In Memoriam: Why Gay Bars Are Still So Important

Tommy Pruitt  - the late owner of The Wave.

This evening I attended the visitation for a friend who sadly passed away last week.  While straight and married with children, for years he owned and operated clubs/bars that catered largely to the area LGBT community and provided a safe place for those either not welcomed in other establishments or otherwise unable to be themselves.  In later years, he retained one club, The Wave, that was truly a family operation that employed his children, sister and niece.   It became a lifeline for me, especially in the early years of my coming out journey when I knew few in the LGBT community and was struggling desperately to find self acceptance.  Making matters worse, when I first came out of the closet roughly 17 years ago, being gay in Virginia (and a dozen other states) still carried the potential of a criminal conviction.  Under Virginia's draconian sodomy statute - which Republicans in the Virginia General Assembly still consistently refused to formally repeal -  same sex relations carried a potential felony conviction.  In that climate, one truly needed a safe place to make and meet friends and to gain confidence in being their true selves. The Wave and other gay bars in the area became my safe havens.

While Virginia's statute was struck down in 2003 by the ruling in Lawrence v. Texas, as last week's anti-gay vote of the United Methodist Church General Conference demonstrates,  anti-LGBT animus still runs deep in many segments of society and not only are gays subject to being fired in 29 states, unwelcome in numerous churches, but LGBT youth continue to be disowned by their "devout Christian" parents.  A piece I came across lays out why LGBT bars are important and why their decline in numbers is disturbing:

Not only do bars honor gay history, but they are venues for a person to learn about the gay experience, their bodies, their sexuality, and so much more. As Thomas shared, “for people who don’t have a supportive family or supportive friends or a school system or accounts that don’t necessarily understand what they’re going through, bars and clubs are essential to helping people move to the next step in their process.”

This is because gay bars are the one place where LGBT persons are sure to find other people like them in a non-judgemental arena. Gay bars are historically the original safe space — a place where people could gather without threat — and that is still true today, no matter how large and supplanting technology seems to be.

“You lose the ability to feel like you belong in a space. You lose the ability for community. You lose the ability to congregate with other people who are going through the same struggles as you are.”

Speaking with my late friend's children and sister this evening, several things struck me.  One was how Tommy was ahead of his time.  In fact, his son related to me how his dad taught him to ignore those in the straight community who looked down on their family because they ran LGBT friendly businesses. He said his dad taught him the importance of being accepting and supportive of others and the need to be on the right side of history.  His sister, who talked me through a number of very dark times and resembled the always caring Debbie character on Queer As Folk, repeated the same message and was just as loving as always.  Many millennials may not feel the same need as the older generations to have such safe places, but many still do need these safe havens where one is accepted and not judged for being LGBT.  Fortunately, The Wave will continue to operate.   RIP Tommy Pruitt.  My thoughts and affection - and sincere thanks - go out to the entire Pruitt family.

Paris Vacation - Day 6

Joan of Arc statute

Yesterday was a "low mileage day" in terms of walking: 7.6 miles.  We began the day hitting shops on the Rur de Rivoli in the Marais district before heading out to Giverny in Normandy to visit the home and gardens of impressionist painter, Claude Monet.  We discovered amazing shops where I bought gifts for the grandchildren and a wonderful men's store with a killer sale (we are going back today).  Monet's gardens were gorgeous and worth the motor coach ride - as was getting to see the lush Normandy countryside.  We finished the day visiting Saint Chapelle which has perhaps the most spectacular stain glass windows in Paris.  

After dinner, the husband and I and a gay friend who traveling with us headed to some of the gay bars in the Marais and, among other things, we admired the beautiful men of which Paris has an abundance.

Here are some  photos:

Today will be a leisurely day shopping and merely enjoying the beauty and ambiance of Paris.  The driver picks us all up at 8:00AM tomorrow morning to take us back the the airport for the trip back to Virginia (expect me to be a major funk upon getting back and wishing I was NOT in Hampton Roads).

Arson Fire Set in Crowded Seattle Gay Bar

No details are available as yet on the identity of possible suspects or the motivation behind an arson fire that was set at a crowded Seattle, Washington, gay bar (pictured above) shortly before midnight last night.  Thankfully, prompt action extinguished the flames and none of the 750 patrons were injured.  Frighteningly, the arsonist set the fire on the stairs leading to the second floor of the club providing overtones of the tragic and deadly Upstairs Lounge fire in New Orleans of years ago.  Obviously, the intent was to seriously harm and/or severely frighten gays.   Here are details via Joe My God:

Seattle's Fox affiliate reports:

Police are searching for an attempted arsonist who allegedly poured gasoline on a carpeted stairway leading to the second level of Neighbours Nightclub and trying to set it on fire. Seattle police said an attempted arsonist poured the gas in the stairway just after midnight New Year’s Day. The arsonist lit the gas and left, police said. Luckily, the fire was quickly discovered and put out with a fire extinguisher. Someone in the club also pulled the fire alarm, causing sprinklers to activate and dousing the flames. Police said all of the 750 patrons celebrating the New Year’s holiday managed to evacuate safely and no one was injured.

Capitol Hill Seattle has a similar report:

The Seattle Fire Department’s marshal was called to Broadway’s Neighbours just minutes after the legendary gay night spot’s midnight 2014 celebration to investigate a suspected arson fire that triggered the club’s automatic fire sprinkler system. SFD’s Ladder 10 was dispatched to the dance club at 1509 Broadway at 12:16 AM. The arriving firefighters found the building’s sprinkler system activated and the club’s 750 or so partygoers were cleared outside. Seattle Police were called to the scene to assist in crowd control to keep patrons and staff from re-entering the building.

The Seattle Fire Department has issued a preliminary report.

Suspect being sought in arson bar fire. On 1/1/2014, just shortly after midnight, an unknown suspect poured gasoline on a carpeted stairway leading to the second level of a bar and ignited it. The bar in the 1500 block of Broadway was occupied by over 750 patrons celebrating New Years Eve at the time. The fire was quickly discovered before it could spread beyond the stairway and was extinguished with a fire extinguisher. Someone pulled the fire alarm and caused the fire sprinkler system to activate. An orderly evacuation was accomplished and no one was injured. Arson Bomb Detectives (ABS) responded after being notified by SFD Fire Investigators. No suspect information available. The investigation continues.

 Updates will be provided as more is learned about suspects and motive.
 

Gay Spas and Strip Joints Prepare for GOP Convention

The hypocrisy of today's Republicans truly knows no limit.  Even as the Party pushes the most extreme and reactionary platform ever, Tampa area strip joints and gay clubs and spas are preparing for the onslaught of the falsely pious folks from the convention.  The GOP motto is obviously "do as I say, not as I do."  My favorite promotion, however, comes from the Ybor Resort and Spa which is offering free admission to GOP convention attendees.   Joe Jervis adds this note:

For those unaware, Ybor City is a homo-heavy entertainment district famed for its riotous nightclub scene, which is often described as Tampa's version of Bourbon Street. Google tells us that the above bathhouse is riiiight around the corner from GOProud's Homocon 2012 on the same block. How convenient! 

Today's GOP: extremism and hypocrisy all rolled into one.

Norfolk Police Raid New Gay Bar on It's Opening Nigh

After receiving telephone calls from patrons who were there (some of whom I know quite well), I have communicated with both the Norfolk City Attorney's office and the management of Jack's Attic, a new gay friendly bar in Norfolk, Virginia, about the police department's apparent storm trooper like conduct in raiding Jack's Attic on it's opening night. The City claims - in typical form - that the club did not have required permits while the club's management is adamant that they were not in violation of any city requirements and that there was NOT any entertainment in the second floor. I will be meeting with management of the club on Monday and hope to be able to give a further update next week as to who is telling the truth.

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I can say this: Having experienced anti-gay harassment by Norfolk police officers personally first hand some years back - activist Wayne Besen was with me at the time - I unfortunately tend to find claims of thug like behavior by Norfolk police officers only too credible. In my own case, Norfolk Police Internal Affairs seem far more concerned with covering up misconduct of police department officers as opposed to protecting the rights of wrongfully harassed citizens. As for the Chief of Police, it was virtually impossible to even talk to the man. Here's what WVEC-TV reported which parrots the City's version of events:
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NORFOLK--Many people are upset after Norfolk police are called to the grand opening of Jack's Attic on Granby street in Norfolk. The new gay and lesbian bar opened Thursday night on the second floor of Jack Quinn's Irish Pub in the 200 block of Granby.
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The city's bar task force tells WVEC.com that the establishment did not have a special exception for entertainment on the second floor. Jack Quinn's was warned not to hold the event, but according to police they held it anyway in spite of the ordinance.
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The task force says it was forced to take action and police moved in citing the bar for the violation.
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I would also note that given Norfolk's many crime problems, it would seem to be far more useful to citizens to have police officers on the street stopping crimes and vandalism (they often won't even take reports of property damage from vandalism) rather than harassing a gay friendly business establishment.

Apples and a Gay Bar in Charlottesville

In addition to the wedding over the weekend, we worked in visits with my family that included a trip to Carter's Mountain Orchard located off of the road to Monticello, Michie Tavern, Ash Lawn, and several wineries. The orchard is worth a visit if for no other reason that to enjoy the view - the photo above gives an idea of how spectacular it is on a clear day. For readers who have never visited the Charlottesville area, I recommend it. The amount of historical points of interest and magnificent scenery provide a host of things to do.

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Another discovery we made this trip was a restaurant/bar named Escafé located on the Downtown Mall across from the beautiful ice rink and Omni Hotel. It's Charlottesville's gay bar, if you will, and offers a very different experience from 216, an after hours club that caters to gays and a cross section of residents from the area. The crowd and wait staff were very friendly and we even ran into a couple that we know from the Equality Virginia Commonwealth Dinners held in Richmond each year. We stopped by Escafé after the wedding reception for a "nightcap" - as if we needed another drink. It's the type of establishment that I wish we had in downtown Hampton or the Phoebus area of the city.

What Does It Mean to be Gay and Middle Aged?

For those of us who came out in mid-life, we have no first hand knowledge of what it means to be young and gay. Oh yes, we see young gays around us at events and may read about it, yet we will never know what it is to be gay and out before finding ourselves in middle age. As I have remarked on occasion, "I was a has been from the moment that I came out." I suspect that getting older isn't easy regardless of whether one is gay or straight. However, given the emphasis on youth and beauty in the gay world - I find it hard to even find male beauty photos of older men despite google searches - the tribulations appear to be worse. I don't feel any older than when I was 29, but the mirror tells me otherwise. The Guardian has a story from the north of England that looks at the question of what it means to be gay and in middle age. Here are some sometimes humorous highlights:
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On Sunday at Fac251 in Manchester, promoter Paul Cons is reviving Flesh, his famous gay club of the early 90s for one night. As well as raising money for the Albert Kennedy Trust and the Peter Tatchell Human Rights Fund it's going to be a nostalgic night for older Manchester gays.
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"As well as creating an amazing party, I would love Flesh to be the start of a conversation about what it's like to be gay in your 30s, 40s, 50s in 2010. I think it's a good moment to look back at your youth, celebrate it, reflect on it, but also look at where we are now and where we're going."
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This set me thinking. I'm a staggering 51 – too old for alcopops yet too young for Midsomer Murders. So I asked my more mature gay followers on Twitter how they felt about middle age and got very different responses, from "It feels shit . . . Hate getting older, thank goodness for Botox, beauty therapists and booze," to "Really nice. I wish I could go back and slap the 17-year-old me though." Others asked why a gay man's experience of middle age would be any different from anyone else's.
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What had become of us? Of the 10, six were partnered up, two were single and two were dead. Four had moved to the country, one emigrated to Australia and three remained in London. Four had gone bald. Two had taken cocaine in the last year (and complained that it wasn't as good as it used to be). Three of us had contemplated adopting children or approaching lesbian friends with turkey baster in hand but it had all been talk and no issue resulted. Five had dogs, of which four were small and camp. Three had been out to a gay club in the last year
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Back in the days when my pleasure-seeking friends and I were out at Bang and Heaven and the Pink Pussycat every night of the week (and rather putting ourselves about) we viewed anyone over 40 with suspicion. If they dared to approach us, they would get the full force of our disdain. They were desperate and musty and just wrong. Nightclubs were for young people like us, and those coffin dodgers had no business being there.
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The difference, I conclude, between gays and straights when it comes to mid-life is that gays don't feel bound to fulfil certain roles. Why should we? Having lived our lives on the boundaries of society's norms we feel able to negotiate our way through the experience of ageing.
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The consensus is that middle-aged gays are happier than they were in their youth. . . . If my theory is right, Flesh on Sunday will be a fabulous event, throbbing with portly middle-aged northern gays at one with themselves at last but still able to cut a rug on the dance floor.

Richmond Sunday

A group of us (12 of us in fact)went to the drag brunch at Godfrey's today - it was the first time I had every been and it was lots of fun. The club has been doing the brunch for a number of years and it is so popular that if you do not have reservations you will not get in. Surprisingly, we gays were in the minority and the brunch is very popular with bridal shower and bachelorette groups, not to mention a varied assortment of straight clientele. The food was good, our waiter adorable and the drag queens were over the top.

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In some ways, the brunch and the clientele mix are a microcosm of the South's love-hate relationship with gays. We face all kinds of legal discrimination and religious based bigotry, yet it is the gay community that provides the hair salons, florists, many of the restaurants, decorators and other amenities providers that make life more tolerable and gracious. And of course, no one throws a wilder, more fun party than the gays.

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For anyone visiting Richmond, the club located at 803 Grace Street looks like a great place to go and dance on a Saturday night and the brunch - there are now two seatings at 11:00 AM and 2:00PM because of the demand - is definitely a fun flourish for late Sunday morning or early afternoon.

UVA Football Players Arrested for Stealing Beer from Gay Bar

It's kind of ironic that not too long ago I posted about my visit to Club 216 in Chralottesville since the club is in the news as a result of the arrest of two members of the University of Virginia football team, including starter, Will Barker, who were arrested for stealing beer from coolers at the club which is owned by the Piedmont Triangle Society. Obviously, these guy lend credence to the image of football players not being tooo bright. But for where they were arrested, I suspect the story would have received less coverage.

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In addition to Charlottesville's Daily Progress the story is making its way around the Internet, including WVIR TV-29 in Charlottesville and Sporting News among other sites. While it is true that Club 216 is Charlottesville's only after hours club, it is also true that its no secret among locals and the university student crowd that the bar is a gay nightclub. Thus, anyone going to the club would know they were going to a gay club which gets a fairly diverse group of patrons. During my own visit, it was really quite interesting to see just how varied the patrons were. Here's some highlights from Sporting News:

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The Virginia Cavaliers, fresh off another invigorating season of excitement-tastic Al Groh football (Groh-mentum! Catch it now!), are taking that irresistible charm and charisma into the offseason in new and ever more fabulous ways. Any old football program would get someone arrested for public intoxication and having a fake ID, but a team charged with the zeal only Al Groh can give a team does things a little bit differently, if you know what I mean. And I when I say differently, I mean "caught stealing beer from a gay club."

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Places like Club 216 often do a thriving business as after-hours bars, which likely explains why football players--not known for being models of forward-thinking tolerance of all lifestyles--would be there. They had beer, and they were open. That said, we bet the regular patrons of Club 216 thought the beer theft was a minor offense compared the real crime here: Will Barker's hair in the mug shot.

Gay Communities on Decline?

The Minnesota Daily is carrying an interesting article that looks at the changing dynamics in the gay community identified by researchers at the University of Minnesota. Actually, "decline" is probably not the correct word. "Changing" is more accurate and involves the effects of gays in general going more mainstream and being less isolationists in their social gathering spots, businesses and community involvemen. The article notes the closing of many gay book stores as the younger generation buys more goods online. This is certainly true of the Norfolk area where Lambda Rising - a wonderful bookstore that I frequented often for music CD's, movie DVD's of gay films that never made the local theaters and many wonderful books - closed last year due to lack of support from the local LGBT community.

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The article also cites that researchers found the number of gay clubs declining as members of the LGBT population increasingly frequent venues that are not aimed at an exclusively gay customer base. This area seems to be defying that trend so far and one new club has opened last year and I know of another that may be in the works. However, I believe that there seems to be the beginnings of a repositioning of the club market going on. Some local clubs that have in the past been able to make money hand over fist even though they are filthy, nasty cruising bars where no capital improvements have been made in perhaps decades see themselves as being challenged by gay clubs that also cater to a straight clientele and offer nicer facilities. The Wave , which I go to often, has made significant upgrades to its facilities and Mixers, for example, is a new establishment> Both seek to cater to a mixed crowd of gays and straights with the exact mix of the crowd depending upon the particular theme night. The other thing these transitioning clubs offer is clean kitchens and restroom accomodations where one doesn't feel like they are at risk of catching some disease from the filthy restrooms.

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The article, in short, sees a trend where just being a gay club may no longer assure success. It makes sense since in my view, if a club is dirty and nasty, I don't want to go to it whether it is gay or straight. Hopefully, in time more local gays will be more discriminating in which clubs they frequent and support. Giving money to club owners that put little or nothing back into providing clean and decent facilities shows a serious lack of self-respect on the part of the patrons in my view. Until this happens, however, I presume that closet cases who are afraid to be seen in the mixed patron clubs and trolls out cruising for promiscuous sex will continue to support these declasse establishments and in the process help maintain a sleazy stereotype for the larger gay community. Alright, I've preached enough! Here are some highlights from the article:

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Epidemiology professor Simon Rosser said he learned that "while the gay population is stable or increasing," in all but the world's largest cities, "the size of the physical gay community appears to be contracting." This means the number of gay bars, clubs and bookstores appears to be thinning or becoming more mainstream.

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Rosser credits it to a changing culture. "What we think is happening is that, in the '60s, '70s, '80s, gay men came together out of a sense of oppression, a desire to meet similar others," he said. "Now, some of the reasons that brought them together are very different."

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Rosser said losing GLBT locales will affect activism, like AIDS prevention groups. "In the past, to reach the gay community, AIDS organizations and researchers would go into the bars," he said. "Now, if most of the community isn't meeting in those bars, we're going to have to discover a way of connecting with the community and raising awareness."

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Meanwhile, a study announced in late May by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs has found that reported violence against the GLBT community increased 135 percent in Minnesota in 2007. Rebecca Waggoner Kloek , anti-violence program manager of OutFront Minnesota, a GLBT activism group, said this could be credited to the greater presence of GLBT individuals in the mainstream community, even as niche communities diminish. "The GLBT community is no longer regulated to, forgive the pun, 'the closet,' " she said. "I think that the violence is going to happen no matter where the GLBT community is."

Sunday Morning Musings

The roommates and I went out to a club last night for a birthday event of a drag queen that they know. Since I generally prefer dance clubs where it is non-stop dancing, I usually don't go to the clubs that spend half the night on drag performances. Plus, I am spoiled inasmuch as my favorite dance club is 6 blocks from home as opposed to a 25 minute drive away.

But it was a change of pace and an opportunity to meet new people. One drag queen (who is a male nurse by day) stood out head and shoulders above the others because she truly came across as a very nice looking woman - albeit rather tall - as opposed to those who look more like a garish caricature of a woman. I am often dumbfounded by some who do drag - I'd look like a better woman than they do, and believe me, that is NOT saying much. I'd make one ugly bitch even if I'm not overweight. I just do not understand what possesses them to do drag. The up side of it all was that by staying out late and downing a couple of shots - one of the roomies was driving - I had a good night sleep and actually slept in until the Chihuahua decide he HAD to go out.

Sleeping in, combined with a gorgeous day has certainly bolstered my mood. I am going to do some work at the office - including writing an article on "Short Sales" - i.e., where a mortgage company accepts a reduced pay off on the loan of a distressed borrower in lieu of proceeding to foreclosure - and then try to enjoy some of the beautiful day. With the continued stagnation of the real estate market and the upward adjustment of monthly loan payments on adjustable rate loans, "short sales" will be a growth market niche for many months ahead. Most Realtors are clueless as to how the process works. Thus, enter moi.

October is perhaps the most beautiful month in this area - warm days, cool nights and very little humidity after the often oppressive humidity of summer. One of the nicest places to hike this time of year is First Landing State Park in Virginia Beach, so named because it is where the Jamestown colony settlers first landed before proceeding into Chesapeake Bay and then up the James River to the site of Jamestown. I find the Cypress swamps very beautiful, especially with the Spanish Moss that blankets some of the trees. A photo is posted above.