For those of us who came out in mid-life, we have no first hand knowledge of what it means to be young and gay. Oh yes, we see young gays around us at events and may read about it, yet we will never know what it is to be gay and out before finding ourselves in middle age. As I have remarked on occasion, "I was a has been from the moment that I came out." I suspect that getting older isn't easy regardless of whether one is gay or straight. However, given the emphasis on youth and beauty in the gay world - I find it hard to even find male beauty photos of older men despite google searches - the tribulations appear to be worse. I don't feel any older than when I was 29, but the mirror tells me otherwise. The Guardian has a story from the north of England that looks at the question of what it means to be gay and in middle age. Here are some sometimes humorous highlights:*
On Sunday at Fac251 in Manchester, promoter Paul Cons is reviving Flesh, his famous gay club of the early 90s for one night. As well as raising money for the Albert Kennedy Trust and the Peter Tatchell Human Rights Fund it's going to be a nostalgic night for older Manchester gays.
*
"As well as creating an amazing party, I would love Flesh to be the start of a conversation about what it's like to be gay in your 30s, 40s, 50s in 2010. I think it's a good moment to look back at your youth, celebrate it, reflect on it, but also look at where we are now and where we're going."
*
This set me thinking. I'm a staggering 51 – too old for alcopops yet too young for Midsomer Murders. So I asked my more mature gay followers on Twitter how they felt about middle age and got very different responses, from "It feels shit . . . Hate getting older, thank goodness for Botox, beauty therapists and booze," to "Really nice. I wish I could go back and slap the 17-year-old me though." Others asked why a gay man's experience of middle age would be any different from anyone else's.
*
What had become of us? Of the 10, six were partnered up, two were single and two were dead. Four had moved to the country, one emigrated to Australia and three remained in London. Four had gone bald. Two had taken cocaine in the last year (and complained that it wasn't as good as it used to be). Three of us had contemplated adopting children or approaching lesbian friends with turkey baster in hand but it had all been talk and no issue resulted. Five had dogs, of which four were small and camp. Three had been out to a gay club in the last year
*
Back in the days when my pleasure-seeking friends and I were out at Bang and Heaven and the Pink Pussycat every night of the week (and rather putting ourselves about) we viewed anyone over 40 with suspicion. If they dared to approach us, they would get the full force of our disdain. They were desperate and musty and just wrong. Nightclubs were for young people like us, and those coffin dodgers had no business being there.
*
The difference, I conclude, between gays and straights when it comes to mid-life is that gays don't feel bound to fulfil certain roles. Why should we? Having lived our lives on the boundaries of society's norms we feel able to negotiate our way through the experience of ageing.
*
The consensus is that middle-aged gays are happier than they were in their youth. . . . If my theory is right, Flesh on Sunday will be a fabulous event, throbbing with portly middle-aged northern gays at one with themselves at last but still able to cut a rug on the dance floor.
No comments:
Post a Comment