California, Florida, Ohio Cities Top Foreclosures

The foreclosure explosion continues to expand. This CNBC story shows how bad the situation has become in some particularly ravaged markets (http://www.cnbc.com/id/21783910). From what I continue to hear within the housing industry, the worst has yet to arrive. Here are some highlights:

Cities in California, Florida and Ohio dominated the 25 U.S. metro areas with the highest home foreclosure rates, though rates jumped in most of the top regions during the third quarter, RealtyTrac said on Wednesday. Foreclosure filings rose in 77 of the largest 100 metropolitan areas from the prior quarter, according to the Irvine, California-based marketer of foreclosure properties. A broad credit and liquidity crisis during the third quarter exacerbated U.S. housing industry troubles, pushing sales sharply lower and unsold inventory to record highs.

Overall, U.S. residential foreclosure filings nearly doubled in the third quarter from a year earlier, RealtyTrac reported earlier this month. California cities accounted for seven of the top 25 metro foreclosure rates. Florida and Ohio each accounted for five of the top 25 spots. Home prices in California had surged by double digits in each of the first five years of the decade, and are now leading the price declines that are depressing the U.S. housing market. A large share of loans in recent years were adjustable-rate and other products aimed at improving affordability. But payment shock after large interest-rate adjustments has made the default and foreclosure rate spike. Florida has been hurt also by a glut of condos and homes that speculators have been unable to flip, or sell quickly, and are now priced less than the value of the mortgage.

Thursday Morning Doldrums

Perhaps it’s because my hives are back or maybe it’s the advance of the holiday blues, but whatever the cause my energy and morale are low. Needless drama with staff members at the office yesterday – some of whom seem to forget who employs whom at times – has not helped matters. [By way of update, I had to fire one employee today, adding to the fun day] There are definitely days that I’d like to just say f*** everyone and run away. The utterly dead real estate market isn’t helping cash flow either.

Next week is Thanksgiving – supposedly the quintessential family holiday. My youngest daughter is joining me at my sisters in Virginia Beach for Thanksgiving dinner, but my older two are stiffing me to having dinner with their mother at the home of former neighbors (the same neighbors who (i) I suspect have encouraged my ex-wife to be such a bitch in the divorce and (ii) are such a model straight couple that the husband has put the wife in the ER at least once from hitting her). The fact that they live a mile from my sister’s house eliminates any argument that stopping by is logistically inconvenient. I know, I am being bitchy, but that’s my current frame of mind.

HRBOR is having its Third Thursday event this evening, so that should provided a much needed diversion. The event should be nice inasmuch as Decorum Furniture is hosting and food is being provided by the Imperial Inca Restaurant. Yet another member is providing the bar service (we always have adult beverages J) . Rumor has it that we may have a huge turn out, which would certainly be nice. HRBOR is steadily growing and, I hope in time, will be seen as a real force in the local community. It is long past time that the larger business community take the numerous gay owned local business more seriously.

Emerging from the Closet - The Struggle to Find a New Identity

In further follow up to yesterday’s post, after moving out of the marital home in an affluent suburban neighborhood, I moved into a two bedroom apartment in an old apartment building in Norfolk’s Ghent section. Having left pretty much all of the furniture in the house my wife continued to live with the children so as to minimize disruption and changes, my apartment looked at first more like early college dorm material than a real home. It’s amazing what you can do with stuff from Value City, Home Depot and Target to make do.

When the marital home was ultimately sold almost two years later in June of 2004, I did get some of the furniture my ex-wife did not want or which did not fit in the smaller house that she purchased. While not glamorous, the apartment was livable and conveniently located where there were numerous restaurants, a movie theater, a fabulous video rental store (with many, many foreign films and even a gay section), and other shops within walking distance. In some ways it was like moving to a small town within the larger city after living in suburbia. Even now, I live only minutes away from the apartment’s location and my office is not far away either.

On the work front, the downtown law firm I was with at the time knew that I was going through a divorce, but I did not elaborate on why the marriage was ending. Fortunately, a couple of the other attorneys had seen prior marriages end and, therefore, it was an issue no one seemed to have much interest in. Eventually, I think office staff and others began to figure it all out – especially after I ran into one employee and her husband at a local bar that I and a number of gay friends I had made by the time frequented some weekends. J, as I will call her, was totally cool about it as was her husband. Nonetheless, I tried to maintain a low profile and had some degree of paranoia about what might happen at the office if word got out. This area after all is not what one would call “gay friendly” to any degree. Not being out certainly greatly added to the level of worry and stress that I did not need on top of everything else. The largest burden at the time was the “Catholic guilt” I felt for having “failed” and allowed my marriage to end. Ultimately putting this misguided sense of guilt behind me - after all, I certainly never chose to be gay - would be among the hardest aspects of coming to accept myself and adjusting to a new life/identity.

Living alone was also a huge change after living in a household with three active children and the coming and goings of their numerous friends. Plus, I withdrew from many of my past activities in straight, GOP dominated Virginia Beach. Eventually, I sublet out the extra bedroom to a other gays (I most certainly did not want a straight roommate), both to cut over all expenses and to also feel less alone. Through them, I did meet more people and increased my sense of acceptance of being a gay man. I also found more ease in going out to venues as a gay man with other similar friends.

Things on the romance front were less than sparkling – nonexistent would be a better term – which only added to my sense of having lost everything, yet found nothing with which to replace it. This was especially true after things ended in my long distance relationship with RH in 2003, in part because he did not want to be “the other man” who ruined my marriage, not that it wasn’t ruined long be fore I ever meet him. Simply chatting with him online and/or talking on the telephone was a lifeline that became sorely missed. Moreover, I truly loved him, and part of me always will. This added layer of grief did not help my over all mindset.

Meanwhile, my therapist worked to get me to believe that I did not need a relationship to define me and that, rather than rush into something, living alone was in fact a viable option. In retrospect, one of my big issues was the belief that I HAD to have something to replace the dysfunctional marriage relationship that I had lost. One of the things that had pushed me to come out was the desire to have an authentic, fulfilling relationship with a guy I loved. As the saying goes, you find love when you are not looking for it. At the time, especially after losing RH, I was looking far too intently for it. Why? Partly, I suspect to convince myself that I was moving forward. I caused myself so much anguish instead of simply enjoying the now and not obsessing over the future. Much of my anguish, was self created. But at the time, I simply could not and/or would not see it.

More Wednesday Male Beauty

Catholic Bishops Warn Voters To Follow Church Teachings - While Still Trying to Stiff Abuse Victims

Once again the U. S. Catholic Bishops - those paragons of virtue, two thirds of whom were involved in the cover up of the sexual abuse of minors - are once again endeavoring to interfere with the civil elections next year in this country. Personally, given the moral bankruptcy of the bishops and the failure of those who were involved in the sex abuse scandal cover up to resign their positions as any honorable person would, I do not understand why anyone gives credence to anything they have to say. Their agenda is one of power and control - the institutional Church gave up preaching the Gospel of Christ ages ago. Here are highlights from the Washington Post:

BALTIMORE -- Roman Catholics voting in the 2008 elections must heed church teaching when deciding which candidates and policies to support, U.S. bishops said Wednesday. And while the church recognizes the importance of a wide range of issues _ from war to immigration to poverty _ fighting abortion should be a priority, the bishops said. The document does not recommend specific laws or candidates, and it emphasizes that "principled debate" is needed to decide which policies best promote the common good. But "that does not make (moral issues) optional concerns or permit Catholics to dismiss or ignore church teaching," the bishops said.

However, they also oppose same-sex marriage, euthanasia and embryonic stem cell research, in addition to their staunch anti-abortion position. The prelates say torture is "always wrong" and they express "serious moral concerns" about "preventive use of military force." But at the last minute Wednesday, they added a sentence acknowledging "the continuing threat of fanatical extremism and global terror."

The threat of fanatical extremism - did they include themselves in that category? They should have. Meanwhile, efforts are underway to protect the Church's most valued commodity: money. This Chicago Sun Times story is instructive (:http://www.suntimes.com/news/647039,CST-NWS-Arch13.article):

Cardinal Francis George and one of his top bishops are stirring up controversy because of statements they recently made criticizing lawsuits from victims of priest sexual abuse. The cardinal also wrote that money was the motivation for proposed state legislation that would allow adults who were abused by priests as children to sue their perpetrators in cases where statutes of limitation have expired. "This is irresponsible, is not about the safety of children as the sponsor claims, and is clearly, to me at least, about money," he wrote.

Survivors say because of the psychological damage of sex abuse, statutes of limitation often expire before victims can come forward. They also say lawsuits are often the only means to expose pedophile clergy and hold bishops accountable for failing to protect the public. Officials from the archdiocese did not comment.

As I said, they are morally bankrupt and due no respect or deference.

Trial Begins in Clash Over Virginia Episcopal Church Property

This trial will be very interesting to watch. In the Episcopal Church, title to many church properties belongs to the diocese and NOT the individual congregations. Hence, if a congregation wants to leave the church to further their bigoted and anti-gay views, the diocese basically has the right to tell the congregation to vacate the church premises. I truly hope that the courts will uphold the diocese on this point and send this hate merchants packing. Here are highlights from the Washington Post (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/13/AR2007111302078.html?hpid=sec-religion):

Tens of millions of dollars of Virginia real estate are at stake in a trial that began yesterday in Fairfax County Circuit Court, where priests, members of bitterly divided churches and lawyers filled the pews. It is one of the largest property disputes in Episcopal Church history. The trial comes almost a year after the majority of congregants in 15 traditional Episcopal churches voted to leave the national church because of disagreements about the nature of God and salvation and about whether gay men and lesbians should be fully accepted. Northern Virginia has since become one of the most active areas in the country for the conservative, breakaway movement, and clergy around the country are watching this trial to see what happens to Episcopalians who want to leave -- and take church properties with them.

Only 11 of the original 15 congregations are involved in the litigation currently in court, including the grand, historic Truro Church in Fairfax City and The Falls Church in the city of Falls Church. Officials with the Virginia diocese said the property in dispute is worth at least $30 million. The trial, which is scheduled to go on until late next week, is actually the first of two trials, and no resolution in the land dispute will come until early next year at the earliest.

The first trial is meant to determine whether the congregations "divided" under the legal meaning of the word. After the congregations voted, they filed court documents citing a Civil War-era part of Virginia code that allows congregations that have divided to vote on where they wish to affiliate. If the court approves the documents, according to the historic code, then the breakaway churches get the property. After voting to leave, the 11 churches placed themselves within a Virginia-based branch of the Church of Nigeria -- another wing in the Communion.

The Virginia diocese is arguing that there was no division, but rather that individuals unhappy with the Episcopal Church chose to leave. The diocese and the national church, which are both parties in the case, say that the Episcopal Church is hierarchical and therefore a "division" can only happen if there is a vote of its governing body.

Fairfax Circuit Court Judge Randy I. Bellows has said he will rule on this case next month. Regardless of how he rules, a second trial will be held on lawsuits brought by the diocese and national church against the breakaway churches. That action asks the Circuit Court to declare the diocese the rightful owner of all property. The suits also asked the court to force the breakaway congregations off the 11 properties, which they have occupied since the votes in December and January.

Truro Church is very historic and, therefore, the stakes are all the higher:

Truro Parish was created by order of the Virginia House of Burgesses in 1732, some 10 years before Fairfax County itself came into existence. The father of George Washington, Augustine Washington, was a Truro vestryman and nominated the first regular rector of the parish in 1736. George Washington himself was appointed to the vestry in 1762. In 1768, a new building was erected with a closer proximity to the Town of Fairfax.

Wednesday Male Beauty

Oral Roberts University Faculty Gives Vote of No Confidence

Meanwhile, the meltdown at Oral Roberts University continues as reported by the Tulsa World (http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/article.aspx?articleID=071114_1_A1_spanc48573). A quorum of tenured Oral Roberts University faculty voted "no confidence" in President Richard Roberts and voted in favor of "greater faculty governance and transparency of university finances" in a 3-1/2-hour meeting Monday night at the University. Few things warm my heart more than seeing Christianist hypocrites taken down and exposed for the frauds far too many of them are in fact. It is about time that Robert's little cult of the personality (and his wife's use of under age boys for toys) came to an end. Here are some story highlights:

The vote of no confidence in Roberts as president and CEO of the university was made "without regard to the outcome of the current lawsuit against the university" and "is not to be construed as a judgment of guilt or innocence with regard to the present lawsuit against the president and the university," according to the list of motions and summary of the meeting faxed to media by Gary Richardson, an attorney for the three former professors who are suing ORU, Roberts and other ORU leadership. The tenured faculty also approved a motion to be involved in "determining selection criteria for and the actual selection of university leadership."

Evaluators who visited ORU last week told administrative staff members that they will recommend the college keep its accreditation, according to the university. The visitors spent four days on campus as part of a regular peer review to ensure the university meets minimum standards. The accreditation team sent by the Higher Learning Commission also is recommending that commission representatives return to ORU in 2009 to review ORU's leadership, governance and finances, according to ORU's written statement e-mailed by Burton.

FBI finds 14 of 17 killings by Blackwater Unjustified

Why am I not shocked? I mean, after all, Blackwater for all the efforts to dress it up with some semblance of respectability is in the final analysis a bunch of mercenaries headed up by a Christianist fanatic in the person of Erik Prince. One needs to only briefly read the websites of Christianist organizations that Prince's father helped found and/or fund and it is quickly apparent that Muslims rank somewhere less than fully human, as do brown skinned Hispanics, Blacks and, of course, gays. Sadly, this mentality has become mainstream in today's GOP. These Virginian Pilot story highlights illuminate the mess (http://content.hamptonroads.com/story.cfm?story=136887&ran=105944&tref=po):

Federal agents investigating the Sept. 16 episode in which Blackwater security personnel shot and killed 17 Iraqi civilians have found that at least 14 of the shootings were unjustified and violated deadly force rules in effect for security contractors in Iraq, according to civilian and military officials briefed on the case. The FBI investigation into the fatal shootings in Baghdad is still under way, but the findings, which indicate that the Moyock, N.C.-based company's employees recklessly used lethal force, are already under review by the Justice Department.

Investigators found no evidence to support assertions by Blackwater employees that they were fired upon by Iraqi civilians. This finding sharply contradicts initial assertions by Blackwater officials, who said that company employees fired in self-defense and that three company vehicles were damaged by gunfire.

These guys think they are back fighting the Crusades and exterminating the infidel - as does the delusional Chimperator - so why is there any surprise?

Emerging From the Closet - Coming to Terms Living as a Gay Man

I stopped my on going chronology of my coming out process back at the time I moved out of the marital home in August, 2002. I now want to pick up that story and to reflect on my experiences and thoughts. I was definitely an emotional mess at the time and, while, facing the fact that I was indeed gay, I was anything but comfortable with it or happy where my life was at that point in time.

I suspect that no matter when one comes out, there will always be a potential for loss of friends, one’s existing social network and things that make up the familiar framework of daily life. In my case, having been married for 24 years and very involved in civic and education matters, politics, etc., and having almost no gay friends in the area, the stage was set for a huge vacuum to develop when I took the plunge of moving out. Perhaps part of this was based on my decision NOT to remain living in Virginia Beach where I was far too well known. Rather than face the gossip and endlessly encounter people, I moved to the Ghent area of Norfolk – about 20 miles away as the crow flies, but a totally different community, both socially, politically and in terms of gay acceptance. The immediate result was that socially I knew almost no one at all and most of my former “friends” in Virginia Beach cast me aside as I became invisible on the occasions I would attend school functions for my children or similar events.

As for the gay community and life in that community in the Hampton Roads area, I again knew basically no one. To make matters worse, given that so many in the local LGBT community live largely “under the radar,” meeting people with similar backgrounds and interests is all the more difficult. In terms of meeting other gays, the options as I saw them were (1) going to clubs, (2) chatting on line or (3) becoming involved any organizations that I could find that might attract other gays. Obviously, the club scene does not engender deep or philosophical conversations and I am not one who likes to just sit around basically getting drunk. Hence, I gravitated to the one gay club that focuses on non-stop dance music and where one truly did not need a partner to be out on the dance floor. I still go to that club, The Wave, with some regularity because dancing provides great aerobic exercise and for me dancing is a catharsis – losing one’s self to the music and forgetting the crap in one’s life. Surfing provides a similar benefit for me.

As for chatting on line, I met some nice people, although far too many are looking to hook up for sex and one seems to be little more than a piece of meat in their mind. I will not deny succumbing at times to such people, but it certainly was not something fulfilling, especially in retrospect. The fear of being alone sometimes would simply be too strong. At times in those dark days, any intimacy was better than nothing.

I was also very much plagued with the issue of being so much older at the time I came out. I viewed myself largely as a “has been” before I ever even got started. There are still times I feel that way about myself. Gay life certainly seems to worship youth and beauty in many ways and I did not have the youth part and could not remotely deceive myself of that reality. I suspect most gay men have hang ups about age and looks, but coming out into the gay community at age 50 is definitely a major downer. The other issue I found is that among the more desirable guys closer to my age that I did meet, most were already in relationships and off the market. Thus, those available were either “damaged goods” or were not seeking a committed long term relationship. As for younger guys, finding one with maturity and an attraction for someone older like me definitely limits the field of potential partners. Too often, a good heart and mind are no competition for toned abs and a tight body.

As a result of these factors, I generally despaired of ever finding “Mr. Right” and at times felt that I had lost my former life but had gained nothing to replace it. My long distance relationship with RH (that involved few actually meetings) ended during this time frame, further darkening my world. During this period, I also was not out at work, which added another layer of stress and anxiety to my life. The larger law firms in this area are still not very receptive to gays who live their lives openly.

In this somewhat pathetic mode, I muddled along and tried to focus on my therapy and getting to a point where I was OK with who I was as a gay man. Looking back, I am not sure if there was any easier process that I could have tried to follow. Perhaps in other larger cities with more openly gay populations, but not here in the greater Norfolk area where countless gays are still not out at work and many of those in the military live in fear under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Being at an age and in a profession where relocating to another area job wise was not a viable option, I was basically stuck in Norfolk, for better or for worse.

I’d be lying if I did not admit that there were many times that I contemplated suicide as perhaps my best option – often just as a means of ending the sense of isolation and pain. I often felt that I had lost everything and had nothing acceptable to replace it. I was in a very, very dark place. In fact, prior to meeting Raymond nearly two years after moving out, I had largely decided that I had no intention of seeing my birthday in 2004. An overdose of pills, a surfing "accident" and other methods were regularly contemplated. Probably the one thing that held me back was the impact suicide would have on my children: severe emotional pain and damage and an increased risk of their possible future suicide.

Through out this period, my long suffering therapist was challenged with finding ways for me to see that the current state was not the guaranteed future reality. I am sure I was a total ass at times, but he kept on pushing me to accept the now, knowing that things COULD change for the better, if I would but believe it. I owe him so much for his never giving up on me and talking tough to me when I needed a good smack down.