Being LGBT in Hopefully Changing Times

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While being gay in America is far better than it used to be - and is far better than being gay in some other countries, especially Islamic ruled countries and ignorant countries in Africa buying into the the anti-gay hate propaganda of the Christofascists - life remains more challenging for many of us than it is for or straight counterparts.  Thankfully the trend for improvement in America seems to still be upward.  But employment discrimination is a real threat in 29 states and here in Virginia, Virginia law recognizes my ownership of my Chihuahua far more than it does my relationship with my life partner.  Indeed, under Virginia law were are virtual strangers.  A new Pew Research Center survey of LGBT citizens has some interesting findings that range from when we first thought we were gay to  the experiences we have had in terms of being mistreated.   Here are excerpts on the findings:

An overwhelming share of America’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender adults (92%) say society has become more accepting of them in the past decade and an equal number expect it to grow even more accepting in the decade ahead. They attribute the changes to a variety of factors, from people knowing and interacting with someone who is LGBT, to advocacy on their behalf by high-profile public figures, to LGBT adults raising families.

About four-in-ten (39%) say that at some point in their lives they were rejected by a family member or close friend because of their sexual orientation or gender identity; 30% say they have been physically attacked or threatened; 29% say they have been made to feel unwelcome in a place of worship; and 21% say they have been treated unfairly by an employer. About six-in-ten (58%) say they’ve been the target of slurs or jokes.

The survey finds that 12 is the median age at which lesbian, gay and bisexual adults first felt they might be something other than heterosexual or straight. For those who say they now know for sure that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, that realization came at a median age of 17.   Among those who have shared this information with a family member or close friend, 20 is the median age at which they first did so.

The survey finds that the LGBT population is distinctive in many ways beyond sexual orientation. Compared with the general public, Pew Research LGBT survey respondents are more liberal, more Democratic, less religious, less happy with their lives, and more satisfied with the general direction of the country. On average, they are younger than the general public. Their family incomes are lower, which may be related to their relative youth and the smaller size of their households. They are also more likely to perceive discrimination not just against themselves but also against other groups with a legacy of discrimination.

The last finding is ironic because the homophobia of many black pastors who allow themselves to be used as tools of the white Christofascists helps alienate otherwise would be allies.  Of course, from NOM's internal documents that this is one of the express goals of the Christofascists.

 

 

'Cutest Couple' High School Story Goes Viral

Folks like Tony Perkins, Bryan Fischer and the bitches at One Million Moms must have their panties in a serious knot over the positive acceptance a story about two boys - a gay couple - who were voted "cutest couple" by their high school class are receiving.  It's a sweet story and gives me a sense of hope that things are in fact getting better despite the efforts of the Christofascists and scary candidates like Ken Cuccinelli, E.W. Jackson and Mark Obenshain here in Virginia.  Huffington Post looks at the story.  Here are excerpts:

When 18-year-old Chelsea posted a photo of her classmates Brad Taylor And Dylan Meehan to her Tumblr blog this week, she did not anticipate the incredible response it would receive -- within 24 hours, the entry had been shared almost 100,000 times.

The image was taken from her high school yearbook, and she included this caption:
"Two of my best friends won Cutest Couple of our senior class. First time in my school history a same sex couple has even been able to run for this category, not to mention winning it. So proud of them, and my school."

No one was more surprised, however, than the couple themselves. In an email to The Huffington Post, Taylor and Meehan shared their reaction to the image -- and relationship -- being shared around the world.

This whole thing has been a bit surreal for us because we have been raised to believe that love is love. We never realized that our happiness and openness would inspire so many individuals. The support we have received from our family, friends, and even strangers has led us to believe that our affection for each other is normal ... When we started dating a year [ago], the thought of a photo of us traveling throughout the world would be a bit frightening, but now we are proud to be part of the LGBT community.

Early Morning Doldrums - Does It Ever Really Get Better?

It's 5:00 AM and I can't sleep thanks to anxiety issues over work, what I am going to do with my house in Norfolk now that my daughter and her family have moved out to escape the lawlessness seemingly escalating around the ODU campus while the City of Norfolk remains indifferent, and a host of other things.  I know that I have depression issues and maybe this is just a low point. Or maybe it's just a realization that my life has been one succession of disasters after another which makes me wonder what's the point of going on.  Any happiness seems to be negated ten fold by the bad.  I've been in this place before.  

Once I addressed this kind of low point with a bottle of Xanax.  Another time with lots of alcohol in a running car in a closed garage.  Would it have been better if those attempted solutions had succeeded?  I honestly don't know.  The "It Gets Better" campaign argues that things are improving for gays.  It's an outlook that is hard to hang on to living in a state like Virginia where progress isn't happening.  And where the Virginia GOP just nominated the most frightening anti-gay ticket in the history of the state.  Congressional Democrats throwing gays under the bus on immigration reform doesn't instill confidence for the future either.  It is exhausting waiting for things to get better - especially when deep down you know they won't.  Not for you, not in Virginia.

We are supposed to be heading to Washington, D.C., for a wedding this weekend.  I don't even want to go any more.  I had thought it would be a great get away.  Now, with the house and other things hanging over me, the prospect of fun and happiness are gone.  A cloud hangs over everything.  I feel like a swimmer swimming against the current and wonder if I shouldn't just end putting on a brave facade and let the current sweep me away. 

Gay West Point Cadet Escorts His Boyfriend to Winter Formal

While hardly a major story in many ways, but as the Facebook page of Knights Out notes, the images above are a sign of progress:

This, ladies and gentleman, is progress at an Academy in which we can be proud. A member of the Academy's Spectrum group and his boyfriend at Yearling Winter Weekend last weekend.

The added enjoyment factor comes from knowing that the photos will drive vitriolic hate merchants like Elaine Donnelly and Tony Perkins absolutely berserk.  It is hard to believe the positive changes that have occurred.  When I was the age of the young men in the photos, being gay was still classified as a form of mental illness.  It does get getter, albeit not quickly enough.

Thanksgiving 2012 Relections

Today has been a very good day - especially when contrasted with the Thanksgiving Day experiences I endured a decade ago in the immediate aftermath of my coming out and moving out to start building a new life as a gay man in August 2002.  Those first years could be best described by two words: depression and therapy.  It took literally tears of therapy to overcome the emotional and psychological damage I suffered being raised conservative Catholic.   It also took  several years to develop an "I don't give a damn" attitude towards those who would diminish me for being gays.  At the same time I went through an emotional roller coaster with some of my children as my very much less than pleasant divorce unfolded.  The good news is that things DID GET BETTER although at the time I never believed that things would improve.  Today I am on good terms with all my children and I have a wonderful man in my life (see image at right) with whom I will be sharing our fifth Holiday season together.  My message today for the many readers of this blog who are various stages of the coming out journey is  that things will get better.  That is a belief that you need to hang on to with all your strength.

In terms of my children, my youngest was always loyal and we had a great talk today as she awaits the birth of my first grandchild.  I also spoke with my oldest daughter who is in Texas at the side of her husband who sustained terrible wounds in Afghanistan last week,  Her spirits are great and my son-in-law's surgery this morning to repair one of his worse wounds went well.   I also learned officially that I will be having a second grand child this coming July.  A decade ago I could never have envisioned any of these positive things that are in my life.   

Today we had the boyfriend's dad and a number of his family members over for dinner (the boyfriend, a/k/a "Martha Stewart" out did himself).  Shortly, we will be headed down the street to the home of a gay couple who are hosting a get together for those who don't have family locally or who do not have any family to share the holiday with.  Ten years ago, I could not have envisioned any of this.

I wish all of my readers a happy Thanksgiving and joy in the coming holiday season.  For those struggling in the early phases of coming out, my thoughts and heart are with you.  If you ever need to talk, please drop me an e-mail of call me (the office number is at the right on this blog).  All of us are in the battle to achieve full LGBT equality and acceptance together.  I will never turn a deaf ear on anyone seeking a friend or someone to listen.  Again, Happy Thanksgiving to all.