Reflection on Children and Relationships

This evening was a wonderful time. The boyfriend (pictured at left) and I met my two daughters for dinner in honor of my oldest daughter's birthday. Our relationship has been chilly and strained for nearly a year since one of my deep depression/free fall episodes last year. Spending an evening over dinner with her and my youngest - who has been a life saver throughout for me emotionally - was wonderful and one of the best gifts I could have as a parent. After dinner, we went by my oldest daughter's new place that she has just moved into which is only minutes from my parents' old neighborhood in Virginia Beach. While there, we dropped off an extra TV that we had and looked the place over which is just blocks from the beach on the Chesapeake Bay. True to form the boyfriend, a/k/a "Martha Stewart," had decorating ideas for my daughter and I can easily see him helping my daughter make window treatments and who knows what else for her home. It's something he loves doing and has been known to do for both family and some of his long time clients.

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Speaking of the boyfriend, I treasure him more all the time. The irony is that when I first came out and saw my future as only one of darkness and potential loneliness, in my mind's eye I always pictured what I longed for so much: a stable, committed relationship with a sweet and good hearted man with whom I could make a life and grow older with. Someone who would totally accept and love me and who would embrace my children as well. All too often in moments of darkness and despair I believed that I would never find such a relationship. Between thinking of myself as too old (a "has been" if you will before I even came out), having too much baggage, etc., etc., I never believed that I would find "the one." I am sure that I am hardly alone in the feelings I had. In the final analysis, I suspect almost all of us seek that one person to fully love them and be fully loved by in return.

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My message to others coming out in mid-life is patience and faith. Patience because finding Mr. Right as opposed to Mr. Right Now takes time and self-confidence. Only when I had adapted to being single and being OK with it did the boyfriend appear when I least expected it. The second thing required is faith - faith that "the one" is out there and that he WILL come into your life.

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It took me almost eight tumultuous years to find the boyfriend. Yes, there were interim loves and infatuations along the way, but they never were what I had dreamed of - either because of my own flaws or otherwise. But I kept on going and now enjoy the precious gifts of my children and someone who loves me deeply in a way that I have never experienced before.