Finding The Perfect Lover - Follow Up

As a matter of clarification and to be fair to Raymond, I wanted to explain my post on Finding A Perfect Lover. July 3, 2007 was the 3 year anniversary of my meeting Raymond. Our meeting turned my life around and washed away my thoughts that I would kill myself before my birthday rolled around in August, 2004.

With that background, on the evening of our anniversary, through miscommunication and a lack on my part of knowing his surprise plans for that evening, I got home late, having stopped for a drink with client/friends. When I did get home, he was very hurt and instead of spending time together alone (I had brought home a bottle of chilled champagne), we ended up at a party at our next door neighbors. When we finally got home, things basically further deteriorated through talking at each other as opposed to actually communicating. Thus, I was in a sad and forlorn mood when I wrote the post and did not give Raymond his due for what he has meant in my life.

Try as we might, I think two people can never fully know the workings of another's thoughts and emotions. We can think that we can, but such thoughts are hubris on our own part. Each of us is influenced by our past experiences, past heartbreaks and hurts, and often dysfunctional childhood family settings. As a result, all too often we interpret perceived thoughts and actions of others through the prism of our own experience and baggage accumulated over our own lives and tribulations, giving insufficient thought to the other's thoughts and feelings. All too often, our interpretations of the other are incorrect. Admitting we were wrong later, is not something most people like to do, so the error goes on uncured.

Which brings me to thinking of one of the lines towards the end of "To Kill A Mockingbird" - one of my favorite books/movies - where one of the characters states something to the effect that you cannot understand another until you walk in their shoes. In short, I -and I believe most of us - should not judge a lover's or a friend's motivations too quickly, because we can never really know their thoughts or what is in their hearts. I do know, however, that Raymond loves me and that I love him.