Does Coming Out Equate With "Abandoning" One's Family

I saw a new psychiatrist late this afternoon at the office of my former doctor - my former doctor received a promotion and now heads up the entire behavior health care facility and stopped seeing patients - and I liked her alot. Moreover, she seemed to immediately grasp my situation and what has been happening to me over the last 10 months of constant court hearings, threats of contempt charges and finally the TDO last week when I went into total melt down. In fact, she said anyone who had been through what I have been through would likely be feeling depressed and overwhelmed. We are going to try some different meds - since the ones I have been on did not prevent the melt down - and I will see a therapist at the same facility beginning next week. One of the issues I want to address with the therapist is the issue of the pain I feel from my older two children who for all apparent purposes have written me off. It hurts like a knife plunged into me.

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Truth be told, besides the constant financial stress, the most difficult aspect of the last 10 months has been the fact that two of my children have apparently written me off as if I never existed. One even accused me of "abandoning my family" when I came out. Never mind that I was told by the former wife to "go back in the closet and pretend nothing had ever happened or get out of the house." I can still picture the conversation where the ultimatum was given to me as we were standing in the garage of the big home we used to own. And this from someone with a doctoral level education in psychology who certainly knew or should have known what that action would mean for someone gay. It's an emotional death sentence of sorts and an invitation to suicide. Given this reality, I had little choice but to move out, or so I believed at the time when I was still plagued with religious based guilt over who I was/am.

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Since that date, I have done what I could to stay in touch with ALL of my children and given them as much financial support as I could, although for the last 10 months any dollar I gave to them was used against me in court by their mother. Did I abandon them? I think not. At least such was never my intention. Fortunately, my wonderful youngest daughter (pictured above)seems to grasp this reality. She has been a life saver and I treasure her so much.

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Amazingly, the boyfriend has not flinched in the least at paying for everything when I have gotten together with my children or more recently my youngest daughter and her boyfriend (a very sweet guy who treats her well as she deserves). Hopefully, the new therapist (my former therapist, Michael Perkins, has retired) can help me with this issue. Combined with the constant financial stress and court hearing harassment, it is something that at times continues to cause me to have fleeting thoughts that death would be less painful.

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NOTE TO READERS: I am NOT feeling suicidal, so do NOT call the Norfolk police as one dedicated reader did last week causing chaos at the Legends committee meeting and at my house that I rent out to tenants when police officers showed up. I am here at home with the boyfriend, so all is well - but I do thank whoever made that call for caring so much about me.