Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Finding The Perfect Lover

Sometimes, I day dream about what it would be like to find the perfect lover. Someone who will truly love me, trust me, not seek to control me, and always be there for me when I need him, without jealousy, or looking for constant offense in what I say and do. I long to find someone who would willingly subordinate his own ego’s gratification - as I subordinate my own - for the benefit of both of us.

There are some who say that we waste time” looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” Since one can only control their own conduct, I do not grasp how you can create a perfect love. I am beginning to think it will never happen for me. I ask myself if I am unlucky at love, or am I doing something wrong. I do not know the answer. I only know that the present circumstance leaves me saddened and heartbroken.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Perfect Love does NOT mean Perfect Partner. Perfect Love is more akin to Unconditional and Fulfilling Love.

Since we often "hit the ground running late," lacking some of the "skills" that others have, we are inclined to take longer to arrive at a happy relationship with another.

But, if your aspirations are genuine, there are millions of others who aspire to the same type of commitment. It almost happens when no one notices, when we don't "reach" too far or too short, when suddenly, the other is our own reflection of how we want to see ourselves in and through each other, and then the only difficulties that remain are clearing the preconceived, the predetermined, the terms and conditions, the "fuck-up" clauses, and all the other "exit-for-sure" insurance plans, as if love of another fits an actuarial.

One of the BIGGEST obstacles in modern romance is the Judeo-Christian notion that LOVE (salvation, friendship, hope) is conditioned performance of the OTHER (god, church, priest, charity), when LOVE cannot be "conditional," else it ain't love.

The REVERSE of this problem is to decry all efforts to approach another WITHOUT ALL THOSE terms and conditions, non-performance clauses, satisfactions of debt due to misbehavior, covenantal thinking, etc.

If we would eliminate the Cult of the Therapeutic and the Religions of Nonsense, we might find our human natures are far more adaptable and flexible to each other, that US vs THEM should be ME & WE, opportunities, not barriers to outreach, but empowerment to always reach out, over and over, to Ride the Waves of Life, not hide or change the Fates behind false templates of an ancient nomadic tribe's way of seeing the world, in fear of offending a possessive, jealous, irrational, unstable deity. And since those are the features of the deity, we presume we must "be in its image." They say so. They are wrong.