Living Out and Proud - Returning to and Facing the Pst

The Hampton Roads Pride launch fundraiser for Out in the Park 2012 that I wrote about earlier in the week that took place this evening at the home of Susan and Paul Hirschbiel in Virginia Beach. It was a wonderful event and seems to have raised much of the additional funding that is needed to put on this year's "Out in the Park" event on August 18, 2912 in Town Point Park on the Norfolk waterfront. For me, however, even thought the event was obviously a safe venue (especially with me being a member of the HR Pride Board of Directors), it was nonetheless a bit unnerving. Why? Because the event was held in my former neighborhood where I lived for 18 years during the "straight phase" of my life. Yes, the same neighborhood where after I came out I suddenly became invisible, if you will, despite my many years of civic involvement that ranged from the PTA, local civic league, to the neighborhood pool association. It was an eye opening experience that brought home to me how few real friends I had.

Sometimes it is hard to let go off past hurts and slights no matter one's age or the age at which one came out and finally admitted to themselves and others who they really are. Not surprisingly, not many of my former neighbors were at the event. But some did attend, including a great straight couple with whom I had lost contact. The husband was my son's boy scout leader and my oldest daughter coached the neighborhood pool swim team that their boys swam for over a number of summers. They no longer live in the old neighborhood either, but it was great reconnecting and having them meet the boyfriend. The irony is that they confessed that they never liked the old neighborhood which they viewed as rather right wing in retrospect. Not that I knew their thoughts at the time that I lived in the neighborhood. Moreover, their favored circle of friends now includes many members of the gay community. I suspect that we will do more with them socially in the future.

Facing the past and old haunts and demons can indeed be frightening. But facing past demons can be liberating and prove that not all of you fears were justified. The best revenge is to be proud of who you are and refuse to allow others to diminish who you are. It's a lesson that sadly took me too many years to learn. I hope readers don't make my mistakes.

On a different note, the evening provided a great opportunity to get to speak with Paul Hirschbiel who is running for Congress and challenging hate group endorsed Scott Rigell. Check out Paul's website and support his effort. The nation doesn't need haters and Christianists like Rigell in Congress.

Coming Out - Leting Go Of Old Hurts

I have had diverse reactions to my post this morning concerning the Christian allies of the cause of LGBT rights and in particular, Marriage in California. Some e-mailers have related their own positive experiences with gay accepting churches while others have questioned why I continue to have any involvement with organized Christianity other than working to show that it is, in their opinion, a big fraud. In answer to the latter question, I think there are at least two reasons for my continued adherence to Christianity and the ELCA in particular.

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First, I do believe that there is some higher being regardless of whether the name applied to such being is God, Allah, Jesus, or whatever. Personally, I believe in the New Testament Christian message even if I strenuously disagree with those who have turned that message into something hateful - e.g, James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, et al. I have read enough biblical scholarship articles and books to at this point believe that we will NEVER know the real, 100% truth about Christ and his message. The Bible cannot be taken literally. It has simply been subject to far too much political pressures, personal agendas of the Gospel writers and different church leaders, and restricted by the limited knowledge and world view of writers of the Bible's books. Anyone who claims otherwise is either a liar or a fool or both. Because of my personal beliefs, I have no intention of allowing others to drive me away from the Christian faith tradition that I hold.

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The second reason/process - which also extends beyond religion to other issues overcome if they are to successfully "come out" and achieve self-acceptance as a LGBT person -is the need to let go of past hurts and abuses. If you continue to grasp past hurts and continue to look backwards, these elements from the past will continue to define and destroy your life. It took me quite some time to figure this out notwithstanding my therapist's constant lectures that I needed to do so. All of us suffer hurt and abuse from many directions growing up and not just from the religious denomination within which one was raised. These hurts also come from family members or society as a whole. One must let go of the past hurts in order to move on and also be able to enjoy the present moment.

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In terms of religion, I have endeavored to put past hurts behind me even though I am vigilant in trying to do my part to expose hypocrisy and stop future generations of LGBT individuals from suffering similar hurts. Part of this process involved severing my ties with the Roman Catholic Church which was responsible for so much of the psychological/emotional harm I suffered as a closeted gay boy, youth and man. I am much happier in the ELCA which honors a tradition similar to what I held onto, but with far, far less hypocrisy, meanness, and the downright evil now present in the Catholic Church hierarchy. From a wider view, I have tried to put many other past hurts behind me including but not limited to my difficult relationship with my dad growing up, feelings of guilt from my marriage and divorce, and "friends" who rejected me when I came out. I will be the first to admit that letting go of such hurts from the past is hard. But unless you do so, I believe that it will be difficult (if not impossible) to find self-acceptance and a peace with yourself as a gay man or woman.