Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Mixed Thoughts and Reflections

It was another busy day between work and a HRBOR board meeting. Then I went by my friends Martin and Christopher's place to chill and celebrate a court case triumph in their favor. Ultimately, we ended up stuffing invitations to their wedding celebration set for next month at a wonderful bed and breakfast on the Virginia Eastern Shore, which is a bout a 45 minute drive from Norfolk. They were married in Canada last July 7th but never had the intended celebration due to the untimely death of Christopher's mother shortly after their marriage in Canada. Thankfully, Cissi as she was known was able to attend the wedding in Canada. They are wonderful guys, some of my most wonderful friends and I truly hope they have many, many wonderful years together.
Of course I am invited to the celebration event - together with a "guest." Given the current situation on the romance front, finding the "Guest" may prove challenging. I do truly wonder at times whether I will ever find Mr. Right. Some take me to task for not wanting to "settle" on someone or for setting criteria that set an unduly high standard. I truly do not see myself as shallow and focused solely on looks. However, the reality is that without a spark of physical attraction/chemistry, a relationship will not work. The attraction/chemistry is either there or it's not. To pretend otherwise is, in my opinion, self-delusion and setting one's self up for heartbreak. In addition, I feel that given the Hell I went through to come out and the attendant financial ruin my divorce entailed, I will not settle for anything less than the guy I feel I deserve. I am a good person, decent looking and relatively intelligent. Why should I accept someone who will not make me happy long term. There must be someone out there who has intelligence, a good heart, and a sweet personality combined with a moderately attractive exterior. Although perhaps not in this largely closeted backwater called Hampton Roads. At times I truly would love to leave this area if I could figure out how to do so.
Adding to my current lack of contentment, I received a letter from my ex-wife's divorce attorney asking when I can pay the support payments covered in the final divorce decree. Apparently, neither he nor my ex read the newspaper or watch television and, therefore, are oblivious to the current economy or more importantly what has happened to the residential real estate market inasmuch as a lion's share of my firm's revenues historically were based on residential real estate closings and related transactions. Once again, they expect to get blood out of a stone.
Despite everything, I have one priceless thing - I am OK with being gay and who I am. No one can take that away from me try as they might.

1 comment:

Java said...

And at the end of the day, what's most important is that you are satisfied with who you are. Congratulations!