Wintry Day Thoughts

I have found myself thinking a lot about the past today - maybe it's the weather and thoughts of growing up in Central New York. Winters were long and snowy, but summers in the Adirondacks were wonderful, though short. The photo above/right was taken at the summer house and was taken about 40 years ago - pictured are two of my sisters and one of their girlfriends friend (my sister that I lost in 2001 is at right and my other sister is at left). We spent countless hours water skiing, sailing, canoeing, and hanging out with our gang of lake friends (two such guy friends and major crushes are pictured in today's male beauty shots). They were magical days and I felt so much more comfortable at the lake than at home during the school year except when on the ski slopes where I gained status among school friends due to my skiing abilities. I still feel a sense of loss when I think of those times and that I wasted so much of my time worrying about hiding "my secret.
*
But a sense of loss is something that anyone who has come out in mid-life likely knows well. At times in the years after I first came out, that sense of loss was overwhelming. All that I knew as my life was for the most part lost. And all too often it felt that I'd never find something to replace it. You do, however, rebuild a new life, even though at the time it doesn't seem possible and/or to occur quickly enough. At times the melancholy can be intense and it sometimes comes through in my writings here on the blog. But overall, I am making progress and I do have a new life that I once thought impossible. One reader commented as follows earlier in the weeks: "Going through your coming out journey IS associated with profound loss and now I appreciate the candid expressions of your pain, suffering and depression. As I have stayed with you, I have noted an increasing sense of healing on your part and less overall negativity with your current status, so kudos to you on that front. I thank him for sticking with me and being able to see the journey.
*
I guess my advice for the day to those in a place I once found myself is that you need to stay the course. There ARE better days ahead. That doesn't mean that the experience will not have its emotional roller coaster moments. I am fortunate to have found "the one" who loves me unlike anyone in the past. He brightens my world and is my safe harbor. In turn, he feels that I understand him and understand his heart. Perhaps we are both lucky.
*
On a different note, I have talked to family members in Charlottesville and all are well and currently with power, although it sounds like my sister's back yard has lost numerous trees that have broken off under the weight of snow, then freezing rain and then more snow. Here in Tidewater, there is a dusting of snow on the ground and pragmatically, we are watching the water level in the creek more than the snow accumulation since we have had 50+ mph winds blowing from the northeast and piling water into Hampton Roads' harbor.