice James Murphy's court at 2 p.m. Tuesday to determine whether the city will be ordered to hand over its records from 2002 to the DA's office.

Isn't it far past time for college sports to be put back in a proper perspective in terms of importance, the deification of coaches and players, and monetary expenditures? In a different collegiate atmosphere, I suspect such cover ups would not have occurred.

Syracuse Post- Standard Endorses Gay Marriage

As long time readers may recall, I grew up through high school in Central New York near Syracuse. While Syracuse University always helped to provide a more liberal influence as do most large universities, Syracuse and the surriunding area would never have been described as a hot bed of liberalism. Rather, historically the area was predominately Republican with a high percentage of Catholic residents. The very conservatism of the area is one reason as a young teen I decided I HAD to make myself straight somehow since being gay was something that was utterly unthinkable within that larger community not to mention my small school system at Onondaga Central Schools just south of the city proper. Amazingly, times and outlooks do change and I was shocked and amazed to learn today that Syracuse's principal newspaper had come out with an editorial urging the New York State Legislature to pass legislation authorizing same sex marriage. Here are some high lights from the Post-Standard editorial:

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Opponents of gay marriage insist that extending one of civilization's basic organizing principles to include homosexuals will weaken traditional marriage. The National Organization for Marriage says the best argument against gay marriage is that "gays and lesbians have a right to live as they choose; they don't have the right to redefine marriage for all of us."

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That reasoning has many happily married heterosexuals scratching their heads. How, exactly, would granting gays the right to marry adversely affect heterosexual couples? How would it weaken families?

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Arguments against gay marriage tend to be based on religious beliefs that marriage is a sacred rite intended solely for a man and a woman. But the legislation proposed by Gov. David Paterson would legalize gay and lesbian participation in civil marriages, not religious ceremonies. The bill specifically states that "no member of the clergy may be compelled to perform any marriage ceremony." New York and other states already recognize sexual orientation as a civil rights issue. Gov. George Pataki signed the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act in 2002, and that same year, the state extended workers' compensation benefits to gay people who lost their partners on 9/11. Why shouldn't equal rights be extended into the realm of civil marriage?

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Legalizing gay marriage -- moreso than the halfway measure of civil unions -- would strengthen and affirm the long-term commitments same-sex couples make to each other. That doesn't weaken families; it bolsters them. The argument put forward by the National Organization for Marriage that gay marriage should remain outlawed because "children need a mother and a father" is also a red herring. Gay couples will continue to raise children whether they are allowed to marry or not. Wouldn't those children be better off if their gay parents solidified their relationship through marriage?

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If anything, legalizing same-sex marriage would provide children with a clearer understanding of -- and a greater tolerance for -- the immutable fact that some people have different sexual orientations than others. Indeed, as gay relationships have become more open and better understood, they have become more accepted, particularly among young people. A Siena College poll released Monday found that 53 percent of New York voters support gay marriage, with 39 percent opposed. Among those between 18 and 34, a whopping 71 percent said they support gay marriage. Among those 55 and above, only 42 percent did.

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Given those demographics, it is inevitable that same-sex marriage rights will eventually spread across the country. New York has no reason to wait. The Legislature should move swiftly to affirm a civil right and legalize same-sex marriage.

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I am proud of the progress my hometown newspaper has made. I'm sure the Post-Standard will receive many nasty letters attacking its editorial position., but sometimes doing what is right is not popular with the majority until many years later. That doesn't make it any less the right thing to do.