Wedding and Family Reflections

The house/dog sitter arrangements have been made and the boyfriend and I are headed to Charlottesville this morning for a wedding reception of sorts for my oldest daughter and her husband who married quickly in April before he got orders - back to Afghanistan for a THIRD tour - so that my daughter would be qualified as a military dependent.  The party, however, is being hosted by one of my former sister-in-laws at her home and the prospect of venturing into a gathering of the ex-in-laws is making me feel like I need a strong already and it's barely past 8:00AM.  Fortunately, there will be other folks there at the party that we can intermix with as will my youngest daughter and her husband. And tomorrow morning we will visit with my sister and some of her family at her home which is also in Charlottesville.  In addition, I'll have a chance to visit my alma mater, pictured above.

I guess these issues and strained situations arise in heterosexual divorces, but it seems the acrimony of a divorce triggered by a spouse "coming out" is even worse.  At least that seems to be the experience of most of the gays and lesbians I know who have come out after marriage and children.  The situation is made all the worse when you have a judge like I did who thinks that being gay is a "choice" and one finds them self largely on trial for being gay.  There are exceptions to this rule, but they seem the rarity.  One can only wonder if the wounds and pain of the experience will ever really pass away.

I'll let folks know how it all goes.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Kitty Lee Thomas Sweets

One of the pleasures of yesterday's family wedding was getting to talk with my late sister's daughter (pictured at left with her boyfriend) and getting to meet her boyfriend. They live in New York City where she left a career in investment banking to follow her true love - cooking and baking - that I think she inherited from my sister.
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She completed the French Culinary School last year and while working in her new profession in New York, she is also working to launch her own company. The newly established website which showcases a few of her products is here. The "About" section of the website which references her late parents brought me close to tears. Her products are wonderful - beautiful to look at and even more amazing to eat. She sent us a box of the Christmas goodies, so we know first hand the quality of the products. I hope readers in New York and elsewhere will give her a try.
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She's an amazingly talented and bright young woman. Looks wise, she looks much like my late sister and my late mother. I hope her business is a huge success!

Southwest Pennyslvania, Family Reunions, and Anabaptist Bigotry

We got back t0 the hotel room last night after Phase Two of the family reunion weekend (which involved a family picnic in the mountains) and the "Yah Yah Brotherhood" reunion dinner at the home of local friends. This part of the country is truly physically beautiful, many of the people are sincere and nice, but I have to concede that if I had to live here, suicide might well be an attractive option after a short while. I hate to think what like must be like for those growing up gay, lesbian or transgender in this region of Pennsylvania. In Somerset, there are no gay bars (the nearest gay bar is about 30 miles away unless one makes the trek into Pittsburgh) and it seems many gays by necessity live closeted and fearful lives. In relative terms even the Hampton Roads area of Virginia seems like a bright spot in the larger gay universe. Worse yet, there are religious elements in the area that continue to actively strive to torment and demonize local gays. One such element are the Anabaptists who are improbably based worldwide in nearby Johnstown, Pennsylvania.

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Over a decade ago The Advocate did a story on the Johnstown Anabaptist groups' ultimately successful effort to drive a local gay bar, Casa Nova, out of business. According to The Advocate, the Anabaptists' efforts were aided by the Klu Klux Klan. While it seems the local Jenner County authorities refused to close Casa Nova as demanded by the Anabaptist bigots who picketed the bar and harassed its patrons, they likewise failed to aggressive utilize the power of the civil and criminal laws to stop the activities of these self-righteous religious merchants of hate and division. Much like Southwest Virginia, this region of Pennsylvania needs modern, progressive businesses to bolster its economy. And again, much like Southwest Virginia, the impression that I get is that the local municipal authorities do not seem to grasp that modern, progressive businesses are not going to desire to locate to areas where Bible thumping religious extremists are allowed to harass law abiding citizens and denigrate the civil liberties of other citizens.

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As for the Anabaptists, from some brief research on the Johnstown sect - actually, it seems more like a cult, if you ask me - seems to epitomise the anti-knowledge brain dead mindset and hypocrisy of the worse elements of the Christian Right. To get a feel for just how whacked out these folks are, here's a portion of the sect's scriptural beliefs:
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1.01 We believe the Holy Bible to be “The Holy Scriptures” as set forth in 2 Timothy 3:15, and as such are “given by inspiration of God” (vs. 16), and therefore are Holy, infallible, perfect and without error.
1.02 By “Holy Bible” we mean that collection of sixty-six books “containing the Old and New Testaments translated out of the Original tongues and with the former translations diligently compared and revised by His Majesty’s special command and appointed to be read in churches”, commonly called the King James Bible, or Authorized Version of 1611 A.D.1.03 We believe all other English and multi language versions and translations to be erroneous and fallible, and products of the age long attack by Satan upon the pure word of God (Genesis 3:1).
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Obviously, the Anabaptists are in true la la land when it comes to having an accurate knowledge of history. They appear to engage in virtual idolatry of a version of the Bible compiled under the auspices of a flaming gay English monarch who probably would have sought to have the sect stamped out. While hardly alone in this baffling adherence to a version of the Bible compiled and promoted by a gay man, the Anabaptists seem to take the lunacy to higher levels than many. In fact, I sent an e-mail to Ron McRae, the presiding bishop in Johnstown pointing out this inconvenient bit of historical fact. Not surprisingly, nor response has been forth coming. Here are highlights of the information forwarded to McRae that some readers may not have seen previously:
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One area of the life of King James that for many years remained clouded in controversy was allegations that James was homosexual. As James did father several children by Anne of Denmark, it is actually more accurate to say that he was allegedly a bi-sexual. While his close relationships with a number of men were noted, earlier historians questioned their sexual nature, however, few modern historians cast any doubt on the King's bisexuality and the fact that his sexuality and choice of male partners both as King of Scotland then later in London as King of England were the subject of gossip from the city taverns to the Privy Council. His relationship as a teenager with fellow teenager Esmé Stuart, Earl of Lennox was criticized by Scottish Church leaders, who were part of a conspiracy to keep the young King and the young French courtier apart, as the relationship was improper to say the least. Lennox, facing threats of death, was forced to leave Scotland.
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In the 1580s, King James openly kissed Francis Stewart Hepburn, Earl of Bothwell. Contemporary sources clearly hinted their relationship was a sexual one. When James inherited the English throne from Queen Elizabeth I in 1603, it was openly joked of the new English monarch in London that “Elizabeth was King: now James is Queen!” If there is still any doubt, it should be noted that George Villiers, also held an intimate relationship with King James, about which King James himself was quite open. King James called Villiers his “wife” and called himself Villiers' “husband”! King James died in 1625 of gout and senility. He is buried in the Henry VII chapel in Westminster Abbey, with one of his favorite male suitors on his right, and another on his left.

Family Reunion Weekend

UPDATED: We arrived safely in Somerset and spoke with the friend staying at our house while we are gone and confirmed that all is well on the home front. We brought food with us for a multitude and had a nice dinner this evening at the home of the boyfriend's aunt near Shanksville. Then we came back into town and had an after dinner drink (or two) with our friends who we see each year for the informal "yah yah brotherhood" reunion. Tomorrow there is a huge antique show in the center of town surrounding the courthouse (pictured below). After that, we will head back out to Shanksville for my father in law's family reunion. Tomorrow evening we will again likely end the day by getting together with Dennis, Douglas, Jon and David for some more catching up. The weather was wonderfully cool this afternoon with temperatures in the low 70's - a wonderful break from yesterday's 98 degrees in Norfolk.

We are headed off this morning to the boyfriend's dual family reunions in the Somerset, Pennsylvania area - his dad's family reunion is tomorrow and his mom's on Sunday. While there we will see our friends Dennis and Douglas (Douglas is the one who lets us use his place in NYC). Tomorrow's event is at a location a mile from the Flight 93 memorial - the boyfriend's aunt heard the plane go down in fact. The photo above is the County Court House which sits on a commanding hilltop location.

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I should have some Internet access over the weekend and I will post as possible. I am definitely hoping for cooler weather after this week's blast furnace temperatures here in Tidewater.

Tropical Storm Colin forms in the Atlantic

The caption above is just the type of headline one does NOT want to see - especially after the nightmare of flooding during last November's severe northeaster (see photo at right). The boyfriend and I are supposed to head to his dual family reunions towards the end of next week leaving a friend house sitting, minding the dog and watering the boyfriend's numerous potted plants in the yard. We will be keeping our fingers crossed. Here's the latest from the Virginian Pilot:
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Tropical Storm Colin has formed far out in the Atlantic and early forecasts put it on a track off the U.S. Atlantic seaboard rather than into the Gulf of Mexico, where BP is working to finally plug its blown-out oil well.
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According to the forecast track, the storm is expected to be between Bermuda and the East Coast by Sunday morning, Evan Stewart, a meteorologist with WVEC-TV, said this morning.
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The East Coast wouldn’t feel any effects from the storm until early next week, Stewart said.
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I love living near the coast - but it does have its downside.

Thoughts of a Gay Parent

The boyfriend and I spent a wonderful evening having dinner with my two daughters tonight in honor of my oldest daughter's birthday - she turned 27 last week - and once again I could not help but believe that all the pain and suffering of being in the closet for so many years was worth it in order to have my wonderful children. My son lives in the Pacific Northwest now, so he has not had the opportunity to spend as much time with the boyfriend as my girls have, but I am blessed that they seem to love him and he loves all three of them very much.

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We met at a Mexican restaurant near the Lesner Bridge in Virginia Beach just a few miles east of the the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel near my parent's former neighborhood of Bay Lake Pines (the photo above is of a sunrise over the bridge tunnel as it heads across the Bay from Virginia Beach) . A combination of great conversation, good food and some excellent margaritas made for a great time. While my coming out later in life was not something easy for my children to deal with in many ways, I truly believe that they can now see that I am a far happier person and more loving father than I was during the years I was wracked with self-hate and trying so desperately to convince myself that I wasn't really gay. I wasted so much energy and missed so many opportunities to be a better father because I was so wrapped up in tying to "change" rather than simply be who God made me to be. I hope that if they learn nothing else from me it is that they must live their own lives to be who they are and not what they perceive others to want them to be.

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God made each of us to be a unique gift and we need to stop living to please others and instead live to our full potential as unique God given gifts to the world. Would that more people - especially alleged Christians - would not second guess God's creative genius and sense of diversity. I thank God for my children, the boy friend and the gift of being gay.