As I have mentioned on other occasions, one of the things I have learned during my coming out process and the related therapy that I underwent is to enjoy the "now" and to try to enjoy every moment for whatever it may bring to you. That's not to say that I'm irresponsible and do not try to work towards a successful future. Rather, it involves putting behind me the sense that I have to have everything planned out months and years in advance and be "in control" of everything. The reality is that one's best laid plans can be turned upside down in a moment by some random, unexpected event and all those moments of drying myself crazy were for naught. Too often, I spent so much time and energy worrying about tomorrow that I missed the wonders of the present moment. This is something I was talking about with my friend Justin by telephone last night and about which we reached concurrence: in relationships and new love, one must savor the now and not over think matters and/or try to over control tomorrow. Thus, it is ironic that my friend Euphoric has a post today that utilizes something from another friend's writing that looks at this concept. Here's a portion of what Euphoric's friend Jarad wrote:
Relationships end all the time; they become friendships, they suffer betrayals, love dies and wilts like a rose, but sometimes it’s so strong it lives forever…If it does die, if it never even begins then I will still be happy that I took that chance…that I gave you the power to break my heart…it doesn’t matter what happens, and why…what matters is we’re here now, pouring our hearts out to each other…trying to make the other understand…and, right now, this very second, I like you…I look forward to chatting to you every night…I think about you during the day…whatever happens at least we have this moment, this time. We shall see what happens, and whatever does happen, it happens. No regrets.”
Do I care about tomorrow? Most definitely. Am I going to drive myself to distraction worrying about things I cannot control? Not any more. I've done that far too much in the past. As far as love goes, I see myself as a good person, kind and loving, romantic, worthy of love, and generally compassionate. When the right guy comes along he will recognize these qualities in me. I will in turn be seeking the same things in him.