Family Airs and Pretensions

My mother's obituary has finally been published in both the Virginian Pilot and the Daily Progress in Charlottesville. It was clearly written word by word - and shall we say "embellished" - by my brother. My mother was modest, never sought to promote herself or put on airs and she never forgot the less fortunate and donated to numerous charities. Sadly, these traits are not exemplified some of her children, particularly when it comes to being modest and unassuming. It's also noteworthy that while almost every other possible relative is mentioned, no reference whatsoever is made to my partner - a man my mother cared for deeply. Heaven forbid that readers might learn that my mother had a gay son. Here's the obituary:
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Marion Hibben Phelps Hamar of Charlottesville died on January 5, 2011.
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Marion was born on October 30, 1927, in Puerto Castilla, Honduras, the third daughter of Dr. Marion "Bruce" and Azelie Hibben Phelps of Lowville, New York. Marion was predeceased by her husband of 57 years, George David Hamar; and her daughter, Kathryn Hamar Godburn.
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She is survived by four children, Michael B. Hamar of Norfolk, Virginia, Suzanne H. Cassidy of Charlottesville, Virginia, Janie H. Roy of Virginia Beach, Virginia, and G. David Phelps Hamar of Keswick, Virginia; and 10 grandchildren including Lauren, Peter and Victoria Hamar, Kristin and Matthew Godburn, Eric and Kelly Roy, Tyler and Andrew Cassidy, and Kate Hamar. Marion is also survived by two sisters, Mary Alice Isachsen of Troy, New York, and Ann Lopushinsky of Syracuse, New York; three nieces and nephews; a daughter-in-law, Leila Fiery Hamar; two sons-in-law, James Cassidy and Gary Roy; and one granddaughter-in-law, Jenny Roy.
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Marion, whose father was the medical director for United Fruit Company, spent her idealic childhood in a virtual adventure novel, filled with tales of life aboard steam ships and in the jungles of Central America. After being tutored in the Tropics, Marion graduated from Lowville Academy in 1945 and from Syracuse University in 1949, where she met her future husband. Marion then pursued graduate work at Cornell University.
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Marion was married on June 3, 1950, in Lowville, New York, and settled on a farm outside Syracuse, New York, where she raised her family and an extensive array of pets including dogs, cats, horses and a variety of other animals, to which her devotion was legendary. She and her family later moved to Virginia Beach before most recently moving to Charlottesville, Virginia. Marion's summer home on Brantingham Lake in the Adirondacks always held a special place in her heart and she enjoyed her last happy stay there in summer of 2010.
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While principally devoted to her family and children, Marion also pursued an active and dedicated professional life in Cytopathology where she was known for both her very high technical standards as well as her kind interpersonal skills with colleagues. Marion also diligently maintained her family's business interests in Honduras and Panama, with the family's interest in Cerveceria Hondurena, S.A., now in its 101st year.
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Always active, Marion enjoyed many outdoor activities including water and snow skiing, boating and gardening as well as walking her dogs on the beach. She was a voracious reader who rarely could be found without a book in her hand.
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Descended from old Connecticut Yankee and New Orleans families, Marion was a wonderful combination of all the best characteristics associated with both regions. While Marion enjoyed relative privilege, she was modest and never forgot the less fortunate, supporting numerous charities for children, animals and the environment and she embodied the ideal in civility, kindness and Christian values often strived for, but very rarely achieved. She was quietly, but very deeply devoted to her Catholic faith. Marion was quite simply extraordinarily kind, fair, empathetic and considerate and her calmness and gentleness could always brighten the day of her family, friends, colleagues, pets and others. Marion's complete devotion to her children and grandchildren was also extraordinary.
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A funeral mass will be held 1 p.m. Saturday January 15, 2011, at Saint Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church, Charlottesville, Virginia. A reception will follow.

Interment will be 11 a.m. Sunday, January 16, 2011, at Princess Anne Memorial Gardens in Virginia Beach.
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Memorial contributions may be made to the Lewis County Humane Society, 6388 Pine Grove Road, Glenfield, NY 13343 or Hospice of the Piedmont.
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Friends may send condolences to the family at http://www.hillandwood.com/index.cfm.