Sunday, August 03, 2008

Incorrigible Angel - Part 2

I suspect that those reading this blog for some time have noticed a change over time in my sense of confidence in matters pertaining to my personal life. Yes, I have always been opinionated on politics and other current event issues. But on personal matters, the coming out process entails far more than just admitting to the world that one is gay. Or at least such is my view. The process is not truly completed until you can not only say to the world that you are gay but also feel with confidence that being gay is okay and natural, with no sense of a need to apologize to anyone or gain anyone's approval.
Having been raised Catholic where the indoctrination of guilt and a sense of sinfulness (and the attendant lack of self-value that goes with it), I was perhaps at a disadvantage in coming out since I had so much baggage to overcome in that area of my self-perception. I suspect those raised Baptist and certain other denominations and faiths carry a similar burden. Also, in many ways until my horrific divorce was behind me, I had achieved a reconciliation with my children, and I had ended a relationship that had cease to work, I do not think I was yet at a place to find self-acceptance and also a better sense of worth.
Then, having had those milestones come to pass, unexpectedly my incorrigible angel (I have depicted him as Michael the Archangel in the print above) entered into my life arising from a comment I had posted on some blog. Little did i know that the comment would bring such a wonderful result. Due to many similarities in our life experiences - previously married, adult children, committed relationship that recently ended, etc. - we seemed to connect almost instantly. Since that time he has been suppotive and a cheerleader-in-chief helping me to "see better" as he describes it. My incorrigible angel believes that I have achieved a new and better stage in my life, and in terms of my self-acceptance he is correct. If such is the case, however, then some significant part of that achievement comes from his counsel, support, reflection and ability to see in me things that I have failed to see or have undervalued. He tells me that I should let the world see more of the inner me which he tells me is wonderful. By coincidence, someone new in my life has told me that he sees me in much the same way. I guess the lesson for all of us is that if you want others to see worth in you, you need to be able to see it in yourself too.
While my incorrigible angel is enduring many trials at the moment, I hope that he will know how much I value what he has given me. He also needs to know that he can call upon me at any time to return the gift that he has given to me. His significant other - who seems an angel himself by all reports - is most blessed to have found my incorrigible angel and as a result is a very, very lucky guy. Am I jealous? Perhaps a little, but I am so very happy that my incorrible angel has found someone who sees him for the amazingly special person that he is.

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