The wedding and reception yesterday/last night was a lot of fun even though once again we were the token gay couple in the crowd. Adding to the initial underlying tension was the fact that many in the group were hard core conservatives - e.g., Janet Polarek, Secretary of the Commonwealth of Virginia - and Southern Baptists (not that this fact held back the steady consumption of alcohol). The wedding itself was at an old church in Charlottesville with the reception following at Farmington Country Club west of town and closer to the Blue Ridge Mountains. The front facade of the club shown above reveals that Thomas Jefferson designed the octagon rotunda and front portico. I must admit that everyone was very gracious - although one woman seemed disoriented when the boyfriend, after being asked where his wife was, said, he didn't have a wife, but he did have me and pointed me out. One thing that did strike me several, however, during the church service was (a) how oblivious people are to the anti-gay message sent by some of the words in the ceremony about marriage and (b) how little the Christianists live what is supposed to be the Christian message with love at the forefront. Instead, hatred and bigotry are the hallmarks seen most typically. The bride and groom definitely, are not of this mold, nor the brides wonderful and gracious parents.*
Needless to say, attending a wedding in the Commonwealth of Virginia where the ownership of one's pets gets more legal recognition that couples in same sex relationships makes it hard not to think of politics and how religion has fouled so many aspects of life. Especially for LGBT teens who continue to hear a drumbeat message that they are sinful and unworthy of God's love - not to mention society's respect. A variation of my post yesterday cross posted at The Bilerico Project engendered much commentary. I truly believe that as a community, LGBT Americans must cease giving any deference to the religious sensibilities of our enemies. They certainly show no sensibilities to our civil rights in what is supposed to be a secular nation. Dan Savage summed it up well in responding to a letter from a person who did not like the consequences of religious belief on gay lives called out for what it is. Here are some highlights:
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I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by my comments. No, wait. I'm not. Gay kids are dying. So let's try to keep things in perspective: fuck your feelings.
*
A question: do you support atheist marriage? Interfaith marriage? Divorce and remarriage? All legal, of course, and there's no Christian movement to deny marriage rights to atheists or people marrying outside their respective faiths or to people divorcing and remarrying. Why the hell not?
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Being told that they're sinful and that their love offends God, and being told that their relationships are unworthy of the civil right that is marriage (not the religious rite that some people use to solemnize their civil marriages), can eat away at the souls of gay kids. It makes them feel like they're not valued, that their lives are not worth living.
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The children of people who see gay people as sinful or damaged or disordered and unworthy of full civil equality—even if those people strive to express their bigotry in the politest possible way (at least when they happen to be addressing a gay person)—learn to see gay people as sinful, damaged, disordered, and unworthy. And while there may not be any gay adults or couples where you live, or at your church, or at your workplace, I promise you that there are gay and lesbian children in your schools. You may only attack gays and lesbians at the ballot box, nice and impersonally, but your children have the option of attacking actual real gays and lesbians, in person, in real time.
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Real gay and lesbian children. Not political abstractions, not "sinners." Real gay and lesbian children.
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The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from lips of "faithful Christians," and the lies that spew forth from the pulpit of the churches "faithful Christians" drag their kids to on Sundays, give your straight children a license to verbally abuse, humiliate and condemn the gay children they encounter at school.
*
Oh, and those same dehumanizing bigotries that fill your straight children with hate? They fill your gay children with suicidal despair. And you have the nerve to ask me to be more careful with my words.
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Did that hurt to hear? Good. But hearing it couldn't have hurt nearly as much as what the boys in the photo above had to listen to—day-in, day-out, for years—at schools filled with bigoted little monsters created not in the image of a loving God, but in the images of the hateful and false "followers of Christ" they call "mom and dad."
*
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by my comments. No, wait. I'm not. Gay kids are dying. So let's try to keep things in perspective: fuck your feelings.
*
A question: do you support atheist marriage? Interfaith marriage? Divorce and remarriage? All legal, of course, and there's no Christian movement to deny marriage rights to atheists or people marrying outside their respective faiths or to people divorcing and remarrying. Why the hell not?
*
Being told that they're sinful and that their love offends God, and being told that their relationships are unworthy of the civil right that is marriage (not the religious rite that some people use to solemnize their civil marriages), can eat away at the souls of gay kids. It makes them feel like they're not valued, that their lives are not worth living.
*
The children of people who see gay people as sinful or damaged or disordered and unworthy of full civil equality—even if those people strive to express their bigotry in the politest possible way (at least when they happen to be addressing a gay person)—learn to see gay people as sinful, damaged, disordered, and unworthy. And while there may not be any gay adults or couples where you live, or at your church, or at your workplace, I promise you that there are gay and lesbian children in your schools. You may only attack gays and lesbians at the ballot box, nice and impersonally, but your children have the option of attacking actual real gays and lesbians, in person, in real time.
*
Real gay and lesbian children. Not political abstractions, not "sinners." Real gay and lesbian children.
*
The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from lips of "faithful Christians," and the lies that spew forth from the pulpit of the churches "faithful Christians" drag their kids to on Sundays, give your straight children a license to verbally abuse, humiliate and condemn the gay children they encounter at school.
*
Oh, and those same dehumanizing bigotries that fill your straight children with hate? They fill your gay children with suicidal despair. And you have the nerve to ask me to be more careful with my words.
*
Did that hurt to hear? Good. But hearing it couldn't have hurt nearly as much as what the boys in the photo above had to listen to—day-in, day-out, for years—at schools filled with bigoted little monsters created not in the image of a loving God, but in the images of the hateful and false "followers of Christ" they call "mom and dad."
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