"Manscaping" is Overtaking Straight Males

The boyfriend and I were recently at a largely gay holiday party and in the course of a discussion with an older straight woman she remarked how the men at the party were overall so much better groomed that what she was used to seeing at parties with large numbers of straight men. She said she wished more men paid as much attention to grooming as gay men. Obviously, she had not frequented many "bear" parties or else here comments might have had some caveats. But, she seems to be onto something in terms of straight men learning a think or two from the gays. At least in terms of the growing "manscaping" boom among heterosexual men. Here are highlights from an article that looks at the trend:

The Atlantic reported this month that female pubic hair in America is on the road to extinction, but that’s a bit like noting the spotted owl is an endangered species. Grooming and waxing experts say the latest trend in pubic hair removal isn’t targeted at women—it’s for the guys. There’s evidence of this all around us (if you dare to look). . . . . The same is true of other celebrities’ trimmed full-monty shots, from football player Brett Favre to Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz.

In ancient times, removing male pubic hair had less to do with aesthetics. Egyptians did it to stave off fleas and lice. Romans removed adolescent boys’ body hair as an initiation into adulthood. In the 16th century, Europeans were aghast when Michelangelo’s statue of David featured a sculpted tuft above his penis; they thought it looked ungodly. The modern manscaped man is a product of today’s post-mextrosexual society, where even the alpha male indulges in spa treatments and $50 Diesel boxer briefs.

“Part of it has to do with shared roles,” says Nicole Caldwell, the editor of Playgirl, who has seen such a steep decline in male pubic hair recently that she has to remind her models not to shave everything off. “I don’t want to say there’s no distinction between men and women, but it’s more acceptable for them to share a space. Guys can occupy salons and it’s not totally bizarre.”

While little scientific research exists on male hair-removal habits, a 2008 study conducted by researchers at Flinders University in Australia concluded that “hairlessness is rapidly becoming a component of the ideal male body.” Of the 228 heterosexual males who participated in the anonymous survey, 66 percent said they had removed their pubic hair at least once, in comparison to 82 percent of homosexual males.

Manscaping has gone so mainstream that stores like Kohls and Bed, Bath & Beyond stock body trimmers right next to facial ones. “The Mangroomer Private Body Shaver is one of our best-selling products,” says Mike Gilman, co-owner of the Grooming Lounge in Washington D.C., an upscale Barber Shop that serves scotch to its clients. Brian Boye, GQ’s grooming editor, agrees that body-grooming products have flooded the men’s market in recent years.

For those seeking a silky smooth undercarriage, there’s always the waxing option. In London, the Strip: Ministry of Waxing reports that one out of every three male customers requests a “Boyzilian.”

Martha Frankel, who co-wrote Brazilian Sexy with Janea Padilha, one of the founding members at Manhattan’s infamous J Sisters salon, is bowled over by the manscaping boom. According to Frankel, waxing used to be a strictly gay phenomenon, particularly in Brazil, where gay men strolled the beach in barely-there banana hammocks. Today, she hasn’t come across a single straight guy under 25 who doesn’t trim, shave or wax.

The study cited in the article can be found here. Meanwhile, one has to wonder when Tony Perkins or Maggie Gallagher and the National Organization for Marriage will launch a campaign against manscaping since it is "too gay" and threatening to "traditional sex roles" or some similarly insane batshitery. Oh, and for waxing, I tried it once and it hurts like Hell!! Never, ever again.

The Military's Secret Shame - Heterosexual Rape of Other Men

Given the fact that the military chiefs have found so far that there are no problems to date with DADT repeal, it's timely that Newsweek has a major article that looks at the real source of sexual impropriety in the military ranks: "male-on-male assault in the military, experts say, is motivated not by homosexuality, but power, intimidation, and domination." Yes, that's right - its the straight service members who are abusing others. And typically, it is more senior service members preying on and abusing subordinates. Male rape is about control and an act of violence, not gays with same sex attraction. I wonder what Ms. Donnelly and her fellow gay-haters have to say about reality? As the Newsweek article notes (the photo is from the article) it is long past time that the military face up to the magnitude of the problem (female soldiers are even more likely to suffer sexual abuse by these straight males. In some ways, given the military's lowering of standards and waiver of violent crimes in order to achieve recruiting goals, it should be little surprise that there are many "bad eggs" within the ranks. Here are some article highlights:
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Greg Jeloudov was 35 and new to America when he decided to join the Army. Like most soldiers, he was driven by both patriotism for his adopted homeland and the pragmatic notion that the military could be a first step in a career that would enable him to provide for his new family. . . . Less than two weeks after arriving on base, he was gang-raped in the barracks by men who said they were showing him who was in charge of the United States. When he reported the attack to unit commanders, he says they told him, “It must have been your fault. You must have provoked them.”
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What happened to Jeloudov is a part of life in the armed forces that hardly anyone talks about: male-on-male sexual assault. In the staunchly traditional military culture, it’s an ugly secret, kept hidden by layers of personal shame and official denial. Last year nearly 50,000 male veterans screened positive for “military sexual trauma” at the Department of Veterans Affairs, up from just over 30,000 in 2003. For the victims, the experience is a special kind of hell. . .
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While many might assume the perpetrators of such assaults are closeted gay soldiers, military experts and outside researchers say assailants usually are heterosexual. Like in prisons and other predominantly male environments, male-on-male assault in the military, experts say, is motivated not by homosexuality, but power, intimidation, and domination. Assault victims, both male and female, are typically young and low-ranking; they are targeted for their vulnerability. Often, in male-on-male cases, assailants go after those they assume are gay, even if they are not. “One of the reasons people commit sexual assault is to put people in their place, to drive them out,” says Mic Hunter, author of Honor Betrayed: Sexual Abuse in America’s Military. “Sexual assault isn’t about sex, it’s about violence.”
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According to Hunter and others, the repeal of the military’s policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell” might actually help the institution address the issue. Under that rule, being gay meant being fundamentally unfit to serve; it meant you didn’t belong. It also meant that victims were even more reluctant to report their attacks. “I wouldn’t say that the repeal is going to make it safe,” says Aaron Belkin, director of the Palm Center, a think tank on gays in the military. “But male victims will be a little bit less reluctant to report their assaults.”
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“The military doesn't want to talk about it because, as embarrassing as male-female rape is [from their perspective], this is even worse. The very fact that there's male-on-male rape in the military means that there are warriors who aren't strong enough to fight back.”
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Blake Stephens, now 29, joined the Army in January 2001, just seven months after graduating from high school. The verbal and physical attacks started quickly, he says, and came from virtually every level of the chain of command. In one of the worst incidents, a group of men tackled him, shoved a soda bottle into his rectum, and threw him backward off an elevated platform onto the hood of a car. When he reported the incident, Stephens says, his platoon sergeant told him, “You’re the problem. You’re the reason this is happening,” and refused to take action. . . . His assailants told him that once deployed to Iraq, they would shoot him in the head. “They told me they were going to have sex with me all the time when we were there,” he says. Stephens twice attempted suicide. His marriage fell apart.
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Because reports of such crimes happen outside the reach of police and are handled by a unit’s commanding officer, according to the Pentagon’s own figures, last year just 15 percent of reported cases were actually prosecuted.
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What’s clear is that the Pentagon has only just begun to figure out how to treat men who have been sexually traumatized. Until 2006, sexual assault was classified as a women’s health issue, and even today, Pentagon awareness campaigns target women almost exclusively. Kathleen Chard, the Cincinnati VA psychologist who runs PTSD programs, says that more than 11 percent of the men she works with eventually admit that they were sexually victimized.
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In March, Rep. Chellie Pingree, a Maine Democrat, introduced a bill that would make it easier for victims like Blake Stephens to get benefits and medical coverage. “It’s the hardest thing we hear: people who have suffered a sexual trauma and then have to prove it,” she says. “We can’t leave them out there hanging. It’s unconscionable.” Even if the bill passes, it will likely be too late to help Jeloudov, the soldier who was raped in basic training. Shortly after his attack, with his assailants threatening to send him “back to Russia in half,” his commanding officer told him to sign a document stating that he was a practicing homosexual. He was subsequently discharged under “don’t ask, don’t tell.” Less than two years later, his wife has left him, he is unemployed, and he is racked by emotional problems. His VA doctors have prescribed him half a dozen psychotropic drugs that target, variously, his PTSD, insomnia, flashbacks, and depression. He receives a fraction of full VA benefits, which helps explain his determination to prove that he was raped. Embroiled in the bureaucracy of the VA system, he easily descends into despair. But he’s insistent on telling his story. “America to me is justice, truth, and fairness,” he says. “Everything that happened there, none of it had to do with any of that."
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This situation is beyond disgusting. And it is the macho straight service members who are the ones committing the crimes, not the gays.

The Importance of Straight Allies Speaking Out

The 2011 "Out in the Park" pride celebration in Hampton Roads is finally moving to a premier venue - Norfolk's Town Point Park on the downtown Norfolk waterfront - after years of being relegated to the off the beaten path hinterland in Chesapeake. The new venue is vastly increasing the costs of the event and the pressure to put on a truly first class event given the high visibility of the event. In order to insure a great event, rather than being sponsored solely by Hampton Roads Pride, this years event will also be sponsored by HRBOR, Equality Virginia, and AltDaily, an alternative online news and opinion publication. In response to questions as to why AltDaily became involved, Jesse Scaccia, the publisher and editor-in-chief, wrote an amazing op-ed piece that explains why he as a straight man has decided to become involved and join the push for LGBT equality. The piece is entitled "Why I Care About GLBT Rights" and I hope Jesse's call will lead others to realize that when we fail to oppose the message of the Christian Right and other merchants of hate and division, we all lose out. Here are some column highlights (I recommend a read of the full well written and moving column):
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I’ve been part of the team that championed for this year’s Out in the Park to be moved from Chesapeake to the more prominent Town Point Park. I will be a part of the fundraising and organization leading up to the event right up until when the night of June 5th is over.
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I’ve been asked—and it’s impossible for me to not ask myself—why I care so much about this cause that doesn’t necessarily directly affect me. I’m not gay, nor am I bisexual. The simple answer would be to quote Martin Luther King Jr. and say that “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” While I do believe that, my answer is deeper, and steeped in more personal history, than that.
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As a Jew, it is impossible for me not to have sympathy for another group oppressed for nothing more than the way they were born. Sympathy is nothing without action. That is one reason I’m a part of Out in the Park.
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So I know something about what it’s like to be discriminated because of my sexuality, even if the ‘accusations’ were false. I know how impotent this kind of discrimination can make a person feel. How wronged. I get how confusing it can be, to know you’re a good person with a lot to give and a lot to add, but to be turned away because you didn’t fit the part they want you to play.
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I want to live in a society where it literally does not matter what choices a person makes when it comes to who they love. For that kind of society to be actualized, people like me need to come out and say that physical contact with someone of your own sex is not implicitly gross. It is not wrong. It is not immoral. It’s okay, really. To some people—people I love dearly—it is how God intended them to live. That, to me, is an immutable fact.
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I’m part of Out in the Park because the GLBT community needs straight allies, and I want them to know they can count on me. See, the destiny of Right is not manifest. Right must be fought for. It dies—it shrivels like a heart cut off from blood—in the absence of the fight.
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For to live, one’s soul must be without fear. And oh, dear lord knows, there are far too many of our brothers and sisters who are so afraid. Our brothers and sisters in the closet live in fear, but also their oppressors, whose hatred is based on ignorance and fear of a world where their version of Manhood does not automatically plop them to the top of the social schemata.
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I know that I am making my path harder in this Southern military town full of Pat Robertson and his followers. I welcome that harder path. Because hard is good. The fight is what sets us free.

Gaysted Sraight Guys

I first saw this on Andrew Sullivan's blog and found it very funny.

. . . there are those who pretend to be gay, but also those who are accidentally gay. Of course you know the term "gaysted," which is what a too-drunk heterosexual can become without knowing it's happening. The website BuzzFeed expounds:

"It is when you are soooo drunk (wasted) and dudes start dancing with you and you just sort of go along with it and then they start putting their arms around you and you just kind of keep rolling with it because you're drunk and you sort of think the dude is being your dancefloor bro, but then when you sober up you realize that the situash is sort of weird. When this happens, you tell your friends, "dude, i got so gaysted last night."