Suicide: A Public Health Crisis

The suicide deaths of designer Kate Spade and the celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain have at least temporarily - the American media has the attention span of a gnat - focused attention on the growing suicide rate in America which, like so many other things (e.g., gun violence) exceeds that of other advanced nations. Having made two serious attempts myself over a decade ago, it's a topic I am familiar with and on which I have strong opinions as to the causation.  While treatment for depression is much more common, much of what is available simply doesn't work, plus there is the impediment of the social stigma than many still hold towards seeking treatment, especially among men.  Like so much in American medicine, the most common approach seems to be simply prescribing drugs to mask the situation rather than deal with underlying causation. Feeling like one's body is not fully one's own and being drugged up is not a satisfactory long term solution.  Getting to the underlying causation, however, means extended therapy and counseling sessions - things for which most American health insurance plans  provide paltry coverage.  Thus, unless one has the ability to pay out of pocket, long term therapy simply doesn't happen in all too many cases.   The consequences can be literally deadly.  A piece in the New York Times looks at the growing public health crisis.  Here are excerpts:

Treatment for chronic depression and anxiety — often the precursors to suicide — has never been more available and more widespread. Yet the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this week reported a steady, stubborn rise in the national suicide rate, up 25 percent since 1999.

The rates have been climbing each year across most age and ethnic groups. Suicide is now the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Nearly 45,000 Americans killed themselves in 2016, twice the number who died by homicide.

After decades of research, effective prevention strategies are lacking. It remains difficult, perhaps impossible, to predict who will commit suicide, and the phenomenon is extremely difficult for researchers to study.

One of the few proven interventions is unpalatable to wide swaths of the American public: reduced access to guns. The C.D.C. report found that the states where rates rose most sharply were those, like Montana and Oklahoma, where gun ownership is more common.  It is predominantly men who use guns to commit suicide, and men are much less likely to seek help than women.

The escalating suicide rate is a profound indictment of the country’s mental health system. Most people who kill themselves have identifiable psychiatric symptoms, even if they never get an official diagnosis.

The number of people taking an open-ended prescription for an antidepressant is at a historic high. More than 15 million Americans have been on the drugs for more than five years, a rate that has more than tripled since 2000.

[O]ne recent study, by Danish researchers, supported the benefits of therapeutic intervention.  Using detailed medical records, the investigators studied more than 5,500 people who had been treated for deliberate self-harm, including cutting and clear suicide attempts.

Over decades, the portion of those people who got psychotherapy at suicide clinics were about 30 percent less likely to die or commit further self-harm than those who did not.  “I personally think that it’s the quality of care that matters, not the quantity,” Dr. Insel said. “We need more access, better measures and better quality of care.”

But in this country, many of those who commit suicide have received little or no professional help. Indeed, they rarely tell anyone beforehand of their plan — when there is one. Often the act is impulsive. . . . . the wide majority of people who die by suicide “explicitly deny suicidal thoughts or intentions in their last communications before dying.”

Andrew Spade, Ms. Spade’s husband, said she had seemed fine when he’d talked to her just before her suicide. Mr. Bourdain was filming one of his clever, humorous shows in Strasbourg, France, when his body was discovered.

The rise of suicide turns a dark mirror on modern American society: its racing, fractured culture; its flimsy mental health system; and the desperation of so many individual souls, hidden behind the waves of smiling social media photos and cute emoticons.

More recently, the economists Anne Case and Angus Deaton of Princeton have argued that the hollowing out of the economy and loss of middle and working class supports, like unions, have contributed to a broad increase in self-reported pain in those groups, both mental and physical.

The aggressive marketing of opioids by Purdue Pharma and others eased some of that pain — and helped create a generation of addicts, tens of thousands of whom die each year. Opioids are the third most common drugs found in the systems of suicides, after alcohol and anti-anxiety medications like Xanax, the C.D.C. reported.

A decline in marriage rates has likely played a role, as well. In her research, Dr. Phillips has found that in 2005 single middle-aged women were as much as 2.8 times more likely to kill themselves than married women, and their single male peers 3.5 times more likely than married men to do the same.

“In contrast to homicide and traffic safety and other public health issues, there’s no one accountable, no one whose job it is to prevent these deaths — no one who gets fired if these numbers go from 45,000 to 50,000,” Dr. Insel said.  “It’s shameful. We would never tolerate that in other areas of public health and medicine.”  

With Trump and Republicans dismantling heath care coverage, quality treatment will likely decline and, most likely, the death toll will increase.  Not that Trump or the GOP give a damn about ordinary citizens. 

If you are having thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources.

Study Links Religion And Suicide For LGBT Youth

As regular readers know, I have a very dim view of most forms of organized religion, especially fundamentalist denominations and, of course, the morally bankrupt and hypocrisy dripping Roman Catholic Church.  My own Catholic upbringing cause near unlimited amounts of self hate as I tried to deny who I was and sought desperately to conform to Church and by extension family expectations. The result was innumerable thoughts of suicide and two serious attempts that landed me in the hospital.  It literally years of therapy and walking away from Catholicism to find emotional and spiritual peace.   Based on my experiences, I view raising an LGBT child in a fundamentalist or conservative Catholic home as nothing less than a form of child abuse.  I also hold fundamentalist denominations and conservative Catholicism responsible for many needless suicides. A new study linking religion and suicide for LGBT youth confirms these views.  Here are highlights from a piece in Huffington Post:

Faith is supposed to be a source of strength for believers, especially during times of struggle and sorrow. However, a new study suggests that religiosity may be linked to negative feelings among queer individuals ― including increases in suicidal behaviors.

The study, published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine last month, is a chilling revelation of the ties between suicide and theology that doesn’t affirm queer identity.

“Religious groups who stigmatize LGBT people should be aware of the potential damage they can do to an individual and families, and honestly the damage they do to themselves as an organization,” study co-author John R. Blosnich told HuffPost. 

In order to study religiosity and suicidal ideation among sexual minorities, Blosnich and his fellow researchers turned to data collected by the University of Texas at Austin’s Research Consortium. The students were asked to rate how important their religious or spiritual beliefs were to their personal identity. They were also asked a number of questions about whether they had ever seriously considered or attempted suicide. Analyzing this data, the research team found that while 3.7 percent of heterosexual young adults reported recent thoughts of suicide, the percentages were significantly higher among queer youth. Those questioning their sexuality had the highest rate of recent thoughts about suicide at 16.4 percent, followed by bisexual individuals (11.4 percent) and lesbian or gay individuals (6.5 percent). 

Five percent of heterosexual youth reported attempting suicide in their lifetimes, compared to 20 percent of bisexual youth, 17 percent of questioning youth and 14 percent of gay or lesbian youth.

Notably, the study authors found that religion may have acted as a protective factor against suicide attempts among heterosexual youth. On the other hand, for lesbian and gay youth, increasing levels of religious importance were associated with increased odds of recent suicidal ideation. In fact, lesbian and gay youth who said that religion was important to them were 38 percent more likely to have had recent suicidal thoughts, compared to lesbian and gay youth who reported religion was less important. Religiosity among lesbians alone was linked to a 52 percent increased chance of recent suicidal ideation.

Questioning youth who said religion was important to them were nearly three times as likely to have attempted suicide recently, compared to questioning youth who reported religion was less important. 

“It can be very scary to be caught in a space where your religion tells you that you are a ‘sinner’ just for being who you are,” he told HuffPost. “Sexual minority people may feel abandoned, they may experience deep sadness and anger, and they may worry what this means for their families ― especially if their families are very religious too.”

Studies conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have also found that lesbian, gay and bisexual youth seriously contemplate or attempt suicide at higher rates than heterosexual youth.

While several mainline Protestant and even evangelical leaders have begun to embrace a more inclusive theology, some of America’s largest religious denominations still hold non-affirming views of queer sexuality. Roman Catholic Church doctrine views gay and lesbian relationships as “intrinsically disordered.” The largest Protestant denomination in the U.S., the Southern Baptist Convention, sees marriage as exclusively reserved for one man and one woman and actively rejects equating gay rights with civil rights. Blosnich’s study demonstrates that for many queer people, non-affirming theology is at best problematic and at worst lethal ― “no matter how kindly or compassionately” it is articulated. [I]n Utah, where the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is based, researchers have documented a recent spike in teen suicides. Some advocates for LGBTQ Mormon teens have asserted that the spike is connected to the church’s policies on queer sexuality, although research hasn’t confirmed this link.  The Mormon church views queer relationships as sinful. In November 2015, it declared that Mormons in such relationships were to be considered apostates. 

Diane Oviatt, a Mormon mother with a gay son, is part of Mama Dragons, a group of parents who have banded together to advocate for their queer children. She believes that non-affirming theology has a “direct” effect on suicidal ideation among LGBTQ youth and young adults. . . . . “There is absolutely no room for homosexuality anywhere in the doctrine,” she told HuffPost. “Our kids are stripped of hope and faced with the notion that they, by virtue of their sexual identity, are ruining their celestial ‘forever’ family and will be separated from them in the hereafter if they choose a same-sex partner.”

What is just as troubling to me is that many of these anti-gay denominations care little or nothing about the lives being lost or damaged.  Sadly, the leaders of these groups care more about retaining their power and/or refusing to face the untrue aspects of their dogma than the lives of living, breathing individuals. I suspect that Christ would be appalled.

Christian Extremist Attacks Showing of "Pro-Gay" Suicide Prevention Video

I have long argued that the principal "sin" of LGBT individuals in the eyes of Christofascists is that we challenge their Bronze Age beliefs on human sexuality and suggest that perhaps the legends and myths they cling to just might not be true.  Indeed, our very existence is an offense in their eyes even as they engage in conduct that makes the Pharisees of the New Testament seem like pillars of decency and honesty.  The Christian Post is reporting on an incident where the leader of a Christian extremist organization is raising hell over the showing of a suicide prevention video that he deemed "pro-gay" - apparently because it acknowledged gays exist and have feelings and love for those of their own gender (the other likely offense in the mind of this "godly Christian" is that one of the boys in the video was black - Penkoski is likely a racist as well as a homophobe).  I suspect this individual would prefer that every gay commit suicide.  As for the impact on his delicate daughter, she probably more than anyone needs suicide prevention counseling given the lunacy and hatred that define her father.  Here are article excerpts:

A conservative Christian parent in West Virginia has voiced concern after a middle school teacher showed her class a suicide prevention music video that featured two male high school students in bed together and a sex toy.

Rich Penkoski, who is the father of a 13-year-old student at Mountain Ridge Middle School in Gerrardstown, West Virginia, voiced his outrage with the school's principal Thursday after his daughter told him that her homeroom teacher, Jackie Coffin, showed the the music video in class on Tuesday.

The music video in question is from hip-hop artist Logic's 2017 song, titled "1-800-273-8255," which is also the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

The plot of the video follows a gay African-American student as he struggles to gain society's acceptance of his sexual orientation. In one scene, the student visits a male classmate's house and has dinner with the classmate and his parents. The next scene shows the classmate's dad catching his son in bed with the male student.

In another scene, the African-American student opens his gym locker to find a dildo affixed to the inside of the locker door as an anti-gay joke.

Penkoski is most known for his work as one of the leaders of the "Warriors for Christ" online ministry and Facebook page. The Facebook page made headlines and received much backlash earlier this summer when it announced that anyone who posted an LGBT rainbow flag emoji to the Facebook page would be banned by the page's administrators.

Penkoski and other administrators at Warriors for Christ have also launched a new Christian social media alternative to Facebook called SocialCross.org. So far, nearly 10,000 users have joined the new platform.

No doubt Penkoski supports gay bashing and under other circumstances would have been laughing it up over the anti-gay incident in the video.  Gay youth are committing suicide almost daily across America, especially in rural backwater areas.  Many others find themselves homeless after being thrown out by their "godly Christian" parents - 40% of homeless youth are LGBT.  None of this seems to upset Penkoski.  No, all he is concerned is that his daughter might realize the ugliness and ignorance that her father's beliefs represent by seeing "the rest of the story" as Paul Harvey used to say.  As I say over and over again, in the final analysis, fundamentalist and evangelical Christians are not nice or decent people.  Selfishness, hatred of others, and the embrace of ignorance are their defining characteristics. 

National Action Alliance For Suicide Prevention Tackles LGBT Suicide

For many in the LGBT community thoughts of suicide are not passing thoughts and each year as many posts on this blog have noted, there is a continued blood bath of LGBT teens who take their own lives.  Growing up myself in denial and in the closet, truthfully, I cannot even count the number of times that suicide seemed like the best option.  The only assured escape from a hostile world where conservative politicians (think Mitt Romney, Bob McDonnell, Ken Cuccinelli, Bob Marshall and countless others), hateful religious leaders and self-congratulatory "Christians" denigrate us constantly and do all they can to make our lives a living Hell.  But it's not just LGBT teens who view suicide at times as their only salvation.  Indeed, twice I engaged in serious suicide attempts that resulted in hospitalization.   One time involved taking a month's supply of Xanax.  The other involved lots of alcohol and a vehicle running in a closed garage.  Each time someone discovered me in time.   But for that, I wouldn't be writing this post.  In recognition of this reality that suicide is not just a youth and teen issue in the LGBT community, The National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention is changing its approach to LGBT suicide.  Think Progress looks at this important issue.  Here are highlights: 

Before he completed suicide at the age of 26 in 2010, Joseph Jefferson recorded his final words on Facebook: “I could not bear the burden of living as a gay man of color in a world grown cold and hateful towards those of us who live and love differently than the so-called ‘social mainstream.’”

Though LGBT suicide is frequently portrayed as a wholly youth phenomenon, Joseph was an LGBT activist who had built a life for himself as an adult after getting through what many people assume to be the only tough part of an LGBT person’s life — adolescence.

The National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, the public-private partnership aimed at saving the more than 34,000 lives in the United States lost every year to suicide, has taken a lead in changing public misperceptions about LGBT suicide. In particular, the Action Alliance task force that concentrates on the LGBT population has changed its name from the LGBT Youth Task Force to the LGBT Populations Task Force, acknowledging the struggles with suicide ideation, suicide attempts, and death by suicide that many LGBT people confront at different points in their lives.

The reasons that suicide is a lifelong concern for many LGBT people are complex and dynamic. These risk factors include family rejection, lack of social support, lack of access to culturally competent healthcare providers, and the stress of living with discrimination and prejudice.

Because of family or employment obligations, many LGBT adults, like most LGBT youth, do not get to choose where they live and work—often leaving them trapped in hostile environments with family members, co-workers, or neighbors who do not accept them.

Certain protective factors may mitigate these risks. Such factors include family acceptance, affirming and culturally competent mental and behavioral health services, and policies that extend legal protections and promote acceptance.

[M]uch remains to be done to help eliminate suicidal thoughts and behavior among LGBT individuals. In addition to increased legal protections and working to change stubborn social prejudices, there is a particularly pressing need for further research and data collection regarding mental health and suicide among the gay and transgender population.

Currently, there are no national data regarding suicidal ideation or suicide rates among the LGBT population as a whole. Nor are there sufficient data regarding the experiences of specific segments of the LGBT population, including LGBT youth and elders, transgender adults, and LGBT people of color, who may be at increased risk because of the multiple burdens of discrimination they bear.

In addition to driving research that can guide efforts to prevent LGBT suicide, the ultimate purpose of the Action Alliance is to save lives by decreasing the rate of suicide in our country. And to do this, each one of us — whether LGBT or ally, pastor or policymaker, researcher or activist — must respond to the moral imperative to help build a world where LGBT people count and are counted, and where they can live their lives free from discrimination, harassment, and the violence of suicide.

The goals in the last paragraph quoted seem to have little likelihood of success in the nearer term with the GOP, the Roman Catholic bishops, the leadership of the Southern Baptist Convention and far too many others determined to stigmatize and deprive LGBT individuals of respect much less legal protections and equality.  I will state categorically, that living in anti-gay states like Virginia doesn't help one's outlook.  Are there times when I still think suicide is a possible solution?  Once in a while - like last Tuesday night when I saw the hate and bigotry so palpable in the Amendment One vote in North Carolina.   Having one's humanity and very being constantly attacked wears one down at times.

Stand Up! - Don't Stand for Homophobic Bullying

BeLonG To Youth Services, an Irish organization has launched a new video appeal as part of its annual Stand Up! LGBT Awareness Weeks which will be held 4 – 15 April 2011, and will take place in schools and youth services organizations around Ireland. The video clip -which is wonderfully done - is set out below. Can you imaging the convulsions and spittle that would be flying amongst the Christianists in this country if something so decent and refreshing were aired in our public schools?

Bullycide Victims - A Photo Gallery

Some may wonder at my passion/anger when it comes to teen and youth suicide that arises from malicious bullying. Take a good look at this gallery of photos if you need a wake up call. NO ONE has the right to make someone else's life a living Hell. Yet that's the precise message that is disseminated daily by false Christians and whore like professional Christians who make a living spreading hatred towards LGBT individuals and perpetuating deliberate lies. And, yes, I mean folks like Maggie Gallagher, Tony Perkins, Scott Lively, and GOP elected officials who place pandering to Christianists ahead of saving young lives. They all literally have blood on their hands and the y continue to oppose effective anti-bullying laws and policies under the lie that suck laws and policies would promote homosexuality.

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Not all of these "bullyside" victims were LGBT, but a number of them were or were taunted for being perceived as gay by their tormentors. Conservative versions of Christianity and Islam are a truly toxic and deadly force in the world more often than not.

Suicide and Its Survivors

I have spoken candidly in the past about my suicide attempts. More recently, there has been considerable discussion of the highly reported suicides of a number of gay teens. Some of the deaths were reported to be the results of anti-gay bullying. My own attempts were driven largely by the combined stress of being forced from a law firm for being gay and a divorce case that often seemed aimed at destroying me. In every case of suicide, I suspect (at least based on my own experience) the motivating thought of the parties attempting or completing suicide was simply a desire to make the pain stop. We must continue to deliver the message that things do get better. However, what is missing from the equation is what suicide does to surviving family members. A dear friend of mine is a survivor of suicide and recently she shared this message with me and sent me a link to a old news series done by the Virginian Pilot (even a biased rag newspaper like the Pilot gets something right once in a while) that looked at the pain and recovery process of survivors. I would encourage those contemplating suicide to read the full series to better understand what their death would do to others whom they love. With my friend's permission, here is the message I received along with the story link:
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I wanted to share this video and article with you all...Ryan's suicide split life into two parts...Life before and life after...Life will never and can never be the same. That is not a piteous statement, it is truth. Ryan was my heart. He was a champion for the underdog, a horticulturist, an environmentalist, an activist and a believer in righting wrongs. He bore the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was quiet, strong, steady and wise beyond his years. He had a smile that breaks my heart just to think about it, so beautiful. He was shy and unassuming, a gentle kind soul. He was 36 yrs. old.
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It is very important that steps be taken to help those considering suicide. Likewise it is crucially important that forces like anti-gay bullying or general homophobia be ended so that these triggers can no longer lead to the needless loss of lives. Not surprisingly, at least in my view, one of the forces that has impeded a proactive approach to suicide prevention and an honest discussion of the problem is that constant wellspring of evil: religion. Here are some brief highlights from the series of pieces:
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We kill ourselves more often than we kill each other. If that surprises you, it's no wonder. Suicide hides behind whispers. As if by turning our faces, we could make it go away. It hasn't. Suicide has outpaced homicide for at least 100 years.
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On an average day, roughly 90 Americans kill themselves. Those losses are changing a long history of hush-hush. People are starting to talk about suicide, and they don't care if it's unpleasant.
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Much of the stigma surrounding suicide is rooted in religion. For centuries, the act was largely seen as an unforgivable sin - an instant, one-way ticket to damnation. In the Roman Catholic Church, suicides were refused a Christian funeral. They could not be buried in consecrated ground. While the Bible does not address the topic head-on, old views were based on the idea that a person who committed suicide had abandoned all faith in God. Since death followed immediately, there was no opportunity to repent. Even a murderer stood a better chance on Judgment Day. As long as one lived, there was time for forgiveness.
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One of my former therapists (he's an ordained Presbyterian minister) who helped me immeasurably in overcoming the religious anti-gay brainwashing I received in the Catholic Church had this to say in the article:
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Bill Hedrick is executive director of Tidewater Pastoral Counseling Services, a group of local clergy who also act as counselors. Hedrick said attitudes still vary, even within religions. . . . Hedrick looks at it this way: "I think we have a loving God who's probably more forgiving than he is condemning. I can't believe He would sentence someone to eternal torment when they were already so tormented in life."
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For those who have lost loved ones, the series also looks at support groups that assist those left behind:
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Support groups like SOS are part of an evolution aimed at ending suicide's long, dark history. They offer help, hope and healing instead of secrecy and shame. About 300 SOS-type groups have popped up across the country. Gilchrist, a licensed clinical social worker, started the Hampton Roads chapter nearly 20 years ago, making it the oldest group of its kind in Virginia.
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They lay bare their sorrows and assure each other that the suicides were not their fault. They learn that their loved ones did not have a character flaw but a sickness that robbed them of any notion of the wreckage they would cause. They find comfort in new phrases. Their lost ones "completed" suicide; only criminals "commit" something.

VCU Students Plan Events To Counter Wave of Suicides

I am pleased to see that students at Virginia Commonwealth University ("VCU") which two of my children attended are going to implement measures to try to make the campus more welcoming to LGBT students. I applaud their efforts and perhaps they and others can launch a vigil at the offices of Virginia's leading hate merchants, Governor Bob McDonnell and Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli. Perhaps protesting at the offices of The Family Foundation to draw attention to that organizations constant gay-bashing and foul agenda to make the Commonwealth of Virginia a theocracy might be in order as well. And if such actions were taken, calling the television stations might not be amiss. With the Metropolitan Richmond Visitors and Convention Association seeking to attract gay tourism dollars to the city, I suspect this type of attention would put some much needed heat on Taliban Bob and Kookinelli. The Richmond Times Dispatch has details and here are some highlights:

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Virginia Commonwealth University students plan to make a video with a message of hope for anyone facing the kind of despair that caused a Rutgers University freshman to jump to his death last week. Life can be crushing when viewed "from a very small lens," said Cameron Hunt, a senior who is a member of the executive board of Queer Action, a student organization at VCU.

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The VCU students want to give teens who have been bullied because of their sexual orientation a broader view. To those "who feel lost and feel alone," the message is that life improves, Hunt said. The students plan to make a VCU edition of "It Gets Better," a YouTube video by Seattle columnist and gay activist Dan Savage.

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VCU students also are planning LGBT History Month, with activities beginning Monday that include panel discussions and film presentations to celebrate National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11. LGBT History Month events long had been planned, but the video is a response to suicides such as the one at Rutgers, which the university in New Jersey confirmed Wednesday.

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"Anti-gay bullying is a major problem in our community and across the country," said Elizabeth Panilaitis, executive director of ROSMY, a local group that supports sexual-minority youths. Panilaitis said studies show these youths are four times more likely than their peers to attempt suicide. The Rutgers case should serve as a call to action for school administrators to intervene to stop bullying, she said. Whether it was a hate crime or cruel prank is in dispute, but the case resonates with gay students.

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Life can be especially difficult for freshmen facing "forced socialization" in residence halls, said VCU's Hunt. "I think that is one of the hardest places to be yourself," he said. When he came out as a freshman at James Madison University, Hunt said, he was "the target of immediate ostracism" and harassment.

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Liz Canfield, assistant professor of women's studies and the faculty adviser for Queer Action, agrees. "The homophobic voyeurism with which Tyler's personal life was violated is deeply disturbing," she said by e-mail. She hopes campaigns such as the "It Gets Better" project will not only educate and empower but also help "combat heterosexism and homophobia on our campus and in our larger culture."

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Except for pockets of gay harassment in freshman dorms, Hunt doesn't think VCU has a big problem with bullying.

Families of Military Suicides Seek White House Condolences

As one who lived through the Vietnam War era, I lost two friends - their family owned the summer home next to ours - who had served in the Army and came back home seriously disturbed emotionally by what they had experienced to the point that they took their own lives. A cousin also served as an Army Captain and volunteered as a nurse in Vietnam. While she never took her own life, her war experience changed her and she was never the again the happy free spirit she once had been. The two brothers who killed themselves were as much war casualties as if they had died on the battlefield. More recently, one of my clients feared for her husband who had done six tours in Iraq and Afghanistan with the Navy special forces. So far, he seems to have rebounded, but the horrors will never leave him. Yet even today, survivors of war related military suicides do not receive the standard condolences from the commander in chief. It is a sad commentary that these other war casualties are denied recognition since most would be alive but for their military service and the horrors they witnessed. The New York Times has a story today that looks at this issue. Here are some highlights:

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Since at least the time of Abraham Lincoln, presidents have sent letters of condolence to the families of service members killed in action, whether the deaths came by hostile fire or in an accident. So after his son killed himself in Iraq in June, Gregg Keesling expected that his family would receive a letter from President Obama. What it got instead was a call from an Army official telling family members that they were not eligible because their son had committed suicide.
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The roots of that policy, which has been passed from administration to administration via White House protocol officers, are murky and probably based in the view that suicide is not an honorable way to die, administration and military officials say. . . . But at a time when the Pentagon is trying to destigmatize mental health care in hopes of stemming a near epidemic of suicide among service members, the question of whether the survivors of military suicides deserve presidential recognition has taken on new significance.
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“These families already feel such shame and so alienated from the military and the country, a letter from the president might give them some comfort, some sense that people recognize their sacrifice,” said Kim Ruocco, director for suicide support for Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, or TAPS, a military support group. “What better way to eliminate stigma?”
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Through October, the Army, which far and away leads the armed forces in suicides, reported 133 among active-duty soldiers, putting it on pace to surpass last year’s record, 140. The Marine Corps, which has the second-largest number, is also likely to have more suicides than last year, 42. . . . the Army is trying to soften the longstanding sense that psychological problems are a sign of frailty. “We have to reduce the stigma surrounding seeking mental health help,” Gen. Peter W. Chiarelli, the Army vice chief of staff, said this year. “Getting help for emotional problems should be as natural as seeking help for a sprained ankle.”
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After Gregg Keesling’s son, Chancellor, shot himself in a latrine on June 19, the family received a folded flag, a letter from the Army praising their son, a rifle salute at his burial and financial death benefits. But he views the letter of condolence as an important step toward reducing the shame and guilt many survivors feel. Hours before Chancellor, a 25-year-old specialist, killed himself, he had argued with his girlfriend over the phone and then sent a rambling, despondent e-mail message home.
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“I can’t explain how ashamed i am i said some things out of anger,” he wrote. “I can’t cope without each and every one of you there by me the whole way. I feel alone and unappreciated for some odd reason this deployment is ending up to be like the last i thought about killing myself and went to the porti john and chambered a round into my m4 but decided not to pull the trigger. I realize i need help and i need to have family put first. Please forgive me and except my apology.” About 17 hours later, he was dead.
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“My last words to my son were, ‘Be a man and get through it,’ ” Mr. Keesling said, recalling one of dozens of frantic phone calls to Iraq in the hours before Chancellor’s death. “I was the stupid dad. If my son had said, ‘Dad, I’ve broken my leg, I can’t go on,’ I would have understood. But I didn’t understand the mental health side.”
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As one who has contemplated and attempted suicide, I believe that the stigma of seeking mental health care must be diminished. Not only within the LGBT community that suffers from so much discrimination and family rejection, but across the spectrums of society. No one should be pushed to the point where all they can think of is the need to make the pain/loneliness/alienation stop.

Thoughts of Suicide

I have written before about the fact that both LGBT youth and adults have a much higher suicide rate than other segments of the population. I believe that in large measure this is because of the negative message so many of us are raised with in anything but gay-friendly religious denominations coupled with the reality that even when one puts their own internal homophobia aside they still all too often find themselves subject to discrimination. Indeed, ending one's life may seem to be the only thing that one can fully control. In my own case, I certainly feel that way often - a phenomenon that has gotten far worse again in the context of financial stress and a recurrence of nastiness arising from my divorce which finds me thinking of suicide and fine tuning "my plan" literally daily. Indeed, at times I believe the former wife seeks to drive me to another suicide attempt even though ironically if I succeeded it would mean she'd never get paid any of the money she claims to seek.

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The boyfriend has been incredibly supportive and indeed, but for him it's very possible that I'd have made another suicide attempt by now. I have been spending more nights at his place simply to not be alone which is when the self-destructive thoughts peak. I do not want to hurt him or my children or my other family members - or my readers for whom I have tried to offer encouragement to be themselves- but at times I cannot seem to shake the sense of hopelessness that plagues me, particularly in respect to the divorce nightmare which seems as if it will never end. I know that I suffer from depression and now added to that are anxiety attacks that often leave me sleepless at night. I realize that this is not uncommon and one medical website states as follows:

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For the symptom to meet the criteria towards a diagnosis of major depression, a person must have had a depressed mood for most of the day, nearly every day for a two-week period of time.

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Feelings of hopeless and/or helplessness are common in those who are clinically depressed. They are also some of the most frustrating feelings that depressed individuals experience. Research on the cognitive theory of depression has shown that people who are depressed struggle with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness more so than people who are not depressed (Sacco & Beck, 1995). A sense of hopelessness reflects a negative view of the future. This includes expectations of personal dissatisfaction, failure, and a continuation of pain and difficulty-- a belief that nothing will get better.

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Research has also indicated that severe hopelessness may be a predictor of suicide (Beck, 1987; Fawcett, 1990). Now, this does not mean that if a person feels hopeless that he or she will attempt to commit suicide. This is a common symptom of clinical depression. What it does tell us, however, is that depressed individuals who struggle with strong feelings of hopelessness may be at a higher risk for self-harm. They should receive treatment from a trained medical or mental health professional.

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Not being able to get enough sleep at night is the most common type of sleep disturbance for people who are clinically depressed. Sometimes people will wake up during the middle of the night and then find it difficulty to fall asleep (called "middle insomnia"). Others might wake up too early in the morning and cannot fall back asleep (known as "terminal insomnia").

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Thoughts of death, suicide, or even suicide attempts can be common for those who are clinically depressed. The frequency and intensity of thoughts about suicide can wide-ranging from believing that friends and family would be better off if he or she were dead, to frequent thoughts about committing suicide, to detailed plans about how he or she would actually carry out the act of suicide.

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I clearly meet the criteria but had been doing better up until December of last year. The question is what do I do about it , if anything? Or do I let matters take their course? For those who need information on this topic, more information is here. Also, there is this:

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From immediate suicidal crisis to information about mental health, crisis centers in our network are equipped to take a wide range of calls. Some of the reasons to call 1-800-273-TALK are listed below.
**Call to speak with someone who cares
**Call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself
**Call to find referrals to mental health services in your area
**Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you're concerned about

Gay Suicide and the Holidays

By some estimates, gay men are six times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight counterparts and the numbers increase exponentially during the holidays. I suspect that this increase during the holiday season is due no doubt in part to (i) the family rejection many gays have experienced with their families, (ii) alienation from the religious backgrounds in which they were raised and (iii) the expectation that one is supposed to be "happy" during the holiday season. As Health Scout reports, this year may be even worse:

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Sagging spirits, sagging economy. That's the holidays this year, with many people both blue and broke -- the usual melancholy compounded by the highest jobless rate in three decades and a jackknifing stock market. . . . "Mental health problems are common and spike more often during the winter months not only because of the holidays, but also because of seasonal affective disorder," said Dr. Timothy Fong, assistant professor of psychiatry and director of the UCLA Impulse Control Disorders Clinic. "This year, more than anything else, financial stressors are bringing that out."

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[People who] once paid cash for counseling just can't afford to pay anymore, especially with going rates in the Los Angeles area ranging from $125 to $400 and up. And insurers are tightening up regulations. One patient who spent four days in the hospital recently detoxing from prescription drugs found himself with an unanticipated $8,000 bill for the stay. "His holidays are ruined," Fong said.

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Another factor that can play in also is the fact that suicide risk persists for many years after attempted suicide. I know this from my personal experience - once you have nearly succeeded in "ending it all," it seems far easier to slide back into the mindset. It is something I continue to struggle with and this holiday season is no exception (I sometimes think the former wife's strategy is to try to push me to another attempt, in fact). A study in the UK found as follows:

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(British Medical Journal) -- The risk of suicide for people with a history of attempted suicide or deliberate self harm (parasuicide) persists without decline for two decades, finds a study in this week's BMJ. . . . Clinicians are encouraged to pay particular attention to the management of patients immediately after an episode of parasuicide, say the authors. Previous deliberate self harm remains a potent risk factor for subsequent suicide, even if it occurred many years ago, they conclude.

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So what does one do? Mental Health America has some suggestions here. It is also important to remember that suicide is not chosen per se, but rather happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. Another resource page can be found here. Of course, another thing is to consider is seeking professional help if one can afford to do so..

The Ongoing Epidemic of Gay Teen Suicide

Victoria Brownworth has a very moving and thought provoking - and lengthy - article on 365gay.com about gay suicide, particularly gay teen suicide. As I have said before, I hold hate-filled social conservatives and Christianists in this country, including the leadership of the Roman Catholic Church and Southern Baptist Convention, responsible as the moving forces driving gay teens to suicide literally on a daily basis. All because these religious fanatics are so bigoted and fearful of independent thought and recognition of medical and mental health advances that they cannot tolerate those who are different. Worse yet, in my opinion, they frankly do not give a damn about the lives destroy or the amount of misery and suffering they inflict. To be blunt, I find these folks nothing short of evil. Yes, I concede that this is a highly emotional topic for me because (as long time readers know) I lost a friend to suicide and a former boyfriend's brother killed himself because they could not deal with being gay. Even closer to home, I had my own nearly successful brush with suicide. So much misery, so much suffering, so many needlessly lost lives - and all of it unnecessary. Here are some highlights from 365gay.com:

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Eastern Pennsylvania Psychiatric Institute in Philadelphia – EPPI - used to be the place where teenagers who attempted suicide ended up. . . . For a time it seemed like every lesbian who ever attended my all-girl’s high school ended up attempting suicide and taking a short trip to EPPI because of it.

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Lesbian and gay teens today needn’t feel the hopelessness or fear that the LGBT youth of my generation felt. Or do they? The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services puts the annual rate of suicide in the U.S. at between 35,000 and 40,000 per year. Of than number, almost 20 percent are teenagers between the ages of 12 and 18. According to HHS, suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers in the U.S.

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Psychological autopsies – that is, examination of a person’s psychological state in the time leading up to their death – show an alarming 30 percent of LGBT youth among these dead teens. And psychologists believe that number, too, may also be much higher than actually noted in the statistics, as queer teens are most likely to have the true cause of their death and their sexual identity hidden by family members.

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Yet if even the most basic numbers on LGBT teen suicide are accurate, the statistics are stunning and their ramifications shocking. LGBT teens are considering suicide at an alarming rate, attempting it more often than their heterosexual peers and are, sadly, succeeding in those attempts more and more often.

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Many LGBT teens who feel suicide is their only option have inevitably been bullied to death. . . .New forms of bullying – online and in public forums like MySpace and Facebook – have meant that there are no safe peer-group places for LGBT teens who are feeling threatened.

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Lisa Allen* was 16-years-old and a student at Central High School when she tried to kill herself. “Now, of course, I see I was lucky,” she admits. “I wanted to die then, but I am glad I didn’t now. But if Toni hadn’t found me, I wouldn’t have made it.” Lisa Allen is indeed one of the lucky ones. Bobby Griffith was not so lucky.

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Mary Griffith’s grief and remorse after her son’s suicide – he did a back-flip off an overpass into the path of an 18-wheeler and was killed instantly – led her to talk about her experience and her son’s tragic death. In *Prayers for Bobby: A Mother’s Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son,* Griffith talks at length about how her religious beliefs and those she inculcated into Bobby led inexorably to such self-hatred that suicide seemed the only answer to him.

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Penn State University psychologist Anthony D’Augelli studied hundreds of gay and lesbian teens in 14 cities, including Philadelphia. He says their rate of suicide attempts is more than double the average of heterosexual teens. In an interview, D’Augelli said, “In the studies we’ve done, the numbers get up to 30 percent, 40 percent.” That means LGBT teens are between 30 and 40 percent more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.

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That’s how Belinda Cummings* felt – as if she could not go on. And didn’t want to. . . . I couldn’t be going to church and feeling like I could overcome it all and then the minute I was at school and seeing other girls–and especially the ones I had crushes on–I felt all messed up again. It was just too much. I have to say, when I cut my wrists open that day and the blood started to spurt out, I felt like I had done the right thing.”

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What’s more, conservative and anti-gay groups have focused attention on teens, denying that any teen has a true gay identity. Traditional Values Coalition charged on its disturbing website that the “claims” of high rates of LGBT teen suicide are “bogus” and nothing more than “recruitment techniques” to force schools to address homosexuality in the classroom.

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Like the two girls in the article and surely Bobby Griffin, the day I swallowed a bottle of powerful pills, I just wanted it all to stop. I truly was not thinking beyond that - just make the pain stop. That's all I wanted. Today, I am very happy that my suicide attempt failed. It would have harmed my children immensely and I would never have known the level of peace and self-acceptance I have now achieved. Nor would I have met my wonderful current boyfriend. Here are some resources:

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If you know someone who is feeling suicidal, or an LGBT teen who needs to talk, contact any of these queer or queer-friendly venues for teens.

Suicide Prevention Hotline:1-800-273-TALK

Teen Health and Wellness (800) 237-9932.

www.TheTrevorProject.org

www.teenwire.com

www.youth-guard.org

Gay Suicide

I have mentioned at times in passing my own bouts with depression and suicidal thoughts – which I fully put into action once and which very nearly succeeded. The gay media and to a lesser extent the MSM will mention the problem of gay teen suicide. Admittedly it is a huge problem that needs to be addressed. A less discussed or even acknowledged problem is that of older closeted gay suicides. Having seen several therapist along the path of my journey, as well as two different psychiatrists (mostly for anti-depression medication while working with my therapists), all indicated that a significant percentage – perhaps as many as 50% - of older men trying to deal with being in the closet and/or come out as I did end up taking their own lives. Many go unknown to the gay community much less their families since these individuals never come out and merely take their own lives via single vehicle accidents and other methods that look accidental or are explained as such. Yes, the vehicle went out of control, but was it deliberate?

I am sure that some readers are thinking “what in the world would get individuals to such a point?” Depression is a very real condition and one surely does not think straight when in its depths. Everything is gloomy and there seems to be no light on the horizon. Combined with this outlook is a very real sense of utter and total exhaustion. Just trying to go through the motions of life is such a labor that you just want it all to stop. In desperation and due to unclear thinking, there seems only one way to maker it all stop. When I took the bottle of pills (which would have finished me off but for the ex b/f forcing me to go to the hospital) after an all day hearing in the divorce case where opposing counsel happily badgered, gay bashed and worked to humiliated me, my only thoughts were that I just could not do it all any more and that I had to make the pain stop. I would do ANYTHING just to make the pain stop. I truly was not thinking beyond that.

To make my point that I was not an isolated instance, here are some quotes from various entries on a fellow blogger’s blog who is in the coming out process and feeling at times that his entire world is crashing and he becomes disheartened and depressed. I will not identify him, but I consider him a friend and we have talked a number of times on the phone about the difficulties of making the journey to self-acceptance and a new life as a gay man:

“last couple of days have been thinking a lot and contemplating a lot of things, like what if one morning I just didn't wake up........”

“its becoming more of an effort just to do what I used to enjoy and that is singing, singing means happiness and while I go through the motions its hard to stand in front of a congregation of about 900 people and sing all about the praises and how wonderful our God is..............I have broken down in tears several times at work this past week...........think I am loosing my mind.”

“sat the other night with a bottle of Jack [Daniels] and sleeping pills for about 2 hours contemplating,”

I can identify completely. Before I came out to my wife, I seriously thought of possible outwardly “accidental” means of ending it all. I would be driving down the Interstate and contemplate undoing my seat belt and wrecking the car. I know that the only thing that stopped me was the fear that I might not succeed and would end up paralyzed or worse. A more attractive method I thought about was a “surfing accident” where I merely went surfing and appeared to drown. Winter surfing where hypothermia would take care of what drowning might not succeed in doing seemed the best bet of all. A “broken” leash and lost board would set the process into play easily. I in fact did paddle out a couple times thinking it would be the end, but each time somehow found the strength or clear headed thinking not to follow through.

What is the answer? I am not sure. A society where one’s sexual orientation is a non-issue would obviously do wonders in reducing the problem I would think. Until that day arrives, however, reducing homophobia and the internalized self-hate it fuels is one part of the solution. Churches that do not constantly condemn gays or do little more than give lip service to being welcoming and supportive of gay members would help as well. Another part of the solution may be simply increasing awareness of the problem and helping closeted gays and lesbians to know that (1) they are not alone and (2) it is possible to survive the coming out process even though it may be a difficult path. Certainly the Internet has made this far more possible than in decades past. Yet another part of the answer is perhaps fostering an atmosphere where individuals will at least be truthful with their doctors and seek professional help. Among men, there still seems to be a significant stigma that seeking the help of a therapist or psychiatrist is not “macho” or “manly” - just one more aspect of the f**ked up nature of American society.

I would like to hear the thoughts and/or experiences of others on this issue.