Does NBC Have a Problem with Gays?

The title to this post is a question that many are asking given NBC News' continued inability to note or reference athletes who are gay throughout its coverage of the 2016 Summer Games.  I and others are not saying that every gay athlete needs to be labeled, but when same sex relationships are hidden away, apparently deliberately, while straight relationships are note, one does begin to wonder what the network's problem is with same sex couples and LGBT athletes.  A piece in Slate looks at NBC's seeming homophobia.  Here are excerpts:

On Monday night, NBC did something that viewers who tune into the Olympics to watch sporting competition have long demanded: They passed over a human-interest story to focus on the action. Apparently, all you have to do to get the network to ignore you is be gay.

NBC’s rare moment of restraint came during its coverage of the men’s synchronized 10-meter platform diving event. As the British team of Tom Daley and Dan Goodfellow exited the pool after their third dive, the camera scanned the crowd, alighting briefly on two people wearing bright red Team Daley T-shirts. No attempt was made to identify the pair, who were cheering politely; instead, color commentator Cynthia Potter analyzed a slow-motion replay of the Brits’ three-and-a-half somersaults.

Who were the members of Team Daley? Daley’s mother, Debbie, and his fiancé Dustin Lance Black. That’s right, the screenwriter who won the Academy Award for best original screenplay in 2009 for Milk. Was NBC homophobic not to mention Black’s name? Could the network have resisted lingering over an Oscar-winner affianced to an Olympic medal-winner if the relationship didn’t involve two people of the same sex? Let’s weigh the evidence.

On the “not homophobic” side, we should acknowledge that diving is one of the Olympic sports NBC does well by. Thanks to gravity, it’s a fast-moving event, so the network is able to show most of the dives made by the top four or five contenders. Diving coverage is typically light on soft-focus stories, only pointing out the American divers’ families cheering in the stands. And although Black is American, Daley is not. Besides, all Oscars aren’t alike—a screenwriter is about two steps away from a journalist, for heaven’s sake.

Then again, do you really think they wouldn’t point out a diver’s celebrity fiancée if it were Marion Cotillard, Brie Larson, or another Oscar-winner whose fame level was roughly commensurate with Black’s?

You don’t have to be the kind of person who sees homophobia everywhere to think the commentators were reluctant to bring up a star athlete’s homosexuality, especially as the camera lingered lovingly on the divers’ insanely ripped physiques, their minuscule swim trunks, and their long skin-to-skin hugs of celebration.

I can’t wait to see NBC ignore straight athletes’ family members in the weeks ahead.

Finding "Someone who Completely Gets Me"

I have had the pleasure of meeting Dustin Lance Black - or Lance as he calls himself - on three occasions and have found him to be a sweet, thoughtful and unassuming individual.  He is also someone who has been on a mission to bring marriage equality nationwide and was a founding member of the American Foundation for Equal Rights.  Now, Black is engaged to marry Olympian Tom Daley and he has made some touching statements.  The Christofascists seek to denigrate same sex love, but Lance's statements cut through to the beauty of loving same sex relationships.  Here are excerpts from Gay Star News: 

Newly engaged, Oscar winning screenwriter and LGBTI activist Dustin Lance Black is opening up about his feelings for fiance Tom Daley and their relationship.

‘I met someone who completely gets me,’ he tells the podcast Defining Marriage.

‘I definitely know that we’re better for having each other. We dream bigger. Things seem so much more possible together. Two and a half years in and it still feels like every day is a dream.’

The couple announced their engagement with an announcement in a British newspaper last month.

He says of getting married: ‘There’s power in the word, that the word is understood by society and it means that when you say “I’m married” or getting married, it’s a promise you make to the person you love, and I think that promise creates so much. It creates so much potential, and is understood by so many people.’

Black, who won the Academy Award in 2009 for his screenplay for the film Milk, has been deeply involved in the fight for same-sex marriage in the US. He was a founding member of the American Foundation for Equal Rights which successfully fought in the US Supreme Court for marriage equality in California.

He recalls the dreams he said in his speech the night he accepted his Oscar: ‘There’s two things I said: I said full federal equality, and we have that now in terms of marriage; I also said that one day I hoped that I’d be able to fall in love and get married. I never dreamed in that time I would meet somebody and fall in love and get engaged. I just never knew if that was something I’d be able to appreciate in my own lifetime.’

I wish them both much happiness.  I was especially touched by Lance's comments because my husband often describes me to others as "Someone who Completely Gets Him."

There is a great interview of Olympic diver Tom Daley in The Guardian today.  In addition to talking about his grueling training schedule Daley talks about coming out and the fact that he "always knew he was attracted to guys."  It is something that I believe that every gay male knows from a fairly early age even if, like myself, we try to deny it to ourselves, seek to explain it away through mental gymnastics, and go to great lengths in self-deception before admitting the truth.  Finally accepting one self and the reality of who you are attracted to and love is such a liberating experience.  Word truly do not adequately describe the phenomenon.  Here are highlights from the interview:

“I think I’m diving as well as I am now because of Jane, and because of Lance.”

In March 2013, Daley went for dinner at a friend’s home in Los Angeles and met Dustin Lance Black, a screenwriter 20 years his senior who won an Oscar for Milk, the biopic of gay rights campaigner Harvey Milk. Daley says it was love at first sight. Until then, his only relationships had been with girls, but he had never been in love. Had he thought he might be gay? “I guess it has always been in the back of my head, but you never really know. I’d never had feelings for a person along those lines. I’d been in relationships with girls where I’d had sexual feelings, but it became so much more intense when I met Lance. I thought, ‘Whoa, this is weird. Why am I having these feelings for somebody?’”

Did that freak him out? He nods. “It freaked me a little bit initially, but then it was like, ‘OK, this makes sense’. Lots of things started to make sense.”  Is this his first relationship…? He cuts me off before I can finish the question.  “With a guy? Yes.”

Does he think he’s unusual in discovering his sexuality so late? Well, he says, it’s more complicated than that. “I always knew that I had that attraction to guys, but I just thought that was a usual thing, being attracted to guys and girls. It was only when I met Lance I started having such strong feelings.”

Did Black encourage him to come out? “Yes, he was supportive, but it never got to a point where he said, ‘You should do something about coming out.’ He was just always there, supportive. At no point was he at all pushy.”

Did he discuss coming out with his mother? “Oh yes. My mum had known for six months, and so had my friends. Mum was like, ‘Whatever makes you happy, I’m completely OK with.’” It couldn’t have been more different from the reaction from Black’s family. “He was Mormon, so homosexuals were put in the same group as serial killers.”

Daley says he was unsure how, and whether, to come out publicly right until the last moment. “I thought, should I just not say anything and get caught out, which would be horrible?” And would he have regarded it as getting caught out? “It was more a case of, ‘Oh screw it. I don’t care what people think. I’ll do my own thing. I can still dive, I can still do what I want to do.’ Then I was thinking I could do a newspaper interview, but you wouldn’t want somebody to twist your words. You could do a TV interview, but you don’t want to be asked questions you don’t want to answer. So I just said exactly what I was comfortable with saying at the time. And nothing could be twisted.”

Was there anybody directing him when he made his video? “No, I did it on my phone. I was the only one in the room. That was the way I talk to people anyway, through my YouTube channel.”

How did he feel once the video was out? “It was a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. I was terrified before. And then when it finally happened I was like, great, I don’t need to worry about it any more, people know, who cares, whatever…”

I am happy for Daley and for Lance Black.  Having met his three different times, he's not only beautiful in person, but also one of the nicest unassuming guys  one could ever meet.  I think him profusely for all his work in bringing same ex marriage nationwide. 

Tom Daley: 'I Am a Gay Man Now'

I have one friend - he knows who he is - who just loves British diver Tom Daley.  With Daley's new announcement that he's gay, not bisexual, my friend DW must be in seventh heaven.  Here are excerpts from The Bilerico Project:

Tom Daley, the cute 19-year-old British diver and reality television star who won the bronze medal in the 10-metre platform in the 2012 London Olympics, announced in December that he's "dating a guy and... couldn't be happier" but that he also "still fanc[ies] girls."

But last night on the UK television show Celebrity Juice, Daley told the world that he does not identify as bisexual, but as gay. "I am a gay man now," Daley said.

He went on to explain:

"I came out on YouTube as I wanted to say what I wanted to say without anyone twisting it. I told my family before I told the world. I was terrified. I did not know what the reaction was going to be. I did it on YouTube because people were constantly digging and asking questions."

As to his relationship with Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, Daley said things are "all good."

 

Hopefully, Daley's example and that of other recently out athletes will continue to inspire other athletes to come out of the closet.  Meanwhile, DW, sweet dreams!

re at http://www.bilerico.com/2014/04/tom_daley_i_am_a_gay_man_now.php#6z6I5Gikd8eYjYyp.99

Tom Daley - Bisexuals Versus Gays

Personally, I was please when Tom Daley came out as apparently a bisexual.  His announcement that he was dating a guy but that he still liked girls wasn't so well received by some in the LGBT community who thought that Daley was copping out and avoiding using the gay word.  I think sexuality is fluid and differs from person to person.  True, there are gay men who will use the bisexual label until they can get comfortable with saying they are gay.  But that doesn't apply to all.  Thus, in answer to the question, are there really bisexuals, I would say yes since attraction is a complicated thing.  There are many straights - especially among the homophobes - who think gays are ready to jump in bed with any other male.  That is clearly not so - there are many men I find decidedly NOT attractive - and each of us has their own particular "type" that they find attractive.  And beyond the physical attributes one finds attractive, there is the essential element of personality and "chemistry."  A piece in the New York Times that I bookmarked some days ago looks at the issue Daley ignited:

“Of course I still fancy girls.”

Those six little words, tossed off like a request to please hold the mustard, were among the most deconstructed in Tom Daley’s YouTube video last month, in which the 19-year-old British Olympic diver announced that he was dating a man. 

Leaning against Union Jack pillows, he continued, “But, I mean, right now I’m dating a guy, and I couldn’t be happier.” Mr. Daley’s message was sweet and simple, and gay rights advocates seemed thrilled to welcome an out-and-proud athlete into their ranks. (The cattier comments came later, when the “guy” was reported by numerous tabloids and blogs to be the screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, who is two decades his senior.) 

But the cheers were premature, or at least qualified. Despite the trending Twitter hashtag #TomGayley, Mr. Daley never used the word “gay,” and there was the matter of his still fancying girls. While many commenters embraced the ambiguity (“I don’t care if Tom Daley’s gay or bi or whatever ... He’s still fit,” one tweeted), others raised eyebrows. 

Was it a disclaimer? A cop-out? A ploy to hold on to fans? Was he being greedy, as some joked? Or was he, as the video’s blushing tone suggested, simply caught up in the heady disorientation of first love, a place too intoxicating for labels? 

Whatever the answer, Mr. Daley’s disclosure reignited a fraught conversation within the L.G.B.T. community, having to do with its third letter. Bisexuality, like chronic fatigue syndrome, is often assumed to be imaginary by those on the outside. The stereotypes abound: bisexuals are promiscuous, lying or in denial. They are gay men who can’t yet admit that they are gay, or “lesbians until graduation,” sowing wild oats before they find husbands. 

“The reactions that you’re seeing are classic in terms of people not believing that bisexuality really exists, feeling that it’s a transitional stage or a form of being in the closet,” said Lisa Diamond, a professor at the University of Utah who studies sexual orientation. 

Population-based studies, Dr. Diamond said, indicate that bisexuality is in fact more common than exclusively same-sex attraction, and that female libido is particularly open-ended.

Male bisexuality, by contrast, is more vexed, and much of the skepticism comes from gay men. In the aftermath of Mr. Daley’s announcement, Ann Friedman wrote a post for New York Magazine’s The Cut blog predicting that male bisexuality would become more visible as gender mores evolved. “Traditional definitions of masculinity — which tend to go hand in hand with homophobia — are going through a real shake-up,” Ms. Friedman wrote. “More hetero men are tentatively admitting that they’re turned on by certain sex acts associated with gay men.” 

The gay conservative pundit Andrew Sullivan swiftly countered on his own blog, The Dish, saying, “I suspect, pace Friedman’s dreams, that there will always be far fewer men who transcend traditional sexual categories — because male sexuality is much cruder, simpler and more binary than female.” He called Mr. Daley’s claim about liking girls “a classic bridging mechanism to ease the transition to his real sexual identity. I know because I did it, too.”

Such thinking has irked bisexual advocates, who see bias within gay circles as evidence of “biphobia.” The claim has been lodged repeatedly at the sex columnist Dan Savage. In 2011, the blogger Chris O’Guinn accused Mr. Savage of saying “blatantly hurtful, cruel and insulting things about bisexuals,” including his remark in the documentary “Bi the Way” that “I meet somebody who’s 19 years old who tells me he’s bisexual, and I’m like: ‘Yeah, right, I doubt it. Come back when you’re 29 and we’ll see.’ ”  

[A] follow-up study at Northwestern concluded the opposite: male bisexuality is real. Why the change? Whereas the first study advertised for subjects in gay-oriented publications and included men who identified as gay, straight or bisexual, the second recruited from places catering specifically to bisexuals and selected only those who had seriously dated both men and women. 

Advocates, a touch exasperated, applauded the new results, though some pointed out that physical stimulation is only one ingredient of sexual orientation, which also stems from emotional intimacy.

In Mr. Daley’s case, the difference may be generational. People who have grown up in a more assimilated world may not see the value in labels like “gay” or “bisexual,” when the communities they describe are no longer as marginalized. 

“Among the younger generation, I’ve seen much more openness about bisexuality in both men and women, and often a rejection of all labels,” Dr. Diamond said. “They’re more open to the idea that, ‘Hey, sexuality is complicated, and as long as I know who I want to sleep with it doesn’t matter what I call myself.’ ”

In my own case, it was very hard to get to the point of looking in the mirror and admitting to myself that I was gay.  That said, I clearly knew that it was guys to whom I was really attracted.  Sexuality is complicated and we should not judge others. 

Who Is Tom Daley's Boyfrend?

I try not to be a gossip columnist but this is too good to pass up. E! News is claiming that Tom Daley's as yet unnamed boyfriend is Dustin Lance Black.  Having met and talked with Black three different times, I can say this: he's nice as can be and very easy on the eyes.  Mr. Daley, of course, is very easy on the eyes.   If the report is true, I wish them both much happiness.  Here are snippets from E! News:

Sources exclusively tell E! News that Daley has been dating Dustin Lance Black, the 39-year-old writer who won an Academy Award for his screenplay for Milk, the 2008 biopic about gay rights activist legend Harvey Milk (Sean Penn also won an Oscar for playing Milk in the flick).

Back in October, Daley and Black were spotted together for the first time, grabbing a snack at The Coffee Bean in Hollywood.

Olympic Diver Tom Daley Comes Out!

One friend of my - who is a faithful reader of this blog - had his fantasies come true today when UK Olympic diver Tom Daley came out and said he was happy dating a guy. Yes, Douglas, I am referring to you. :)  Seriously, kudos to Tom Daley and the matter of fact way that he put honesty and authenticity first.  As one who spent decades in the closet, my hat is off to the younger generations who have the courage and/or self-acceptance to insist on living their lives as who they are and not as what they perceive what others want them to be.  The closet is so destructive and, in my view,  is soul killing.  Queerty has details.  Here are highlights:

Though there has been a fair amount of speculation, and many a furtive wet dream, leading up to this moment, Olympic diving twunk (twink + hunk) Tom Daley has come out.

In a video he posted to his YouTube today, Daley admits he’s only been willing to talk about things with which he’s comfortable. Now that he’s in a serious relationship, having met and fallen for a guy recently, he’s been able to take a figurative dive by publicly acknowledging his sexuality for the first time.

“Now I kind of feel ready to talk about my relationships,” Daley says. “Come spring this year, my life changed. Massively. When I met someone. And it made me feel so happy. So safe. And everything just feels so great. Well, that someone is a guy.”

Daley says he was “taken by surprise” by his new relationship, and though he still “fancies” girls, he says he couldn’t be happier.

I hope Daley finds much happiness in his new open life.  Back2Stonewall also has details here.