August 1999 started out normally, with life for me centering around my family, the neighborhood pool, surfing, weekly yard work, and work at the office. On August 9, 1999, my oldest daughter began to feel ill and left field hockey practice (she was co-captain of her high school team) and went home. As the evening and night went on, she continued to feel worse, with a severe head ache and neck pains. Finally, I took her to the local Emergency Room where her condition went into free fall. An experienced nurse (a UVA grad it turned out) recognized the tell tale small hemorrhage spots just beginning to show on her skin and literally ran and got my daughter rushed from triage to an ER bed and I was told that I needed to call my wife and have her get to the hospital immediately, no showering, no nothing. *
It was at this point I was told that my daughter had meningitis and that the situation was extremely grave and that they might lose her. Needless to say, this new is among the worse that any parent can ever receive and I was numb with shock. My wife quickly arrived at the hospital and we were told that they would attempt to stabilize my daughter and then transport her to Children’s Hospital of the Kings Daughters (“CHKD”) in Norfolk, which had the best ICU in the area, via mobile ICU unit. They gave my daughter 2 million units of penicillin to kill the meningococcal bacteria and various other medications to stabilize her. Once they succeeded in that effort, we followed the mobile ICU unit into Norfolk and then proceeded to the ICU unit. While driving to CHKD I felt my world was collapsing. Faced with the thought that my daughter might likely die, I could not imagine the world going on. Ultimately, my daughter was in the ICU unit for 9 days, and it was only the morning of August 12th – my birthday – that the doctors were confident that she was turning the corner, although they could not confirm how extensive damage to her body or brain might be. Ironically, the head doctor whose first name is “Santa” - meaning saint - was the one that broke us the good news that she was going to live.
*
It was at this point I was told that my daughter had meningitis and that the situation was extremely grave and that they might lose her. Needless to say, this new is among the worse that any parent can ever receive and I was numb with shock. My wife quickly arrived at the hospital and we were told that they would attempt to stabilize my daughter and then transport her to Children’s Hospital of the Kings Daughters (“CHKD”) in Norfolk, which had the best ICU in the area, via mobile ICU unit. They gave my daughter 2 million units of penicillin to kill the meningococcal bacteria and various other medications to stabilize her. Once they succeeded in that effort, we followed the mobile ICU unit into Norfolk and then proceeded to the ICU unit. While driving to CHKD I felt my world was collapsing. Faced with the thought that my daughter might likely die, I could not imagine the world going on. Ultimately, my daughter was in the ICU unit for 9 days, and it was only the morning of August 12th – my birthday – that the doctors were confident that she was turning the corner, although they could not confirm how extensive damage to her body or brain might be. Ironically, the head doctor whose first name is “Santa” - meaning saint - was the one that broke us the good news that she was going to live.
*
During this initial period, a media circus had begun to ensue since all the members of my daughter’s high school field hockey team had to be treated for exposure, as did some 300 people from the neighborhood pool where my daughter was assistant coach of the swim team, and a number of children of foreign NATO personnel who had been at a party with my daughter. Through the efforts of one of my law partners, my daughter’s name was kept off the local TV news, although pictures appeared on TV of her high school, the pool and CHKD. Meanwhile, the rest of my family received further shock. During the first day in ICU, we spoke with my mother in Florida where my middle sister lived and we were told that my sister had cancer that was likely to be terminal. As a family we had always considered ourselves lucky and spared from tragedy. Now, we had been hit twice in a single day.
*
For my part, I had to be the strong one and hold things together for my wife and my other two children. Ultimately, my daughter was in the hospital a total of 22 days (with my wife and I alternating nights spent at the hospital) and then had to go to out patient therapy for many, many weeks, initially 5 days a week. Her recovery though over a long period was complete and she was able to return to school and even play field hockey. CHKD even wrote her up as one of its miracle cases. Here’s a portion of the October 26, 1999, local newspaper story about her recovery (I have omitted her first name):
*
PRINCESS ANNE GOALIE HAPPY TO BE IN THE PLAYOFFS, AND SHE MEANS IT BEATING BACTERIAL MENINGITIS HAS GIVEN [__] HAMAR A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE.
VIRGINIA BEACH – [__] Hamar's yearning to suit up and return to the Princess Anne field hockey cage was powerful - a force even stronger than the bacterial meningitis that took her out of action at the beginning of the season. Hamar has made a fantastic two-month recovery from the potentially fatal infection of the membranes that surround the brain and spinal cord. So much so, in fact, that she has seen action in two games.
For my part, I had to be the strong one and hold things together for my wife and my other two children. Ultimately, my daughter was in the hospital a total of 22 days (with my wife and I alternating nights spent at the hospital) and then had to go to out patient therapy for many, many weeks, initially 5 days a week. Her recovery though over a long period was complete and she was able to return to school and even play field hockey. CHKD even wrote her up as one of its miracle cases. Here’s a portion of the October 26, 1999, local newspaper story about her recovery (I have omitted her first name):
*
PRINCESS ANNE GOALIE HAPPY TO BE IN THE PLAYOFFS, AND SHE MEANS IT BEATING BACTERIAL MENINGITIS HAS GIVEN [__] HAMAR A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE.
VIRGINIA BEACH – [__] Hamar's yearning to suit up and return to the Princess Anne field hockey cage was powerful - a force even stronger than the bacterial meningitis that took her out of action at the beginning of the season. Hamar has made a fantastic two-month recovery from the potentially fatal infection of the membranes that surround the brain and spinal cord. So much so, in fact, that she has seen action in two games.
*
Before this point, however, the stress had been extreme. Compounding the stress was the fact that despite good health insurance, between the co-pay stop loss we owed and the out patient therapy costs which far exceeded the medical insurance policy limits, our finances were being severely impacted. It was in this stressed out state that I headed off to a seminar in Chicago in mid-September, 1999 (photos of the scene the seminar are posted above), where I had previously registered to be a panelist, having attended this yearly seminar for over 13 years. The first night of the seminar, I went to a cocktail party in the convention hotel put on by various vendors at the seminar and proceeded to get fairly drunk. I normally do not drink to excess, but being still stressed by the trauma of the last six or seven weeks, the free alcohol was too tempting, I guess. In any event, my years of studious attempts to check out guys unnoticed apparently failed me in my intoxicated state. Soon a very nice looking male associate from another law firm (it turned out he was 29) was talking to me and definitely acting interested in me.
Before this point, however, the stress had been extreme. Compounding the stress was the fact that despite good health insurance, between the co-pay stop loss we owed and the out patient therapy costs which far exceeded the medical insurance policy limits, our finances were being severely impacted. It was in this stressed out state that I headed off to a seminar in Chicago in mid-September, 1999 (photos of the scene the seminar are posted above), where I had previously registered to be a panelist, having attended this yearly seminar for over 13 years. The first night of the seminar, I went to a cocktail party in the convention hotel put on by various vendors at the seminar and proceeded to get fairly drunk. I normally do not drink to excess, but being still stressed by the trauma of the last six or seven weeks, the free alcohol was too tempting, I guess. In any event, my years of studious attempts to check out guys unnoticed apparently failed me in my intoxicated state. Soon a very nice looking male associate from another law firm (it turned out he was 29) was talking to me and definitely acting interested in me.
*
After a while and as the cocktail event was winding down, he suggested we go to his room and have another drink from the room mini-bar and I acquiesced, although extremely nervous at this point. Once we were in the room and more drinks were prepared, he came over to me and looked me in the eyes and then kissed me firmly on the mouth. My heart nearly stopped and alarm bells were going off in my mind at this point to stop it, but it felt so nice. The long and the short of it is that the kiss was only the beginning, and my rule that I wasn’t gay because I had never been with a guy could no longer support my denial. Worse yet, it all felt so right and satisfied an inner need and longing in me as nothing ever had before.
*
The following morning I was in a panic, most particularly worrying about what to do and how could I convince myself that the night before had never happened. The day after that, I returned home carrying a huge secret and new emotional and mental burden. What to do, what to do?
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