One of my readers is not a fellow blogger, but he is a very special reader. His name is Raymond, who I usually refer to as “the b/f” in my posts. The photo above is a shot taken over on Virginia’s Eastern Shore. It’s only a 45 minute drive from Norfolk, yet is a different world – it is rather undeveloped and with a much slower pace. Fortunately, the $14.00 toll on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel (which is 17.5 miles long with two segments of tunnel under the ship channels for Norfolk and Baltimore) will help keep it that way. Surprisingly, towns like Cape Charles have a number of gay residents and business owners and we make the drive over from time to time.
I think Raymond been surprised by this blog and the way I pretty much do not hold back on my thoughts and feelings in my posts. I also believe he does not fully understand my motivation to help others to avoid the mistakes I made over the years. I guess my reply to him has several components. First, while more and more people read this blog, I can still have a feeling of anonymity of sorts since I do not communicate with anyone face to face. Plus, I get to make my statements without interruption or side questions. The other aspect is that as an attorney with an office practice, as opposed to doing trial work, I am far better expressing myself in writing. I dislike public speaking, although I do it from time to time. As a result, it is far easier for me to discuss my thoughts and feelings in writing. As a bonus, I also get to vent my disgust on occasion for the religious fundamentalists of all stripes who have turned religion into such a toxic poison for mankind.
Second, I believe that Raymond does not fully understand my thought process because he was never in the closet himself. In that regard, growing up he was far stronger than I was, not that he did not receive many hard knocks along the way as a consequence. I don’t think he understands yet the mind set that gets one into the closet and then traps them there, often for many years as in my case. It’s an alien concept to him. In my case, it started out innocently enough based on fear and a desire to avoid rejection by family and church and in time it was the only approach I knew. I did not know how to get out of the prison I had built.
I met Raymond on July 3, 2004, from the beginning it was obvious he has a heart of gold. He is generous and always tries to help others. In a future post, I will recount our journey to the Gulf Coast after Katrina in a quest to help and bring back evacuees. It was part comedy and part drama. Raymond has been with me through all the dramas of my final transition from the closet and the now prolonged divorce wars. He has been wonderful to my children and very generous to them. Sadly, at the moment my estranged wife has pretty much poisoned all three of them (my youngest to the least extent so far) against me as well as Raymond in her never ending quest to make me the villain and hurt me financially and emotionally whenever and however possible.
Since I met him nearly two years AFTER I moved out of our marital home, He’s hardly the home wrecker. Thus, at this point, I don’t know if she’s just being vindictive or is truly delusional in a quest for money and assets that simply do not exist. I guess Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned, especially scorned in favor of men. In any event, Raymond has been through it all with me and, at times, I forget to thank him for his love and loyalty through truly difficult times. In any event, I want to thank him now. Thank you, Raymond. I hope you don't have a cow over this post!!
I think Raymond been surprised by this blog and the way I pretty much do not hold back on my thoughts and feelings in my posts. I also believe he does not fully understand my motivation to help others to avoid the mistakes I made over the years. I guess my reply to him has several components. First, while more and more people read this blog, I can still have a feeling of anonymity of sorts since I do not communicate with anyone face to face. Plus, I get to make my statements without interruption or side questions. The other aspect is that as an attorney with an office practice, as opposed to doing trial work, I am far better expressing myself in writing. I dislike public speaking, although I do it from time to time. As a result, it is far easier for me to discuss my thoughts and feelings in writing. As a bonus, I also get to vent my disgust on occasion for the religious fundamentalists of all stripes who have turned religion into such a toxic poison for mankind.
Second, I believe that Raymond does not fully understand my thought process because he was never in the closet himself. In that regard, growing up he was far stronger than I was, not that he did not receive many hard knocks along the way as a consequence. I don’t think he understands yet the mind set that gets one into the closet and then traps them there, often for many years as in my case. It’s an alien concept to him. In my case, it started out innocently enough based on fear and a desire to avoid rejection by family and church and in time it was the only approach I knew. I did not know how to get out of the prison I had built.
I met Raymond on July 3, 2004, from the beginning it was obvious he has a heart of gold. He is generous and always tries to help others. In a future post, I will recount our journey to the Gulf Coast after Katrina in a quest to help and bring back evacuees. It was part comedy and part drama. Raymond has been with me through all the dramas of my final transition from the closet and the now prolonged divorce wars. He has been wonderful to my children and very generous to them. Sadly, at the moment my estranged wife has pretty much poisoned all three of them (my youngest to the least extent so far) against me as well as Raymond in her never ending quest to make me the villain and hurt me financially and emotionally whenever and however possible.
Since I met him nearly two years AFTER I moved out of our marital home, He’s hardly the home wrecker. Thus, at this point, I don’t know if she’s just being vindictive or is truly delusional in a quest for money and assets that simply do not exist. I guess Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned, especially scorned in favor of men. In any event, Raymond has been through it all with me and, at times, I forget to thank him for his love and loyalty through truly difficult times. In any event, I want to thank him now. Thank you, Raymond. I hope you don't have a cow over this post!!
2 comments:
Love's conquest is always a joyful experience that almost always lasts.
If so, b/f might be a bit tame/lame for his association with you. We use to use "lover," then "partner," because, apparently, some had many lovers, but only one partner.
Now, who says the Bible cannot be useful? I know everyone denies it, but Jesus's Beloved Disciple (only ONE) is the only one to lean on Jesus's breast during the last supper, the only one to join Mary at the foot of the cross, and the only one to cause Peter and others a little consternation (Jn 21:20-25), who caused rumors that Jesus would not let him die, who it turns out to have written this very account. This Beloved Disciple appears to be Jesus's own special man.
I'd have to say that the Beloved Disciple was not your ordinary disciple or apostle, but very, very special in the scheme of things and Jesus's life. When I met my very, very special man, "lover," "boyfriend," "partner," and all the other terms were woefully deficient. But not the term BELOVED. If it's good enough for the "Son of Man/God," who I cannot see, it sure as hell applies to the one MAN I do more than "see." He's been my Beloved ever since.
Yes, I like the term "beloved." Partner sounds too much like a business transaction (maybe that's the attorney in me coming out). I love Raymond. If you have not read it, there's a great book entitled "The Man Jesus Loved." I cannot remember the author, but it duiscussed the Gospel of John and the beloved disciple much as you do.
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