Remebrances from the Closet

The last few days have been busy and crazy between the HRBOR launch, work and computer issues. I hope to post Part Three of “My Closet Years" soon. In the meanwhile, I came across an excellent description of the mind set that was my experience all my years in the closet. This description is found in Andrew Sullivan’s book, Virtually Normal. As with Andrew Sullivan:

“… My feelings were too strong and terrifying to do anything but submerge them completely. There are, of course, moments when they took you unawares…. your desire as unavoidable as its object. In that moment, you learn the first homosexual lesson: that your survival depends upon self-concealment. . . . The gay teenager learns in that kind of event a form of control and sublimation, of deception and self-contempt, that never leaves his consciousness. He learns that which would most give him meaning is most likely to destroy him in the eyes of others; that the condition of his friendships is the subjugation of himself. . . . He learns certain rules; and, as with a child learning grammar, they are hard, even later in life, to unlearn.”

While I do not agree with all of Andrew Sullivan’s political views or his apparent continued loyalty to the Roman Catholic Church (which I regard as plagued with an evil and corrupt hierarchy, starting with the Nazi Pope himself), Sullivan is wonderful in his ability to describe the LGBT experience.

Thursday Eye Candy

One nice aspect of being out of the closet is not having to pretend you're not attracted to nice looking guys! That is, unless the b/f sees you staring.

Why Is Love So Frightening

As I have said before, I truly do not understand why the Christianists find same sex love so frightening. What could be more in keeping with Christ's dictate to "love one another as I have loved you John 15:13 NIV"?

Of course, then there's this John 13:21-25 KJV:

21 When Jesus had thus said, he was troubled in spirit, and testified, and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me.
22Then the disciples looked one on another, doubting of whom he spake. 23Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved. 24Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake. 25He then lying on Jesus' breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it?

Sounds pretty gay to me.

Hate Crimes and False Christians

Blogernista has an article on why the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes law is so badly needed (http://bloggernista.com/) The article describes the brutal gay-bashing of Chris Rico. Chris had to drive himself to the emergency room where he was met with distain from police and emergency technicans. All of this and we have 180 members of Congress including fourteen Democrats who voted against extending the current hate crime law to include LGBT people. Here’s Chris Rico’s description of what happened to him (Chris’ photo is posted above):

I was choking on blood face down on the ground before I even realized what was happening to me. As I struggled to crawl to my feet, I was greeted by thunderous kicks to my ribs and my temple and the venomous and inconceivable cry, “die fucking faggot.” Here in Palm Springs, alone and without warning I was being gay bashed. Two strangers filled with hatred, and clear intent, were trying to end my life simply because of who I am. As I began to realize that my life could end here in this rocky, abandoned lot where they had dragged me from my car, my survival instinct surged from the very core of my being. I began to fight back, take swings, kick, scream. I threw rocks. I grabbed a pipe on the ground and brandished it as a weapon. I’m quite certain that my animalistic rage and the sheer volume of my screams surprised them. Eventually, they slunk back into the night from which they came.

Things like this happen ever day, yet Chimperor Bush wants to veto a law that could help boost public awareness to the problem and perhaps prevent this type of hate based crime. That the Christo-fascists oppose this legislation seaks volumes about the falsity and perversion of their version of Christianity.

Virginia's and "Taliban Bob's" Misplaced Priorities

An article in today’s Washington Post shows the Commonwealth of Virginia’s grossly misplaced priorities when in comes to gun control, particularly now in the wake of the Virginia Tech tragedy. Leave it to Robert “Taliban Bob” McDonnell to focus on the interests of the gun retailer lobby. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/09/AR2007050902573.html?nav=hcmodule). Here’s the heart of the article:

“Because of a Virginia law that goes into effect in July, New York Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg (R) and his agents could be charged with a felony if they continue to target Virginia gun dealers with undercover sting operations, McDonnell said.

McDonnell (R) has sent Bloomberg what amounts to a cease-and-desist letter.
"This was a courtesy letter to the mayor to advise him about a change in Virginia law of which he should be aware," McDonnell said Wednesday.

Bloomberg's spokesman, Jason Post, did not seem shaken: "We wish Attorney General McDonnell was as aggressive in enforcing the laws that prevent illegal guns from getting in the hands of criminals as he was in enforcing the laws that protect the gun lobby.

Convinced that illegal gun sales in Virginia contribute to violent crime in his city, Bloomberg has been arming private investigators with hidden cameras and sending them into Virginia gun stores to try to make illegal buys.

The process involves "straw purchases," in which one person legally fills out a form and buys a gun for someone else."

Mr. McDonnell’s nickname comes from his participation in January, 2003 (i.e., prior to the U. S. Supreme Court decision in Lawrence v. Texas), in blocking the reappointment of a black female judge. The unfortunate judge you see was rumored to perhaps be lesbian. When asked by a news reporter if he had ever violated the crimes-against-nature law, which basically made sex other than the missionary position a felony, even between married couples, McDonnell’s response was "Not that I can recall." I guess Bob could not remember if he had gotten gaysted or not. A Daily Press newspaper editorial on the matter from the time can be found at: http://www.sodomylaws.org/usa/virginia/vaeditorial15.htm A photo of Taliban Bob, who wants to run for Governor, is posted above.

Wednesday Eye Candy

Just to break the seriousness, here's a photo of Kevin Zegers from the movie Transamerica.

Freedom of (and from) Religion

In his Draft for a Bill to Establish Religious Freedom in Virginia (1779), Thomas Jefferson eloquently explained why religion needed to be separated from civil legal rights and, by extension, politics. As a graduate of “Mr. Jefferson’s university,” I may be somewhat biased about the founder’s ideas. However, I doubt few today can as beautifully describe what this country should be about. Here’s the preamble to his draft of what became the Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom:

Well aware that the opinions and belief of men depend not on their own will, but follow involuntarily the evidence proposed to their minds; that Almighty God hath created the mind free, and manifested his supreme will that free it shall remain by making it altogether insusceptible of restraint; that all attempts to influence it by temporal punishments, or burthens, or by civil incapacitations, tend only to beget habits of hypocrisy and meanness, and are a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, who being lord both of body and mind, yet chose not to propagate it by coercions on either, as was in his Almighty power to do, but to extend it by its influence on reason alone; that the impious presumption of legislators and rulers, civil as well as ecclesiastical, who, being themselves but fallible and uninspired men, have assumed dominion over the faith of others, setting up their own opinions and modes of thinking as the only true and infallible, and as such endeavoring to impose them on others, hath established and maintained false religions over the greatest part of the world and through all time: That to compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical; that even the forcing him to support this or that teacher of his own religious persuasion, is depriving him of the comfortable liberty of giving his contributions to the particular pastor whose morals he would make his pattern, and whose powers he feels most persuasive to righteousness; and is withdrawing from the ministry those temporary rewards, which proceeding from an approbation of their personal conduct, are an additional incitement to earnest and unremitting labours for the instruction of mankind; that our civil rights have no dependance on our religious opinions, any more than our opinions in physics or geometry; that therefore the proscribing any citizen as unworthy the public confidence by laying upon him an incapacity of being called to offices of trust and emolument, unless he profess or renounce this or that religious opinion, is depriving him injuriously of those privileges and advantages to which, in common with his fellow citizens, he has a natural right; that it tends also to corrupt the principles of that very religion it is meant to encourage, by bribing, with a monopoly of worldly honours and emoluments, those who will externally profess and conform to it; that though indeed these are criminal who do not withstand such temptation, yet neither are those innocent who lay the bait in their way; that the opinions of men are not the object of civil government, nor under its jurisdiction; that to suffer the civil magistrate to intrude his powers into the field of opinion and to restrain the profession or propagation of principles on supposition of their ill tendency is a dangerous falacy, which at once destroys all religious liberty, because he being of course judge of that tendency will make his opinions the rule of judgment, and approve or condemn the sentiments of others only as they shall square with or differ from his own; that it is time enough for the rightful purposes of civil government for its officers to interfere when principles break out into overt acts against peace and good order; and finally, that truth is great and will prevail if left to herself; that she is the proper and sufficient antagonist to error, and has nothing to fear from the conflict unless by human interposition disarmed of her natural weapons, free argument and debate; errors ceasing to be dangerous when it is permitted freely to contradict them.

How the Christianists can possibly claim that their theocratic agenda is true to the intent of the founding fathers simply defies belief. This also applies to the members of Virginia's General Assembly that supported the anti-gay marriage amendment which flies in the face of Jefferson's vision. A full copy of the draft of Jefferson's bill can be found here: http://www.stephenjaygould.org/ctrl/jefferson_vsrf.html

The Increasingly Insane GOP

There’s a great story in the April 29, 2007 Daily Herald serving central Utah (http://www.heraldextra.com/content/view/220065/4/) that does a wonderful jog of showing just how badly the GOP has been taken over by the lunatic fringe of the “Christian” Right. It was precisely the growing influence of this element in the GOP that caused me to resign from the Party as a matter of conscience a number of years back. This stuff is impossible to make up. Here’s the pertinent part of the story:

Utah County Republicans ended their convention on Saturday by debating Satan's influence on illegal immigrants. The group was unable to take official action because not enough members stuck around long enough to vote, despite the pleadings of party officials. The convention was held at Canyon View Junior High School.

Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, had submitted a resolution warning that Satan's minions want to eliminate national borders and do away with sovereignty. In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants "hate American people" and "are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won't do."

Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said. At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the U.S. "by self invasion."

Republican officials then allowed speakers to defend and refute the resolution. One speaker, who was identified as "Joe," said illegal immigrants were Marxist and under the influence of the devil. Another, who declined to give her name to the Daily Herald, said illegal immigrants should not be allowed because "they are not going to become Republicans and stop flying the flag upside down. ... If they want to be Americans, they should learn to speak English and fly their flag like we do."

Even though I set up the original incorporation documents for the Virginia Beach GOP, now it is increasingly dominated by folks like brother Pat shown above.

Divorce Wars - Continued

The divorce wars continue. Now I have learned that my estranged wife wants to have her attorney take the depositions of both me and the b/f. She has a fantasy that I/we are hiding money from her. Needless to say, the b/f is not happy and her sitting by as her attorney questions him will be drama of the highest caliber. The reality is that her expectations of what I should pay her (ideally forever) far exceed my financial reality. In her mind – I guess much like that of former Gov. McGreevey’s wife – I should be endlessly punished for “what I did to her.”

Especially abhorrent to her is the idea of a full time job, even though she has an M. Ed. from the University of Virginia and all but a dissertation for a Ph.D. from UVA. I guess nearly 30 years of being supported in a rather decent style counts for nothing. Our next hearing on the spousal support issue should be interesting because it is again before the judge who cut her Pat Robertson Regent Law School grad attorney off at the knees when she tried to “play the gay card.” Fortunately, my ex-wife has fired that attorney (who appeared to enjoy gay baiting me) and has hired a new attorney who hopefully will be more able to grasp my financial reality.

While I greatly love and value my kids and would not want them not in my life, my advice to closeted gays who have not yet married and are debating what to do is: REALLY THINK TWICE ABOUT IT!!!!! The pain, sense of guilt (which, on the plus side, my ex-wife has thoroughly killed in me from her viciousness and refusal to be realistic) and emotional baggage may be more than you bargain for. The "ex-gay" advocates of the Christianist far right seem to care nothing for the damage done to the both the straight spouse and the gay spouse when the doomed battle to make one's self straight inevitably fails.

I so want this process over so that I can fully go on with my new life as a gay man. And, in all sincerity, I truly do want my ex-wife to move on in her life and for her to find happiness. In my view, dwelling on punishing me, keeps her from reaching that goal.

Gay Parent Child Rearing

There's an interesting story on 365gay.com concerning a Canadian study that compared children raised in same-sex couple homes and "traditional family" structured homes. The results: little or no difference in the children. That's no surprise to me. What is a surprise is that the Conservatives tried to bury the study. I guess they are no different that the christo-fascists of the GOP: never let the truth get in the way of your agenda. The photo is a picture of the b/f and my two oldest children at a happy time before their mother began using them as pawns in the divorce wars. The other is a photo of my youngest daughter a year ago Christmas. Here's part of the story:

(Ottawa) A study prepared for the Canadian government shows children do as well, perhaps better, when reared by same-sex parents as they do by opposite-sex couples. The study has just now become public even though it was commissioned by the government in 2003 leading to accusations that the Conservative government of Prime Minister Stephen Harper attempted to burry the research.

When the study was ordered the Liberals were in power and courts across the country were beginning to strike down federal restrictions limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples. The Liberals went on to legalize same-sex marriage in 2005. The party was defeated the following year by the Tories who promised to revisit the vote. The study on child rearing was not complete until after the Conservatives came to power.