The Self-Evident Question That's Never Asked

Richard Rothstein over at QueerSighted (http://www.queersighted.com/) has a great post on the ridiculousness on a constitutional basis for the anti-gay position of the Christianists controlling the GOP:

“Would Mitt Romney publicly pose a challenge to full civil rights for black Americans? Would he stand at a podium and suggest that Hispanics are not entitled to the core American promise of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"? Would he appear on national television and deny inter-racial couples the right to marry? Obviously not. He would be met with national outrage that would dwarf the controversy that followed recent racist remarks by Don Imus.

But Romney--and too many other politicians--are free to talk about our rights openly, brazenly and with disdain and contempt--as if we're not even in the room. I don't mean to sound glib about this, but sometimes don't you feel like standing in front of the TV set and shouting: "Hey! We're standing right here! Hello! We exist. And guess what? We're American citizens not test tube subjects." Not since antebellum America has a group of people and their right to equality and basic human rights been publicly and nationally discussed and debated by Presidential candidates as if some humans have a divinely ordained right to determine the fate of other humans.”

A similar line of questioning is posted at Bloggernista (http://bloggernista.com/):

“So, if as Romney said, “we’re all children of the same God,” why does he think that LGBT people should be denied the legal and economic benefits of marriage and other rights that heterosexual people take for granted on a daily basis? Shouldn’t he have to explain why he fought tooth and nail to overturn marriage rights for same-sex couples in Massachsetts? Or, is this really just another cynical attempt on his part to suck up to political trogolodytes like James Dobson and Pat Robertson while bashing LGBT people and our families to get elected?”

Why is it that NO ONE in the mainstream media has the balls and courage to ask these pandering politicians and their "political trogolodytes" (I love that term!!) masters this direct question and draw these analogies? Are they afraid Daddy Dobson and others of the lunatic fringe will threaten a boycott?

The mainstream news media is losing readers and viewers daily. Could it just be that the public is tired of a media that acts as the lap dog of the Christianists and the Bush White House? I know we watch less and less of the main network news because (1) it focuses too much on non-issues in the grand scheme of things (e.g., American Idol, Anna Nicole, etc.), and (2) seems to abandoned investigative reporting.

Welcome to My Truth

Via Real Euphoria, I discovered a new Blog, Welcome to My Truth (http://onmytruth.wordpress.com/), that has wonderful wit and attitude. One post particularly struck home – namely on how superficial and focused on looks many gay guys can be. Coming out much later in life, at times I felt that I was already a “has been” before I ever got started in my new gay life. In this area where so many LGBT people exist under the radar (particularly the large number of gays in the military stationed in Norfolk), often the only venue for meeting people is either on line or in clubs, where all the emphasis is on youth and beauty.

I will admit to enjoying looking at a beautiful guy (see photo at left) as much as any gay male, but for anyone to be b/f material they need to have intelligence and a good heart. The b/f has both and deep down in me, that’s what is the most attractive about him. Looks will fade and bodies will age, but these aspects will continue on forever. Each of us has our own story, and many of us older guys have experienced and learned truths that the younger generation of gays will never know because of the advancement in the acceptance of LGBT people in general. I hope all of us can be a little kinder to one another and less judgmental based soley on appearance. There are plenty of folks who hate us - even though they don’t even know us - without us inflicting pain on one another.

Recovering Christian

Given my religious background growing up, one of the biggest obstacles for me in accepting the reality that I was gay was all of the anti-gay propaganda put out by organized religion. The Roman Catholic Church is without peer in this regard, except for perhaps the Southern Baptists under their current leadership and fundamentalist Muslims. Growing up as an altar boy from age 8 to 18, serving at daily mass, and then later attending mass as part of my self-initiated and semi-conscious “ex-gay” regime, I was about as steeped in fire and brimstone as one could get.

After the event that forced me to eventually accept my sexuality (which will be described in a future post) – and after not being immediately struck down thereafter by God, as expected – a big part of my recovery process was seeking out books on Christianity and early Church history that took a far different view than what I had been previously taught. John Shelby Spong has a number of wonderful books that review the Bible and background of the Gospels that were a tremendous help to me. I would urge anyone who is in the place spiritually that I once was to read as much as possible to learn that, in fact, the standard doctrine may in fact be WRONG, and perhaps deliberately so. The early Church was full of power struggles and varied agendas that molded the final version of the New Testament to meet the needs of those seeking power. A recent book I read, ”The Man Who Jesus Loved,” written by a Biblical scholar, shows that much of the lies propounded by the “family values” crowd conflict with what may be the real teachings of Jesus and even St. Paul (who is NOT one of my favorite church fathers, since he continued to cling to the certain of the legalistic purity laws of Leviticus) concerning marriage.

The second step in the recovery process is to LEAVE the church of your upbringing if it does nothing but make you suffer from guilt and self-hatred. Read the Gospels and it is clear that this was not what Jesus taught or stood for. Rather, he was very much the revolutionary that put the spirit of the law ahead of the letter of the law. Jesus’ message of love, forgiveness, caring for others, etc., is utterly irreconcilable with the message of hate put out by the current Nazi Pope and the James Dobsons of the world. My first stop on my quest for a new church was the Episcopal Church since it was close to Catholic, but nowhere near as anti-gay. Fortunately, during this time period the sex abuse scandal involving the Catholic Church began to explode and it became obvious to me that the Church hierarchy was totally corrupt and full of complete hypocrites. These were the last people to be telling me that I was sinful in view of what the hierarchy, including John Paul II, had allowed to go on for literally decades. Eventually, I even did a guest editorial in the Virginian Pilot in February, 2002, that took the Catholic Church to task (this article is set out at the end of this post).

Needless to say, my mother flipped out when I ceased to be a Catholic – although when I visit her, I do go to Church with her, even though I have to bite my tongue and fight the urge to wear a shirt that says “God Made Me Gay” or some such verbiage in protest. After a year or so as an Episcopalian, I by pure chance attended an Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (“ELCA”) parish after moving into Norfolk from Virginia Beach and found what I believe will be my permanent spiritual home. While the ELCA still has a ways to go on gay issues, it is light years ahead of the Catholic Church, yet has what is almost virtually a Catholic mass service. Moreover, its sister church, the Church of Sweden is on the verge of providing church commitment services for LGBT couples. Even my mother, after reading the worship hand out ceased in fretting that I was surely going to Hell for leaving the Catholic Church. I would strongly recommend any recovering Catholics to give the ELCA a serious look. I am not suggesting that I don’t on occasion still have some religious hang ups, but the distance I have come is remarkable and I probably feel the best about myself ever in my life time.

In any event, here’s the February, 2002, guest editorial piece (and yes, it felt great writing it and seeing it published). I love exposing hypocrites:

Bigotry Claim Is Disingenuous

As a life long Catholic, former altar boy, and a 4th Degree Knight of Columbus, I was dismayed by Bishop Walter F. Sullivan’s letter to the editor (Virginian Pilot, January 30, 2002) decrying the editorial cartoon carried by the Virginian Pilot on January 21, 2002, focusing on the Catholic Church’s track record in respect to pedophile clergy. Bishop Sullivan would have readers believe the cartoon is “pure bigotry” against the Catholic Church. The reality is that the Catholic Church hierarchy is most vigorous in instilling guilt and a sense of sinfulness in its members on a host of topics ranging from birth control, divorce (on January 28, 2002, Pope John Paul II directed all Catholic lawyers and judges to refrain from taking divorce cases, Associated Press), remarriage by divorced Catholics, and in-vitro fertilization, to attendance at non-Catholic church services. Yet, the Catholic Church hierarchy has shown little vigor in weeding out pedophile priests or disciplining high Church officials who knew of sexual abuse problems but did not act to stop it.

The editorial cartoon carried by the Virginian Pilot surely arose from the on-going scandal in the Archdiocese of Boston where, due to unrelenting reporting by the Boston Globe on the lawsuits against former priest, John J. Geoghan, it has been disclosed that over the last 10 years, the Archdiocese has quietly settled child molestation claims against at least 70 priests. Church records turned over under court order, document that five (5) bishops and two (2) cardinals knew of Geoghan’s child molestation, yet he was repeatedly reassigned to new, unsuspecting parishes (Boston Globe, January 31, 2002). Unfortunately, the situation in Boston is not an isolated incident as shown by a very brief search on the Internet:

**The Catholic Church in Ireland has offered a $110 Million global settlement to compensate children who suffered abuse by members of religious orders - under the settlement formula, the total cost could go as high as $430 Million (New York Times, February 1, 2002).

**On January 30, 2002, the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and the Diocese of Tucson, settled sexual abuse cases against 4 priests for an undisclosed sum, the Archdiocese of Los Angeles having previously paid $5.2 Million in 2001 to settle sexual molestation cases (Los Angeles Times, January 30, 2002).

**Sexual abuse cases against 6 priests settled by the Catholic Church in Bridgeport, Connecticut in early 2001 (New York Times, March 14, 2001).

**The Archdiocese of Portland agreed to a sealed settlement when sued by 22 men alleging sexual abuse as boys by priests (Seattle Times, October 7, 2000).

**Catholic Archdiocese of Melbourne, Australia settles for an undisclosed sum with 80 victims of sexual abuse by 21 priests (The Age, November 21, 1999).

I**n 1998, the Diocese of Dallas agreed to pay $31 Million to 12 altar boys who suffered repeated sexual abuse (Dallas Morning News, August, 1998).

**In 1998, the Diocese of Stockton, California agreed to pay $30 Million to settle lawsuits for sexual abuse (San Francisco Chronicle, January 28, 2002).

**In 1993, it was determined by the Franciscan Friars of California that 11 friars at St. Anthony's Seminary in Santa Barbara had abused at least 34 boys (Associated Press, August 3, 2000).

**Since 1991, more than 40 lawsuits have been filed against at least 12 priests in the Archdiocese of Santa Fe, New Mexico (Chicago Tribune, December 15, 1993).

**In the 1980's, the Diocese of New Orleans paid $22 Million to dozens of victims of 7 priests (Boston Globe, February 3, 2002).

The common theme throughout all these incidents is that (i) bishops and other high church officials knew of the abuse situations yet failed to remove offending priests from the ranks of the clergy, and (ii) offending priests were routinely merely transferred to new parishes, the Church’s main concern being to keep it all quiet. Not until faced with multi-million dollar lawsuits and/or until the priests were under criminal prosecution was decisive action taken to remove abusive priests from their positions. Equally unsettling is the fact that no bishops (or in the Boston case, a Cardinal) have been removed from office in consequence of their failure to protect the children of their diocese’s parishes.

Bishop Sullivan would have better served the needs of the Diocese of Richmond by explaining what safeguards, if any, are in place to prevent a situation like that unfolding in Boston from happening in his diocese. Bishop Sullivan’s cry of bigotry is disingenuous at best.

Who Are You?

Now that I have added neocounter to this blog, I see that I am getting visitors from other parts of the world. Taking a note from Real Euphoria, I'd love to know who some of you are. If you are willing, tell me about yourself, your blog, if you have one, and send me a photo (no x-rated, please) so I can post about the people I am meeting through my blog/story. If you want to be anonymous, simply say so and your identity will be protected. My e-mail is michaelinnorfolk@gmail.com

My Daughter's Birthday

Tomorrow is my oldest daughter's 25th birthday. She is pictured above with her brother who is 21. She is an amazing person, smart, talented, beautiful and a good person. I doubt she will ever fully know how much I love her and what pride I take in her accomplishments. Happy birthday sweetheart.

Saturday Eye Candy

Ryan Carnes is a cutie. I need to head off to do yard work and later cook dinner. Since it's Saturday, I will be off tonight to dance at "The Wave" which is conveniently about six blocks from my house. There are always Ryan wantabes at the club which makes for nice scenery. Of course, the b/f is hot and a pretty good dancer too!

My Closet Years - Part Four

In Houston, we never built the extensive number of friends and acquaintances that we had in Mobile. Partly, the sheer size of the city and the distances between home and where co-workers lived made impromptu dinners together less feasible. Similarly, the logistics made it impossible for me to keep going to daily mass to try ever harder to “pray the gay away.” Also, I guess I was unconsciously beginning to figure out the claims that religion and “accepting Christ into your life” simply did NOT work when it came to making one straight. The company I was with was then a subsidiary of what is now Allied-Signal and has since merged with ARCO. Here’s a brief description:

Union Texas Petroleum Holdings, Inc. is an oil and gas company based in the United States. The company explores for and produces oil and gas overseas with its principal operations in the United Kingdom sector of the North Sea, Indonesia, Pakistan and Venezuela. The company has petrochemical interests in the United States. The company also carries on development of an oil field in Alaska. Seismic data, 40% interest in contract area and 30% interest in two blocks of Ghadames basin was acquired in 1997. Oil and gas exploration and production accounted for 79% of 1997 revenues and petrochemicals, 21%.

In the years I was with the company, revenues were over $2 billion per year. The overseas travel for the Company was wonderful, and even my wife got to go on several foreign trips at company expense. The places I visited on business overseas ranged from Jamaica, London, Paris, Brussels, Milan, Egypt, Morocco, and Athens. For company business, we traveled first class on all overseas flights, stayed in the best hotels (my all time favorite was the Plaza Athenee in Paris pictured above) and generally could almost pretend that we were part of the “Dallas” and “Dynasty” set. Once, due to the air traffic controller strike under Reagan, I even was able to take the Concorde from Paris to New York to insure our group got back to the USA after ten days in Morocco. Domestically, the trips were far less glamorous: Enid, Oklahoma, Midland Texas, Minneapolis, Memphis, and several small towns where the company’s propane gas subsidiary either purchased or sold operations, with me as the company’s sole legal counsel.

During this period, I had two close gay encounters. My wife was in New York visiting family, and while innocently grocery shopping one Saturday, I ran into a cute young attorney – dark hair and bright blue eyes - who was also a UVA law grad. We met while picking out produce and noticed each other’s gold UVA signet ring (the rings are somewhat distinctive) and talked briefly. OK, I admit it – I WAS looking him over because he was cute. He was with one of the big Houston law firms and lived in another neighborhood. He was very nice looking and since I am generally a friendly type, I told him where I lived, about my wife being out of town, and then he asked me if I’d like to go to the beach with him and several of his friends. The offer of going to the beach in Galveston sure beat painting kitchen cabinets, so I said I’d go along. While my sense of attraction to him was in high gear, I convinced myself that I was imagining his attraction to me. Soon after arriving at the beach and rendezvousing with his friends, however, it became obvious that all of them were gay – and very HOT!! Two of them, in fact, were a couple and I recall the secret envy of seeing them kiss each other. Nonetheless, the alarm bells were going off in my head. Had my fellow UVA grad read me as gay that easily? OMG!!!! What had I done wrong to make it so easy to tell?

Since my newly acquired friend, Rob – who I believe thought of me as his date – had driven, I had no option but to spend the day and evening with the group. After hours on the beach – with one of the hotties wearing a Speedo to my great distraction – we went to get some dinner at what turned out to be a gay bar. The combination of terror and excitement in my mind was crazy. I was so attracted to these guys and they were so nice (none of them were the stereotype of what up until then I thought it meant to be gay), but I was afraid where the evening might be going. Ultimately, we ended up heading back to Houston, and due to the horrendous traffic, it was very late when we got back. Rob dropped off at my house and, in retrospect, I think had hoped that I would invite him in. In terrified closet case form, I did not. I sometimes wonder where my life would be if I had.

My second gay experience was going to a big gay club with a bunch of people from the Company’s law department. My secretary was quite a character and lived in the Montrose area of Houston, which was and still is the City’s gay neighborhood. She convinced us that we should go to one of the big drag show competitions. My wife, who was pregnant at the time, stayed home and the rest of us went to the club – the Copacabana - for the show. The drag queens were amazing and there were a lot of gorgeous guys at the club. (I still clearly remember the men’s room- the urinal was a stadium type trough, except it had a mirror positioned above it so everyone at the urinal could check out your equipment.) I was terrified that I might run into one of the guys from the Galveston adventure or somehow my secret might otherwise be discovered. While it was a fun evening, I was relieved when it was over.

In Houston, my oldest daughter was conceived and born. For some time my wife had been after me to start a family and, although I was terrified at the thought of the responsibility involved, not to mention the fear that at some point my “secret” might come out, I acquiesced. Once my daughter was born, it was the most wonderful thing. Words cannot describe the wonder of seeing a child born and the love one feels for their child. She was in some ways the baby from Hell, since she required very little sleep, but she was smart and adorable (she still is). In any event, now with a child I knew I had to really suppress my attractions and strive to make the gay go away. After two years in Houston, my wife was again arguing to move closer to home. By chance, I got an interview with an up and coming law firm in Virginia Beach and I accepted the firm’s offer. Thus, I was about to embark on the longest phase of my closet years back in Virginia.

My Closet Years - Part Three

As I ended in Part two of my closet years saga, after graduating from law school, I took a job with an old line, southern aristocrat law firm in Mobile, Alabama. The reasoning behind taking the job was simple: (1) the firm was paying more than any firms in the Norfolk/Virginia Beach area, (2) it had a sophisticated maritime and oil and gas practice, (3) Mobile is a beautiful city with a great deal of history, (4) the firm paid for memberships in two exclusive clubs. What more could a new law school graduate want, right?

My wife to be, being a New York City native, naturally flipped out at the idea of moving to Alabama, but was won over by the beauty of the city and the fact that we would live on the east side of Mobile Bay which was the home of a number of northern transplants and a fairly artsy community, not to mention the spectacular Grand Hotel in Point Clear, and the gorgeous sugar white beaches of Gulf Shores, often called the redneck Rivera. Among the interesting tidbits of history we learned were (A) that Mobile’s Mardi Gras is older than that of New Orleans (located about 150 miles to the west and several years younger than Mobile), (B) the Maris Gras/society balls – of which there were 45 during that time period - began in late November and reached a crescendo in the two weeks before Mardi Gras, and (C) the term “raising Cain” originated in Mobile. The later stems from the annual celebration on the Sunday immediately prior to Mardi Gras Day in honor of Joseph Cain who revived the Mardi Gras parade tradition after the “War of Northern Aggression,” as the Civil War is sometimes called in the deep South. Each year, anyone who wants to be in the parade, make their own float, etc., can join in the “peoples’ parade” - in contrast to most of the parades put on by mystic societies made up of socially prominent citizens – and parade through the city, with the final stop at the cemetery where Joseph Cain is buried. Upon arrival at the cemetery, a wild party with oceans of alcohol takes place, thereby “raising Cain.” Usually, about 100,000 people would be out, partying and very intoxicated by day’s end.

While in Mobile, I continued my daily mass attendance since the cathedral (of a Romanesque style built in 1830 and very beautiful) was just a few blocks from the office building housing the firm’s offices. Naturally, this was part of my continued effort to “pray away the gay” through full emersion in religion. A side effect was that one of the senior partners in the firm was likewise a daily mass attendee, so I received unofficial brownie points with him. Of course, had he known the reason for my faithful attendance, I suspect he would have thought differently of me. As so true to my past experience, a couple of the attorneys in the firm were real hotties, so I had all the more reason to need that daily mass attendance. Meanwhile, my wife got a job with the Mobile School System and built her own circle of friends. In addition, the son of one of her family’s friends had a job at one of the local TV stations, so we also had our TV friends, so to speak through him. (One handsome, witty and overall great guy reporter later turned out to be gay and sadly killed himself over his inability to accept his sexual orientation). Surprisingly, with her accent, many people though my wife was from New Orleans because residents of the Irish Channel area of New Orleans continue to have an accent much like that of New Yorkers.

After renting a condo for six months, we bought a small 85 year old house in Fairhope – 25 miles from downtown Mobile – that was a Creole cottage style located on a bluff overlooking Mobile Bay and above a city park and the town fishing pier and yacht basin. The photos posted are of the view from our street and a view of the town pier. Shortly thereafter, we had a young married couple from New Orleans move in next door. I recall that it was Derby Day and the new neighbors asked us to come over to watch the race, have drinks and dinner, since the husband’s family (an old New Orleans French family) had previously owned race horses. Sitting across the table from the husband (“ML”) at dinner, he looked me directly in the eyes and I was hypnotized. It was love at first sight for me, and soon the four of us were doing things together all the time. This was not unusual because since Mobilians entertain at home more than anywhere I have ever lived, with casual dinner parties occurring at least weekly.

Not only was ML gorgeous, but he shared my love of history, had family connections to Central America were my mother had been born and spent her younger years, and the chemistry between us worked. Although we never did anything overtly sexual (just a outwardly innocent casual touch or hug, sitting next to each other on the sofa, secretly making sure our legs touched, etc.), the electricity between us was high voltage. I later learned that my attractions were possibly reciprocated the whole time when ML came on to me once while drunk at a local bar often frequented by Jimmy Buffet.

ML’s wife was also very physically attractive and, ironically, my wife always thought she was the one that might be a potential rival for my affections. She never dreamed the real rival was ML. Up to this time, the “affair” with ML was the closest I had ever come to actually acting on my suppressed same-sex attractions. At that point, I still could not admit to myself what the reality was in terms of my sexual orientation. As much as I was madly in love with ML, I could not fully admit it to myself, and there seemed to be no possibility of future with him other than the continuation of the tortured situation in which he and I found ourselves.

Finally, after four years in Mobile, with me on the verge of making partner in the law firm, my wife was pushing to move back closer to her family. I hated the thought of losing ML, but was afraid to refuse to move. In retrospect, I often gave in to my wife on many issues as a subconscious way of trying to make up to her for my secret inability to be the husband she deserved. After several unsuccessful interview attempts in Virginia (where I was already a member of the bar), we decided that I needed to get more corporate and in-house counsel experience. Thus, for the short term, we moved farther away when I took an in-house counsel position with an oil company in Houston. Due to my oil and gas law background gained in Mobile, I had five job offers from oil companies in less than five weeks, and took a job with the company that offered guaranteed foreign travel.

Divorce Rate Falls To Lowest Level Since 1970

According to USA Today, the U. S. Divorce rate has fallen to the lowest level since 1970, all at the same time that states have been giving more rights to LBGT couples, with Massachusetts leading the way with full marriage rights. (http://www.wbir.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=45098&provider=gnews). This is very similar to what has happened in the countries of Northern Europe and EXACTLY the opposite of what the fear and hate merchants of the "Christian" Right have predicted. Here's the article:

No one's sure why, but the USA's divorce rate is at its lowest level in nearly four decades."Despite the common notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970," the Associated Press reports."Yet Americans aren't necessarily making better choices about their long-term relationships. Even those who study marriage and work to make it more successful can't decide whether the trend is grounds for celebration or cynicism," the story says.

"Some experts say relationships are as unstable as ever _ and divorces are down primarily because more couples live together without marrying."The divorce rate grew from the late 1960s through the early 1980s, when it peaked at 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people. The latest figures show that it has been in decline for more than 20 years, falling to a low of 3.6 divorces per 1,000 people right now.Why?

The experts are divided. "It could reflect that more couples are just living together, or that those who do exchange vows tend to do it at an older age," The Star-Telegram reports. "And baby boomers, such a large part of the national population, are now at an age where they are likely to stay in the marriages they have."The marriage breakup rate -- which includes relationships that end in divorce or separation -- is between 40 percent and 45 percent.

Yet more evidence of the dishonesty of the far right.

More Anti-Gay Bigotry in the Military

PageOneQ is reporting that notwithstanding his talent and service to his country, Jason Knight is getting thrown out of the Navy for a second time:

The United States Navy will discharge Petty Officer Second Class Jason Knight less than one month prior to the end of his commitment, reports the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. Knight was recalled to duty in 11 months ago and recently completed a tour in Kuwait, where he served as a Hebrew linguist. Knight was repeatedly praised by those who worked alongside and was out of the closet to his commanders and fellow officers.

Navy commanders became aware of Knight's story when he gave an interview to Stars and Stripes. The interview may be read here.

“He’s better than the average sailor at his job,” Knight's supervisor told Stars and Stripes in an interview published Sunday. “It’s not at all a strange situation. As open as he is now, it was under wraps for quite a while. It wasn’t an issue at work,” added leading petty officer Bill Driver.

Meanwhile, Bush and Cheney who have undermined the U. S. Constitution and taken the country to war based on deliberate lies remain in office. What a wonderful country!