The Right Freaks Out - and Lies - About Rise of LGBT Millennials

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The 2016 General Social Survey was publicly released back in April, 2017, and it reported on many things, including the growing number of people who admit to being LGBT.  In fact, the data that Gallup shared showed that the LGBT population increased dramatically between 2012 and 2016, from 3.5% to 4.1% of the U.S. population (or an estimated 8.3 to 10.052 million people).  That’s a big change for a short period of time.  And the majority of that change could be accounted for by large increases among young people, women, the college-educated, people of color, and those who are not religious.  The findings showed that a great deal of that increase can be accounted for by Millennials.  Perhaps not surprisingly, given marriage equality (at long last) younger generations have become progressively more likely to identify as LGBT.  But the gap between Millenials and other generations is large and growing much to the horror of the right wingers. Rather than admit to the fact that Millennials have left religion in rapidly accelerating numbers (nearly a third at this point) and correspondingly do not feel the shame and stigma of being LGBT that Christianity seeks to inflict, the right wingers blame the rise of LGBT Millennials on what might be called recruitment.  Anything rather than admit that sexual orientation is fixed at birth or accept modern medical and mental health knowledge.  A piece in American Conservative illustrates the longstanding lie that is being promoted. Here are highlights: 

[F]or those who want to grapple honestly with this issue, these data from Patrick Egan show pretty clearly that the nurturing that culture provides does make a big difference.

Therefore, for communities who wish for their children to remain heterosexual, to form heterosexual marital unions, traditional families, etc., neutrality on the matter of sexuality will result in five to eight times as many people claiming homosexuality or bisexuality as would have otherwise been the case. (There have also been skyrocketing numbers of people claiming to be transgender.)

Sexuality is a lot more fluid than we think. For post-pubescent adolescents, teenagers, and young adults in their twenties, re-setting the boundaries of what is permissible resets the boundaries of what is thinkable, and for a meaningful number of them will change the way they behave.

Here’s what I mean. It must be that there are young people who experience homosexual desires as teenagers, but who do not act on them for reasons of religious belief or social custom. Later in life — in their twenties, say — their sexual desire solidifies as heterosexual, allowing them to form a stable marital bond with someone of the opposite sex, and start a family. Had they had the opportunity to experiment with homosexuality as a teenager, they might have remained confused and unstable well into adulthood.

What we have now says there is virtually no sexual norm outside whatever one feels is right for them, right now. If one thinks that one would like to try out being gay, or bi, or the opposite gender, well, why not? One big problem with this, though, is: what about the kids? Social science has abundantly demonstrated that kids need stable homes in which to thrive. If issues of sexuality and gender identity remain fluid, it will be very difficult to create the kind of environment in which these young people can be formed in a healthy way.

It's pretty much the same lies promoted for decades by anti-hate groups and even the Catholic Church - even as the Vatican turned a blind eye to the rampant raping of children and youths by priests - and which is contrary to findings by legitimate associations of gay parenting.  Andrew Sullivan rightly goes ballistic.  Here are excerpts from his response:

 I’m usually pretty good at staying calm under assault from the religious right. . . . . But this latest post by my friend Rod Dreher deeply upset me. Titled “Born That Way? Really?” it accuses those of us who have long argued that homosexuality is involuntary or innate of being cynical liars: “The ‘truth’ in this matter [0f the origins of homosexuality] has always been ‘what works to advance the cause.’” He then argues that there is such a thing as “latent homosexuality” that can be “made active” by a more tolerant society. Hence the need to reinstate stigmatization of gay people as human beings who have chosen sin — to keep anyone else from experimenting and thereby becoming gay.

His sole evidence for this? A graph from a comprehensive study of the 2016 election that shows much higher identification as bisexual among today’s millennials than among older generations.

It is merely a measurement of who is prepared to identify as such in a survey. That’s a far more malleable and amorphous figure. And it finds, to Rod’s horror, that around 13 percent of 18-year-olds now identify as bi. That drops to around 6 percent for those who are 28; and around 4 percent for those now in their 30s. Another longitudinal survey — from Gallup — also shows a sizable increase among millennials who identify as “LGBT” in the last few years. The change is from 3.5 percent in 2012 to 4.1 percent in 2016.

If Rod’s interpretation is correct, it means that there were far, far fewer gay people as a proportion of the population a few decades ago than there are now. It means that, by the study Rod cites, there were almost no gays or lesbians born in America in 1930. It means that more progressive and secular countries, like the Netherlands, would have much higher numbers of gay people than in the past or elsewhere. There is no solid evidence for any of this.

But the obvious explanation for these numbers is a simple one: it is that millennials simply have much less shame about sexual orientation than older generations. Growing up in a world of legal marriage equality, that should not be surprising. Gallup suggests as much: “It’s likely that millennials are the first generation in the U.S. to grow up in an environment where social acceptance of the LGBT community markedly increased. This may be an important factor in explaining their greater willingness to identify as LGBT.” Maybe destigmatization will mean that more bi people will experiment with same-sex relationships, even though the study actually shows gay identification as stable for the past few decades. They might even — God forbid — have happier, healthier lives as a result. But what distresses me about Rod’s post is his belief that homosexuals should be restigmatized for the sake of others, that one part of the population should be shamed and targeted purely to send a message to otherwise confused kids that being gay is wrong. The only word for this is cruelty, the immiseration of gay kids for the sake of controlling those who may eventually be bi. I cannot see anything remotely Christian about that.

Queen's Cousin, Lord Ivar Mountbatten, Comes Out

I have to laugh or shake my head when I hear conservatives - especially those of the parasitic professional Christian class - loudly state that they have no gays in their families and/or that a gay child is the result of poor parenting.  Talk about lying to one's self or delusion.  Indeed, some of the loudest homophobes have had LGBT children (e.g., the late mistress of hate, Phyllis Schafly), so, if their claims are correct, they should be the last to give advice to anyone else.  The reality, I suspect, is that most families have (or have had) LGBT members of the family.  Often, the truth simply is not known until some family member simply cannot play the expected role any longer and finally comes out of the closet.  Ask Britain's Queen Elizabeth II whose cousin, Lord Ivar Mountbatten (pictured at left above) has come out as gay.  A piece in  The Telegraph looks at the coming out story.  Here are highlights: 

The Queen's cousin Lord Ivar Mountbatten has spoken for the first time about his sexuality and how he has found love.

Lord Ivar Mountbatten, the great-great-great-grandson of Queen Victoria, has told of his happiness with his new partner, James Coyle, an airline cabin services director.

In an interview on Saturday, the divorced father-of-three said: "I was driven into the closet by not wanting to come to terms with who I was and facing friends and family in the early years. I buried it.

"I’m just so pleased now to have found someone who I am happy to call my partner."

The 53-year-old, the great-nephew of Earl Mountbatten of Burma who was murdered by the IRA, has told his family and friends he is gay and has introduced them to his partner, whom he met while skiing in Verbier, the Swiss resort, last March.

Speaking of his decision, he told the Mail on Sunday: "Being a Mountbatten was never the problem, it was the generation into which I was born. When I was growing up, it was known as 'the love that dare not speak its name', but what’s amazing now is how far we have all come in terms of acceptance. 

"'Coming out'” is such a funny phrase, but it’s what I suppose I did in a rather roundabout way, emerging to a place I’m happy to be. I have struggled with my sexuality and in some ways I still do; it has been a real journey to reach this point.

"I was driven into the closet by not wanting to come to terms with who I was and facing friends and family in the early years. I buried it. I even had girlfriends as I tried to work out what I wanted to be.

He says his former wife Penny, whom he divorced in 2011, and their three daughters have been very supportive and have welcomed his partner into their lives.

"I am a lot happier now, though I am still not 100 per cent comfortable with being gay," he added.

"In an ideal world, I know the girls would like their mother and father still to be together, but they love their 21st-century family that we have built, too. Their father has a boyfriend. It’s that complicated and that simple, but finding James means I will not have to lie to anyone or grow old on my own."

 Having been married to a woman and having three children myself, I know how difficult of a time he must have experienced.  The reality, however, is that so of us are born LGBT.  We can struggle to deny it, but we cannot change that reality.  Sadly, while in denial we often merely make ourselves and others miserable - something that doesn't seem to matter to the "ex-gay" charlatans. 

How Changeable Is Gender?

I've often noted that being gay and coming to terms with one's sexual orientation is not easy, especially for those of my generation or older who spent their teen years in an era where homosexuality was literally treated as a form of mental illness.  Hence, my years in therapy (the first years were focused on overcoming the anti-gay poison I was exposed in the Catholic Church) and two serious suicide attempts.   That said, what we gays experience is mild compared to the treatment experienced by those who are transgender.  I admittedly cannot wrap my head around what that experience must be like, but I do know that what these individuals feel is real.  An op-ed in the New York Times looks at gender identity. Some of what the author has to say may well outrage the transgender community.  Other aspects of the piece my be applauded.  Like it or hate it, the article does underscore something: (i) as with gays and lesbians, the brains of those who are transgender individuals differ from those of their heterosexuals counterparts, and (ii) the differences happen before we are born.  Here are a few column highlights:

We’re learning to be more accepting of transgender individuals. And we’re learning more about gender identity, too.

[R]ecent neuroscience research suggests that gender identity may exist on a spectrum and that gender dysphoria fits well within the range of human biological variation. For example, Georg S. Kranz at the Medical University of Vienna and colleagues elsewhere reported in a 2014 study in The Journal of Neuroscience that individuals who identified as transsexuals — those who wanted sex reassignment — had structural differences in their brains that were between their desired gender and their genetic sex.

He used a high-resolution technique called diffusion tensor imaging, a special type of M.R.I., to examine the white matter microstructure of subjects’ brains.

What Dr. Kranz found was intriguing: In several brain regions, people born female with a female gender identity had the highest level of something called mean diffusivity, followed by female-to-male transsexuals. Next came male-to-female transsexuals, and then the males with a male gender identity, who had the lowest levels.

In other words, it seems that Dr. Kranz may have found a neural signature of the transgender experience: a mismatch between one’s gender identity and physical sex. Transgender people have a brain that is structurally different than the brain of a nontransgender male or female — someplace in between men and women.

It turns out that the sexual differentiation of the brain happens during the second half of pregnancy, later than sexual differentiation of the genitals and body, which begins during the first two months of pregnancy. And since these two processes can be influenced independently of each other, it may be possible to have a mismatch between gender-specific brain development and that of the body.

Is it really so surprising that gender identity might, like sexual orientation, be on a spectrum? After all, one can be exclusively straight or exclusively gay — or anything in between. But variability in a behavior shouldn’t be confused with its malleability. There is little evidence, for example, that you really can change your sexual orientation. Sure, you can change your sexual behavior, but your inner sexual fantasies endure.

The critical question is not whether there is a range of gender identity — it seems clear that there is. Rather, it is to what extent and in which populations gender identity is malleable, and to what extent various strategies to change one’s body and behavior to match a preferred gender will give people the psychological satisfaction they seek.

Readers may or may not agree with some of the other views of the author, but one thing is clear.  Being transgender is real and not some made up experience.  No one chooses to be gay and no one chooses to be transgender.   We are born this way and we deserve to be respected and treated equally.  Not understanding someone's experiences and/or differences does not make the mistreatment of others acceptable.  Being gay, being transgender, being black, or being some other racial minority is not something that any of us got to choose.  We need to learn to allow everyone to live their life and respect differences.  Those most opposed to this are, sadly, typically are the ignorance and hate embracing Christofascists.  When the Christofascists seek to depict the those who are transgender as would be sexual predators seeking to prey on women and girls, it underscores what horrible people they truly are. It is they who need to be the societal outcasts.

Singer/Song Writer Frank Ocean Comes Out

Many readers - especially those in my age bracket - may not know who Frank Ocean is, but odds are you've heard one of his songs performed by other artists.   But what matters is that he's well known in many circles and particularly with the younger generation.  Hence why it is a fairly big deal that he has acknowledged that his first love was another man.  Coming on the heels of Anderson Cooper's final public admission of who he is, this coming out helps under score that LGBT individuals are found across all groups of society and that not living a lie or carrying secrets is very liberating.  In part of his coming out, Ocean - who is the subject of a lengthy New York Times profile - stated: “I don’t have any secrets I need kept any more.” Having been in the closet for decades myself, I know how soul killing it is living in fear of discovery and never being able to simply be.  Here are a few excerpts from the Times profile:

“Channel Orange” (Island Def Jam), his beautiful first full-length studio album, will be released this month, and it’s rife with the sting of unrequited love, both on the receiving and inflicting ends. Mr. Ocean, 24, is an extremely unflashy songwriter, avoiding big proclamations and broad brush strokes, instead leaning on conversational gambits and the power of detail. He makes warm, cloudy soul with echoes of Stevie Wonder, Prince and Pharrell Williams that’s almost never about seduction. In Mr. Ocean’s universe, pretty much everyone is broken beyond repair. While clearly part of a robust historical lineage Mr. Ocean is also at the forefront of a larger push-back against the stasis in contemporary R&B, something in evidence in his organic vamps but also in the Weeknd’s narcotized lust and even mainstream dance music hybrids. And Mr. Ocean’s dissents are starting to have wider effect. He’s written for Beyoncé and has collaborated with Jay-Z and Kanye West.  

On Tuesday night, Mr. Ocean took to his Tumblr to tell the story of his first love, which was with a man. “I don’t have any secrets I need kept any more,” he wrote. (That was too late to include in the print version of this article, which will appear in the Arts & Leisure section on Sunday.) 

As a young songwriter Mr. Ocean was profligate, writing for and with a variety of artists, hoping to establish himself. Songs he wrote were recorded by Brandy and Justin Bieber, among others. “I had to change my circumstance,” he said of the urgency that gripped that part of his life. “The artist in me hates to say that now, but it was about money, it was about access, it was about nice things.”  

Like Anderson Cooper who chose to come out via an e-mail to Andrew Sullivan, Ocean avoided a press conference or People Magazine style interview and instead sent out a tumblr message:

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I'm starting to think we're a lot alike.  Human beings spinning on blackness. All wanting to be seen, touched, heard, paid attention to. My loved ones are everything to me here. In the last year or 3 I've screamed at my creator. Screamed at clouds in the sky.  For some explanation. Mercy maybe. For peace of mind to rain like manna
somehow. 4 summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19 years old. He was too. We spent that summer, and the summer after, together. Everyday almost. And on the days we were together, time would glide. Most of the day I'd see him, and his smile. I'd hear his conversation and his silence..until it was time to sleep. Sleep I would often share with him. By the time I realized I was in love, it was malignant. It was hopeless. There was no escaping, no negotiating with the feeling. No choice. It was my first love, it changed my life. Back then my mind would wander to the women I had been with, the ones I cared for and though I was in love with. I reminisced about the sentimental songs I enjoyed when I was a teenager..the ones I played when I experienced a girlfriend for the first time. I realized they were written in a language I did not yet speak. I realized too much too quickly.  Imagine being thrown from a plane. I wasn't in a plane though. I was in a Nissan Maxima, the same car I packed up with bags and drove to Los Angeles in. I sat there and told my friend how I felt. I wept as the words left my mouth. I grieved for them, knowing I could never take them back for myself. He patted my back. He said kind things. He did his best, but he wouldn't admit the same. He had to go back inside soon. It was late and his girlfriend was waiting for him upstairs. He wouldn't tell me the truth about his feelings for me for another 3 years. I felt like I'd only imagined reciprocity for years. Now imagine being thrown from a cliff. No, I wasn't on a cliff, I was still in my car telling myself it was gonna be fine and to take deep breaths. I took the breaths and carried on. I kept up a peculiar friendship with him because I couldn't imagine keeping up my life without him. I struggled to master myself and my emotions. I wasn't always successful.

The dance went on. I kept the rhythm for several summers after. It's winter now. I'm typing this on a plane back to Los Angeles from New Orleans. I flew home for another marred Christmas. I have a windowseat.  It's December 27, 2001. By now I've written two albums, this being the
second. I wrote to keep myself busy and sane. I wanted to create worlds that were rosier than mine. I tried to channel overwhelming emotions. I'm surprised at how far all of it has taken me. Before writing this I'd told some people my story. I'm sure these people kept me alive, kept me safe.   Sincerely, these are the folks I wanna thank from the floor of my heart.  Everyone of you knows who you are.. great humans, probably angels. I don't know what happens now, and that's alrite. I don't have any secrets I need kept anymore. There's probably some small shit still, but you know what I mean. I was never alone, as much as I felt like it.. as much as I still do sometimes. I never was. I don't think I ever could be. Thanks. To my first love. I'm grateful for you. Grateful that even though it wasn't what I hoped for and even though it was never enough, it was. Some things never are.. and we were. I won't forget you. I won't forget the summer. I'll remember who I was when I met you. I'll remember who you were and how we've both changed and stayed the same. I've never had more respect for life and living than I have right now. Maybe it takes a near death experience to feel alive. Thanks. To my mother, you raised me strong. I know I'm only braved because you were first.. so thank you. All of you. For everything good. I feel like a free man. If I listen closely.. I can hear the sky falling too.

I wish him the best of luck.

Coming Out - The New York Times' Interactive Page

I'm a bit behind the curve on mentioning this new feature at the New York Times: an interactive page where LGBT youth can tell their stories. Many of the stories so far sound all too familiar to LGBT readers. My hope is that some - assuming they will take the time to read these stories - may have their minds opened and realize that we are just as human as anyone else and stop to think about the damage homophobia and toxic forms of Christianity inflict daily on so many. For those who haven't done so, I urge you to read some of the submissions. Sadly, those who hate us and most need to read the stories of these young lives are among the least likely to read the stories. I suspect that don't want to know the misery they cause - usually in the name of God. One story struck a chord with me in that it describes much of my youth (except I never tried to talk to anyone because I was too afraid to do so):
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I grew up in Columbus, Ohio and thought I was the only gay boy in the world. I tried to talk with a lady at church but she would never let me finish a sentence, probably knowing what I wanted to say. I felt alienated and alone and this lasted for many years until I got to Los Angeles when I was in my late 20s.
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I look at the many avenues for young people these days and wish we had some of those avenues back then, but I feel good about myself now. After a number of years of active alcoholism, partly because I felt so bad about myself that I had to get "high" to relax, I found a way out of that life of self condemnation into self acceptance. I came out to my parents when I was in my 30s and we had a good relationship until they passed away.
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My advice for teens and those older than teens, to hang in there and find where you are wanted and loved and go there. To anyone thinking about suicide, I ask you to try to make contact with someone about how you feel. No matter how difficult that might be, compare it to suicide and you will find it something you can do. And God be with you; God really does love us you know. If He didn't why did he make us so cute?
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So, okay. Maybe I didn't get the cute part as much as some. But to my many closeted readers, I cannot stress too much the difference coming to self-acceptance makes in one's life. I wasted so many years hating myself and sometimes making life less good for those around me. As I've said before, if your church condemns you, find another one. Don't buy into the hate and vitriol that define today's Christianity.

Secretly Gay Country Star Comes Out; Do We Owe Self-hating Closet Cases Compassion?

The juxtaposition between the headlines about Chely Wright (pictured at right) coming out voluntarily and the involuntary outing of anti-gay Family Research Council co-founder - and confidant of James Dobson - George Rekers (pictured below with his rentboy, "Lucien") could not be greater. Wright has focused on telling the truth and living her life authentically and with integrity while Rekes has lied, done incalculable harm to LGBT individuals and disingenuously tried to cover up the fact that he was caught red handed if you will with a male prostitute. I have always supported the outing of anti-gay closet cases, particularly because of their hypocrisy. Nonetheless, some have suggested that the LGBT community should show some compassion toward Rekes. Not in my view which mirrors that of my fellow Bilerico blogger friend Waymon Hudson. First, some highlights from MSNBC on Chely Wright's classy and dignified "coming out." Here are some highlights:

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Now, 15 years into a chart-topping career, Wright has stepped forward and become the first mainstream country music star to acknowledge their homosexuality. The pretty 39-year-old revealed her secret in print to People magazine, and on the air on TODAY Wednesday, in an interview that coincided with the release of her autobiography, “My Life.”
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“I lied, and I knew I had gone from not talking about it to ‘Now I’m a liar.’ ” It led to a harrowing crisis of conscience for Wright, who told Morales she hit rock bottom months after telling Rich she wasn’t gay.
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“I had a 9 millimeter gun in my mouth,” she said. “I was taking inventory of my life and I realized I had pieces that I just couldn’t get to intersect. I was living a secret life and I was very much a country music celebrity, and I saw no way to get those to coexist. “I gave up hope and I was ready to take my own life.” . . . I stopped praying for what I always prayed for, which was help me figure out a way to still have my career.
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“I changed my prayer, and my prayer was, ‘God, give me a moment’s peace.’ I got up off my knees and got my moment’s peace. I didn’t hear God’s voice, I didn’t see a guy in a robe, but I heard God say what he’d been whispering in my ears all along: ‘I expect one thing of you, and that is to tell the truth.’ ”
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Wright then began putting pen to paper to tell her story, and after three reflective years, she finished her autobiography. The book’s release Tuesday coincided with a new CD, “Lifted Off the Ground.” Only time will tell whether her fans will embrace Wright’s honesty, or if she will suffer a backlash. But Wright still couldn’t hide her enthusiasm in finally being honest with herself. “It feels incredible,” she told Morales.
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In contrast to Wright, Rekes has come up with shifting excuses for his 10 trip to Europe with "Lucien." Ranging from claiming he "hired" Lucien because he could not carry his luggage due to recent surgery, to claiming he was "ministering" to Lucien, the storyline borders on the ridiculous. Here are some highlights from Waymon's thoughts that sum up why Rekes deserves no compassion:
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To be honest, I have a huge problem feeling any compassion for Rekers. His life has been devoted to hatred and actively blocking rights for LGBT people. His anti-gay and ex-gay "research" have harmed all of us in courts and in the public debate on LGBT rights. I have a hard time not reveling in the fall of his influence and standing in the professional anti-gay machine that he helped create.
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The personal impact of Rekers on my own life as a foster parent here in Florida also makes compassion difficult. Rekers was one of only two witnesses hired by Attorney General Bill McCollum to defend Florida's anti-gay adoption ban in an effort to reverse a Miami judge who ruled Florida's adoption ban unconstitutional.
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McCollum paid Rekers $87,000 for testimony that called gay people mentally unstable and advised that the ban should be expanded to include Native Americans because, Rekers claimed, they are also at much higher risk of mental illness and substance abuse. That's the man we are dealing with.
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Personally, I am overjoyed that his hypocrisy will neuter his ability to make such arguments in a court of law ever again and could strengthen cases he has testified in as they move forward. I want him unable to cause further harm to me, my family, or my community ever again. . . . I would reserve my compassion for people like Ricky Martin, who struggled with internalized and societal pressure yet never did active harm to our community before coming out or being outed.
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People like George Rekers, Larry Craig, and Roy Ashburn aren't being pilloried for being gay or just being outed. They are being shown as hypocrites and liars, which is the damaging part that well deserves the celebration and derision of the LGBT community and society as a whole.
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Kudos to Waymon who once again has stated the case for outing and pillorying people like Rekes for the evil that they have done to the larger LGBT community. But for people like Rekes, the Chely Wrights of the world would not feel at times that suicide is their only way out of an existence they did nothing to bring upon themselves.

Figure Skating Cat Fight: Lysacek v. Weir

Both Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir are amazing figure skaters and until now I have respected both - even when Weir has been over the top and failed to live up to his potential. Both delivered wonderful routines in the recent Olympic Games and - as one who spent years around ice rinks and competitive skating with one of my daughters - Weir got screwed by the judges. My respect and admiration has been given to both Weir and Lysacek - that is until now. Now, it seems that Lysacek is having a tempestuous love affair with himself and is acting down right catty and nasty. Much like a peevish queen even. Yes, Weir is flamboyant and always himself whereas Lysacek seems obsessed with not only winning, but also being what others want him to be. Recently, Lysacek made down right horrible remarks disparaging Weir and stating that Weir was not good enough for "Stars on Ice" even though that show includes far lesser skaters than Weir. Out Sports has this to say in part about Lysacek bitter queen remarks and action:

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Evan Lysacek has sharpened his claws on Johnny Weir in a new interview over at MetroMix.com. . . . He’s either blind or a bigger bitch than any of us knew. Weir was third at the U.S. Nationals and sixth at the Olympics this year (and consensus is that he was one of the top four skaters at the Olympics). He’s won U.S. Nationals three times and finished second once. He’s also won a bronze at Worlds. He’s easily as decorated as Evan’s tour-mate Michael Weiss, the difference being that Weiss is married to a woman. And Weir is more accomplished than Jeremy Abbott by a mile, the difference being that Abbott doesn’t walk around in his underwear on national TV.
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No Evan, Johnny wasn’t whining. He was reacting to perceived homophobia. But I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that, since you’re straight as an arrow.
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At least Evan left this little gem for us in the interview… Last question: Are you seeing anyone? I’m single. The reason, well…(laughs)…I’m limited to who I can see. I’m dating in L.A., but I just haven’t found the right girl. Oh, Evan. You silly boy.

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Weir, never one to be caught at a loss for words, had some barbs to throw back at Lysacek. Here's some highlights via The Advocate:
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Johnny Weir appeared on The Wendy Williams Show Wednesday and responded to Evan Lysacek’s claims that Stars on Ice didn’t invite Weir to participate in the tour because he’s not good enough.
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“Even if they asked me today, I wouldn’t do it,” Weir said. And Evan… he’s a slore.” The word, a combination of “slut” and “whore,” made Williams laugh, and the talk-show host followed it up by thanking Weir for making this year’s figure skating competition “interesting and fabulous.”
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Lysacek may have the Olympic Gold, but I suspect that it's Johnny Weir who has the gold medal in life of embracing who is his and not hiding in some self-imposed closet like Lysacek may be doing.

A Coming Out Story

Every now and then I receive wonderful messages from readers who thank me for sharing my own story about coming out, surviving the transition, etc. One of the driving reasons I started this blog was to hopefully help others that found themselves in the closet and unsure about what to do and questioning whether or not they could survive the process emotionally. While horror stories do occur where family and friends reject us, often our worse nightmares do not come to pass and we discover that in our mind we created a picture far worse than reality. Fear can be such a powerful and disabling force. Here are highlights from a message I received today from a reader in Britain who has been following this blog for a while now. I am so happy that his worse fears were not confirmed:

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I did it. I finally got a bit of honesty about my situation. I told my very homophobic Mum that I'm gay last week and she's been surprisingly cool about it. We've actually sat down since and had a proper talk about it. She knows it's what I am, that I'm not going to be changing and she's basically just stated that she wants me to be happy and if that's as a gay man then so be it. I've told 2 friends and they've been wonderful - both knew by the way :-) I'm wearing a rainbow wristband openly and Mum's just smiled. I'm OUT! Thank you Michael for all you've done for me. Without realising, your presence has helped me exponentially.

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Coming out is never easy at any age. However, it is something that can be survived and at least in my own case, living honestly and authentically has been liberating beyond belief. Like my reader's mother, my parents' main concern was my happiness. I wish my reader much happiness and self-fulfilment as he moves forward on his journey.