Monday Musings

Well, I did end up hearing from both my daughters for Father's Day. Also, my youngest daughter again said she wants to get together with Raymond and me this week. Sadly, nothing from my son, who has always been most vulnerable to his mother's propaganda against me. I hope that some day he will stop just listening to his mother's version of the facts.

I am so looking forward to having the divorce war over at the end of July either by settlement or a trial. The sense of closure is so long overdue. I know this protracted battle has put stress on Raymond as well as my children, all thanks to the former wife's vindictiveness. The positive side of going through a trial will be that (1) I suspect my wife will get less than she has been demanding and (2) the court will have been the final arbitrator, so I will not be blamed for the final result. In fact, I will be in a position to say that had my estranged wife not been so unreasonable, she would have fared better negotiating a settlement. It was never my desire to screw her over. Would that she had been similarly motivated.

Gay Republicans Challenge DADT In Federal Court

I usually view being a Log Cabin Republican to being some what akin to being Jewish and belonging to the Nazi Party. However, 365gay.com is reporting some constructive action by the Log Cabin crowd:

(Los Angeles, California) A federal judge will hear oral arguments today in Los Angeles in a lawsuit brought by Log Cabin Republicans challenging the constitutionality of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" the ban on gays serving openly in the military. "The case presents important constitutional law issues," said Dan Woods, lead attorney for LCR.

"The Supreme Court has not addressed the Don't Ask, Don't Tell law since its decision in Lawrence v. Texas, which struck down that state's sodomy laws," Woods said in a statement. "The Court held Americans have a fundamental right to privacy and this includes the right of gay and lesbian Americans to engage in intimate relationships without government interference. Don't Ask, Don't Tell violates this fundamental right."

Hopefully, the court will rule in favor of the protection of all Americans' fundamental rights.

Final Sunday Male Beauty

Though Lovers Be Lost...

My reader and friend, Jim at Though Lovers Be Lost, has said very kind things about me and another gay dad in his post on gay fathers (just about bringing me to tears, in fact). While Jim and I live nearly 700 miles apart and have never spoken, through comments on each other's blogs and email exchanges from time to time, he's become a very supportive friend.

The wonder of the blogosphere is that individuals around the world can share their stories and touch others who may be going through issues and need to know that they are not alone. I thank Jim and others whom I interact with for being there and for your wonderful thoughts, sensitivity and inspiration.

Here's the link to the other blogger honored by Jim's kind words: http://cooperscorridor.blogspot.com/

GAY PARTNERSHIPS ON THE IRISH AGENDA

Here's yet another story that reflects how the United States of America is falling further and further behind other parts of the world in providing equal rights to all citizens:

The new Fianna Fail/Greens coalition government has stated in its Programme for Government that it is committed to legislate for civil partnerships as soon as possible.The very last point made on the Programme For Government states:Civil Partnerships This Government is committed to full equality for all in our society. Taking account of the options paper prepared by the Colley Group and the pending Supreme Court case, we will legislate for Civil Partnerships at the earliest possible date in the lifetime of the Government. “The commitment reflects the growing consensus on the need for equality based legal recognition and should find support among all parties.”

It is amazing how democracy and equality progress when the government is not under the influence of Christo-fascists as in this country. Find the full story at: http://www.gcn.ie/content/templates/newsupdate.aspx?articleid=2342&zoneid=4

More Sunday Male Beauty

Ex-gay or Just Exploited?

The Orange County Register newspaper (http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/news/local/irvine/article_1732269.php) has a story on competing conference that will take place on the merits (or lack there of) of ex-gay programs. One is the annual Exodus International "Freedom Conference" with professional ex-gay, Alan Chambers. A bike ride away, at UC Irvine, co-sponsored by the university, is scheduled "The Survivor's Conference: Beyond Ex-gay."

What is interesting is that one of the attendees at the Survivor event is one of the original founders of the Exodus movement who has changed his view on the legitimacy of "ex-gay" programs:

Michael Bussee, who co-founded Exodus at Anaheim's Melodyland Christian Center in 1976, said he quit counseling people to go straight when he realized he couldn't even "cure" himself. Bussee, who now lives in Riverside and is a licensed marriage and family therapist, said he knew he was gay since he was a boy. At age 12, he went to the public library looking for a book "about homosexuality so I could cure it, but the books said it was the result of mental illness."

Bussee became a born-again Christian, got married, studied anthropology and psychology at Cal State Fullerton, and hoped while involved with Melodyland that he could live as a straight man. "I loved my wife and we both thought over time God would create heterosexual feelings in me," Bussee said. "Instead, I fell in love with my wife's best friend's husband." By 1979, Bussee began to believe he was hurting the people he was trying to counsel in his ex-gay group. "There were suicide attempts," Bussee said. "I had a guy in my group who took a razor blade to his genitals because he felt so guilty."

Sadly, Alan Chambers, pictured with his wife, still has yet to recant. I am sure if it is because he cannot let go of the religious brainwashing that he received growing up and/or in the Exodus program, or if because the money he makes playing "ex-gay" is too attractive. Which ever the reason, I feel sorry for his wife in that she was suckered into marrying a guy who will never truly be the straight husband she deserved. Meanwhile, here's what the legitimate experts have to say on ex-gay therapy:

"Reparative therapy" is "based on an understanding of homosexuality that has been rejected by all the major health and mental health professions," according to the American Psychological Association.

The American Academy of Pediatrics reported in 2004 that "current literature and most scholars in the field state that one's sexual orientation is not a choice; that is, individuals do not choose to be homosexual or heterosexual."

"Therapy directed specifically at changing sexual orientation is contraindicated, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no potential for achieving changes in orientation," a position paper of the American Academy of Pediatrics states.

The American Psychiatric Association reported that the "potential risks of 'reparative therapy' are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient."

Sunday Male Beauty

Willoughby Spit Sunset

Father's Day Musings

Today has been a strange father's day. First off, it's the first one that has occurred since my dad died last September. June used to be full of events involving him: Wedding anniversary on June 3; birthday on June 9; and fathers day. While we often did not get along and only fully reconciled a while before his death, it is simply so strange not to know he's there any more.

Second, I have so far had no word from the kids yet today. Sadly, I won't be surprised if I hear nothing from them. Their mother has worked long and hard for years to always make me the bad guy so that she could play the "good mommy" role. In retrospect, I should have left her many years earlier. She manipulated and used me for so long and, secretly trying to atone for hidden sexual orientation, I generally let it happen. For all those closeted married guys, my advice is DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE. You have nothing to apologize for in terms of who you are.

I continue to be glad about the Graduation. The photo at top is of my two daughters. The older, Lauren, at least has spoken to me in the last few weeks. I have got to do some work at the office - in a weak moment I said I would speak at a seminar and now I have to finish the course materials I am covering - and then Raymond and I are going to chill. The party in Willoughby Spit last night was awesome: open bar, great food, music, and on the beach with a fantastic sunset as the evening progressed. The hosts, Cindy Cutler and Craig Haines DO know how to throw a fabulous party, The down side is that I am suffering a bit from Grey Goose poisoning today.