From October, 2001, to August 24, 2002, after confessing I was gay to my wife, I continued to live in our home with my wife and children. Since the house had two complete master bedroom suites, my wife remained in one and I more or less moved into the other. The transition was smooth because I had had a bad case of the flu and had moved to the other room to avoid contaminating anyone else. I simply never moved back out. Obviously, the atmosphere was strained and the children knew something was a foot, but did not know the nature of it. I would be another year after I moved out of the house that we finally told them what was going on, although as it turned out , my son figured things out before we ever told them.
In December, 2001, I again when to my annual seminar that I always attended – which had been rescheduled from September due to 9-11 - in Chicago. Before I left, my wife told me she was giving me “a free pass,” as long as I did not tell her anything about what I did. While in Chicago, I did meet a smart young CPA who worked for an international public relations firm. For me, it was love at first sight and he seemed interested and we continued to e-mail and chat daily after my return to Virginia Beach. It was one of those situations where the chemistry clicked and we soon were emotionally involved even though separated by a great distance. With his encouragement I did something totally out of character and crazy, much to my wife’s horror: I took up an invitation to visit a different guy in the Bahamas who I had met online. I really needed to get away from Virginia Beach and home to sort out in my mind what I was going to do going forward. The chance to go sailing and exploring with an oceanographer who seem larger than life was just not something to pass up. He had a television show on the Discovery Channel (http://www.islandexpedition.com/DiscoveryChannel.html) and this was my chance to experience a dream come true of adventure.
In an event, I visited the Bahamas and had five days of sailing, free diving and all sorts of experiences ranging from dining in small whole in the wall restaurants (my host was sort of a local celebrity) to going to the home of members of the Bacardi family. The photo posted above looks like a beach we went to. By the time I returned home, having had the time away from everyone and just be me for the first time in my life, I knew that there was utterly no question but that I was gay. The big question was that of where my life would go from thereon. Obviously, my wife was not happy with me going to the Bahamas - I will admit it was a bit over the top - but I’d have gone whether I was gay or straight, given the nature of the opportunity. That type of trip just wasn’t something that typically happened in my fairly boring life.
Back at home, my wife and I had a final heart to heart talk. She basically said she expected me to go back in the closet and never, ever come back out, or else I had to move out of the house. I was extremely torn: it was either go back to a secret life of living hell, or hurt her and the kids and move out. Despite my new found admission of my sexual orientation, I still loved her very much (although the divorce wars that would eventually arise did much to end that feeling) and it was a very hard decision to tell her that I just did not think I could promise to do what she required. It wasn’t for lack of love for her. It was just that I simply could not endure the thought of being in the closet for the rest of my life. That burden was just too overwhelming. As a result, on August 24, 2002, I moved out of the Virginia Beach house and into an inexpensive apartment in the Ghent area of Norfolk. Thus began my life as a gay man.
In December, 2001, I again when to my annual seminar that I always attended – which had been rescheduled from September due to 9-11 - in Chicago. Before I left, my wife told me she was giving me “a free pass,” as long as I did not tell her anything about what I did. While in Chicago, I did meet a smart young CPA who worked for an international public relations firm. For me, it was love at first sight and he seemed interested and we continued to e-mail and chat daily after my return to Virginia Beach. It was one of those situations where the chemistry clicked and we soon were emotionally involved even though separated by a great distance. With his encouragement I did something totally out of character and crazy, much to my wife’s horror: I took up an invitation to visit a different guy in the Bahamas who I had met online. I really needed to get away from Virginia Beach and home to sort out in my mind what I was going to do going forward. The chance to go sailing and exploring with an oceanographer who seem larger than life was just not something to pass up. He had a television show on the Discovery Channel (http://www.islandexpedition.com/DiscoveryChannel.html) and this was my chance to experience a dream come true of adventure.
In an event, I visited the Bahamas and had five days of sailing, free diving and all sorts of experiences ranging from dining in small whole in the wall restaurants (my host was sort of a local celebrity) to going to the home of members of the Bacardi family. The photo posted above looks like a beach we went to. By the time I returned home, having had the time away from everyone and just be me for the first time in my life, I knew that there was utterly no question but that I was gay. The big question was that of where my life would go from thereon. Obviously, my wife was not happy with me going to the Bahamas - I will admit it was a bit over the top - but I’d have gone whether I was gay or straight, given the nature of the opportunity. That type of trip just wasn’t something that typically happened in my fairly boring life.
Back at home, my wife and I had a final heart to heart talk. She basically said she expected me to go back in the closet and never, ever come back out, or else I had to move out of the house. I was extremely torn: it was either go back to a secret life of living hell, or hurt her and the kids and move out. Despite my new found admission of my sexual orientation, I still loved her very much (although the divorce wars that would eventually arise did much to end that feeling) and it was a very hard decision to tell her that I just did not think I could promise to do what she required. It wasn’t for lack of love for her. It was just that I simply could not endure the thought of being in the closet for the rest of my life. That burden was just too overwhelming. As a result, on August 24, 2002, I moved out of the Virginia Beach house and into an inexpensive apartment in the Ghent area of Norfolk. Thus began my life as a gay man.
2 comments:
Gosh that sounds harsh.
I've always been one who says 'hopefully things will get better given enough time'.
Since this is the first time I've visited your blog I don't know if things really have gotten better for you (after the Divorce of course - coz I can imagine the hell that caused), but hopefully they have. It has been almost 5 years... Are you still in contact with the kids?
Yes, things are much better, and I am at long last at peace with myself and my sexual orientation. My goal is to tell my story in stages to help other learn from my mistakes and to see that one can survive the coming out process later in life.
However, the divorce wars continue. Contact with my kids is spotty and I do not expect things to return to normal until the divorce mess is finalized.
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