Family Airs and Pretensions

My mother's obituary has finally been published in both the Virginian Pilot and the Daily Progress in Charlottesville. It was clearly written word by word - and shall we say "embellished" - by my brother. My mother was modest, never sought to promote herself or put on airs and she never forgot the less fortunate and donated to numerous charities. Sadly, these traits are not exemplified some of her children, particularly when it comes to being modest and unassuming. It's also noteworthy that while almost every other possible relative is mentioned, no reference whatsoever is made to my partner - a man my mother cared for deeply. Heaven forbid that readers might learn that my mother had a gay son. Here's the obituary:
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Marion Hibben Phelps Hamar of Charlottesville died on January 5, 2011.
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Marion was born on October 30, 1927, in Puerto Castilla, Honduras, the third daughter of Dr. Marion "Bruce" and Azelie Hibben Phelps of Lowville, New York. Marion was predeceased by her husband of 57 years, George David Hamar; and her daughter, Kathryn Hamar Godburn.
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She is survived by four children, Michael B. Hamar of Norfolk, Virginia, Suzanne H. Cassidy of Charlottesville, Virginia, Janie H. Roy of Virginia Beach, Virginia, and G. David Phelps Hamar of Keswick, Virginia; and 10 grandchildren including Lauren, Peter and Victoria Hamar, Kristin and Matthew Godburn, Eric and Kelly Roy, Tyler and Andrew Cassidy, and Kate Hamar. Marion is also survived by two sisters, Mary Alice Isachsen of Troy, New York, and Ann Lopushinsky of Syracuse, New York; three nieces and nephews; a daughter-in-law, Leila Fiery Hamar; two sons-in-law, James Cassidy and Gary Roy; and one granddaughter-in-law, Jenny Roy.
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Marion, whose father was the medical director for United Fruit Company, spent her idealic childhood in a virtual adventure novel, filled with tales of life aboard steam ships and in the jungles of Central America. After being tutored in the Tropics, Marion graduated from Lowville Academy in 1945 and from Syracuse University in 1949, where she met her future husband. Marion then pursued graduate work at Cornell University.
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Marion was married on June 3, 1950, in Lowville, New York, and settled on a farm outside Syracuse, New York, where she raised her family and an extensive array of pets including dogs, cats, horses and a variety of other animals, to which her devotion was legendary. She and her family later moved to Virginia Beach before most recently moving to Charlottesville, Virginia. Marion's summer home on Brantingham Lake in the Adirondacks always held a special place in her heart and she enjoyed her last happy stay there in summer of 2010.
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While principally devoted to her family and children, Marion also pursued an active and dedicated professional life in Cytopathology where she was known for both her very high technical standards as well as her kind interpersonal skills with colleagues. Marion also diligently maintained her family's business interests in Honduras and Panama, with the family's interest in Cerveceria Hondurena, S.A., now in its 101st year.
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Always active, Marion enjoyed many outdoor activities including water and snow skiing, boating and gardening as well as walking her dogs on the beach. She was a voracious reader who rarely could be found without a book in her hand.
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Descended from old Connecticut Yankee and New Orleans families, Marion was a wonderful combination of all the best characteristics associated with both regions. While Marion enjoyed relative privilege, she was modest and never forgot the less fortunate, supporting numerous charities for children, animals and the environment and she embodied the ideal in civility, kindness and Christian values often strived for, but very rarely achieved. She was quietly, but very deeply devoted to her Catholic faith. Marion was quite simply extraordinarily kind, fair, empathetic and considerate and her calmness and gentleness could always brighten the day of her family, friends, colleagues, pets and others. Marion's complete devotion to her children and grandchildren was also extraordinary.
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A funeral mass will be held 1 p.m. Saturday January 15, 2011, at Saint Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church, Charlottesville, Virginia. A reception will follow.

Interment will be 11 a.m. Sunday, January 16, 2011, at Princess Anne Memorial Gardens in Virginia Beach.
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Memorial contributions may be made to the Lewis County Humane Society, 6388 Pine Grove Road, Glenfield, NY 13343 or Hospice of the Piedmont.
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Friends may send condolences to the family at http://www.hillandwood.com/index.cfm.

Reflections on Marriage Inequality

With all the protests and other stories on the battle for gay marriage of late, Friday evening I had a unique opportunity to see first hand both the inequity in denying gays civil marriage rights as well as how ludicrous and down right dishonest its is on the part of our enemies to depict gay marriage as a threat to heterosexual marriage. The occasion was a memorial service for a gay man who had died far too young and totally unexpectedly, leaving his partner of a number of years totally shell shocked and emotionally devastated. Interestingly enough, among the mourners were the surviving partner's ex-wife and his son, as well as a large number of neighbors from the neighborhood where the couple lived. It was palpable that no one had seen this couple as anything less tan a "married couple."

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The obvious inequity is that this couple, who had been obviously devoted to one another and were considered a "married" couple by their neighbors, here in Virginia had no legal recognition of their relationship. Absolutely none. Hopefully via will and appropriate planning, the surviving partner will have some protections in terms of their home and assets. If not, under the laws of Virginia, the two men are treated as utter strangers. What "social policy" is enhanced or strengthened by such idiocy and inhumane treatment? Obviously, none whatsoever.

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The ridiculous of the "protect marriage" crowd's argument was brightly highlighted by all the heterosexual couples in attendance who took and opportunity to say a few words at the service. Without exception, they made it clear that this gay couple were seen as a huge and much loved asset to their neighborhood and that the deceased man would be greatly missed by neighbors and their family members alike. Again, what end other than bigotry and cruelty is enhanced by the non-recognition of this couple's relationship. Again, obviously none.

Church Cancels Funeral After Discovering Decorated Vet Was Gay

Here's another example (http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/08/081007service.htm) of loving "Christians" who will not provide a funeral for a Navy veteran who died while awaiting a heart transplant after learning he was gay. If you ask me, Pastor Simons, pictured at left, looks pretty gay himself.

Sinclair was not a member of any church. His brother was a member of High Point Church and when Sinclair's health began to fail members of the congregation prayed for him. The nondenominational church is led by the Rev. Gary Simons, the brother-in-law of televangelist Joel Osteen.

When Sinclair died High Point offered to host a funeral. But the offer suddenly and at the last minute was rescinded, the Dallas Morning News reports, when the church discovered Sinclair was gay. Sinclair's sexuality came to light, the paper reports, when the family submitted photographs of Sinclair's life that it wanted to display at the funeral. Among the pictures where photo's of Sinclair hugging and his partner, Paul Wagner.