Mixed Thoughts and Reflections

It was another busy day between work and a HRBOR board meeting. Then I went by my friends Martin and Christopher's place to chill and celebrate a court case triumph in their favor. Ultimately, we ended up stuffing invitations to their wedding celebration set for next month at a wonderful bed and breakfast on the Virginia Eastern Shore, which is a bout a 45 minute drive from Norfolk. They were married in Canada last July 7th but never had the intended celebration due to the untimely death of Christopher's mother shortly after their marriage in Canada. Thankfully, Cissi as she was known was able to attend the wedding in Canada. They are wonderful guys, some of my most wonderful friends and I truly hope they have many, many wonderful years together.

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Of course I am invited to the celebration event - together with a "guest." Given the current situation on the romance front, finding the "Guest" may prove challenging. I do truly wonder at times whether I will ever find Mr. Right. Some take me to task for not wanting to "settle" on someone or for setting criteria that set an unduly high standard. I truly do not see myself as shallow and focused solely on looks. However, the reality is that without a spark of physical attraction/chemistry, a relationship will not work. The attraction/chemistry is either there or it's not. To pretend otherwise is, in my opinion, self-delusion and setting one's self up for heartbreak. In addition, I feel that given the Hell I went through to come out and the attendant financial ruin my divorce entailed, I will not settle for anything less than the guy I feel I deserve. I am a good person, decent looking and relatively intelligent. Why should I accept someone who will not make me happy long term. There must be someone out there who has intelligence, a good heart, and a sweet personality combined with a moderately attractive exterior. Although perhaps not in this largely closeted backwater called Hampton Roads. At times I truly would love to leave this area if I could figure out how to do so.

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Adding to my current lack of contentment, I received a letter from my ex-wife's divorce attorney asking when I can pay the support payments covered in the final divorce decree. Apparently, neither he nor my ex read the newspaper or watch television and, therefore, are oblivious to the current economy or more importantly what has happened to the residential real estate market inasmuch as a lion's share of my firm's revenues historically were based on residential real estate closings and related transactions. Once again, they expect to get blood out of a stone.

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Despite everything, I have one priceless thing - I am OK with being gay and who I am. No one can take that away from me try as they might.

Weekend in Retrospect and Random Thoughts; Jesse Helms - White Racist

Overall, I had a very nice 4th of July weekend even though the weather was not all that great except for the 4th itself. Nonetheless, I spent some quality time with friends, including a birthday party for a friend's partner, had a great lunch yesterday with my youngest daughter - who even though she's straight asked me to get her some gay rights stickers for her car as we were leaving the restaurant - got in some dancing on Saturday night at the Wave, and got a little more opportunity to get to know my new roommate - he's on the quiet side, but is a computer whiz and my home computer is ever so much better now that he's made some upgrades to it. Besides that, he's cute and a nice guy.

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I am happy to see that my blogger friend Michael at Gaytwogether is back and doing well. I highly recommend his blog, especially some of the relationship oriented articles. He is a sweet, wonderful guy and I am so very happy that I came to know him via the cyberspace circle of friends I have acquired. He's been through a lot, but has come to realize what a wonderful guy he is. He's been good about providing me with objective opinions when I have needed them, even when I did not want them. Oh, and yes, he is a cutie too! :)

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From reading a couple articles this morning about Jesse Helms - who truly was a despicable person in terms of his racism and homophobia - including David Broder's column in the Washington Post, sitting at the courthouse people watching this morning while waiting for opposing counsel so that we could have a settled case dismissed, and from reading articles on the Anglican Communion infighting that I have posted about, I truly am at a loss as to why/how some people seem to have so little compassion for other human beings. How can they actively treat them as something less than human. At the courthouse I had a number of people come up and ask me questions since from my attire I looked to be an attorney. Each asked his/her question, generally for directions to a courtroom, was polite and respectful and then went on with their business. I consciously thought of Helms when some blacks asked for information. What in his screwed up psyche made him think he was so much better than blacks? It is not as if any one black asked to be born that way. Likewise, how could the man be so hateful towards gays? I for one surely did not ask to be born gay. Here are some highlights from Broder's column:

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What is unique about Helms -- and from my viewpoint, unforgivable -- is his willingness to pick at the scab of the great wound of American history, the legacy of slavery and segregation, and to inflame racial resentment against African Americans. . . . To the best of my knowledge, Helms has never done what the late George Wallace did well before his death -- recant and apologize for his use of racial issues. And that use was blatant.

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On election eve [1984], he accused Hunt of being supported by 'homosexuals, the labor union bosses and the crooks' and said he feared a large 'bloc vote.' What did he mean? 'The black vote,' Helms said." He won, 52 percent to 48 percent. . . . That is not a history to be sanitized.

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Of course what is the most distressing about Helms and those like him who seek to demoniz and dehumanize others is that all too typically, they claim to be good Christians, all the while they preach a message and politics of hate. I just do not understand the mindset. But then, perhaps I should be glad that I don't.