In August, 2002, I moved out of the family home in Virginia Beach and began my quest to build a life as a gay man. I was still in the closet at work and trying my best to be stay under the radar so as to keep gossip from getting back to my children. While Norfolk and Virginia Beach abut each other, the world of the Great Neck section of Virginia Beach and the Ghent area of Norfolk are very, very different even though separated by less than 20 miles. Great Neck is very much suburbia with large lots, big house, immaculate lawns, and conservative politics. It’s a veritable bastion of the GOP. In contrast, Ghent is much more artsy, has a sizable gay and Jewish population and the liberalizing effects of Old Dominion University.
My apartment was in an old building, dating from the early 1920’s, with hardwood floors, a 1950’s bathroom, two bedrooms, and a small kitchen. It was quite a change from the 5 bedroom, 3 and ½ bath suburban house in Virginia Beach. However, it was a place that I could at last be myself and it was just a block from bust Colley Avenue with its many restaurants, coffee shops, etc. In time, I would have three roommates over a course of time (to cut expenses), none really working out, however, due to personality conflicts, some not were not paying rent regularly, etc. I soon discovered that meeting other gays was not going to be easy. Yes, gay.com provided a way to chat with guys, but most were looking only for quick sex, whereas I wanted someone nice to get to know and, hopefully form a relationship with. The other venue to meet other gays was the club scene, which again was not conducive to finding b/f material.
During this period, things with my long distance b/f in Chicago came to an end due to a number of factors: the distance, his reluctance to be “the other man” in terms of the end of my marriage, and lastly his fear of commitment which only worsen when his identical twin brother committed suicide (I believe because he could not accept his sexual orientation). The final end of the relationship with my Chicago b/f came in September 2003, when we last saw each other in Chicago. It broke my heart and I was devastated. Not talking to him every day and seeing him occasionally was terrible. I tried to meet other guys in Norfolk but none were him. Some say I took it so hard because he was my first real reciprocated gay love. Perhaps it is true. While I had many infatuations over the years up until then, all – with the possible exception of ML in Mobile – were completely one sided loves. As a result, I began going to the clubs a lot, especially The Wave which was closest to where I lived and had great dance music. If nothing else, I loved to dance and it was better to be out than home alone. I pretty much became a regular on Friday and Saturday nights and occasionally on Wednesday nights too.
During the summer of 2003, I got my first chance to be an activist of sorts. A friend of one of my short term roommates needed to talk to a lawyer, so my roommate had he call me. It turned out that he (I will call him K) had had a brief fling with a guy he knew as Shaun, that he had met on Gay.com. However, he had much to his shock learned that Shaun’s real name was Michael Johnston – k had innocently seen his driver’s license displaying the name Michael Johnston. Needless to say, K was concerned as to what might be going on and had done a little investigating. To his shock, he discovered that Michael Johnston was a prominent “ex-gay” and protégé to Jerry Falwell and others in the Christian Right. K provided me with some of the information he had pulled together and, indeed, it appeared that “Shaun” was actually Michael Johnson, one of the top poster boys for the ex-gay propaganda campaign of the Christian Right.
Both K and I felt he needed to be exposed as a fraud. However, K was afraid he’d lose his job if his sexual orientation became known. Being uncertain how to get the story out, I e-mailed Wayne Besen, whose book “Anything But Straight” I had seen written up. Wayne was excited to meet K, but first we had to negotiate a confidentiality and non-disclosure agreement to protect K’s identity. Once that documentation was agreed upon, Wayne came to Norfolk and met with K and also spoke with another one of Michael Johnston’s sex partners one night at The Wave. The upshot of the whole episode was the publishing of a a top story in the Southern Voice and its sister papers exposing Michael Johnston as a fraud: http://www.sovo.com/2003/8-1/news/breaking/exgay.cfm. Johnston could have been prosecuted in Virginia for a felony based on his conduct, but that would have required K to go public with his own name. That he was too afraid to do.
For my part, as a result of the Michael Johnston story, I was invited to speak at a workshop at the 2003 Creating Change Conference sponsored by the NGLTF in Miami in November, 2003. It would be the first time I went anywhere as an identified gay man to speak on gay rights and equality issues. The energy at the conference was amazing and it was such an affirming experience to be surrounded by hundreds of bright, talented gay activists. It was also an eye opener to see an area where gays were so open with who they were and not the “under the radar” types so prevalent in the Norfolk area. (My photo at left above is of me wearing a shirt from the 2003 Creating Change Conference). While Traveling to Miami, I also stopped in Ft. Lauderdale amd had lunch with a fashion designer I met online. A photo of him is set out above as well. I still have the bikini he gave me, although I won't be wearing it until I get back into better shape.
My apartment was in an old building, dating from the early 1920’s, with hardwood floors, a 1950’s bathroom, two bedrooms, and a small kitchen. It was quite a change from the 5 bedroom, 3 and ½ bath suburban house in Virginia Beach. However, it was a place that I could at last be myself and it was just a block from bust Colley Avenue with its many restaurants, coffee shops, etc. In time, I would have three roommates over a course of time (to cut expenses), none really working out, however, due to personality conflicts, some not were not paying rent regularly, etc. I soon discovered that meeting other gays was not going to be easy. Yes, gay.com provided a way to chat with guys, but most were looking only for quick sex, whereas I wanted someone nice to get to know and, hopefully form a relationship with. The other venue to meet other gays was the club scene, which again was not conducive to finding b/f material.
During this period, things with my long distance b/f in Chicago came to an end due to a number of factors: the distance, his reluctance to be “the other man” in terms of the end of my marriage, and lastly his fear of commitment which only worsen when his identical twin brother committed suicide (I believe because he could not accept his sexual orientation). The final end of the relationship with my Chicago b/f came in September 2003, when we last saw each other in Chicago. It broke my heart and I was devastated. Not talking to him every day and seeing him occasionally was terrible. I tried to meet other guys in Norfolk but none were him. Some say I took it so hard because he was my first real reciprocated gay love. Perhaps it is true. While I had many infatuations over the years up until then, all – with the possible exception of ML in Mobile – were completely one sided loves. As a result, I began going to the clubs a lot, especially The Wave which was closest to where I lived and had great dance music. If nothing else, I loved to dance and it was better to be out than home alone. I pretty much became a regular on Friday and Saturday nights and occasionally on Wednesday nights too.
During the summer of 2003, I got my first chance to be an activist of sorts. A friend of one of my short term roommates needed to talk to a lawyer, so my roommate had he call me. It turned out that he (I will call him K) had had a brief fling with a guy he knew as Shaun, that he had met on Gay.com. However, he had much to his shock learned that Shaun’s real name was Michael Johnston – k had innocently seen his driver’s license displaying the name Michael Johnston. Needless to say, K was concerned as to what might be going on and had done a little investigating. To his shock, he discovered that Michael Johnston was a prominent “ex-gay” and protégé to Jerry Falwell and others in the Christian Right. K provided me with some of the information he had pulled together and, indeed, it appeared that “Shaun” was actually Michael Johnson, one of the top poster boys for the ex-gay propaganda campaign of the Christian Right.
Both K and I felt he needed to be exposed as a fraud. However, K was afraid he’d lose his job if his sexual orientation became known. Being uncertain how to get the story out, I e-mailed Wayne Besen, whose book “Anything But Straight” I had seen written up. Wayne was excited to meet K, but first we had to negotiate a confidentiality and non-disclosure agreement to protect K’s identity. Once that documentation was agreed upon, Wayne came to Norfolk and met with K and also spoke with another one of Michael Johnston’s sex partners one night at The Wave. The upshot of the whole episode was the publishing of a a top story in the Southern Voice and its sister papers exposing Michael Johnston as a fraud: http://www.sovo.com/2003/8-1/news/breaking/exgay.cfm. Johnston could have been prosecuted in Virginia for a felony based on his conduct, but that would have required K to go public with his own name. That he was too afraid to do.
For my part, as a result of the Michael Johnston story, I was invited to speak at a workshop at the 2003 Creating Change Conference sponsored by the NGLTF in Miami in November, 2003. It would be the first time I went anywhere as an identified gay man to speak on gay rights and equality issues. The energy at the conference was amazing and it was such an affirming experience to be surrounded by hundreds of bright, talented gay activists. It was also an eye opener to see an area where gays were so open with who they were and not the “under the radar” types so prevalent in the Norfolk area. (My photo at left above is of me wearing a shirt from the 2003 Creating Change Conference). While Traveling to Miami, I also stopped in Ft. Lauderdale amd had lunch with a fashion designer I met online. A photo of him is set out above as well. I still have the bikini he gave me, although I won't be wearing it until I get back into better shape.
Once back on the home front, I was continuing my search for “Mr. Right,” without much success. I had come out of the closet with a vision of finding a long term relationship with a great guy. Now, I truly began to think I would never find him.
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