Domestic Violence in Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Relationship

Michael at Gaytwogether has another useful article today that looks at the issue of domestic violence in gay relationships. Just last week I was talking with a relatively new friend and was surprised to discover that he had been in an abusive relationship from which he was still endeavoring to sever all ties. Since he hardly struck me as the type to have been on the receiving end of what was pretty severe abuse, it underscored to me how wide spread the problem may be. Far too many may find themself in such a relationship and not know where to turn or, due to the constant denigration they may have recieve from family, church or society in general, feel subconsciously that they deserve to be abused.

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Unfortunately, as the article points out, depending upon where one lives, the available resources may be slim to non-existent. Moreover, in areas such as the Norfolk area, many gays have to remain semi-closeted due to the lack of any employment non-discrimination protections for LGBT citizens. Naturally, this increases the odds that an abusive partner may threaten to "out" the other partner at work or - worse yet where the partner is military - to the applicable military command. As the article also aptly points out, abuse can involve other aspects besides physical abuse. Moreover, if the abusing partner will not admit there is a problem and diligently seek help (be it therapy, medications, or both), it is utterly useless to hope that somehow that person will miraculously change. Here are a few highlights:

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In many ways, domestic violence in lesbian, bisexual and gay relationships is the same as in opposite-gendered (e.g., heterosexually-paired) relationships:

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*** No one deserves to be abused.
*** Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and involve verbal behavior used to coerce, threaten or humiliate.
*** Abuse often occurs in a cyclical fashion.
*** The purpose of the abuse is to maintain control and power over one's partner.
*** The abused partner feels alone, isolated and afraid, and is usually convinced that the abuse is somehow her or his fault, or could have been avoided if she or he knew what to do.

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In same-sex abuse, a pattern of violence or behaviors exists where one seeks to control the thoughts, beliefs, or conduct of their intimate partner, or to punish their partner for resisting their control. This may been seen as physical or sexual violence, or emotional and verbal abuse. An additional form of emotional abuse for someone who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual may be to “out” them at work or to family or friends.

Thailand's Gay Past

As further proof that same sex love and attraction has existed for throughout the ages and not just in western countries, this article from the Bangkok Post (http://www.bangkokpost.com/Outlook/23Feb2008_out001.php) offers some interesting proof. No doubt, the Christianist will say it's all because the subjects of the art work had not heard the "saving Gospel message." Here are some highlights:

Mention homosexuality and many Thais will blame it on recent Western influences. Ask Varaporn Vichayarath what she thinks, however, and she would simply smile before providing a list of old temples with murals depicting same-sex courtship. es, homosexual courtship between both men and women. And yes, at temples.

"Contrary to conservative beliefs, homosexuality has long existed in our society, as evidenced by these mural paintings," said Varaporn, a book editor who has researched the topic. Varaporn recently presented her findings at Thailand's first ever national conference on sexuality and sexual diversity, where she displayed photographs of murals painted on old temples in various parts of Thailand.

The ordination hall of Phra Sing Temple in Chiang Mai, meanwhile, houses murals inspired by the popular folk tale Sang Thong, not the life of the Buddha as in most other temples. Interestingly, these murals show homosexuality to be part of local life, be it in the court or the village. One of these beautiful paintings depicts a group of nymphs (nang fah) caressing one another. Two other murals detail gay courtship; one in which two princes have romantically locked eyes while on a journey to marry their princesses, another in which two young village men hold each other in a loving embrace. All the murals are on the right wall after the entrance.

During the reign of King Rama V, the country adopted Western laws making sodomy illegal. Those laws were repealed in 1956. The silence on same-sex relationships, which has contributed to various forms of discrimination against homosexuals, is actually a recent social phenomena, said Varaporn. "We can see this by going back to our temples and our mural paintings," she said.

The reality is that gays are every where, in societies around the world and all throughout time - whether the wingnut fundies like to admit it or not.

Relationships - Painful Endings

When a relationship ends and one hopes to remain on decent terms with the former lover, is such a hope impossible? Should one even try to achieve such a result? It is a question I ask myself frequently these days. In theory it would seem possible. And in many ways it would seem a desirable result. I am not a confrontational person and always hope to see everyone happy.

I guess the big issue is whether both parties will admit that what once was is lost forever and that it can never again be re-achieved - at the very least not on the same terms. The relationship’s original wonder and purity have been damaged, probably beyond repair. One cannot erase the past, try as one might. And old wounds and disfunctionalities do not disappear on their own. What then is the best course of action?

Also, why do so many who want to reclaim a failed relationship seem doomed to repeat the very behaviors that pushed the relationship into decline in the first place. It is ever so easy for a person to say that they have changed and that past problems will not reoccur. Yet meanwhile, the questioning, jealousy, badgering and whatever other behaviors that drove the beloved away are still present. At least it seems from the perspective of the former beloved. Why can’t a person see their own behavior is their biggest problem? How does one convince someone that while they are still loved, one simply cannot be in a relationship with them anymore?

Are Homosexual Civil Unions A 600-year-old Tradition?

This is a very interesting article in Science daily (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/08/070823110231.htm) that certainly throws cold water on the Christianist claim that for 5,000 years there has only been one form of family unit. Of course, the Christianists never let the truth get in the way of their anti-gay agenda. Here are some highlights of the article:

Science Daily — A compelling new study from the September issue of the Journal of Modern History reviews historical evidence, including documents and gravesites, suggesting that homosexual civil unions may have existed six centuries ago in France. The article is the latest from the ongoing "Contemporary Issues in Historical Perspective" series, which explores the intersection between historical knowledge and current affairs.

Commonly used rationales in support of gay marriage and gay civil unions avoid historical arguments. However, as Allan A. Tulchin (Shippensburg University) reveals in his forthcoming article, a strong historical precedent exists for homosexual civil unions.

Opponents of gay marriage in the United States today have tended to assume that nuclear families have always been the standard household form. However, as Tulchin writes, "Western family structures have been much more varied than many people today seem to realize, and Western legal systems have in the past made provisions for a variety of household structures."

For example, in late medieval France, the term affrèrement -- roughly translated as brotherment -- was used to refer to a certain type of legal contract, which also existed elsewhere in Mediterranean Europe. These documents provided the foundation for non-nuclear households of many types and shared many characteristics with marriage contracts, as legal writers at the time were well aware, according to Tulchin.

The effects of entering into an affrèrement were profound. As Tulchin explains: "All of their goods usually became the joint property of both parties, and each commonly became the other's legal heir. They also frequently testified that they entered into the contract because of their affection for one another. As with all contracts, affrèrements had to be sworn before a notary and required witnesses, commonly the friends of the affrèrés."

Tulchin argues that in cases where the affrèrés were single unrelated men, these contracts provide "considerable evidence that the affrèrés were using affrèrements to formalize same-sex loving relationships. . . . I suspect that some of these relationships were sexual, while others may not have been. It is impossible to prove either way and probably also somewhat irrelevant to understanding their way of thinking. They loved each other, and the community accepted that.

He concludes: "The very existence of affrèrements shows that there was a radical shift in attitudes between the sixteenth century and the rise of modern antihomosexual legislation in the twentieth."

In addition to hating true scientific knowledge, the Christianist truly try to rewrite or ignore actual historical fact whenever it does not support their agenda. As I have often stated, the biggest liars are the allegedly devote Christianist who give lip service to the Ten Commandments, but fails to apply them to their own lives.