The Damage Parents do When They Bully Their Gay Children

I make no secret of the fact that I view raising LGBT children and youths in the homes of Christian fundamentalists (and other anti-gay religions adherents) as nothing short of child abuse and what ought to be a basis for the removal of children and youths from such home settings.  The further irony is that, despite the questionable actual carry through by school administrators, it is largely accepted that bullying of gay students is not acceptable.  Yet s is allowed to go on regularly in homes and be inflicted by parents as if children are chattel property of brutish and religiously brainwashed parents.  And as usual, behind much of the abuse and bullying is fundamentalist religion, the never ending scourge of mankind. As the Washington Post reports, a new study looks at the damage parental bullying of LGBT children and youths inflicts.  Here are excerpts:

Public tolerance for laws and practices that discriminate against LGBT people under the guise of religion has rapidly declined. President Obama last week called for an end to so-called conversion therapies that seek to “fix” LGBT youth in some fundamentalist Christian circles. Public support for marriage equality – overturning the traditional concept of “one man, one woman” – has ballooned. And the chorus of indignant voices responding to Indiana’s religious freedom law was so overwhelming that the state has had to hire a PR firm to repair its image.

Politicians and activists have been increasingly vocal about how businesses, churches and government institutions treat LGBT people – children and teenagers, in particular. But the most important arena has escaped wide criticism: their homes. The disdain and discrimination that many gay or gender non-conforming youth receive from their parents has the potential to do far more damage than hostility they experience from others. The evidence abounds: Kids lacking parental support for their sexual orientation are at higher risk for mental health problems, drug use, and unprotected sex. And the risk isn’t minor – those who felt rejected by their families are eight times more likely to have attempted suicide.

More than one in four LGBT youth say parents and relatives who don’t accept them are the biggest problem in their lives, according to a Human Rights Campaign survey. And the consequences have been tragic. In Ohio, transgender teen Leelah Alcorn committed suicide in January after her mother, Carla, rejected her gender identity and took her to conversion therapy. Discussing Leelah’s gender identity, Carla Alcorn later told CNN, “We don’t support that, religiously.” 

In North Carolina, transgender activist Blake Brockington, who was his school’s first transgender homecoming king, committed suicide last month. He had moved out of his parents’ home and stopped communicating with most of his family. The discrimination sexual minorities receive continues to have lethal effects over the course of their lives: One study found that sexual minorities living in communities with high levels of anti-gay prejudice experience a life expectancy 12 years shorter than those living in more supportive communities. 

Unsupportive families also lead to high rates of homelessness for LGBT youth nationwide. In Los Angeles and certain other urban areas, they make up as much as 35 percent of the homeless population. 

Science shows that when LGBT young people get the parental support they need, it puts them on the road to a healthy adulthood. Recent research found that LGB young adults with greater family support show lower cortisol reactivity – a measure of stress – to a lab stress test. By comparison, the level of peer support LGB youth received didn’t have a significant effect on stress response.

What’s missing here are public policies and campaigns to improve the family context for LGBT kids. Other countries are already leading the way: Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, and Mexico all have had government-led campaigns seeking to change homophobic attitudes.

Federal and state governments also could help by channeling funding to community organizations that support of LGBT youth, as they do for other at-risk groups.

Over the past few years we’ve seen a transformation in policies at the federal, state, and municipal levels: marriage equality, drivers’ license sex change laws, the expanded hate crimes laws, and laws to prevent school-based bullying.. . . . LGBT kids are increasingly protected in school, but as long as they live in homes where parents have a free pass to mock or criticize them for failing to meet expectations about what it means to be a man or a woman, our work is not done.

I have known too many gays raised in fundamentalist homes and many even in adulthood have not put the emotional and psychological abuse they experienced fully behind them.  Thus, next time you see some spittle flecked pastor ranting against gays or hear a parent citing religion as justification for abusing their gay children, call them out.  They need to become political and social lepers that decent, moral people have nothing to do with and openly condemn.  They deserve no deference and absolutely no respect whatsoever.  They are monsters in my view.