I have been conversing recently with a friend about the ups and downs and challenges of gay relationships and why I believe we seem to face more challenges in maintaining stable relationships - or at least so some people claim. Obviously, not having any legal recognition of same-sex relationships in the vast majority of states or under the federal laws in and of itself deprives gay of relationships of a legal framework and societal recognition that enhances stability. I also believe that gay relationships are more difficult than those of heterosexuals because (1) there are no real role models that define what such relationships should look like - we make up our own rules, so to speak, and (2) when you do not have kids and all the activities and chaos they generate, there is much more time for couples to focus upon relationship issues.
On this latter point, from my experience in the closet and living in a straight marriage for many years, I believe that married heterosexuals with kids are just plain exhausted by the end of most days due to all the family related things going on. Between work, household chores, child rearing duties and childrens' activities, there simply is very little time left to contemplate the larger issues of one's relationship with the other spouse. In the majority of gay relationships, such is not the case and therefore, the greater amount of time there is to evaluate the relationship and to scrutinize perceived failings. For straights, assuming couples remain together and have children, arriving at this situation occurs much later in the relationship, generally in middle age. Hence, this is why I think so many married couples - at least in the US - split and divorce once the kids are grown and the parents become empty nesters. Suddenly, it is just the two of them and many come to realize the relationship is either not there anymore and/or that it is not what they want/need.
In my own case, perhaps because of all my years in a marriage, I want a relationship that is akin to marriage with someone who will be my soulmate and best friend.
1 comment:
I totally agree with most of your points here. And you are so right about couples with busy families being exhausted by day's end. That's my experience, for sure. Sometimes, though, that hurts a relationship because there isn't enough time and energy going into the relationship and it withers and dies.
Post a Comment