"Boy Erased" Based on a Harrowing True Story: A Review

Today a group of us went ans saw "Boy Erased" staring Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, and Lucas Hedges which is based on a true story and, if anything, is far, far too kind to advocates of conversion therapy and the now defunct "Love in Action "ministry" that inflicted harm on so many members of the LGBT community. Also among the cast was out gay musician Troye Sivan who played the role of one of the other victims of the fraudulent conversion therapy "ministry".   The performances were extraordinary, especially that of Hedges and Kidman.  Thankfully, at the end of the movie, the end credits noted that the real life "ministry" which lacked licensed doctors or psychologist had closed its doors and the villainous leader of the "ministry" played by Joel Edgerton had in fact ultimately left the conversion therapy scam industry and married his husband after admitting that no one had ever been changed from gay to straight. 

I am very passionate about exposing the fraudulent and harmful nature of these programs which are condemned by EVERY legitimate medical and mental heal association in North America,. They do very real harm and, as "Boy Erased" shows can and do lead to needless suicides.  A friend underwent forced participation in a conversion therapy "program" that involved and exorcism and physical abuse.  Believe me, it severely harmed him emotionally and psychologically. I recommend this movie to anyone that wants to learn about the evils of these programs and wants to perhaps glimpse the emotional and psychological challenges anyone LGBT still faces in America - but especially Trump/Pence America.

If you see the movie - which I recommend readers do - and believe that these dangerous and fraudulent programs need to be outlawed, be mindful that a bill - SB 245 - in the 2018 session of the Virginia General Assembly that would have banned licensed professionals from in engaging in the "therapy" was killed by a small cabal of Republicans in the  the Virginia Senate.  The bill provided that:

Prohibits any health care provider or person who performs counseling as part of his training for any profession licensed by a regulatory board of the Department of Health Professions from engaging in conversion therapy with any person under 18 years of age. The bill defines "conversion therapy" as any practice or treatment that seeks to change an individual's sexual orientation or gender identity, including efforts to change behaviors or gender expressions or to eliminate or reduce sexual or romantic attractions or feelings toward individuals of the same gender.  . . . no state funds shall be expended for the purpose of conducting conversion therapy, referring a person for conversion therapy, extending health benefits coverage for conversion therapy, or awarding a grant or contract to any entity that conducts conversion therapy or refers individuals for conversion therapy.

These pawns of the anti-gay Christian right are State Senators Newman, Black, Carrico, Cosgrove, Dunnavant, Chase, Suetterlein, Peake.  John A. Cosgrove, Jr., is from Chesapeake and deserves  to be confronted for his anti-gay vote.  All up for reelection in 2019 and need to be targeted for defeat in November 2019..

Gays Can't Be "Converted" - Exposing the "Ex-Gay" Lie

This weekend the movie "Boy Erased" opens in a few Hampton Roads theaters.  Based on a true story and with the star power of Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe, I sincerely hope that some who most need to see this movie but are most likely not to see it will open their minds enough to buy a ticket and see the movie (find tickets here).  Trying to change the unchangeable inflicts severe emotional and psychological harm and can lead to suicide attempts since death is the only way to end something that cannot be changed.  Growing up with "my secret" I cannot count the number of times that I contemplated suicide. On two occasions, I acted on the thoughts, one incident putting me in Norfolk General after taking a bottle of Xanax tablets.  No one should feel driven to that point, yet that is what the "ex-gay" lie has driven many to feel.  Indeed, estimates that some 700,000 individuals have been the victims of ex-gay "conversion therapy" which needs to be illegal.  A piece in The Advocate recounts the experiences of a victim of this fraudulent and dangerous practice who, like myself, found that part of the solution to find inner peace was distancing himself from religion.  Here are highlights:

Growing up religious, it was this new experience for me to come out as gay. After I did, I left religion behind. I felt that I had to choose one or the other. I was just living my life. I had a partner. We bought a house together at 18 years old. But then we broke up. This is the time just before the big recession. Of course, I was sad and depressed. I end up losing my job. Things weren't going well. I then started to think maybe it's because I have strayed away from my religion. I'm experiencing all this because I've turned away from God. I ended up talking with a roommate, who was a very religious person and actually wasn't fully comfortable living with two gay people. But she and I started just talking more and reading our Bibles. Then I finally decided I was going to this conference.

I was living in Kansas City, but I went to a “Pray the Gay Away” conference in Nebraska. After that, I was completely messed up. Everything they talked about was exactly what I experienced. I need to be straight again, I thought. I decided to start the process. I lived the straight life for about three to four years.

The conference was affiliated with Exodus International. It was at a really large church in Omaha. I remember seeing protesters, which I thought was interesting at the time. That must have been part of an LGBTQ rights group trying to sway people from going. The conference itself was very morose. It was almost this sadness that existed in the air, that everyone was there either because they were inflicted with this sin or to try to help someone overcome this sickness.

Everything was stereotypes. They focused on how your dad wasn't a prominent figure in your life, and your mother really was. You've taken on that idea of just being matronly and you therefore think that you want to be with a guy. At the time that made sense. That was the one that I related with the most; this absent, non-prominent father figure.

After that, I surrounded myself with other strong-minded individuals that felt this could also happen. I was connecting more with my roommate’s family. I ended up moving from Kansas City down to Birmingham, Ala., to literally put myself in a community where I would be confronted.

Then I went to a private Baptist college. I had done my associate's degree in Kansas City and then transferred to Samford University. That helped me too, because I would talk with the counselors about my gay experience and trying to be straight. They would help me try to fight off temptations and continue to remind me to be strong and pray. I started going to church very regularly.

But I did have these times when I would fall. I would watch porn and lust over another guy. There were a couple times that I would engage in activity with another guy. We didn't get too far in our escapades. But we would always feel awful and sick; both of us. I was with another person who was also going through the same thing. I remember with that person that happened one more time and he's like, we can't see each other anymore — this has to stop because we're awful people.

It wasn't until starting to leave Samford when I was finishing up my senior year that something switched. I've been praying and praying and praying for years to change, and I've changed my whole life around from what it was. I should be in God's good graces. I didn't get it; it didn't make sense that I'm still feeling this way. I still have these feelings when I've asked God to take them away from me.

Then I started wrestling with those thoughts and finally telling others about them. I heard there are several men going through this exact same thing here on campus. What? I literally thought I was the only one on campus dealing with this. I started scouting them out. I learned of someone — he lived in the hall across from me and was an active member of my church who I really respected. He was who I looked up to, as far as being the ultimate heterosexual who's found this amazing alignment with God and his religion. His whole life seemed peaceful. I learned he was struggling with being gay and I was baffled. That turned my life upside down.

After leaving Samford, I didn't come out again as gay for seven months. It took a lot of people around me just telling me "you're gay" to be okay enough with life to accept it again. It's like you retrace your steps. You've had these thoughts for a long time. You've really felt this way. At one point it seemed fine — just being around other gay people helped, because I completely isolated myself from anything LGBTQ-friendly. I made them the enemy. Then I let that back in to my life and was seeing how it's okay; it's normal.

Now, I would just consider myself non-religious. 

I know today we have unity churches and different sects of churches that didn't even exist back then. I know that those places are out there and accepting of LGBTQ people, but I don't see myself becoming a Christian again.

Telling my mom I was gay was awful. And then when I told her that I was straight, she had just gotten used to the fact that I was gay and started to embrace it. Then when I told her I was gay again, she was like, "Oh, thank God. I’m so glad you finally realize." She saw I was not being myself. So now even my mom and dad are supportive.

What is so sad to me is that the entire right wing Christian insistence that being gay is wrong tracks directly to their fear of admitting that a few fragmentary passages in the Old Testament - passages that literally originated with uneducated herders - are wrong.  They will go to any lengths and and inflict all kinds of harm on others rather than admit that their belief system is based on unproven myths and legends. Thankfully, the author of the piece did the right thing and walked away for a toxic and malignant force. 

Boy Erased: Conversion Therapy Needs to be Banned

With hatred exploding across America as demonstrated last week by attacks on blacks, pipe bomb assassination attempts and the horrible synagogue mass shooting - fanned in large part by the Trump/Republican rhetoric - it is important to challenge the lies used to justify discrimination and bigotry against others.  In the case of anti-LGBT bigotry, we are witnessing efforts by the Trump/Pence regime to erase the very existence of transgender citizens through a definition change.  We are also witnessing the Trump/Pence regime arguing to the U.S. Supreme Court that employers should be free to discriminate against and freely fire LGBT employees.  One of the justifications grasped upon by proponents of discrimination is the discredited myth that gays can "change" their sexual orientation.  On Friday, a new movie, "Boy Erased" hits the screens starring Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe that takes apart this myth and the "conversion therapy" behind it that embodies psychological and sometimes physical abuse that causes so much harm to LGBT youth in particular.  A piece in Salon looks at this must see movie.  And yes, I am passionate in my opposition to misnamed "conversion therapy."  One of my ex-boyfriends and others I have known were horribly damaged by it emotionally.  Here are article highlights:

One of the most intense, suspenseful films of the year isn't a thriller. It's something scarier — a true story. Based on Garrad Conley's riveting memoir of his teenage experience in a program for gay conversion therapy, "Boy Erased" is often exactly as harrowing as you'd expect from the director of the 2015 thriller "The Gift."

But "Boy Erased," starring Lucas Hedges, Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe, is also very much a redemptive tale of the power of unconditional love. While Edgerton acknowledges that many conversion programs have "really just preyed on children, out and out abuse," he explains that "We wanted to render the film in the same way Garrard had, with an empathetic point of view." He explains, "There's a really positive message there in Garrard's parents. I thought his story was worth telling because [they] acknowledged in their own different ways that it doesn't work; that it was a mistake. They sent him there because they loved him.

Conley was sent to Love In Action, which has changed its name and discontinued its teen "Refuge" program in 2007. Despite its negative reputation, only fourteen US states currently ban conversion therapy for minors. But for evidence of how toxic the practice still is, consider Edgerson's experience with John Smid, the man his character in the film is based on. "He was kind of a distant consultant on the film if we needed information," says Edgerton. "He's now turned his back on conversion therapy. He's spoken out. He's been outspoken online. He still has faith in his life, and he's open and out as a gay man. You don't just have to abandon God if you want to lead a life of living with or being married to somebody of the same sex. John represents that now, and he also represents one of the people who speaking out against therapy." 

Edgerton notes, "The thing about John that's interesting to me is that he, deep down, knew that the therapy wasn't working. He also acknowledged to me that in his 25 years, of starting as a client… he was making it up as he went along, and knowing all the while it wasn't even working for himself. I found it interesting to play. It's also important to acknowledge that you have people calling themselves therapists and doctors who really don't have the right or the qualification to do that. And that's one of the keys to what I think is very shammy about it."

When I read Garrard's book, it just really emotionally grabbed me, and I found myself thinking about it daily. I started doing things on a regular daily basis towards pushing the idea of turning it into a movie — meeting Garrard, meeting with survivors of conversion therapy. Because for all of the despair you go through, or characters go through; for all the chaos and confusion; ultimately that story — his story — has a positive outcome." And, as it raises awareness of the continuing practice of conversion therapy, he says he hopes Garrard Conley's story also has "the potential to help other people in a positive way."

With its depiction of "therapy" techniques designed to make boys behave in a more "manly" manner, "Boy Erased" reveals the painful toll that macho culture takes on boys and men. . . . Edgerton says, "I think one of the myths about masculinity is that you're not allowed to show your sensitivity. It's a big problem, the stereotype of the silent father that doesn't express his emotions. As a young man, I saw strength as silence and stoicism and only speaking when it was necessary, not talking about emotion. And that weakness was the opposite. Weakness was being open about having an essay of words to describe what was going on for you internally. I realized at too late an age that those definitions should be flipped; that strength should be expression, and that weakness should be limiting one's expression." He adds, "I think that Garrard's mother is that strength. She is somebody who was able to tune in internally to what was going on with her; get in touch with her instincts. She said, 'I'm no longer going to be pushed around by the masculine ideas in my neighborhood, under my roof, or in the community.' She faces this wall of judgment and her own kind of persecution. But her weapon is love, and her weapon is expression of truth." Edgerton adds, "It kind of goes to show you that sensitivity — whether it lives in a man or a woman — I think is strength."

Be assured that I WILL see this movie this weekend if it is showing in this area.

Exposing the Ugly Horrors of "Conversion Therapy"

Focus Features - In “Boy Erased,” the son of a Baptist minister is forced into
a “conversion therapy” program after he’s outed to his parents.

For the record, I never was subjected to the nightmare of so-called "conversion therapy" which promises to "cure" gays and make them heterosexual.  Instead, I did my own version of "praying away the gay" for decades and it did not work and only resulted in anger, self-hatred and suicide attempts.  I know others who were forced into conversion therapy programs and some still carry the emotional and deep psychological scars many, many years later all because their families believed the lies promoted by unethical licensed therapists, but mostly by religious "ministries" that often have no legitimate experts in the areas of mental health or medicine.  These witch doctor like programs can inflict severe harm, yet they persist and the Trump/Pence regime and an increasingly sectarian Republican Party are likely poised to protect them.  For the Christofascists, these fraudulent ministries achieve several goals: (i) they allow the lie that sexual orientation is a choice and not a God endowed characteristic, (ii) they back the lie that LGBT citizens do not need non-discrimination protections, and (iii) they make a lot of money for practitioners/"ministries." Two new movies hopefully will help shed light on the evils of these bogus therapies.  A piece in Huffington Post looks at these films and the hideous history of conversion therapy.  Here are excerpts:

Two new movies are shining a much-needed spotlight on the practice of gay “conversion therapy,” also known as the attempt to change the sexual orientation or gender expression of LGBTQ individuals.

In “The Miseducation of Cameron Post,” released earlier this month, Chloë Grace Moretz plays Cameron, an 11th grader whose parents send her off to a boarding school that claims it will “cure” her same-sex desires after they catch her with another girl.

“Boy Erased,” coming out this November, stars Lucas Hedges as Jared, the son of a Baptist minister who is forced into a “conversion therapy” program after he’s outed to his parents.

“Miseducation” is set in the now-distant year of 1993, long before “Will & Grace,” “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and the legalization of same-sex marriage. And “Boy Erased” takes place in the world of small-town South, fundamentalist Christianity.

But the subject of both films is neither a historical artifact nor a rare event. Quite the opposite. As the Williams Institute at UCLA outlined earlier this year, about 700,000 American adults have undergone “conversion therapy” at some point in their lives, half of whom endured the experience as adolescents. Despite the opposition to “conversion therapy” by leading professional health organizations (including the American Medical Association and the American Psychological Association) and the widespread evidence that such treatments do not work and, in fact, can cause emotional and psychological harm. Thirty-six states still permit “conversion therapy” for underage minors; according to the Williams Institute, nearly 80,000 LGBTQ youth will receive the discredited therapy before they reach the age of 18.

“Conversion therapy” dates to the late 19th century, when the German psychiatrist Albert von Schrenk-Notzing claimed he’d turned a gay man straight through hypnosis sessions and several trips to a brothel. The practice accelerated through the 20th century even as the techniques remained crude and often barbaric. Historian Chris Babits, for instance, has found evidence of the widespread use of ice pick lobotomies performed on homosexual children in the 1940s and 1950s. Other techniques involved forced castration of homosexual men and electro-convulsive therapy. After the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its manual of psychiatric disorders in 1973, the medical establishment largely abandoned these practices. But efforts to turn gay people straight continued, carried out mostly by less-reputable counselors and religious organizations. Their methods tend to focus on talk therapy, but some, especially the so-called “ex-gay” ministries, often employ aversion treatments that amount to physical torture, including stimulating nausea and vomiting, inflicting electric shocks and subjecting patients to ice baths or extreme heat ― all while viewing homosexual photographs or videos.  In 2012, California became the first state to ban such treatment for minors. (California is currently considering outlawing the practice altogether for people of any age in the state.) Thirteen other states have followed suit, with five doing so just this year.

That trend may seem to indicate encouraging progress, but it could also have inspired a powerful counterresponse. Conservative groups have mobilized in defense of gay “conversion therapy” programs for minors. Just this year, anti-gay forces have helped to successfully defeat legislation that would ban the practice therapy for minors in Maine and Massachusetts. They have also helped keep similar measures from passing in New York for more than five years. That this is happening in these states – far from the Bible Belt – suggests the widespread nature of these programs.   

Yet even in states that have declared “conversion therapy” for minors illegal, those laws usually only cover licensed mental health care advisers. Religious and spiritual advisers generally remain exempt from the bans. Since religious-affiliated counselors and clergy form a significant portion of “conversion therapy” programs, state bans may actually do little to curtail the practice. [N]ow, in the era of President Donald Trump, the outlook appears even grimmer. The 2016 Republican Party platform called for “the right of parents to consent to medical treatment for their minor children,” which many interpreted as coded support for “conversion therapy.” The Trump administration includes several “conversion therapy” advocates in high-ranking positions, none more so than Vice President Mike Pence.

And while the Supreme Court previously turned down three challenges to California’s 2012 law, experts have pointed out that the current Supreme Court ― particularly if Judge Brett Kavanaugh is confirmed following next month’s scheduled hearings ― will likely rule to protect “conversion therapy” programs.

This is devastating news for the real LGBTQ teens living in unaccepting families and communities, not just those portrayed in movies.

[T]he shame and horror of gay “conversion therapy” must also be brought into the open so that it can be further shunned if not outlawed altogether. The very lives and well-being of thousands of LGBTQ Americans may well depend on making this often-hidden practice much wider known.

Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe to Star in Expose on Conversion Therapy "Ministries"

One of the biggest lies - although, there are so many lies, that ranking can be challenging - disseminated by Christofascists and many evangelical Christians is that sexual orientation is a "choice" and that gays can "change" and become heterosexual.  As noted in a number of previous posts, there are several reasons for the insistence that sexual orientation is a choice: (i) if being gay is not a choice and is "how God made" some of us, then questions arise as to what other aspects of evangelical Christian dogma is untrue; (ii) the choice myth is employed repeatedly to argue that LGBT citizens need no non-discrimination protections, and (iii) so-called conversion therapy "ministries" are cash cows with families often paying small fortunes to "change" their children.  Every legitimate medical and mental health association in America condemns conversion therapy and states that it doesn't work and is dangerous. Indeed, a growing number of states ban the practice on minors by licensed therapist.  The result is more fraudulent, dangerous and damaging "Christian ministries" peddling the ex-gay myth.   Now, as Rolling Stone reports a new movie, Boy Erased, starring Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman will be released in November, 2018 (a trailer can be found here). The movie is based on a 2016 book of the same name and will likely paint a very negative picture of the frauds and harm being committed by these "ministries."  This from Rolling Stone:

Boy Erased stars Hedges as Garrard, while Kidman plays his mother and Crowe his father, who also happens to be a Baptist pastor. The trailer offers a glimpse into the psychological and sometimes physical abuse such conversion programs inflict on those forced to attend. . . . The film is based on Garrard Conley’s 2016 memoir of the same name about his experience at a gay conversion therapy program, which he attended at 19 at the behest of his religious parents.

A piece in the Washington Post looked at the book upon which the movie is based.  Here are highlights:

In 2004, when Garrard Conley was 19, he entered a Christian fundamentalist program, Love in Action, to cleanse himself of homosexuality. 

Conley, the only child of his devoutly Baptist parents in small-town Arkansas, had been dramatically outed by a fellow student during his first semester at a small liberal arts college. The timing couldn’t have been worse. His decision to enter the fundamentalist group (known as LIA) came as his father was becoming an ordained Baptist minister.

 [A]although he paints a convincing picture of why the foundation of his loving parents’ religious faith made his fight against homosexuality vital, he leaves the reader wondering why an erudite and intellectually curious young man didn’t find more cracks in that foundation. He does find cracks in the foundation of LIA, which uses a warped version of a 12-step program that replaces addictive behavior such as alcoholism with “sexual deviance,” lumping homosexuality with bestiality and pedophilia. Conley’s close relationship with his mother, who sits vigil with him in a depressing hotel room as he tries to weather the ordeal of LIA, is a tender portrait of that special bond so many gay men and their mothers have: “For the moment, it seemed like the two of us could go on this way forever, living only for literature and each other.” As for Conley’s father, he remains abstruse, despite Conley’s explorations of his abusive childhood. Ultimately their paths diverge. His father is ordained, and Conley rejects LIA.

“God’s voice is no longer there,” Conley writes. “My ex-gay therapists took Him away from me, and no matter how many different churches I attend, I will feel the same dead weight in my chest.” God erased. Let’s hope that the parents still reading “Where Does a Mother Go to Resign?” start reading “Boy Erased” instead.

Parents contemplating placing their child in one of these "ministries" or listening to they false propaganda would be better served - if they truly love their child and are not more focused on themselves and "what will people think" - to find a new religious denomination.  One that is not homophobic and obsessed with selectively cherry picking phrases from the Old Testament to malign and denigrate others.

For the record, I was never placed in a "ex-gay ministry" although I tried more or less for 37 years to pray away the gay and tried some of the conversion therapy gimmicks.  None of it worked.  All I experience was self-hate and psychological and emotional harm that ultimately lead to two serious suicide attempts.  The propaganda that these ministries peddle is very, very dangerous.

Kudos to Kidman and Crowe for taking these roles and hopefully exposing the "change myth" lie.