Walt Disney World Dumps Boy Scouts of America Over Anti-Gay Policy

Expect lots of flying spittle and outraged rants fro the usual Christofascist suspects and, of course the One Million Bitches Moms crowd.  Why?  Because Walt Disney World has dropped its funding of Boy Scouts of America ("BSA") chapters due to the BSA's continued anti-gay policies that cause boys to be expelled upon reaching their 18th birthday and that bar gays from being scout leaders.   Disney, like many other major businesses is increasingly against discrimination aimed at minority groups loyal to its brand and is again reminding us that nowadays bigotry caries a monetary price.  It's a message that so far has escaped most in the Virginia GOP.  Here are highlights from Gay Star News:

Walt Disney World Resort has stopped contributing to local Boy Scouts of America chapters in Florida because of the organization's continued ban on gay leaders and employees.

The BSA began to allow openly gay members at the start of the year but the inclusion ends when a scout turns 18.

Disney World, located in Orlando, did not make an announcement regarding its dumping of BSA. Reuters reports that the news came via an email to local members from Scouts' Central Florida Council Board President Robert Utsey.

Utsey wrote: 'We recognize that many Scout Units have received financial  support over the last several years from this grant opportunity and are sad to see it go.

He shared that the National BSA Council has become involved and reached out to the theme park to try and resolve the situation.

'However, according to WDW, their views do not currently align with the BSA and they are choosing to discontinue this level of support,' Utsey wrote. 'We will continue to keep an open line of communication with them, but at this time, are unable to reverse their decision.'

 Kudos to Disney!!

Walt Disney World Resort has stopped contributing to local Boy Scouts of America chapters in Florida because of the organization's continued ban on gay leaders and employees.
The BSA began to allow openly gay members at the start of the year but the inclusion ends when a scout turns 18.
Disney World, located in Orlando, did not make an announcement regarding its dumping of BSA. Reuters reports that the news came via an email to local members from Scouts' Central Florida Council Board President Robert Utsey.
Utsey wrote: 'We recognize that many Scout Units have received financial  support over the last several years from this grant opportunity and are sad to see it go.
He shared that the National BSA Council has become involved and reached out to the theme park to try and resolve the situation.
'However, according to WDW, their views do not currently align with the BSA and they are choosing to discontinue this level of support,' Utsey wrote. 'We will continue to keep an open line of communication with them, but at this time, are unable to reverse their decision.'
- See more at: http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/walt-disney-world-dumps-boy-scouts-america-over-anti-gay-policy280214#sthash.BXpHdIov.dpuf

Southern Baptist Convention Condemn Boy Scouts Policy on Gays

Proving yet again that it is rushing backward in time and embracing more and more simple minded ignorance, the Southern Baptist Convention formally denounced the Boy Scouts of America for changing its policy prohibiting gays scouts.  One can only wonder when the SBC will reaffirm support for slavery  - the issue that brought it into existence in the first place.  The batshitery, ignorance and outright bigotry is stunning and as a Chicago Tribune piece indicates, some of the spittle flecked, knuckle dragging Neanderthals of the SBS are right here in nearby Newport News, Virginia.  Such folks prefer to cling to supposed Bible inerrancy rather than think for themselves or admit that much of their lives have been based on untrue myths and witch doctor like hocus pocus.    Here are highlights from the Tribune story:

The Southern Baptist Convention on Wednesday voted to voice opposition to the Boy Scouts of America decision to admit gay members, saying that homosexual conduct is contrary to a scout's oath to do his duty to God.

The Southern Baptists, the nation's largest Protestant denomination, approved a non-binding resolution opposing the policy at its annual convention in Houston. The resolution requires no action by member churches but leaves them to decide individually whether to stop sponsoring scout troops.

"I am very sad to say that it seems as though (Boy Scouts) are moving away from the principles they were founded upon," Wes Taylor, pastor at Tabernacle Baptist Church in Newport News, Virginia, said during the debate at the annual convention. "It is an environment just fertile for young boys to be exposed to something that is ungodly and unacceptable."

Leaders at the convention said the resolution was not aimed at the boys, but at the organization they said was opening the door for homosexual scout leaders and creating an unhealthy environment.

"This (BSA) decision politicizes the membership, and it also brings a sexual dimension that wasn't there before," said Steve Lemke, provost of the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and chairman of Southern Baptist Convention Resolutions Committee.

Some at the Southern Baptist conference said the church should embrace gay members of scouting and guide them toward a more Christian life.   One pastor argued that a young boy who claims to be gay is most likely the victim of abuse or otherwise needs guidance, and that the church or scouts should not abandon him.

Some religious organizations have accepted the Boy Scouts' new policy. The Mormon Church, the largest sponsor of scouting troops nationwide with about 430,000 youth members, expressed its support. The United Methodist Church, the second-largest sponsor, also plans to continue its role in scouting.

Two things to note.  One, gay boys are still alleged to be victims of sexual abuse rather than admit some of us are born gay and made by God that way.  These cretins will go to any lengths to avoid admitting the Bible is flat out wrong.  Second, for those who want to bring gays toward a "more Christian life," in the SBC that equates to embracing hate, bigotry and a rejection of modern knowledge.  Why not simply propose giving boys lobotomies?

The Strange Power of Dreams and Memories Past

View from our beach

Some of the earliest readers of this blog may recall that during my often less than happy youth as a closeted gay teenager one of the bright shining stars of my existence was summers spent at the family home in the Adirondack Mountains or "camp" as local parlance calls such homes.  It was a place where I could escape the sometimes "faggot" designation at school where I hated baseball, basket ball and football which were prerequisites to being "normal."  At the lake house, I excelled in water skiing, swimming, sailing, boating.  Best of all, I was able to recreate myself as something different.    I haven't been back in many years partly because it's a long 14 hour car trip from Hampton Roads, Virginia, and because other things always seem to come up.   It is definitely a place I want to visit again before I die.

All of that said, life at camp wasn't perfect.  After all, I was a gay boy trying to convince myself and everyone else that I wasn't a horrible homosexual - the term gay wasn't used in our parts until later.   As a result, there were the pains of unspoken and unrequited love and living one's life like an actor on a stage.  But in relative terms I felt safe because I could do all of the things the cool guys did.  Something so unlike at home during the school year.   Not that summers were all play and no work.  With a very short summer season, all of the year's maintenance needed to be done in the summer.  Hence, each week my dad left my sisters and I (we were chaperoned by my mother's elderly aunt and uncle) with a detailed list of assigned work: painting, foundation work on the boat house, and on and on.

The main house

What made me think of all of this was a dream I had last night that was so vivid that I could feel myself zig zagging across the boat wake on a slalom ski and carving back and forth throwing up a wall of spray as we always tried to do - one wanted to be visible all the way across the lake.  Likewise, I could smell the pine and hemlock scent in the air and even feel the water of the lake on my body.  It was so intense and so weird.  I'm not sure what prompted it other than my birthday was a little over a week ago and growing up, I always spent my birthday at the lake.

Two of my sisters - including my late sister - and a friend circa 1969

Much has changed in my life - some for the good and some not - but a part of my heart will always be at the summer camp.  Indeed, I want a portion of my ashes scattered there after I die. I do hope I get to visit again and that last night's dream wasn't my last visit.

One of my one time best friends who I've lost contact with

Sally Ride - RIP - Continued

I noted yesterday that the late Sally Ride's obituary "outed" her.  Now it's been confirmed by Buzzfeed.  I can only hope that LGBT youth come to realize that they have an amazing role model in Sally Ride.  While a private person by all accounts and one who shied away from activism, through her life and accomplishments, Sally Ride exposed the lies used against LGBT individuals by our enemies virtually daily.  Here are some highlights from Buzzfeed:

Sally Ride, who died today after a 17-month battle with pancreatic cancer, was the first female U.S. astronaut in space and became friends with Tam O'Shaugnessy at the age of 12. It was not until today, however — nearly 50 years after meeting — that their 27-year romantic relationship was made public.

The pioneering scientist was, a statement from Sally Ride Science announced, survived by "Tam O'Shaughnessy, her partner of 27 years."   With that simple statement — listed alongside her mother, Joyce; her sister, Bear; her niece, Caitlin and nephew, Whitney — Ride came out.

Bear Ride, talking with BuzzFeed, said today, "We consider Tam a member of the family."


Saying that her sister was a very private person, Bear Ride said, "People did not know she had pancreatic cancer, that's going to be a huge shock. For 17 months, nobody knew -- and everyone does now. Her memorial fund is going to be in support of pancreatic cancer.   "The pancreatic cancer community is going to be absolutely thrilled that there's now this advocate that they didn't know about. And, I hope the GLBT community feels the same," Bear Ride, who identifies as gay, said.   "I hope it makes it easier for kids growing up gay that they know that another one of their heroes was like them," she added.


Bear Ride, though, said that her sister "never hid her relationship with Tam. They have been partners, business partners in Sally Ride Science, they've written books together .... Sally's very close friends, of course, knew."


Of Sally Ride's sexual orientation, Bear Ride said, "Sally didn't use labels. Sally had a very fundamental sense of privacy, it was just her nature, because we're Norwegians, through and through."


Calling Ride "a patriot and a pioneer," Human Rights Campaign president Chad Griffin told BuzzFeed, "For many Americans, coming out will be the hardest thing they ever do. While it's a shame that Americans were not able to experience this aspect of Sally while alive, we should all be proud of the fact that like many LGBT Americans, she proudly served her country, had a committed and loving relationship, and lived a good life."

Of the further implications of today's news, Griffin added: "The fact that Sally Ride was a lesbian will further help round out Americans's understanding of the contributions of LGBT Americans to our country.

As members of the LGBT community, many of us - especially LGBT youth who may find themselves being raised in toxic religious denominations - are told daily that we are no good, that we are perverts, or worse.  It takes strength and self-acceptance to carry on.  Ride carried on amazingly and is indeed a great role model.


Growing Up Gay in America - Not a Pretty Picture Thanks to "Godly Christians"

The Christianist enemies of LGBT equality whine incessantly about being concerned about the welfare of children.  The results of a new HRC sponsored survey of LGBT youth makes it clear that the welfare of LGBT youth is nowhere on the radar of these supposed protectors of child welfare.  Indeed, thanks to the handiwork of the Christianists in fanning the flames of homophobia and disseminating the lie that sexuality is a "choice" and changeable" LGBT youth suffer much more in many ways than their heterosexual counterparts.  Do the "godly Christians" give a damn about these victims?  Of course not.  Their sole focus is on power, forcing their religious views on all citizens and, last but not least the money they rake in using the "gay agenda" as a bogey man t frighten the ignorant and the simple minded.  Here is a sampling of what the HRC survey revealed: 

The deck is stacked against young people growing up lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender in America. Official government discrimination or indifference along with social ostracism leaves many teens disaffected and disconnected in their own homes and neighborhoods.  With an increase in public awareness about anti-LGBT bullying and harassment and the strikingly high number of LGBT youth who are homeless, in foster care, or living in high-risk situations, it is critical that we get a better understanding of the experiences, needs, and concerns of LGBT youth.

This groundbreaking research among more than 10,000 LGBT-identified youth ages 13-17 provides a stark picture of the difficulties they face. The impact on their well-being is profound, however these youth are quite resilient. They find safe havens among their peers, online and in their schools. They remain optimistic and believe things will get better. Nevertheless, the findings of Growing Up LGBT in America are a call to action for all adults who want to ensure that young people can thrive.  The survey measured key factors that impact the daily lives of LGBT youth .  .  . 

Compared with their peers, LGBT youth in this survey report a greater sense of isolation or separation from their community in general, and among specific community activities. Fewer LGBT youth have an adult in their community to talk with if they feel worried or sad, compared with their peers. When thinking of their future, LGBT youth believe to a greater extent than their peers that they must leave their community to make their hopes and dreams come true.

LGBT youth are twice as likely as their peers to say they will need to move to another town or part of the country to feel accepted. Among LGBT youth, 63% say they will need to move, while 31% of their peers report the same.

LGBT youth are about twice as likely as their peers to have been verbally harassed and called names outside of school (in the neighborhood or mall, etc.) as well as to have been physically assaulted outside of school.

LGBT youth are more than two times as likely as non-LGBT youth to say they have been verbally harassed and called names at school. Among LGBT youth, half (51%) have been verbally harassed at school, compared to 25% among non-LGBT students.

Nearly six in ten LGBT youth (57%) say that churches or places of worship in their community are not accepting of LGBT people; a third (35%) say their own church or place of worship is not accepting.

Less than a third of LGBT youth (32%) chose their family among a list of places where they most often hear
positive messages about being LGBT; nearly half (46%) chose their family among a list of places where they most often hear negative messages about being LGBT.

You get the drift.  For more details, read the report.  So much of the unhappiness tracks directly or indirectly back to the poisonous atmosphere in society for LGBT individuals that is kept alive by fundamentalist religious belief, one of the great evils of our time.  So much pain and so much unhappiness just so self-congratulatory bigots like Maggie Gallagher, Tony Perkins, Bryan Fischer, Pope Benedict XVI, Cardinal Timoth Dolan, Albert Mohler, et al, can feel good about themselves while raking in the bucks from the misery they sow.  It is disgusting.  And it's one of the main reasons why I want nothing to do with the name "Christian."

Old Dominion University to Offer Designated Gay Student Housing

While Virginia in general remains a region plagued by gay-hating Neanderthals - especially amongst the Republican Party of Virginia - some of the state universities offer pockets of tolerance and acceptance both because it is the right thing to do and also because it helps with their recruiting efforts. Serving on the advisory board for the ODU Cultural Studies initiative, I have seen the strides being made at Old Dominion University. Now, ODU will offer designated housing on campus for gay and gay supportive students beginning in the fall. While the majority of students I have encountered are gay accepting, this new effort will help insure LGBT students have a supportive atmosphere. Here are highlights from the Virginian Pilot (it goes without saying that there are some nasty anti-gay comments on the article from local knuckle draggers who invariably want special rights for Christians - did I mention how much I hate Virginia in general?):

This fall, for the first time, Old Dominion University will offer dedicated on-campus housing for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students and their supporters.

ODU will be the third Virginia university to offer such housing, joining George Mason University and the University of Richmond. Elsewhere in the Southeast, only Duke University, in Durham, N.C., offers it.

The dedicated housing, called Lavender House, is intended to be a place where gay and lesbian students can feel safer and more accepted, ODU said in an announcement Thursday.

Charles Lowman, ODU's assistant director for housing and residence life, said Lavender House will build on efforts to match gay and lesbian students with roommates who will be comfortable with them. "Having a dedicated residence space will make that matching easier, because Lavender House will be self-selecting," he said.

The dedicated living quarters will meet a need identified by gay and lesbian students in a survey last spring, ODU said. Other groups have appealed to the Office of Housing and Residence Life for dedicated housing spaces, and Army ROTC will have a reserved space this fall as well, the university said.

The Lavender House announcement comes at a time when gay rights and other social issues have assumed a high profile in the Virginia General Assembly. The news drew a range of reactions in Richmond. Sen. Adam Ebbin, D-Alexandria, the only openly gay member of the Assembly, was glad to hear it.

Del. Bob Marshall, R-Prince William County, one of the Assembly's most outspoken social conservatives, called the move a wrongheaded distraction from the university's academic mission.

So far, 18 students have signed up to live in Lavender House this fall. Students who are interested in applying for a room, or would like more information about Lavender House and the Safe Space Committee, can email safespace@odu.edu.

For those who may not recall, Del. Marshall has publicly stated that he'd be happy to drive all LGBT citizens from Virginia. The man is a monster and for those who say he's charming in person, similar statements were made about Hitler. Actions speak louder than pleasant conversation.

Goodbye 2011 - Year End Reflections

This time of year always leaves me feeling inexplicably sad. I guess it's a mix of sadness for what was lost in the past year and the prospect of uncertainty in the coming year. A lot has happened in 2011, both for gay rights and in my life. Here's some brief reflections on 2011:

January began 2011 in the most sad and harsh way for me: I lost my mother on January 5th. We had known that she was failing and she had needed to move in with one of my sisters in July, 2010. None of us, however, expected her to go so suddenly. It is as if she knew what was coming in terms of the likelihood of nursing home care and said "no thank you." On January1, 2011, I saw my mom happy and alert for the last time. A mere four days later she was gone. She will never be forgotten. I want to extend a sincere thank you to readers who have made contributions to the scholarship endowment. It has meant so much to me.

Later in the year, the Boyfriend and I made our annual pilgrimage to Key West and we had a wonderful time, even if my mother's loss and some of the family drama haunted me at times. The photo below was taken at Lattitudes at Sunset Key - part of the Westin Hotel property - which I recommend highly for lunch (with cocktails, of course). I will always be grateful to the Boyfriend for introducing me to Key West and taking me at his expense went I was in a financial time of trouble.

In April, 2011, working with the Hampton Roads Community Foundation and with the blessing of HRBOR, I established the George D. and Marion Phelps Hamar/HRBOR scholarship to aid graduating LGBT high school seniors (April also marked the point where I was able to pay my former wife the balance of what I owed her under the less than gay-friendly final divorce decree that was entered against me by a judge who thought that being gay was a "choice"). I was very blessed by the fact that my parents never wavered in their love and support of me when I came out of the closet after 37 years of torment and self-hate. Too many LGBT youths do not have such loving and loyal parents and the scholarship was my way of both honoring my parents and hopefully making a difference in the lives of young LGBT individuals over the future years.

In May, one of my nieces got married and we experienced a family reconciliation after the drama that had immediately followed my mother's death. The boyfriend's gift was to do the entire wedding party's hair (OK, all the women) and that of my other sister. It was a great day and a beautiful event on the beach in the Sandbridge area of Virginia Beach.

June saw the largest Out in the Park ever with estimates of up to 17,000 people at downtown Norfolk's Town Point Park. The Boyfriend and I were sponsors and were thrilled with the huge success of the event. Out in the Park 2012 will return to downtown Norfolk and as a member of the Hampton Roads Pride board of directors, my efforts will be aimed at making the event in 2012 even bigger and better (the video at the link shows the 2012 launch party).

July was an emotional time as my oldest daughter headed west to Olympia, Washington, to join her fiance. Her going away party marked the first time that my former wife (pictured below with my two daughters) and I were at the same social event, and happily, the event went very well. My former wife has a new significant other in her life and I wish them much happiness. I hope that as time goes by we can build upon the civil experience and be good parents working in tandem for my three children.

August was not kind as the Boyfriend and I suffered the effects of Hurricane Irene which swept through the Hampton Roads area at extreme high tide and once again subjected our home to flooding, albeit not as bad a situation as it might have been because of the things we had done in the wake of the Nor'Ida storm of 2009. One of the things we are looking to do in 2012 is to add a third floor to the house so that all of the main living area can be moved out of the potential flood zone. If we can pull it off, the first floor will remain largely as is to be used as an entertainment area for larger events.

In September, we made our usual Bay Days Weekend trip to New York City and once again enjoyed the restaurants and things to do. We also saw "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" and had a nice visit with my niece and her boyfriend. Later, we so the long overdue demise of Don't Ask, Don't Tell - a case where religious based discrimination what been written into the nation's laws. Hopefully, 2012 may see the demise of DOMA.

October was a month blessed by the western Mediterranean cruise that I took the Boyfriend on as a "thank you" for standing by me through all of the drama of 2009, including a desperate suicide attempt when the continuing divorce drama got the best of me. He is a true sweetheart - at least most of the time - and he has made such a huge positive difference in my life. We loved Barcelona and the ports we visited in France and Italy before returning to Barcelona.

November brought Thanksgiving which I shared with the Boyfriend's family and my youngest daughter (pictured below) and her boyfriend. Throughout my coming out saga, she was always a lifeline to me and I treasure her more than she will ever know. I truly might not have made it without her love and support.

December brought the Christmas holidays and a wonderful visit with my oldest daughter who was back east visiting. She's doing well in her new career and her boyfriend (they are pictured below) is a delight. Spending some time with her over the holidays made the season for me. I am so very, very proud of her. I was also lucky enough to have some great conversations with my son who remained out west for the holidays (search "Appalachian Trail" to see photos of his amazing adventure in 2008). My children and the Boyfriend are the greatest treasures in my life.

It's definitely been a year of great sorrow, but also of great happiness. Throughout it all, I've enjoyed the love of the Boyfriend (pictured below) and the moral support from my wonderful readers and my friends in the LGBT blogosphere. Many of you will never know how much your loyalty and words of comfort and support have meant to me. I wish all of you health and much happiness in 2012.

Learning to Stop "Praying Away the Gay"

CNN news anchor Don Lemon has a column on CNN that I missed when it first came out. I identify with what he talks about: learning to stop trying to "pray away the gay." I tried to pray myself straight for nearly four decades and never confided in anyone about the inner conflict that haunted me constantly. Sadly, I was raised in a religious tradition where the cultivation of self-hate and guilt is incessant and, as a result, mental gymnastics and denial became ever present. I truly believe that raising children in such a religious environment is a form of child abuse. Not that I hold any resentment towards my parents - given the time frame of my youth, most people had no clue as to how damaging things were for me and others like me. Today, we know differently, and more need to oppose the evil aspects of religion. Here are highlights from Lemon's column:
*
By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots."
*
Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex.
*
All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school!
*
I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me.
*
So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people.
*
Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be?
*
I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends.
*
What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does.

Gay and Homeless for the Holidays

Since coming out I have met many LGBT individuals who have been rejected by their families because of their God-given sexual orientation - something these individuals never chose. Typically, the parents of these rejected individuals are quick to cite their "religious faith" as their justification for their horrible, un-Christian, and heartless behavior towards their own children. As a parent of three children myself, I truly do not understand how one could be so hate-filled as to reject their own child. The mind set is nothing short of evil and, as the Los Angeles Times notes a disproportionate number of homeless teens and young adults are gay. Sadly, these homeless are the victims of a form of religion that in my view has become a foul evil in and of itself. Here are highlights from the LA Times story:
*
Every year, hundreds of gay youths end up on the streets of L.A. County, where they make up a disproportionate share of the people under 25 who are homeless. 'They haven't been on the streets for years and years,' an advocate says, 'so they don't look bad.
*
The city hipsters sipping expensive coffee and chatting on cellphones did not give a second look at the two young men cutting across a Hollywood courtyard on their way to bed down in a nearby park.
*
AJ, 23, and his boyfriend, Alex, 21, hide their blankets and duffel bags in bushes. They shower every morning at a drop-in center and pick out outfits from a closet full of used yet youthful attire.
*
A recent study found that 40% of the homeless youths in Hollywood, a gathering spot for these young people, identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or unsure of their sexual orientation. Five percent say they are transgender.
*
Gay and transgender youths become homeless for the same reasons as others their age. Many come from families with a history of abuse, neglect, addiction, incarceration or mental illness. But they say their sexual or gender identity often plays a role in the breakdown of their families. "Queer" was among the more polite names Christopher was called while growing up, before he even knew what the barbs meant.
*
When he turned 18, he said, his grandmother kicked him out of the family home. She filed a restraining order against him in court. . . . I been hearing about my peers committing suicide because of the teasing and bullying … and of course I understand," he said, staring at a web of scars on his left forearm. "But then I go, 'How come that's not my story? Why didn't you kill yourself? How did you make it through all that?'"
*
AJ was just 16 when his Vietnamese immigrant father told him to get out of his house, unable to accept his admission that he was gay. Any effeminate gesture, AJ said, would drive his father to beat him. For a time, AJ moved between the homes of friends and relatives in California and Colorado while he worked a succession of jobs. Some paid well enough for him to get his own apartment. But, he said ruefully, "It has been hard to sustain my sobriety." When he was fired from his last job in July, he had no place to go but the streets.
*
For some gay youths alienated from their families, the foster care system provides sanctuary. But too often, said Costello, the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center's associate director for children, youth and family services, they bounce between foster parents and group homes until they turn 18. Once emancipated, they have nowhere to go.
*
Yes, some accuse me of being anti-religion, but when I see alleged Christians treat their own children as if they were garbage, I cannot help but believe the death of this poisonous form of Christianity would be a good thing. The world would be a better place without it.

A Mother's Anti-Homophobia Rant Goes Viral

I had read the post "My Son is Gay," on the blog Nerdy Apple Bottom and loved it, having first become aware of it via Good As You. That was before it apparently went viral and was picked up by Salon and other large outlets. The post is written by a self-described "cop's wife" living in the Bible Belt and lets loose against smug, self-satisfied "Christians" who would demonize and torment a five year old boy simply because of his chosen Halloween costume. This wonderful mom goes off like a lioness and takes down her son's petty, hypocritical, Pharisee like critics and in the process condemns those who are a driving force for homophobia and anti-gay bigotry and bullying. And as she does so, she demonstrates wit and humor worthy of a drag queen that has her game full on. Bigotry and homophobia begin at home in families such as those of these "fine Christian women." Here are highlights from Salon's coverage of this enjoyable demonstration of what maternal love should be all about:
*
This is how it's done, folks. When the Bible Belt blogger known as Nerdy Apple Bottom's 5-year-old son wanted to be Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween this year, she supported his costume choice, orange wig and pink boots and all. Because duh, it's Halloween; the point is to be somebody you're not.
*
On Friday, the self-described "cop's wife" hinted about her child's experience at school that day on her blog by saying, "I am so proud of my brave little Daphne…. He had a few moments where he was worked up about people making fun of him, but mustered up the courage to go for it. He held his little orange wig high today," and "for those of you that looked at my sweet boy in disdain this morning, or looked at me funny for 'allowing' my son to be what he wanted to for Halloween, or made those snide and unnecessary comments -- your lives are small, your tact is lacking, and you can SUCK IT!"
*
This week she expanded on the experience and the sentiment, with a warm, funny cri de coeur entitled "My son is gay." She went on: "Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you." Bada BING.
*
It didn't take long for Nerdy Apple Bottom's eloquent, passionate post to start making making the rounds as a refreshing example of great parenting in action – and a sobering reminder that even the youngest boys and girls who stray outside the most rigid of gender expectations scare the crap out of a lot of people. In a pathetic, non Halloween-ish way.
*
Though the inevitable handful of trolls has shown up in the blogger's comments, the response has been overwhelmingly supportive, positive and wildly enthusiastic. Think of it as nature's way of refreshing our faith in humanity after Clint McCance's notorious Facebook diatribe last week that "I would disown my kids they were gay. They will not be welcome at my home or in my vicinity. I will absolutely run them off."
*
As the blogger herself says it, "If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is 'normal' and what is not, but to help him become a good person."

Zack Ford Excoriates Obama on Gay Issue Disingenuousness

Zack Ford is a yound blogger from a far different generation than I am. But we both have something in common: we've come to beleive that Barack Obama and the Democrats cannot be trusted to do right by LGBT Americans. And yes, we have compared notes and communicated with each other directly. Zack has a piece cross posted at Pam's House Blend that looks at the troubling reality of the Obama administration on LGBT issues. Oh sure, Obama's defenders will rush to his defence and point out the "Cinderella crumbs" that Obama has thrown to the LGBT community in the form an appoint of an LGBT individual to some executive branch post or the implementation of some pro-gay policy that can be immediately undone by his successor. On the big issues, what has Obama delivered? Nothing. Moreover, if one listens carefully to some of what Obama says, it is beyond troubling - especially his wishy washy statement on sexual orientation being a choice. I guess the positions of EVERY legitimate medicala nd mental health care association isn;t enough to make this a no brainer for our liar-in-chief. He may say he's our "fierce advocate," but watching his actions versus disingenuous statements tells the lie of this claim. Here are some highlights from Zack's piece:
*
At an MTV Town Hall this afternoon, President Obama answered several questions about the LGBT community, Don't Ask Don't Tell, and bullying/cyber-bullying. It was full of spin and a complete lack of conviction about the LGBT community. Not only was it as if he just learned what sexual orientation is last week, it was also as if he knew less about our identities than the way he talked about us back during the campaign. He also ignores addressing gender identity, gender presentation, or transgender people at all, despite being asked about them.
*
According to Kevin Jennings, Assistant Deputy Secretary for the Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools (and GLSEN founder): The Department of Education has funds set aside for any school in crisis including bullying and harassment. They just have to ask for our assistance. It is unclear whether these funds actually exist, whether any school administrators even know about them, how they are even accessed, and whether they have ever been distributed. . . . So, what are you really doing to help make schools safer, Mr. President? Holding meetings without concrete results. That's not saving our LGBTQ youth.
*
Then, Obama was asked whether being gay or trans was a choice. Here is his incredibly weak response which completely ignores trans people. I am not obviously -- I don't profess to be an expert. This is a layperson's opinion. But I don't think it's a choice. . . . He doesn't think it's a choice. This is troubling. Maybe other people think other things, and that's okay.
*
The answer is no. Being gay is not a choice. AND being trans is not a choice. There is scientific consensus on these points. There's a problem with his implication people can still have differing opinions on this. This is not a fierce answer; it's an answer that panders to people who "think" (believe) something different. And yes, it really is a big deal that he left trans issues unaddressed.
*
The final relevant question was about DADT. In fact, it specifically addressed issuing an executive order to end discharges. The President totally dodged the question. . . . While it's true that the President cannot "simply end the policy," he can simply end implementation of the policy for as long as he is President. There is no good reason that he cannot use an executive order to suspend discharges until he accomplishes repeal. He has refused to address this as he did again in this answer. He also shared some of the same bunk from the DOJ's application for an emergency stay filed earlier today [yesterday]
*
Not only does he [Obama] have the choice not to enforce and defend laws he finds unconstitutional, there is a very relevant precedent for it. John Aravosis already beat me to making this point this evening, but let me refer to his other post from earlier today: I've just been sent a White House transcript from 1996 showing the Clinton administration, explaining in detail, how it was not going to defend in court any cases kicking HIV+ service members out of the military because it believed the law requiring such discharges to be unconstitutional. Did you get that? The President (President Clinton) did exactly what The President (President Obama) refused to do today.
*
Zack does a great job of pointing out what Joe Solmonese and other Democrat enablers don't want said. The Democrats and Obama continue to actively betray LGBT Americans yet expect LGBT voters to rush out and vote for their sorry asses so that we can have more of this bullshit from the president. I don't think so. Betrayal must have a consequence even if in the short term it helps our enemies in the GOP. We as a community will achieve our goals only when we have sufficient anger to stop being played for fools and simpletons by our supposed "friends."

Saving Gay Teen Lives - Dan Savage and His Partner Launch Out Reach Site to Speak to Gay Teens

I'm dating myself, but the truth is that when I was a closeted gay teen doing my damnedest to convince myself I wasn't really gay - there were no out gay role models. Liberace came about as close as one could find - and even he claimed publicly that he wasn't gay. There has been huge progress over the last 40+ years since I was a teen, but in far too many communities (most of Virginia falls into this category) gay teens still lack realistic role models. Yes, there are out gay and lesbian celebrities, but most gay teens do not know a single gay business owner or out professional in their own communities.
*

This sad state of affairs is one of the reasons I got involved in founding HRBOR. Being out and proud in one's professional life not only impacts (and hopefully opens minds in) the larger business community, but in time I hope that HRBOR can demonstrate to LGBT youth that one can succeed and be happy even in societal backwaters like Hampton Roads. I also started this blog to track my coming out journey and, as long time readers know, I have been through a veritable living Hell. But guess what. I survived and I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy and have found an inner happiness/self acceptance that eluded me for decades.

*

The New York Times has a piece on the new video effort launched by Dan Savage and his partner to convince gay teens that success and happiness are possible even if there is abuse and ridicule along the way. Kudos to Dan and Terry. The video clip can be viewed below. Here are some highlights:
*
A new online video channel is reaching out to teenagers who are bullied at school for being gay. The message: life really does get better after high school.
*
The YouTube channel, called the “It Gets Better Project,” was created by the Seattle advice columnist and activist Dan Savage. Mr. Savage says he was moved by the suicide of Billy Lucas, a Greensburg, Ind., high school student who was the target of slurs and bullying. The channel promises to be a collection of videos from adults in the gay community who share their own stories of surviving school bullying and moving on to build successful careers and happy home lives. The first video shows Mr. Savage with his partner of 16 years, Terry. The men tell their own stories of being bullied, finding each other and becoming parents.
*
They see Ellen and Adam Lambert and Neil Patrick Harris. They’re good folks and important public figures, but those are gay celebrities. What are the odds of becoming a celebrity? What kids have a hard time picturing is a rewarding, good, average life for themselves. Becoming Ellen is like winning the lottery. But there are a lot of happy and content lesbians who we don’t see or hear from ever. Those are the people teens need to hear from right now. When a 15-year-old kills himself, he’s saying he can’t picture a future that is decent enough and happy enough to stick around for. Gay adults can show our present lives and help them picture a future.
*
Because of technology, we don’t need to wait for an invitation anymore to speak to these kids. We can speak to them directly. . . . . we didn’t want to seem like we are bragging, but we wanted to talk about the things that are good and meaningful and give us joy, like going snowboarding or going to Paris. We don’t want to seem elitist. And we didn’t want to wallow in pain. We want to give kids hope for a future life that has pleasure and joy and family.
*
We want people to post their own videos and send me a link. I can select them and add it to the page. The Web site is www.YouTube.com/ItGetsBetterProject. It’s going to be interesting to see what comes in. I don’t want it to be “lifestyles of the gay and fabulous.” What we want to say to kids is that if you don’t win the economic lottery, and most people don’t, you can have a good and decent and fun life that brings love.
*

Johnny Weir Speaks at California Gay Rights Fundraiser

Despite what his detractors may say, I love Johnny Weir - both for his figure skating talent and for his courage in being himself and telling critics to be damned. At a Equality California fundraiser, Weir came about as close to coming out as one can without making an outright declaration. Kudos to Johnny and his in your face refusal to somehow be ashamed of who he is. He's what I wish I had been able to be at a similar age except for the fact that I would not have had my children. The Advocate has more on Weir's appearance and his summation of what gays give to the world:

*
Figure skating star Johnny Weir lent his celebrity to an Equality California event on Sunday in Los Angeles. At the fund-raiser, Weir thanked his family for their support and then spoke frankly about inequality:
*
"Something from the Olympics that I learned is the world is a very, very ugly place. And this community, us, our people, are the people who make it fucking gorgeous. No matter how much people push down on us ... no matter how much they hate people that are different, not only the gay community, but also African-American people, Jewish people ... there's so many things that people focus on and so much what a person is and not who a person is ... If I wanted to get married tomorrow to a woman or to a man, what have you, whatever makes me happy, I'm going to try to do it and I want the freedom to do it. Everyone should have the freedom for that."
*

Johnny, I hope you keep up the great work!

20% of Gay youth Sexually Abused in Government Custody

The Bureau of Justice Statistics released a report yesterday that found that 12% of youth in government custody experienced sexual abuse. For gay youth, the number was worse - 20% were sexually abused while in government custody. It is a sicken statistic, but given the mentality of many police and the bubbas who work in other areas of law enforcement I guess I should not be surprised. It seems too often that those who are least psychologically fit to have the power of a badge or similar institutional authority are the ones that gravitate toward that line of work. Obviously, the situation is likely even worse in states were homophobia is enshrined in the civil laws and Christianism is the de facto state religion. Unfortunately, it doesn't the least surprise me to see that one of the facilities with a rough 30% rate of abuse is located in anti-gay Virginia. Here are some highlights from Raw Story:

*
Some 12 percent of minors held in government custody are sexually abused, and in some facilities the rate reaches a stunning one in three children, says a report released Thursday by the Bureau of Justice Statistics.
*
The first-ever National Survey of Youth in Custody found that no less than 10 percent of the 26,550 juveniles being held in detention facilities in the US are abused by staff at the facility, while another 2.6 percent report abuse at the hands of other inmates.
*
Among the facilities studied were six identified to have rates of sexual abuse as high as three in 10. According to the Associated Press, those six facilities are Pendleton Juvenile Correctional Facility in Indiana; Corsicana Residential Treatment Center in Texas; Backbone Mountain Youth Center in Swanton, Maryland; Samarkand Youth Development Center in Eagle Springs, North Carolina.; Cresson Secure Treatment Unit in Pennsylvania; and the Culpeper Juvenile Correctional Center, Long Term, in Mitchells, Virginia.
*
The study was mandated by a 2003 law, the National Prison Rape Elimination Act, which also created the National Prison Rape Elimination Commission. Human Rights Watch notes that six months ago the commission set out "comprehensive, effective standards for the prevention, detection, and punishment of prison rape," but the Justice Department has yet to act on those recommendations.
*
The survey found that gay youth were at higher risk than heterosexual youth, with one in five reporting abuse at the hands of a staffer or fellow inmate. Males were more likely to report being abused than females (10.8 percent to 4.7 percent). And 95 percent of those abused by staff reported that the abuser was female. But that number may be influenced by the fact that 91 percent of youth in custody are male.
*
Additional details can be found at the San Francisco Chronicle here.