Sunday, July 15, 2007

What If . . .

I was reading a book titled “man about town” while on the beach yesterday wherein the main protagonist is a 45 year old DC civil servant who has been dumped by his partner of 15 years. The book recounts his quest to re-find love and happiness. He thinks a lot about the “what ifs” of his life - staying the closet until almost 30 - and where he’d be if he had taken different paths and chances in his life. There are some truly comical scenes, yet one can so easily relate to the hapless hero even when it comes to the nightmare of being thrust back into the pick up and dating scenes in gay life.

With all the transitioning that I have gone through in coming out later in life, including making a whole new circle of friends, experiencing my first long term gay relationship, and building my own law firm, I can certainly identify with some what this hapless guy goes through. I know hindsight is 20/20, but it cannot change where we find ourselves in life at the present. It sure does make for interesting speculation, however.
Despite the temptation to think about the “what ifs” in my life, I am trying to increasingly focus on living authentically in the present. As my own life has shown me, one’s best laid plans for where you hope to be down the road in life usually get changed by chance and fate. Nonetheless, from time to time I confess I do find myself engaged in the “what if” game. Events in the wee hours of the night last night caused such thoughts of "what if" that I will reveal in another post.

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