Recap of 2016 Hampton Roads Pride

Having served on the Hampton Roads Pride Board in the past and watched the event transform from a small event hidden away in an obscure location to now the second largest festival in Norfolk, I am very proud of the work that has been done to build community support and convince the City of Norfolk in particular to get fully behind the event.  The video above is a brief look at the 2016 event.  I hope readers will plan to attend the 2017 event next year. 

Beauty Queens Come Out as Gay

As this past weekend's HR Pride Fest event made clear, LGBT individuals come in all shapes and sizes and in every race and ethnicity.   Nonetheless, the enemies of LGBT equality and same sex marriage work diligently to disseminate and reenforce negative stereotypes about LGBT people.  One of their favorites - after describe gay men as disease ridden Nelly queens - is to depict lesbian as mannish, unattractive freaks.   Over the weekend, two beauty queens blew that would be stereotype to Hell.  First, former two time Miss Spain, Patricia Yurena Rodriguez (pictured above), came out as lesbian as noted at MSN:

A former Miss Spain, Patricia Yurena Rodriguez, came out as a lesbian last week, after revealing on Instagram that she was in a relationship with her girlfriend DJ Vanessa Cortes. The revelation makes Rodriguez the first openly gay national beauty queen in the country.

"Romeo and Julliet," Rodriguez, 24, captioned the pic of her laying in bed and staring into Cortes' eyes. . . . . I do not regret what I did," Rodriguez told local Spanish newspaper, La Opinion de Tenerife of her announcement. "I'm thrilled with what is happening to me."

Meanwhile, yesterday the news broke that 2014 Rose of Tralee, Philadelphia Rose Maria Walsh (pictured below), is gay.  Here are excerpts from Irsih Central:

"I'm confident in who I am as a person," the 27-year-old said, in a matter of fact interview with The Sun that laid the truth bare.

Others were equally confident in Walsh too.  Her sexuality is likely to "create some interest, hopefully all positive,” the executive chairman of the festival Anthony O'Gara told the press this weekend.

Twitter and Facebook erupted, with the majority of commenters applauding her brave decision to come out. But others got in line a little too hastily to write a terse “so what?” as though there could never be any controversy about being LGBT nowadays.

If only. Right on cue a host of apoplectically angry commentators reminded us why it’s still news when Ireland’s Rose of Tralee sweetheart announces she’s gay. Across the internet they posted strong biblical condemnations or outright bigoted profanities, carefully calculated to wound.

In New York, like every prior Rose, she will be feted and fawned over during the 2015 Saint Patrick’s Day season. The Rose of Tralee competition has already show us that Walsh has courage, heart and class, and so hopefully her example will inspire others to show her the same courtesy now.

If New York’s Saint Patrick’s Day Parade Committee is still discriminating against – rather than embracing – Irish gay people by 2015 (almost 100 years after the Rising that was fought in the name of freedom for all Irish people) they will look and sound like last century's men.

The fact is that Ireland has changed utterly; an Irish gay group has already won the best float award in the Saint Patrick’s Day parade in Dublin. A massive rally was held at the weekend to amend the constitution to permit same sex marriage. Now a Rose of Tralee, the nations sweetheart, has revealed she’s gay.

Kudos to both of the brave, beautiful women!!

HRBOR July 2013 Third Thursday Business Networking Event

I hope local readers will make an effort to join HRBOR members on Thursday July 18th at 6:00PM for HRBOR's Third Thursday Business Networking in Virginia Beach hosted by Williams Mullen/Michael B. Steel, Esquire with Featured Non-Profit Young Audiences of Virginia.  Williams Mullen is one of a handful of large Virginia based law firms that actually has a non-discrimination policy in place that protects LGBT employees.  In addition, it was one of the Virginia mega law firms that actively pushed for Tracy Thorne-Begland's appointment to the bench in Richmond.  I hope to see you there.

Bring your business cards, company brochures, event flyers, sales ads and your best elevator speech. To RSVP simply reply to the email. Complete event details are:

Host and Food/Beverage Sponsor: Williams Mullen

Michael B Steele, Esquire

HRBOR, Program Committee

222 Central Park Avenue, Suite 1700
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23462-3035

Where: Williams Mullen, 222 Central Park Ave, Suite 1700 Virginia Beach, VA 23462

When: Thursday July 18th, 6pm-8pm

Featured Non-Profit: Young Audiences of Virginia, Michael Kerry Williams, Arts-In-Education Director www.yav.org

Third Thursday Cost: Free to Members, $15 Guest Fee for Guests and Prospective Members

Invite friends and colleagues.

HRBOR July 2013 Third Thursday Business Networking Event

I hope local readers will make an effort to join HRBOR members on Thursday July 18th at 6:00PM for HRBOR's Third Thursday Business Networking in Virginia Beach hosted by Williams Mullen/Michael B. Steel, Esquire with Featured Non-Profit Young Audiences of Virginia.  Williams Mullen is one of a handful of large Virginia based law firms that actually has a non-discrimination policy in place that protects LGBT employees.  In addition, it was one of the Virginia mega law firms that actively pushed for Tracy Thorne-Beglands appointment to the bench in Richmond.  I hope to see you there.

Bring your business cards, company brochures, event flyers, sales ads and your best elevator speech. To RSVP simply reply to the email. Complete event details are:

Host and Food/Beverage Sponsor: Williams Mullen

Michael B Steele, Esquire

HRBOR, Program Committee

222 Central Park Avenue, Suite 1700
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23462-3035

Where: Williams Mullen, 222 Central Park Ave, Suite 1700 Virginia Beach, VA 23462

When: Thursday July 18th, 6pm-8pm

Featured Non-Profit: Young Audiences of Virginia, Michael Kerry Williams, Arts-In-Education Director www.yav.org

Third Thursday Cost: Free to Members, $15 Guest Fee for Guests and Prospective Members

Invite friends and colleagues.

OBX Pridefest - Day One Update

The view from our table - click image to enlarge

Today was a gorgeous day and Pridefest attendance appeared to at least match last year's level.  The day was warm and sunny even if a bit windy.  HR Pride had a great booth to market Out in the Park on August 18th and there were assorted food vendors and other merchant booths.  Both HRC and Equality North Carolina also had good contingents.  We spent the day listening to music, a moving testimonial by Diane Midgett who founded Brandon's Beacon of Hope, the beneficiary of the net profits from Pridefest 2012, in honor of her late son Brandon.  (More on this story tomorrow when I'm less "cocktailed") and lazing by the pool with many other festival attendees.  A sizable contingent of friends from Hampton Roads are attending and shortly we will be headed to an ocean front beach house south of the First Colony Inn for an impromptu birthday party for one of our Hampton Roads friends.

A part of the package here at the First Colony Inn was a gift certificate at Pamlico Jack's restaurant across the by-pass road from the Inn.  Pamlico Jack's offers a panoramic view across Pamlico Sound towards Manteo Island to the west and breath taking sunsets (see below).  Better yet, as part of Pridefest, a great pre fixe menu was available this evening.  The food was wonderful as was our server, Erin, who truly went out of her way to make sure the dining experience was exceptional.

Tomorrow should be another good weather day and promises lots of fun and sunshine.  Those who did not make the trip down have missed out on something most enjoyable.

What It Means to Be "Out"

I've spoken many times about the importance of being out to family, friends, employers and co-workers. Yes, it carries risks - I was forced from a law firm for being gay - but it is the single most powerful thing that any of us can do. Putting a face and personality on what is often a faceless term to those constantly hearing anti-LGBT messages makes people stop and think. Some will remain closed minded bigots, but many more will be forced to rethink their preconceptions. I have seen it happen time and time again in my own experience and as the boyfriend and I move in social circle that sometimes might not be initially LGBT friendly. The more well known and prominent one is, the more powerful the potential to open minds and hearts. A letter to the editor in the Advocate looks at Jane Lynch's example of using celebrity to push the pro-LGBT message. Here are highlights:

Her understanding of being out is far different from the “I’ve never been closeted” line I read so often from celebrities (sometimes in this publication) insisting that telling their parents and friends that they’re gay equals being out. Lynch was out. Those others most often were not.

You’ll forgive me if I descend into a professional gripe over this point. Being out is the most fundamental thing we can do to improve the lives of future generations, and for most of us, it’s as basic (though not to say easy) as telling the people in our lives. But if you’re a person in the public eye and you refuse to say you’re LGBT in a public forum, you’re unequivocally not out. Yes, you have a different standard than the nonfamous. While telling someone how and when to come out is pushing the point further than I care to do, who among us — more than the wealthy and famous — has the luxury of coming out and doing a ton of good in the process? Entertainers, come out. The water’s fine.

City of Hampton Diversity and Pride On June 11th

While many in the Hampton Roads LGBT community are still feeling the afterglow of Sunday's very successful Out in the Park event, it's important to remember that on Saturday, June 11, 2011, from Noon to 6:00 PM, the City of Hampton, Virginia will hold it's second annual Diversity and Pride event in Millpoint Park on the downtown Hampton waterfront. The event may not be as glitzy as Sunday's event in Norfolk, but I can assure folks that last year's Hampton event was a lot of fun and that this year's event should be even better.
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I hope readers who were unable to make the event in Norfolk will make a point to attend this Saturday. I will be attending and will be working a booth for the law firm and the HRBOR booth as well. For more information on Saturday's event go to: www.diversityandpride.com.

2011 Out in the Park a Huge Success

This morning began with torrential rain and violent thunder and lightning. Needless to say, all of us who have worked to support and put on Out in the Park 2011 in Norfolk's Town Point Park through labor, financial support or both were fearful that the event would be a disaster. Then, less than an hour before the opening of the event the rain ceased, the sky began to clear and a multitude of people came out and made the event a huge success - likely the largest, most upscale and amazing pride event ever in this area. One thing that was remarkable was the diversity of those attending: young, middle aged, old, black, white, Asian, gay, straight, transgender - even young straight couples pushing their toddlers in strollers. I'm still waiting to hear crowd estimates, but Town Point Park was largely packed. Between manning a booth for the law firm and floating around listening to some of the acts or watching the Pride boat parade along the waterfront, I saw people I had not seen in years. The photo below is of one of the acts, the D.C. Cowboys.

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I continue to believe that the event was significant for this region. Set out below is an op-ed piece that I wrote in Altdaily.com that ran a week ago:
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It will be the first time that Hampton Roads has had a major LGBT Pride event in a prominent center stage venue. There are those in the LGBT blogosphere who have argued that LGBT pride events should be a thing of the past, and suggested that the LGBT community needs to move on to focus its resources on other issues. That judgment is not applicable here in Hampton Roads. There may be some truth to the referenced argument in progressive states and cities where LGBT citizens live their daily lives far more openly. They have won their long, hard battles for legal recognition of their relationships and enjoy employment non-discrimination protections among other legal rights. But that argument does not apply here in Hampton Roads or Virginia as a whole.

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Here in Virginia, we live in a far different legal/social universe. We live in a society where the so-called ‘culture wars’ rage unabated. At least for the Republican side of the aisle in the General Assembly, the Attorney General’s office and the Governor’s mansion, stigmatizing LGBT Virginians and supporting discrimination are a matter of official policy. In this context, an event such as Out in the Park plays a very important role for both the LGBT and the larger community.

First, from the LGBT perspective, even if individuals do not attend, a large local LGBT pride event provides a subconscious sense of solidarity. Sadly, in this region far too many individuals still feel forced to live in the closet, whether they are members of the military or employed in the private sector. An event like Out in the Park also allows teens and youths to realize that they are not the freaks or misfits some among the Christian Right and elsewhere would have them believe themselves to be. And of course, a successful pride event is a great deal of fun and can give a feeling of empowerment to those not treated fully as equals under Virginia’s laws. * For those outside of the Hampton Roads LGBT community, Out in the Park will provide a venue for a useful learning experience. The first lesson to be learned is that the LGBT community is not monolithic. Rather, the LGBT community is diverse with a whole spectrum of individual types and social, racial and professional backgrounds. Indeed, we are just as diverse and varied as any other segment of society. Secondly, this LGBT pride event can educate businesses to the fact that they are overlooking a very significant segment of the community in their marketing plans and business models. Here are a few economic tidbits often drowned out by the anti-gay mantra coming from some pulpits and politicians in Richmond:
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LGBT consumers are twice as likely as the national average to be (i)managers or professionals, (ii) have an average household income of over $85,400, (iii) have more disposable income than typical households and had an estimated combined U. S. domestic purchasing power of $743 Billion in 2010, (iv) make up the most stable and reliable segment of the tourism market, and (v) are extremely loyal consumers for those who market to the LGBT community and/or support LGBT causes.

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Lastly, a major pride event like Out in the Park helps the Hampton Roads region, which was described last year in a Brookings Institute study as old, slow, and not too bright, to put aside its dowdy image and instead showcase the region’s diversity and acceptance of citizens of all walks of life and cultures.

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With the event now successfully behind us, I believe even more what I wrote in the op-ed piece. We CAN make change even in backward states like Virginia, but to do so we need to work as a united community to do it. This event brought so many diverse elements of the local LGBT community together in a way never seen before. The boyfriend and I are proud that we had the privileged of playing a small role in the venture.

Gay Surfers to be Represented at Sydney Mardi Gras

I have written about GaySurfers.net before. The group launched in Australia with a goal of creating a network around the globe to create a global community of gays who love the sport of surfing and which would include members from around the world who may be isolated geographically or socially. This goal is being realized and soon I will be writing about an event to take place in North Carolina's Outer Banks in conjunction with OBXPridefest. Back in Australia, GaySurfers.net ("GS") is poised to gain more visibility as the group prepares to participate in Sydney's Gay Mardi Gras event. Here are some details and more information can be found here:
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This year, the 2011 Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras will have for the first time in history, a group of surfers taking part in the parade and marching along Oxford Street with their surfboards. Thomas, the founder of GaySurfers.net explains, “By participating in Mardi Gras, we are showing the public that a healthy diversity exists in both the gay community and the surfing community.”
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GaySurfers.net launched in February 2010, is free to join and offers gay surfers from every point on the planet a place to meet, socialise, create surf GROUPS based on geographic location and plan surf EVENTS. Members can post UPDATES about what’s happening in their surf world, share articles and favourite surf spots, participate in FORUMS and upload surf videos and photos. One exciting component of the website is the global mapping of gay friendly surf spots, surf tours, accommodation and businesses. ‘It’s fast becoming a global surf guide for surfers who are gay.’ In just one year, GaySurfers.net has almost 3,000 members from around 80 countries. Australia itself has 650 participating members and 250 of these surf Sydney’s surrounding beaches.
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Our site breaks down prejudice and builds up self-esteem by creating a network of openly gay surfers who understand the trials of being homosexual within surf culture; essentially, we’re making it easier for them to accept themselves. That’s a big part of our mission: to remove shame from the equation and help gay surfers be the best they can be.
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The site is designed for men and women, and all ages seem to be jumping on board. ‘We’re stoked that younger surfers are finding and using the site to network with other surfers.’ This is especially important as younger guys who are just discovering their homosexuality need the most support and encouragement – especially in light of recent, tragic news of homophobic bullying and suicides among gay teenagers.
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As GaySurfers.net grows, I hope our message of acceptance and understanding spreads throughout the global surfing community. Nomads unite! Gay or straight, we all share a passion for the greatest sport in the world.

Bilerico Project Nominated for GLAAD Media Award

As I suspect many readers know, besides writing this blog I also contribute to The Bilerico Project as one of its team of writers. I've enjoyed the experience immensely and was thrilled to hear that The Bilerico Project has been nominated for a 2011 GLAAD Media Award in the Outstanding Blog category. The other blogs up for the prize are Blabbeando, Rod2.0, Pam's House Blend, and Joe.My.God. As Bilerico editor-in-chief, Bil Browning notes, they're all excellent sites that should be on one's daily reading list (they are all on mine). All of us at Bilerico are honored to be included with such worthy contenders. A full list of nominees for all categories can be found here. This is what GLAAD said about the blog nominees:

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By recognizing and honoring media for outstanding images of the LGBT community, the GLAAD Media Awards serve as a benchmark for the media industry and complement GLAAD's work to bring LGBT images and stories to Americans. . . .
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"This year's nominees represent some of the images and stories at the root of the growing acceptance of our community and support for our equality," said GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios. "They also have created a benchmark for inclusion of our community that other media outlets should look to. As GLAAD celebrates twenty-five years of working with the media, we are proud to recognize this year's nominees and we challenge the industry to share more stories that reflect the diversity of our community and the challenges that gay and transgender people face."
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This year GLAAD introduced a new category to recognize independent blogs, in recognition of the growing role of online media in shaping today's culture. The first nominees in this category are The Bilerico Project, Blabbeando, Joe. My. God., Pam's House Blend, and Rod 2.0.
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Whatever the outcome, I want to thank all of the members of the Bilerico team for allowing me to share in the blogs journalist efforts.

Saving Gay Teen Lives - Dan Savage and His Partner Launch Out Reach Site to Speak to Gay Teens

I'm dating myself, but the truth is that when I was a closeted gay teen doing my damnedest to convince myself I wasn't really gay - there were no out gay role models. Liberace came about as close as one could find - and even he claimed publicly that he wasn't gay. There has been huge progress over the last 40+ years since I was a teen, but in far too many communities (most of Virginia falls into this category) gay teens still lack realistic role models. Yes, there are out gay and lesbian celebrities, but most gay teens do not know a single gay business owner or out professional in their own communities.
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This sad state of affairs is one of the reasons I got involved in founding HRBOR. Being out and proud in one's professional life not only impacts (and hopefully opens minds in) the larger business community, but in time I hope that HRBOR can demonstrate to LGBT youth that one can succeed and be happy even in societal backwaters like Hampton Roads. I also started this blog to track my coming out journey and, as long time readers know, I have been through a veritable living Hell. But guess what. I survived and I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy and have found an inner happiness/self acceptance that eluded me for decades.

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The New York Times has a piece on the new video effort launched by Dan Savage and his partner to convince gay teens that success and happiness are possible even if there is abuse and ridicule along the way. Kudos to Dan and Terry. The video clip can be viewed below. Here are some highlights:
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A new online video channel is reaching out to teenagers who are bullied at school for being gay. The message: life really does get better after high school.
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The YouTube channel, called the “It Gets Better Project,” was created by the Seattle advice columnist and activist Dan Savage. Mr. Savage says he was moved by the suicide of Billy Lucas, a Greensburg, Ind., high school student who was the target of slurs and bullying. The channel promises to be a collection of videos from adults in the gay community who share their own stories of surviving school bullying and moving on to build successful careers and happy home lives. The first video shows Mr. Savage with his partner of 16 years, Terry. The men tell their own stories of being bullied, finding each other and becoming parents.
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They see Ellen and Adam Lambert and Neil Patrick Harris. They’re good folks and important public figures, but those are gay celebrities. What are the odds of becoming a celebrity? What kids have a hard time picturing is a rewarding, good, average life for themselves. Becoming Ellen is like winning the lottery. But there are a lot of happy and content lesbians who we don’t see or hear from ever. Those are the people teens need to hear from right now. When a 15-year-old kills himself, he’s saying he can’t picture a future that is decent enough and happy enough to stick around for. Gay adults can show our present lives and help them picture a future.
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Because of technology, we don’t need to wait for an invitation anymore to speak to these kids. We can speak to them directly. . . . . we didn’t want to seem like we are bragging, but we wanted to talk about the things that are good and meaningful and give us joy, like going snowboarding or going to Paris. We don’t want to seem elitist. And we didn’t want to wallow in pain. We want to give kids hope for a future life that has pleasure and joy and family.
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We want people to post their own videos and send me a link. I can select them and add it to the page. The Web site is www.YouTube.com/ItGetsBetterProject. It’s going to be interesting to see what comes in. I don’t want it to be “lifestyles of the gay and fabulous.” What we want to say to kids is that if you don’t win the economic lottery, and most people don’t, you can have a good and decent and fun life that brings love.
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City of Hampton Pride Event Recap and Upcoming Events

Though quite hot, the weather cooperated wonderfully for yesterday's Diversity and Pride event in downtown Hampton - the City's first ever Pride event. I was there for roughly six hours marketing the law firm and manning a table for HRBOR. While the crowd was not overly large, for a first time event the sponsors - St. Mark's Episcopal Church and the Williamsburg Unitarian Church - were pleased with the event and it was obvious that the attendees enjoyed the day. Among the local celebrities in attendance were Mayor Molly Ward and TV anchor Barbara Ciara who were judges for a karaoke contest and Congressman Bobby Scott (pictured above). Congressman Glenn Nye was not in attendance, but was represented by staffers who circulated amongst the crowd.

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Hampton Roads area's Pride events will continue next weekend, first with a white party event at the Ocean View Fishing Pier to benefit the Hampton Roads Men's Chorus on Saturday, June 26, 2010. These events are hugely popular and locals should try to attend (the boyfriend and I will definitely be there):

The festivities will conclude on Sunday, June 27, 2010 with "Out in the Park" to be held at Chesapeake City Park as per the flyer set out below. This year organizers hope to break the 10,000 mark in terms of attendance. Your's truly will be there on behalf of HRBOR and my law firm.

City of Hampton, Virginia to Host Pride/Diversity Event

As I have stated before, I have been pleasantly surprised by the tolerance that I have found in the City of Hampton, Virginia, since moving in with the boyfriend. Yes, the City has its share of red necks and homophobes to be sure, but the educated and upper classes seem much more tolerant than is the case say in Virginia Beach, a GOP bastion which is home to Pat Robertson's Regent University and the Christian Broadcasting Network. With the Hampton about to celebrate its 400th anniversary - it is the oldest continuous English speaking municipality in the USA - it seems some within the city want to launch the city's fifth century on the cutting edge. As the flyer above (click the image to enlarge) indicates the city will host a Diversity/Pride event on June 19, 2010 at a park in downtown Hampton. Following the Pride event will be a block party/restaurant event in old downtown Hampton which has a number of great restaurants located in historic buildings.

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I met with staff from the Department of Parks and Recreation this morning as a representative of Hampton Roads Pride to learn what the City is proposing. To my knowledge, it is the first time EVER that a local city has recognized the existence of the LGBT community and sought to put on an event for our community. Obviously, I will be disseminating information to all of the LGBT organizations in the area and seeking to garner widespread support for the Hampton event. Indeed, since Hampton Roads Pride's Out in the Park event is scheduled for the following weekend, the area can truly have a "pride week."

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I will post additional information as it becomes and anyone interested in getting involved in either the Hampton or Out in the Park event in Chesapeake, please drop me an e-mail. Also, feel free to call the information number on the flyer.

JohnnyWeir Resonds to Homophobes

While he is definitely quirky and not afraid to cause controversy and gossip, Johnny Weir has some good advice for all of us in the LGBT community as he responds to bigots who have made homophobic remarks about his Olympic performances. It boils down to having the courage to be yourself and ignore the slings and arrows that may be thrown at you. To be gay in this country - at least in backwards areas like Virginia and other "fly over country" - you need to develop an attitude of "if you don't like me, that's your loss - I don't give a damn." Obviously, achieving that point takes time and isn't without some hurts, but to live out and proud, that is the mindset one must achieve. Here are some of Johnny's comments via Towleroad:
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Said Weir: "I'm not somebody to cry over something or to be weak about something. I felt very defiant when I saw these comments. It wasn't these two men criticizing my skating, it was them criticizing me as a person, and that was something that really, frankly, pissed me off...I hope more kids can grow up the same way I did and more kids can feel the freedom that I feel to be themselves and to express themselves and that's the most important thing."
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The skater added: "I'm always thought of the sparkly flamboyant character that wore a crown of roses...nobody knows me. I think masculinity is what you believe it to be. To me, masculinity is all my perception. I think masculinity and femininity is something that's very old fashioned. There's a whole new generation of people that aren't defined by their sex or their race or who they like to sleep with. I think as a person you know what your values are and what you believe in and I that''s the most important thing."
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You've got it right Johnny - your critics are clueless and their homophobia speaks more about them than you.

Thursday Thoughts

Today was a wonderful day - because the weather was gorgeous, everything seems to be under control at the office, my mom seems to be doing well post minor stroke based on my conversation with my sister, and we took a wonderful sunset cruise with a dozen or so other guys staying at the guest house (photos will be posted once the camera recharges and I can down load them - the photo above is from the boat's website). The boyfriend has gone out with some of the group to a local bar, but yours truly is feeling tired and having withdrawals from not blogging more today. The mix of couples here at the guest house is amazing and we had dinner with a couple from Austin, Texas who are actually Australians. A couple from France is still visiting and a couple from Massachusetts just checked in. I again highly recommend the Oasis and its related properties as a wonderful get away.

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The boyfriend continues to be remarkable and a true treasure. He has been such a huge positive influence on my life and he makes me happier than he will ever know. Would that the economy would turn around and I might feel like I'm once again making positive headway in my life. The thought of work next week is a bit daunting, especially since I will have several commercial closings and have to go to court in a remote neighboring county on a real estate title defense matter. My office manager and my youngest daughter have been gems and kept the office running smoothly. Each day I work on some matters and respond to e-mail, but they have made being away manageable. Both the boyfriend and I needed the get away. We sincerely hope that when we return to Hampton that the worst of the demolition in the house has been completed. The next 6 to 8 weeks living in a construction site will not be enjoyable.

Out Proud and In Elected Office

EDITOR NOTE: I did a post earlier in the week about Anthony Niedwiecki's election to the Oakland Park, Florida City Commission. Anthony's husband - Waymon Hudson - who I got to know at the Blogger Summit in Washington, D.C., last year has a column at The Bilerico Project that recounts how Anthony (and Waymon) conducted the successful campaign as out and proud gays. Pam Spaulding has republished Waymon's column at Pam's House Blend, and I am doing the same here because in my opinion it speaks directly to how all of us need to live our lives and conduct political campaigns in order to open otherwise closed and bigoted minds. I am very proud of both Anthony and Waymon and again congratulate them on the election victory. Here is Waymon's column in full:

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The past few days have been a whirlwind here in sunny South Florida for my husband Anthony Niedwiecki and me. Hopefully you've heard by now that Anthony was elected to the City Commission in Oakland Park, a part of the Greater Fort Lauderdale Area, in a resounding victory with over 65% of the vote cast. Even more exciting, as the top vote getter in the three open seats, Anthony will become Vice Mayor in 2010 and Mayor of the city in 2011 (it's a rotating mayorship based on votes).

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It was a long, tough campaign against a well-established opponent who has previously run for State Senate, and had the support of some of the current (and not always LGBT friendly) commissioners.

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I am so proud of Anthony and the campaign we ran. We made our family (our marriage, foster son, and extended family) a strong part of our campaign and challenged people to face their ideas about what family and "family values" really means. We were out, proud, and passionate about our community. I think by the overwhelming vote for Anthony, we see that many people got the message.

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I wanted to talk about some of the decision we made about being so open and why I think it worked for us, as well as the impact it had in changing minds and hearts about our community in general.

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Of course, this is all just our experience and not a blueprint for anyone else. But I will say that I am proud and humbled by the response to our personal story from voters and supporters. Even if we hadn't won, it would have been a huge victory in visibility.

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And remember, I'm focusing on the LGBT angle here, but we ran a broad, issues driven campaign about what mattered to everyone in the city, while weaving in a strong message of equality for all residents. So let's run through some of the "advice" we got and how we responded to it.

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YOU"RE A LITTLE "TOO GAY"

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This was some of the advice we got early on in the process. We had both been longtime activists for the community here in South Florida, from the startling incident at the Fort Lauderdale Airport where a worker played a death threat aimed at gay people over the intercom system, to the ensuing harassment when we fought back against it, to organizing the massive response to the bigoted words of Mayor Naugle of Fort Lauderdale. Being "less open" isn't who we are.

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We decided early on that we would embrace our activist nature and use it as positive part of Anthony's campaign. He's always fought for what he believes in, which is what would make him such an amazing leader for our city.

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We actually used Anthony's work against Naugle as an example of how small-minded, divisive actions can distract from other issues in a city and how it can have serious and chilling effects on the atmosphere of a city.

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We made his work for the equality of all residents one of the five main points of the campaign and people responded with respect and support. It was so amazing to see the newspapers reporting the results and identifying Anthony as both the top winner and a gay activist. It sent a strong message to South Florida.

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FORGET THE "FAMILY VALUES" VOTERS

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Many people told us to not even bother with large parts of the voter pool, especially those "value voters."

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Again, that's not who we are.

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We decided to take the "family values" argument and make it our own. In fact, it was another one of our five main campaign points- dedicated to family.

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We refused to accept that our relationship and the family we had built with our foster son was not a family. We never shied away from talking about our life. We attended events together, met voters, answered questions, invited people to our home, and made our life an open book.

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In the week before the election, during the televised public comments at the last commission meeting before voters went to the polls, Anthony stood up and thanked "his husband Waymon for all his support", moving many (including me) to tears.

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I think this had some of the most profound effects on people. It was amazing to hear from extremely conservative people who told us how moved they were by our family and how we had forced them to think about their biases and beliefs. One of the city's most notorious former candidates who had run an extremely anti-gay campaign in past years even became an avid supporter of Anthony, knocking on doors and encouraging people to vote for Anthony.

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That's change I can believe in.

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STAY AWAY FROM "CONTROVERSIAL" LGBT ISSUES

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Obviously this little gem of advice didn't sink in with us. During Anthony's 18 month campaign, we decided to show people the kind of leader Anthony would be and how he would use the platform of his office to create change for all people.

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Anthony spoke out and lobbied against the Florida adoption ban, talking about our life with our foster son. He pushed the current city commission to pass a resolution against Amendment 2, the horrific amendment that looked to dismantle relationship recognition in Florida, and spoke about it everywhere he went. He even made the public promise to fight against the Amendment after it passed and preserve our domestic partnership rights in South Florida.

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He was a leader in Oakland Park and Broward County in fighting for the expansion of non-discrimination policies to include both sexual orientation and gender identity and expression.

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He even issued statements and calls directly from his campaign when Westboro Baptist Church announced they where coming to Oakland Park to picket a local gay-owned theater.

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We didn't shy away from going to California and getting married. The local papers even ran stories and pictures about it, which we happily linked to from his campaign site.
Running for office didn't mean he had to tone down his activism- it gave him another platform from which to fight and do the right thing.

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GIVE UP THE MINORITY VOTE

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We all heard the horrific, racist blame game that happened after Prop 8 and Amendment 2 passed. It was no different in Florida.

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Many people thought we shouldn't even try to make in roads with the African-American community, especially the religious community. Once again, that view proved wrong.

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Anthony had already been a regular part of the speakers with the Urban League that traveled to talk about Amendment 2, and we continued to reach out to all voters in the city for his campaign. We went, together as a family, to African American churches and community picnics, and just shared our lives with them.

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The response was amazing and moving. It showed the blindness many in our community have when it comes to other minorities. We all want the same things for our cities and neighborhoods, for our families and homes.

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And we all want someone who will fight for our rights, which is what everyone saw in Anthony.

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OUT AND PROUD

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I think what we saw in this campaign was that you can be an out and proud activist for our community and still be viable as a candidate. It might even give you the advantage of being known as a fighter and someone with strong beliefs and values.

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By taking what could be used as a negative against us and making it our part of our own campaign, we took away the some of the power of anti-gay bias.

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Did we lose some voters for being so out? Perhaps. But with over 65% of the vote, it's clear that the vision of the campaign, which included a strong equality messages, was approved by large numbers of voters.

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When made part of a larger progressive agenda (we talked about environmental stewardship, taxes, smart growth, community involvement, etc), LGBT issues made sense to many people that had never really gotten it before.

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By seeing that families come in all shapes and sizes, voters got to know the humanity of LGBT people and not just see the "scary" idea of those that are "different" from them pushed down their throats from other sources.

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And that's a victory in my book no matter what the election results were.

Patricia Cornwell Speaks Out for Gay Marriage

Former Virginia resident - she used to live in Richmond - and best selling author, Patricia Cornwall (I've read a number of here earlier books) has spoken out in support of gay marriage in a recent interview. I believe that it is important that well known and prominent LGBT Americans speak out as she has done and make it increasingly difficult for our Christianist/Mormon enemies to depict us with negative stereotypes. The more of us who are out and open about who we are, the sooner the Christianist will be ultimately defeated in the public arena. Here are some highlights from Reuters:

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Crime writer Patricia Cornwell is a master storyteller but had shied away from telling her own tale, until this year when uproar about same-sex marriages in the United States prompted her to go public. Cornwell, 52, has been married for two years to Staci Ann Gruber, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School whom she met while researching neuroscience for one of her thrillers about forensic pathologist Kay Scarpetta.

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Cornwell, who has just released her 16th Scarpetta book called "Scarpetta," said the heated debate on same-sex marriages in the United States made it time for her to talk about her own. "At my age, I have been around a while now and I am less uncomfortable with those sorts of revelations than I used to be," Cornwell told Reuters in a telephone interview. "Maybe it is a function of getting older but I think it is important to stand up and be counted. When you're not in a relationship your sexual orientation is more theoretical but it becomes more real when you are with somebody and you are not going to hide that."

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"If people like me don't take a stand then it will only get worse. We just want to live and let live and be treated in the same way straight people are treated," said Cornwell, who was previously married to an English professor, Charles Cornwell. "It is no longer theoretical when you have people voting against what you believe is your right, making it illegal, when one of the best things about me is the person I am with. This applies to me and it is frightening.

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Cornwell said she is not the active campaigner type but her own experience has fed into her writing and she believes speaking out can help clear up some misunderstandings.

Why Being Out and Proud Matters

As I posted yesterday evening, those of us who attended the LGBT Blogger Summit had the unique opportunity of seeing the movie Milk and then engaging in a discussion session with Clive Jones, Dustin Lance Black and Bruce Cohen. One message that I took away from the whole experience - not to mention specific portions of the movie itself - was that LGBT citizens need to come out of the closet and live openly. The fastest way to dispel the lies put out by our enemies is to allow friends and neighbors to come to realize that we - their doctors, lawyers, fellow business owners, etc. - are just like everyone else save and except who we fall in love with.

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Being out and open can be a terrifying prospect and I will confess my own failure and shortcomings in that regard for many years. For far too many years I tried to be something that I was not and in the process made myself and often those around me miserable. Unfortunately, I listened to the propaganda and lies put out by churches and a larger society that value control and uniformity over allowing people living their own lives as God made them. In short, I allowed myself to buy into the anti-gay stereotypes and felt myself a freak, reject and victim. But not anymore. Another side benefit of attending the blogger summit was being surrounded by smart, vibrant LGBT individuals who demonstrated that we are as good as anyone else - hence for example the name of Jeremy Hooper's blog, Good As You.

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Another reality that I have learned is that "coming out" is a process that one does not do just once. Rather it is a daily occurrence as one meets new people and encounters different business and social settings. While I do not broadcast my sexuality, nevertheless, new encounters sometime require that you take a deep breath and summon the courage to not hide who you are. Living in an area such as Tidewater Virginia obviously creates more situations where being out has the potential for adverse reactions and even potential rejection. I have some who tell me that I should be more closeted and I certainly know a number of gays who live double lives of sorts out of fear of rejection in business or otherwise. On the other hand, if one gives into fear and goes back into hiding, the result is that you lose a little bit of your soul each time you allow fear to win out. Personally, I forfeited my soul for too many years to go back into that trap.

Successful Gala

Last night's fundraiser gala was a huge success and as one of the co-chairs, I am definitely happy that it's over. Not only was it the largest of the now annual events in the Norfolk area (253 paying attendees), but it also saw many more straight and mainline sponsors and also in attendance were a sitting Congressman, a new Congressman elect, two state senators, two members of the House of Delegates, and City of Norfolk personnel. The proceeds from the event will go to help fund the battle for LGBT employment non-discrimination protections - there are currently none in Virginia - and other gay supportive legislation in next year's General Assembly and to support gay friendly candidates in next year's state elections.

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Our honoree - each year the Legend Gala picks a local citizen who has done much for the cause of LGBT rights as honoree - this year is a local business man who has lived out and proud for many years and has likewise supported many charities, including HIV/AIDS charities, and the local arts. When he got up to speak, it was particularly moving when he revealed that in September he and his long time partner had traveled to California and been married. They had kept it a secret until announcing it last night. The irony in light of Tuesday's anti-gay results in California was stark. Also moving was a letter from Governor Tim Kaine addressed to the honoree in which he praised his past endeavors and affirmed that he was on the side of LGBT issues in Virginia.

Delicate Sensibilities - Update

Last month I did a post about how this blog - especially the male beauty photos - offends the delicate sensibilities of some members of the Equality Virginia Legends Gala Committee and Hampton Roads Business OutReach. No doubt, the last male beauty photo post will leave them with the vapors. While it was tedious, I have now deleted several dozen posts that directly promoted HRBOR and/or the 2008 Legends Gala. I will never again promote either organization directly on this blog. However, some posts remain that mention them since the posts talk about my personal activities, including attendance at events, etc. This is after all a PERSONAL blog where I talk about my life and views.

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To me the ultimate irony of situation is that the Legends Gala's purpose (in addition to raising money for EV) is to honor LGBT and LGBT friendly citizens of the Hampton Roads community who have done the right thing or refused to deny who they are even though doing so ran against the sensibilities of significant anti-gay elements in the area. I can only assume that the complaining individuals have not fully over come the self-loathing inculcated into them by the very bigots the honorees of the event have refused to bow down to. I make no apologies about who I am or my sexual orientation. I am way past being fearful of what haters, bigots and fundamental religious fanatics think about me.

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I intend to remain involved in HRBOR - God knows this area needs something to make the business community more progressive - and will complete my duties vis-a-vis the 2008 Legends Gala. After the event in November, however, I am leaning towards washing my hands of the future Legends Galas. Why work to put on an event when host committee members lack the guts of the honorees being honored. It's just a bit too much hypocrisy for me to stomach.