Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Dark Clouds and Dark Thoughts

It stormed during the night and today is a dark and cloudy day and pouring rain - which reflects my mental outlook. Christmas is still two weeks away, but I wish it had already come and gone. Fortunately, we have a busy social schedule and between a HRBOR board meeting, the networking event Thursday and double booked commitments each day this weekend my time to just sit and contemplate will be limited. At work, it's the usual year end issues - juggling client schedules, addressing issues and delays in commercial closings and dealing with the strain of greatly reduced revenues from the days when real estate was booming.
Some readers incorrectly think my sadness/depression comes from not fully having accepted my sexual orientation. That is hardly the cas - in fact, I am happy being gay and living openly. I have no issue with being gay and I have a wonderful, loving partner. It's the other crap in life that's the downer, not the least the financial strain stemming from the bad economy and payments that must be made to the former wife and tenant issues of late payments. Lurking behind all of that is the ever present sadness of two of my children having written me off as a result of the divorce wars. It hurts to my core and perhaps more than anything makes me want to make it all stop at times.
This blog remains a bright spot and lifeline. Readership is up and the blog is climbing in the technorati rankings. I plan on doing some "pot stirring" in terms of the homophobia rampant in the Virginia legal community and will be doing future posts on the disconnect between the non-discrimination policies of Virginia's leading law schools for interviewing firms and the sad reality in the majority of law firms that give a wink and a nod to those policies and than discriminate at will for the most part. Where it will go I do not know, but hopefully it will cause some angst at some of the local large firms. :)

1 comment:

someday said...

One day your children will understand...